Monday -
- Park day with Westside Homeschool Friends in Brownsburg
- Quiet time at home. Just enough for one Bible study lesson. Old Testament prophets rock!
- To CFA or not to CFA, that is the question?
- Tang Soo Do. Knees bent. Kicks high. New moves. Look of concentration.
- I've become that mom who serves her kids fast food after sports practice! To Culver's we go!
- Heat rage! What is it? When Mommy is allergic to humidity and heat and the a/c won't bring the house's temp below 80 degrees and the car is too hot and the heat index heats 10*F and Mommy's legs have a heat rash leaving her pores all clogged and her skin all bumpy. Mommy gets very grumpy when Daddy doesn't come home on time from Bible study.
Tuesday - Rainy Lounging Day
- It rained for most of the morning today, and I thought it would never stop! Actually it rained all night, too. Socks even came to find me and tell me to go to bed. Maybe he needed to go outside again, but I couldn't let him because it was raining too hard and I knew he wouldn't do anything. But still, he usually stays in the hallway after 9pm. The storms were right overhead, lots of thunder and lightning. Thank goodness all the pool stuff had been properly secured yesterday. In fact, I didn't even test yesterday or today or add chemicals, which means, I probably screwed up all the work we did over the weekend. Sigh. Whatever. The season only lasts another month. I figure, if we have to drain the whole thing, clean it, and start over, then we will. It's not that big. We do have to halfway drain it anyway. I'm not terribly worried about it. I'll definitely know a lot more when we restart it next year and will be ready.
- Abishai and I hung out and lounge around in our pj's. I didn't even change until I showered at 3pm. I then made dinner before I went for my late afternoon massage. But I finished my Bible study, got Stef's package ready to mail and shuffled a couple of other papers and cleared email. Not really productive, I know. Whatever. I'm doomed to be lazy forever I guess. I did have an IAHE rep meeting right after my massage, so I quickly ate some of what the kids and Jared left me (thank goodness I told them to save me a plate because the oinked the rest of the food up!) and went straight to my computer. I feel like I barely saw Justin or Jared today. And tomorrow I have Bible study in the morning. Then I'm off to the post office for Stef's package (it's her actual birthday so it's going to arrive late as always), to Kroger for paper towels and my meds and the dog's soft food (because I couldn't bother to remember that last week when I was buying the dry dog food), and to the library to drop off two more books I forgot last week and pick up a couple of books I special ordered for Abishai. Meanwhile I should have already ordered other library books, established our weekly and daily routines for school, decided what readers to use for Abishai, written down breakfast and lunch options and all the things. But nope, I got up late, again. Dwalded on my phone, again, and now I'm at the end of the day, and I just want to watch TV again. I guess I do have tomorrow afternoon and evening.
- Justin will drive himself to his group. I don't know if Keturah's friends are meeting anywhere. I don't know which day of the week they are planning to meet. I can't plan anything! Until I know details about all these things, I can't plan our week! That's my problem! I've been in a holding pattern all summer long because these groups can't get their act together and give me info! I can't have them all plan things last minute because then they overlap. Just like Justin's youth group having a pool party on the same day and time as the volunteer kick off for Indian Creek. So I do tell him he has to go to the volunteer kick up because that's what he's responsible for or do I go tell him to have fun because it's his senior year and his only time to have a pool party with this group of friends and I know the kick off is going to be super boring and he's been to the same meeting at the Creek for years and the rules never change and Dad will be there anyway to listen to the same rules anyway? I want to play rebel and tell him to go to the pool party. But Leah Johnson would say go to the meeting. Or would she these days? I don't know.
- So, I'm a little bit stuck right now in planning even the daily routine because I don't know if I'm going to be out 1 day a week or 2 or 3. And that determines how much I get done on the other days. How fast we get through stuff. Ah! Fine. I'll start putting stuff together tomorrow afternoon. I went through Keturah's stuff with her today. I just need to sit with it. Grrr. It's hard to think when you're hot and itchy and have a heat rash. And greasy from your massage but also itchy so you need a different lotion. Yes, I'm allergic to the sun and have a heat wash or clogged pores, etc. and there's no cure. They say just don't go out or cover up or use sunscreen and then cold packs and stay in a/c. So not helpful. I can't wait to see the new pcp and the dermatologist this month. I need some help! Balance my hormones or something! I can't handle this symptom! Maybe an anti inflammation diet, too. It's another whole layer to my life, but maybe that would help. Or a round of steroids. There's got to be something internal I can do to calm down my body. Something! Send help! If I only had one chronic issues that would be ok, but I have like a dozen now. It makes me so grumpy. And then when Jared is late coming home, it's not good. Poor little Abishai was waiting outside for him last night and then Keturah yelled at him to come in. He just wanted his Daddy and his Daddy was late. Sigh. At least he had Daddy all evening tonight.
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| "Mom, it's storming outside. It's way past midnight. It's time to go to bed. Come on, now. I'm just watching over the entire household. I need you all in the bedrooms. Stat." |
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| It was National Book Day. Woot! Woot! |
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| I'm hoping we can take the kids there and then we would skip out on park day that week. We missed it last year. |
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| Abishai says he wants to read the whole Bible all the way through with Daddy's help so he can earn his special knife like his big brothers did for such a big milestone. And it might count as his $0.05 per page. We'll see! |
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| Bwahahahaha! That's awesome! It goes with the line talking about it's 5pm, aka, quitting time, somewhere, and now all the lads go to the pub for a drink on the way home. |
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| I'm leaning towards the right side this year. Feeling a bit of burnt out. Last year I was with Buddy the Elf. It could be because Justin's graduating or just that our scheduled hasn't been settled yet. |
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| Abishai really wanted to argue with me today about this. He said he didn't read for 10 minutes a day. I'm like, yes, you looked at and essentially read real paper books for at lest 10 minutes a day, if not an hour. I'm still submitting it. You can color a new one if you want to keep tracking it. |
Wednesday - Snooze, and Go!
- I hit the snooze button. Rolled over. It's 8:50am. I have to leave by 9:15am. Uh oh! I've never left so fast! I grabbed my tea, a peanut butter bar, after I got dressed of course, made sure the teens had stirred, and Abishai was ok, and I was gone! I didn't stop to check the dog's water or make sure Justin was up enough to do his math final. I didn't empty the dish drainer or put the laundry in the dryer so it would be done by the time I was home. I basically told the kids, figure yourselves out, and left. And, they did. Abishai played by himself. Keturah read her book, I think. At least I came home to find her reading it. Justin had not done his math though.
- Later in the day, when I was gathering up the rest of the summer homework, I found out he had not completed his final Chemistry test we had talked about a month ago and no, his Algebra 2 final wasn't complete either. How am I supposed to start school with you next week if your junior year classes/summer school isn't done? Oh, and he was supposed to read 4 Richard Maybury books over the summer and those didn't get done. Justin had tons of time on his hands. There's really no excuse. I should fail him. I won't, but I should. There's going to be some consequences, again. I already told him about the reduced time with Kya. I can't put these books away until you finish with them, child. And either he cheated or he is really smart with Algebra 2 because he corrected his work and it's a perfects score. Only time will tell when he takes the SAT in the fall. I'm not going to make him redo stuff. I don't have time for that. If he cheated, like Benaiah did in 7th/8th grade, it's his loss. Algebra 2 isn't necessary for real world life problems. It's for secondary school and careers like engineering. If he bombs the SAT like Benaiah did, and looses out on scholarships, then, it's on his head. He had the oppurtunity to ask for help. He didn't. I'm too burnt out to look backwards and dot all the i's and cross all the t's. Not at this stage. He can retake math in college or whatever. I'm done. He's only got consumer math, physics, speech, and Bible to do this year. So pretty much, he won't be needing my help at all. I'm focusing on the other two.
- I was able to clean up the fireside room and put away the things we bought the other day. I transferred some things to Abishai's new backpack. I gathered all misc. picture books and games to the coffee table to go through with Abishai to see if he's read any of them and if he and I want to read any of them before I put them away on the picture book shelf. There's so much I haven't read to him! He can read them on his own, too, now. And then I need to reevaluate him for what I want to actually do with him. Keturah's stuff was organized and ready to go, so that's easy. Even the history for them both is easy once I open the book and order the other books. It's just our overall routine of getting up late that needs an overhaul. And I'm not ready to give that up yet. Even now I'm typing at midnight and then expecting to watch a 90 minute TV show. I didn't get enough done this afternoon because I just wanted to lie down and rest my back and try to catch up on emails and games without having to sit in my desk chair. My back and legs have been hurting from sitting at my desk. I'm bored at my desk. I don't want to do desk things. I fall asleep. I'd rather lounge like my kids do. But I did work for 90 minutes on school stuff. I did cook taco meat for dinner. I did go to Bible study. I did go back to church to pick up the GF sourdough bread starter. I didn't do the other errands but I'll do that when Keturah and I go to her counseling session. There's not enough time. Not enough sleep. Not enough brain power. Not enough me.
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| Wait, what is this? It's lightweight. And it says it came from a sports store. Well, it can only mean one thing! It's for Abishai! I let Abishai open it up with his pen knife. |
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| Good job reading the paper, buddy! |
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| His sparring gear arrived early! Yeah! He was so excited! He picked the silver color. I thought he'd pick green or blue, but nope. He wanted silver! |
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| Adorable! And perfect fit, too! Yeah! I wasn't sure with all the confusing measurments. It's supposed to fit snug, so yes, he will grow out of it somewhat quickly, maybe in a year or so. But he does need it now. Germs and everything. The pjs just make the whole outfit! He did put his regular outfit on, and then tried his whole sparring outfit, but he took it off before I got a photo. |
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| Daddy's old ball bag/sports bag was the perfect thing for his sparring gear! Now the pieces can air out! Jared used this bag when he was playing basketball 1-2 mornings a week at Indian Creek when the multipurpose room was a gym. That was like 15 years ago. It took me a bit to find it, but yeah for not having to buy another thing! The sparring gear alone cost me over $100. |
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| Peach Jell-O is no longer being made and it is no longer sold in regular stores. But Amazon has it of course. Either Shauna or I typically get Leah a big box of them for Christmas so she can make pink stuff to her heart's content all year. |
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| Yeah! Check out that cooler weather! The a/c unit and I are much happier! |
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| See the whole story above but Abishai thought peach Jell-O tasted just fine. |
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| Grandma's favorite food: popcorn. Paired with actual peach Jell-O, the snacks of choice to watch the first part of Thor:Ragnarok tonight. Jared and Abishai have been watching the Thor movies because the new is coming out soon. But I think they will also watch other Marvel movies, too. They watch 30-60 minutes of a movie most nights. |
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| See paragraph above but yes, we sacrificed a box of peach Jell-O to see what it actually tastes like. It doesn't taste like much. Just a hint of artificial peach flavoring. Meh. |
Thursday -
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| Somebody was very ready to spend part of the day at Daddy's office while Mommy took Keturah to an appointment. He got to wear his new blue and e2 lime green big boy backpack filled with Legos, snacks, his tablet and charger, his water bottle, and he even brought his friend Dinosaury along for the ride. He packed it up himself! |
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| You really send your kids to learn in this kind of environment? How does one learn in such an environment? I guess kids don't realize this is really what's going on. But as a parent, this freaks me out! I'm glad my kids don't go to our inner city schools. |
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| We went to DD's (Dunkin' Donuts or Dunkin's) after Keturah's appointment in honor of Auntie Steffie's birthday yesterday. I expected Keturah to get a donut or sandwich since she didn't eat much breakfast and it was lunchtime. Well, she just got a strawberry lemonade. Ok, then. I got an iced coffee with almond milk (yeah, they have alternative milks now!) with unsweetened raspberry creamer, sweet cream foam, ice, and no other sugar until I added 4 packages of pure sugar because I was like, nope, can't do it. Oh, and 1 extra expresso shot. I could have done without the extra expresso. I didn't eat much lunch that day and I had to get home and eat something right away. I had a lot of false energy right through the evening though. And yes, we are twins. Sisters? You decide. I can't tell. I can't give myself a proper age anymore. Do I look 41? I don't have a clue. |
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| I was in the regular grocery store and I went down this aisle to find oatmeal. What in tarnation is this? This isn't yogurt or anything close to healthy. This is pure junk! Full of nasty chemical somethings. And you all are buying this? Ew! Chocolate pudding and something peanut butter. So much sugar I'm sure. I mean, I do love Reese's. I will eat the whole bag of Reese's. I don't like pudding. Never have. Just like I never liked Jell-O. Just give me the sugar packets. And then I remembered that you really shouldn't be shopping in the middle of the store. It's where all the junk food is. If you want to eat healthy, shop the outer perimeter of the store. That's where all the raw and fresh foods are. And to be honest, I don't usually go down the middle aisle that often. I don't buy a lot of pantry staples that often. We run out of frozen and fresh and raw stuff so quickly at home. We do go through the special treats too fast, but I don't run out to the store to replace them right away. I go to the store when the veggie are gone and the meat is gone. Or when we need milk, bread, and eggs. But yeah, this just struck me as kind of gross. And then the rest of the aisle was filled with fruit snacks and artificial coloring and stuff that has very little nutritional value added. Yuck. |
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| Last stop, the library! And look! We have a homeschool curriculum shelf at our branch! Woot! Woot! Finally! |
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| Well, the homeschool fair is over but at least they advertised it! |
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| Some great stuff here by Susan Wise Bauer, one of the top homeschool leaders, who's been around since the 80's and 90's. Sweet! |
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| More Susan Wise Bauer and then the whole collection of Life of Fred math. I do not like or recommend this type of math at all. It's not enough for most, but if you really, really struggle with math, I guess it might work for you. |
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| Story of the World! And some other history books I don't recognize! I actually took the Sassafras book home with me so Keturah can read it and give me her feedback on it. It's a gentler approach to anatomy, aka, it's a story, middle grade level it looks like. |
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| Some interesting picks. |
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| Of course the next cabinet over features the regular back to school books, but, that's fair. |
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| The super expensive stuffies that Keturah pre-ordered in February finally came today! They were $70! They were modeled after some other figurines that a YouTuber made on her channel. However, this young lady didn't understand the whole manufacturing process and therefore, it took a whole lot longer than she had anticipated it would take to get them made. They do look to be very, very high quality and worth the wait, though. Keturah put them up on a high shelf after the initial snuggle session. Both the YouTuber and Keturah have now learned that sometimes, things just take a really long time. They are very cute stuffies though! |
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| Something in my Bible study about Ezra introducing the Israelites to the Scriptures reminded me of Martin Luther's "Scripture Alone" plus hearing a YouTuber say it the night before. So I looked it up today and printed it today. I don't know where everyone in my Bible study stand on it, and I did find an article that contradicted the 5 Solas, saying that you don't 3 of them because they negate two of them, but for the most part, I would side on believing this 5 Solas and this particular article's way of explaining them. |
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| Abishai got to show off his new sparring gear at Tang Soo Do tonight. They let him use his gloves for the "one-step" sparring where they work on one aspect of the sparring moves at a time. It's not like the free style sparring they do once a month. Teacher Nathan let him use his gear. |
Friday -
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| Abishai wanted to make sure everyone knew which cucumbers were his. He even wrote his own name all by himself! |
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| I used my bowl cozy today just for fun. I don't usually warm my food up extra hot because I hate to wait for it to cool down again. But it looked pretty in the cozy. |
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| Jared used a photo from several years ago when he was up in the tree lopping off some branches. That's a bit scary to see the yard from that height. Um, wow. No, not nice. Yikes! Wobbly knees, dear? |
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| Daddy played favorites again! Abishai made it to Jared's entry on the e2 e-newsletter today. There's a day old Abishai ready to go home in the winter storm! So super tiny! The topics was about urgency. And how Abishai's birth needed Jared's urgent attention but he was a bit slow. "Melinda screamed with a voice I have never heard before and have not heard since." Tis true. I don't yell or scream that loudly, so loudly my voice hurts. But it had to carry around the corner and up the stairs and extremely quickly because my water had broken and I knew that as soon as my water breaks, baby comes within minutes. I needed help getting my pants off and Jared had to catch. I was standing upright leaning against a dining room chair. Jared never really describes that part though when he tells the story. He says he caught Abishai and then calls 911. He caught him, I turn around and we lay Abishai on the floor, in the dog towel (oh so sanitary! not!) and make sure he's breathing. He's breathing, but not crying yet. We wrap him up. I get up and just stand there holding him, wrapped up tight, umbilical cord still attached to him and me. That's when Jared makes the 911 call. We had no sanitized knives. No sanitized towels. Clean towels upstairs, sure. But did we want to ruin them with cord blood? We didn't think to wonder how to tie off the cord anyway. The paramedics were there within minutes and they had a kit. Took my blood pressure. I still had a placenta to deliver. I never delivered it on my own. The doc took care of it an hour later at the hospital. Long story short, lots of steps, lots of gory details. And Abishai has never stopped moving since. But he's the favored youngest. Just the three of us sharing that special moment together as Abishai took his first breath. And that's how and why we are so bonded. |
Saturday - The Accident
- Justin and Keturah could not be roused today for anything. It was after 10am and they would not be moved. I took off blankets. I threatened and then turned off access to the wifi. It irks me to no end that they do not hear my voice at all. They totally ignore it. They would get up for anybody else's voice or any other event, but not for me. It's totally unfair. I also woke up slowly and did not start my day that well. I managed to eat something and drank my tea and did my Bible study, but I was falling asleep sitting up. I had been in our bed, but I didn't set the big alarm like yesterday. It's going to take that alarm going off, my phone alarm and Jared getting up to make sure I'm upright by 8:30 to get going. And then I have to keep moving if we are going to stay on track. Then I can crash in the afternoon until I get on a new bedtime routine. I have to make it happen. I sound like a broken record, but it's true. The thing is, the kids have decent bedtimes. They don't lack sleep. They just disobey. I'm convinced of that. I keep telling them to go to bed earlier, but Keturah can't fall asleep any earlier and she doesn't consume sugar or caffeine close to bedtime. Justin could go to bed earlier, and sometimes he does on work nights. His wifi does get turned off right at 1am so that helps him. I could pull that back to midnight if he thinks he needs it. There's no shame in that. Keturah didn't have an agenda for the day, but Justin needed to finish that Chemistry final exam and work on those Richard Maybury books he neglected all summer. Plus he needed to put that fitted sheet on his bed. I wanted to keep their wifi off for the rest of the day, however, about 30 minutes after I turned it off and I had finished my coffee and Bible study, my whole Saturday was turned upside down.
- Jared and Abishai woke up early today to go help the Spences cut back a tree that was close to some power lines. Abishai was so excited to spend time with Solomon, their youngest son, who is a freshman, and who has helped in Kidustrial Park. Now, I knew that helping with a tree might involve actually climbing it, but I was hoping that this time, it wouldn't. That the guys that were with Jared would encourage him not to do it or that someone else would do the climbing. However, that was not the case.
- About 11am I got a phone call from an unknown number and I'm so glad I actually picked it up! It was from Dana Spence from the down the hill. She started the conversation with, "Jared fell out of a tree but he's breathing and can move his legs. Mike already called 911." Say what?! And my first and very unsympathetic response was (internally, I didn't say this aloud), "What the heck was he doing in the tree! I have told him 100's of times I don't want him climbing the f***ing trees!" Oh yeah, I was peeved all day long. I'm still peeved. Why won't he listen to me? Why won't the kids listen to my voice and just get up? They get up for everybody else and for their other activities like church on Sunday but why not for me? So, I told Dana ok, I'll be down in a few minutes, and it's ok, we'll be fine, he'll be fine. Don't worry (as in we aren't going to sue you, he wasn't supposed to be in a tree and it's his own fault). And then I went to Justin's bed and told him to get up because Dad fell out of a tree. Well, that got him up! Like all the way up to standing! Ok, then, at least I know you can be awake in a heartbeat in a crisis. I told him to hold the fort here as I go to Spences. Keturah actually had gotten up at this point and had put on her roller blades and gone down to Spences. I don't know if she saw Dad fall or not. Abishai hadn't. He was inside or out back with Solomon. He didn't even year Dad yell. Jared said he might have cried out No or Uh Oh, but not a piercing scream. I think seeing the actual accident and hearing the crying out or scream is the worst part so I'm glad I wasn't there for that. And he wasn't screaming in pain while he was on the ground either when I got there, so that helped me to stay calm, and actually made me Mrs. Sour Pants with no bedside manner the rest of the day.
- I gathered up supplies for a long day at the hospital bag, except, I didn't bring caffeine and my own medications. Big mistake. I almost had Leah bring me these things. But I did grab snacks, a book, my earpods, my phone charger, and my cross stitch. So I did have something. But I hadn't even gone through my email or phone games yet so that's what actually kept me occupied at the hospital. So I grabbed my supplies, plus Jared's wallet, and drove the van down to Spences, parking on the street. I walked up their long driveway towards the back thinking he was back there, not knowing I walked right past the guys in the front yard. Whoops. Anyway, I finally found him lying on the ground surrounded by the other guys. He had already been prayed over by the men. These guys were from his Friday morning accountability group full of leaders. They meet at 6am every week to pray over their families and ministries and jobs. So, again, I felt like we had not much to worry about. After I briefly saw him, I went to find Abishai. Dana had left to get the boys' some McDonald's for lunch (yeah! that was a relief for me). Abishai was playing baseball with Solomon (who is like the sweetest kid ever). I told Abishai what had happened (the others didn't want to traumatize him but I tell the kids everything so they aren't surprised by it and they learn from it) and Abishai did not want to go see Daddy. And then we heard the sirens. I said, do you hear that, that's for your Daddy! Do you want to go see the fire truck and ambulance guys? And Abishai was simply having too much fun with Solomon to even care. But buddy, it's a fire truck! And backboards! And an ambulance! It's fascinating! Real world stuff! Ok, fine, that's me. I'm the one who literally watches hours of this stuff every single night. So, that's why I'm not scared of first responders and the questions they ask or the drugs they use and what not. I know it's TV, but some of it is exactly what they do in real life as well.
- Once I knew Keturah and Abishai knew what was going on and that they were going to walk home together once Dana kicked them out (gently and whenever), I went back out front of course to watch the proceedings of getting Jared put on a stretcher. He was already laying on the ground with his knees up. He could feel his toes and fingers. He wasn't breathing heavy or anything. He said yes he got his wind knocked out of him at first. I guess the story is that he had slipped when the huge limb he was trying to cut down moved the wrong way and side/back scraped along the side of the tree. He did not hit his head and he barely missed a large stump near the tree. He was about 8-10 ft high (see photo below). Side note, when discussing what hospital to go to, the paramedics and hospital staff had to chat back and forth about that distance because anything higher than I think the 8ft is considered a high trauma and has to go to one of the downtown hospitals. The hospitals we prefer like Community South is not a high trauma hospital, so even if we said we wanted to go there, they would have had to explain that we had to go downtown to Methodist or whatever because of the height. Because a fall like that could do a lot of internal damage to organs, like a rib poking into a kidney or liver, and then you become critical and they don't have the specialized doctors at Community South to handle that. But of course, we weren't aware of the paramedics and hospital having that conversation while I stood there. They did decide it was ok for us to go to Community South based on Jared's pain level, ability to still move without wincing, ability to communicate, etc. I thought that was quite interesting.
- I did find the whole procedure interesting, like how many people does it take to get one man on a backboard and then on the gurney. They did use a backboard because it was a back injury. They even used a neck collar! Just like you see in the medical shows! And all the straps. I'm just glad that Jared barely even winced. That means that adrenaline had taken over and that the actual injury wasn't that bad. (Well, there is/was a significant injury but it's just in one spot). One of the firemen that came goes to Indian Creek and he said, he actually trained some of the paramedics himself. The paramedics actually came from Beech Grove. Again, I did find this part thrilling, to be part of the "drama" if you will. I'm weird. I know. But remember, I watch these shows all the time and love it, so, to be part of it is like being an actress in a show. Of course if Jared was unconscious, I would have been more concerned and right by his side. But at this point, I was so mad at him, that I just didn't care. I was doing my duty and going through the motions. I didn't need or want to panic. I wanted to scream and was already having runaway anxiety about the next 6 months. So I was taking in other thoughts and details to distract myself. I was also staying out of the way because I know that family members always get in the way of medical personnel in these situations. I wasn't going to be one of "those" people.
- And just like that, Jared was loaded up. Within minutes, Mike Spence had gotten Dr. Cole's number from Gary and called Dr. Cole, Jared's surgeon. That's the only person Jared wanted called. Ok. Yes, I get it. Dr. Cole doesn't work weekends. And he said the hospital will call him if they think it is necessary. Jared doesn't always think through or know how the medical system works. Neither does Gary. They both try to call individual doctors on their off duty hours, especially if they are personal friends. I don't do that. If they have been friends outside of the office, I still wait for office hours or go through the right channels. I don't keep personal numbers. Or I will go with the on call doctor first. Because they are all competent. And honestly, besides sometimes getting a discount, I'm not really going to get special treatment. You won't get seen quicker. There's only so many hours of the day. These doctors have families, too. Leave them alone. Anyway, I would have left Dr. Cole alone and told Jared I would make sure the ER contacted him if it was necessary. BUT, Gary and Mike did it before I could say anything. Before we even left Mike's property. I got in the van, turned around in the driveway, and followed the Beech Grove ambulance all the way to County Line and 31 to Community South's ER, our recent favorite ER. I was cool as a cucumber walking in, like it was no big deal.
- And really, after the first rush, it wasn't a big deal. I got back there the same time Jared did (he went in the back entrance of course), and I saw the hand off from the paramedics to the ER doc who asked all the same questions. I saw the transition from backboard to bed. All the things I see on the medical drama shows. And since this wasn't our first go around in an ER, I didn't need to question anything that was going on. Jared was able to answer all the questions. He asked the nurses' names like he usually does. Thanks, dear, for flirting with the nurses in front of me. I heard from the lady paramedic how he chatted away about all the kids and what they are doing. He talked about Abishai's birth as always. I kept rolling my eyes, shaking my head, and trying to smirk/smile. It's kind of pathetic that we have a "routine" of this, that's what I kept thinking. I mean, two broken arms, and then several trips to the ER for pain because of the gallbladder 20 months ago and then 14 months ago with the back, it's just sad. He's only 43 years old. This should be our life when we are 73 or 83. Not 43 and 41. I don't like it. And like I said, I had a lot of other things to do today. So I was mad.
- After a bit, things calmed down. Jared's adrenaline wore off and then he required the pain meds. He got the usual good stuff of valium and phentenol(sp?). He had a lot of muscle spasms when the muscles finally relaxed. And then he got very, very chilled. Once the drugs kicked in, he started to sleep. Which was a good thing because I had nothing good to say to him. They took all the regular blood tests, gave him enough saline so he could pee to make sure his kidneys were working, kept him on monitors (his stats were all fine even in the ambulance), took him for a CAT scan which was all fine, and consulted with an on call ortho specialist. We were at the ER from 12:30pm to 5:30pm, so not horribly long, but long enough for me not get anything productive done during my best hours.
- After we heard from the ortho guy that it was going to take a couple of hours to take a back brace, a chair for the shower, and a walker, I decided enough was enough and I went home for 2 hrs. I wanted to get my own meds, make my own cup of coffee, and eat my own food that wasn't a granola bar. And I needed some alone time to be mad and yell at the windshield. So I did. That's why Leah didn't bring me the things I had asked for. We at first though Jared might stay overnight to control the pain, but the ortho guy said Jared has a mild compressed fracture of the L1 disc. That means that just 3 discs above where he had surgery on his lower back, his 1st disc of the lumbar spine, or lower part of his spine, is slightly compressed and it fractured a bit. Most of the time, you leave it alone. I don't know if it really heals and gets uncompressed, but maybe the fracture part heals. Surgery happens if it's more than mild. That made my mind race! So now Jared is going to be in this back brace contraption. Does this mean he can't drive? What about helping with the kids? If he goes home, how much pain will he actually be in? Last time, he was in a ton of pain and kept reaching for meds too soon. I don't want to have to nurse him around the clock. What about me? I don't have time to nurse him and catch up from what I missed today. Do I even start school on Monday? I'm just so over this! Why does Jared get all the attention? Why does he get to lay there and have all the good drugs that takes away every single ache and pain and I still sit here at a pain level of 6-7 on no drugs? His pain level right after falling was less than my daily pain. Yeah, not fair. And yes, I had a lot of yelling to do.
- So, at home, I cooked up noodles for me and some for the kids to have dinner while I went to the pharmacy for Jared's meds before they closed and then back to the hospital to pick him up. That was the other reason I left. I needed to get the pain and muscle spasm meds. In some ways, I felt like a bad wife for leaving him, but Jared actually said, very lucidly, for me to go get something to eat, go get my medication, and go pick up his medication before they close. I was totally expecting him to tell weird stories while on the IV meds, but I think it was slightly different meds this time and he wasn't as loopy. Actually, it was him that said in the beginning of the afternoon, "Well, is there anything we need to talk about or silly stories to share because I'm on the good meds and you know what means, my tongue has been loosened!" Ok, ok, yes, you've been drugged. Actually, he slept it off most of the time and even snored. He stayed flat on his back, too. I'm glad I went home. It was just what I needed to do and I'm glad I had Jared's blessing. I don't care what anyone else thought. The nurses had my number and they actually tried to call me when I was like 5 minutes away from the hospital to tell me he was ready to go. Other than that, if my husband gives me a blessing to do something, that's all that matters to me anymore. I don't need anyone else's approval. Just his. And if you don't like the fact that I need his approval, well, you don't understand how marriage and submitting to ONE ANOTHER works. Because if he really wanted me to stay, he would have said so. And if thought he was really loopy when he told me to go get something to eat, I might have just gone to get the medications and come right back. But I know my husband. When he was awake, he was very lucid this time. I knew he could make decisions on his own. He was very much fine this time. Other times, he has not been fine and I didn't leave his side. Today, I was peeved and needed to leave.
- Like I said, the hospital did call me about 5 minutes before I pulled in. Jared would have been pleased with my parking spot. It was right on the end! And I was right. He was ready to go! They had outfitted him with his back brace and the services coordinator was bringing his walker and shower chair any moment. The discharge papers were being printed as well. Jared was feeling a tad queasy though. Oh, he had taken a walk in the back brace down the hallway and back, so that was good to know. I'd say that was perfect timing. I was able to get some things done at home like feed the kids and myself and move a box out of the way so Jared wouldn't trip over it with the walker and they were able to get some things done at the hospital. And just like that we were loading everything up and driving home. We didn't talk a lot on the way home. Again, I didn't have much to say. I tried to drive carefully. Jared only groaned a few times on the bumpiest of roads. Traffic was bearable. I think we got home between 5:30 and 6.
- Since I had already eaten, I was good to go for awhile. I started putting everything away and thus avoiding Jared. Well, not totally true. I made sure his medication was on the nightstand. I was clearing away the dinner dishes so I could get him something to eat but it wasn't fast enough for him so he ended up getting food for himself. He, Keturah, and Abishai did watch some Thor: Ragnarock as he was able to sit in his recliner (and he was able to sit in his chair at the kitchen table as well). Then he said a quick good night routine with Abishai. He had Keturah help him get his ice packs after they did their night reading really early. I jumped up quick to make sure he had water (tea) to take his meds in the middle of the night as need be knowing that in times past he took a lot of meds. I made sure he was in bed ok and waited until he got his ice packs situated and his sheet on. He had already taken his back brace off himself. He was disappointed when I said I was sleeping on the couch. But I didn't want to be woken up by the moaning and groaning and moving and such. Jared said he would only sleep on his stomach. Well, he didn't because I found him face up the next morning, lol. And he hadn't taken any pain killers all night, so he slept much better than he or I had expected. But anyway, he was tucked into bed, and that was that.
- I went back to my computer and tried to catch up. I was exhausted. I could hardly keep my eyes open. And then it was midnight and I got my midnight wind that carried me until 3am again. Sigh. I mean my eyes hurt a ton. But whatever. I finally made it to the couch and cried myself to sleep. I was mad at Jared for ruining my perfectly good Saturday that I had planned to use to catch up on computer work. I was mad at myself for being such a bad selfish wife with no bedside manner wishing I was somewhere else when I should have been stroking my husband's arm or something. I was weeping because of what the next 6 months could look like financially and with paperwork and doctor appointments and therapies and reduced help from Jared, which means more pain and workload for me again. I just wanted to kick and scream and because I finally stopped "work" for the day, I let it all out and finally fell asleep. I fell asleep feeling sorry for myself, because I'm a sinner who is a selfish little prick.
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| When I woke up after Jared and Abishai were gone, I found this on our dining room table. It's the new book e2 is putting out! It's a proof copy, so it's not 100% perfect yet, but it's nearly there! Yeah! |
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| And then I get the phone call that Jared has fallen out of a tree. But he's breathing fine and can still feel his fingers and toes. 911 has been called. Here they come! The sirens are for us! I still can't believe Abishai didn't want to be part of the excitement. I guess his friend Solomon was more fun. I enjoyed seeing the guys and gals in action, even if it was on my poor husband. I'm glad we didn't hold up the firemen too long though. The process went relatively quickly. |
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| Yes, of course I snuck a few photos. Who wouldn't?! I tried not to get too many faces or identifying aspects in the photos. That young lady right there was the one asking all the questions. She was great. She ended up being the one talking to Jared the whole time on the way to the hospital. He told her everything about the kids and about riding in cab of the ambulance when Abishai and I rode in the back when he was born. Thanks, Jared. It was a little tricky to roll Jared onto a backboard given the location but overall not too bad. Thankfully he didn't wince much. Again, it was actually kind of neat to see the actual process in real life. When you watch as much medical drama TV shows as I do, you get really used to the process. I know that the protocols are approximate and each department is slightly different but the overall idea is the same. That's why I wasn't the least bit scared of the process. I'm not sure what Jared thought. They talked him through it. I just stood away so they had room to work because it's annoying to have family get in the way and distract the patient. Plus I was very mad at him for climbing a tree. |
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| This shows the distance of how much he fell. And the tree branch that fell with him/on him or whatever. He uses the pallet as a ladder by nailing it to the actual tree where he can't use a regular ladder to reach things. But that's a huge chunk of tree there. I don't know the exact story and I don't need to know. The distance to the ground wasn't as bad as some other distances he's been, thank goodness. Any higher and we would have gone to a downtown hospital because he would have been considered high trauma. He has a load of "road rash" from sliding down the trunk of the tree. Not too much visible brushing. And the scrapes aren't deep at all. It looks way worse than it is. |
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| Down the hill on the gurney. And because I didn't take his mother's phone call, she showed up. I can't text fast enough sometimes either. I guess I probably should have waited until I had a more of the story and then texted the family. I usually say one line at a time as I go through a crisis. Some wait until the end of a crisis to share. Not I. I want to be covered in prayer from beginning to end. Jared was covered in prayer because he was at Spences house and Mike is one of the church's elders. So they immediately prayed. |
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| Man, I think they wished everyone's stats looked that good during a crisis. Well, it's because it's careful about eating and he's been fasting 18 hrs a day for the last few months and kept his weight at 190lbs for even longer than that. He doesn't exercise though, except for some walking around the church building. That's heart rate at the top, oxygen in the middle, and blood pressure at the bottom. To go through a fall out of a tree, and being on an adrenaline high, and then to chills, and taking pain meds and muscle relaxants, he sure is relaxed and very chill. Way to go! |
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| He spent his whole time in the ER pretty much like this this time. Just laying flat to make sure he didn't jiggle anything around until we got CAT scan results and a plan of action. He dozed off a bunch of times. Yup, boring. What's a girl to do? Play video games, check email, and finally give up and go home for a bit while she waits to pick up meds from the pharmacy. But then when I got back, he was ready to be discharged. All told, we were in the ER for less than 6 hrs. Not bad all things considered. |
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| So, Justin, you are actually going to help out on Tuesdays. Yes, Mom, I am. And you are going to get yourself there using the truck? Well, maybe. No, Justin, not maybe, you will be using the truck. We told you, the truck is yours to use. Dad and I need our vehicles. Last week was a practice week. This week, you have to use the truck. And it's just at Indian Creek that's a mile up the road. What can go wrong with stick shift truck between here and there? Boy, you are taking the truck. End of story. |
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| Let the bionic man and old man jokes begin. Can't believe we own a walker and shower chair now. I guess we are starting on retirement gadgets early. We do now own them outright and the insurance will be billed. Same with this very expensive back brace. It costs $1,500. Yes, no joke!!! It goes all the way the back (see other photo at the end of tomorrow's entry) and keeps the whole torso still. And Jared gets to keep that, too. So, we are going to be all set for awhile. We'll just add these things to the collection of mobile devices or help mate devices. Fun times! |
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| Well, at least he can tweet about his injury and that he got a walker at the age of 43. I'm off the hook then for posting about it, too. Good grief. We've already been in and out of the hospital more than our kids have been combined. If we are like this when we are in our 40's, it makes me worry what our 60's and 70's are going to look like. Maybe some miracle cures will be out by then. |
Sunday - Reconciliation
- FYI We haven't swam in the pool for about a week and I haven't check pool chemicals since about Wednesday. But that solar cover has really worked some magic! The water was still clear and the chlorine level and pH level as right on the money. Yeah! I didn't have to add any chemicals today! Woot! Woo!t!
- I woke up to find my three angels all lined up in the living room with their shoes on, having eaten breakfast, waiting for Grandma to pick them up at 8:30 am for church. Say what?! Is this a miracle?! So you really can get up and pull yourselves together all on your own. Huh. And why can't this happen every single day of the week, may I ask? Oh, because Mommy doesn't matter. That's right. You have no respect for your mother. I'm just a piece of garbage to you. Thanks. Sigh. We'll see about that. I'm about to crack down on their heads so tightly they won't know what happened. I.e. they are going to be locked out of wifi for like forever and I will be taking their devices physically from them for every day they don't get up on time for me. Sigh. So off the three went with Grandma to church.
- I didn't even bother try to go to church. I just took my morning meds and went to snuggle with Jared. We snoozed until about 10:30 when I realized that whoops, I'm missing the sermon from New Pal Bible Church. Then I went out to the kitchen to eat breakfast, made coffee because I was still extremely out of it, and listen to the sermon. I had missed some great stuff about Trail Life but oh well. And all of the music of course, too. But that's fine. The sermon was a simple one by Pastor Daron because Pastor Brett was taking a week off. After service, Jared actually came out and was listening to Indian Creek's 11am service. I plugged in my earbuds and listened to other Bible reading while I finished my coffee.
- When Jared was done, I started to clean up the kitchen and put on the cabbage/rice/meat dish that Leah had made for our Sunday dinner with them but had left this morning for us thinking Jared wouldn't be up for leaving the house today. I put away the dishes and then started to rearrange a cupboard full of big glass bowls, pulling out some to put on display because they were my mom's pretty corningware. Jared noticed I was frustrated and came over and saw that I was nearly in tears. He asked me about it, and I told him I was frustrated about the cupboard, but I was frustrated about everything that happened yesterday. So we talked and a balled my eyes out and said I was sorry for being an unsympathetic wife and for being angry and distant. And he said he knows and he doesn't expect me to nurse him. He knows we don't work like that. I told him I didn't want to make a scene so that's why I just didn't want to talk yesterday. And partly why I went home because I need to yell at the windshield. He understood. He said he doesn't plan to completely disappear again or be an invalid. He knows the paperwork is a lot and financially it's stressful. He knows I'm sorry and to not worry about that. It doesn't make me a bad wife for being angry. I felt much better after that.
- Since Jared had gone through the night without waking up for a pain pill, and he had been able to sit up last night and a good portion of today before taking a nap from 4-6pm, I feel confident that this round of back problems will be different. I hate to say we know the routine, but we do. Jared knows his limits and what to watch out for. He knows how to squat down and not twist. It's just such a bummer that he was starting to be able to twist again and do more things and now he's not only back to where he started 14 months ago but worse. He's paying the natural consequences of his decision to be on a tree. And it will bother me for sometime. And it will come up again and again every time I'm stuck with a chore that I shouldn't have to be doing. Hopefully he won't have to go through surgery. But he will still need a long time for the fracture to heal and he'll never be able to do hardly anything like lifting heavy boxes because of the compression. Gary said he talked to someone who had a compressed disc since he was in his 20's and he has to just watch what he does with his back. Yeah, great, that's so encouraging. Thanks. I can't lift and now Jared can't lift even what he was lifting. We are both invalids. Just wonderful.
- Do you know how hard it is to maintain a home when you can't lift stuff? How do you find the good in that? Yeah, Gary, you wouldn't know anything about that, would you? You just keep working, working, working, helping people move, and delivering sermons and classes, standing up for hours, doing your yardwork. Do you realize how demeaning it is to both of us to ask our children to do the simplest of tasks like lift the laundry or lift a box of books? "Well, it could have been a lot worse." Yes, it could have but you don't have to live with the day to day embarrassment of a disability. You don't know one thing about the depression and anxiety it brings. You're so focused on "finding the good" that you totally ignore balancing the good with the bad. You have to acknowledge both or you're not human. Jesus still wept. Jesus still slept. Jesus still got angry. Jesus still ate. Jesus still sweat real blood. Jesus still felt physical pain. And I'm glad that Jared understands this. I want to be balanced. That's why I kept my mouth shut yesterday. There's no use trying to explain myself to others who don't understand my heart. Jared understands my heart. Jared knows my struggles. I want to be that good Christian girl I used to be. But this earthly life sucks. It's frustrating and maddening. And when you are taught and it's expected of you to be "above reproach," you learn to hide your true feelings until it's more appropriate to share them in private. That's the sign of maturity, don't you know. If I had said to Jared how mad I was when they were putting him on the backboard and then his mother showed up right then, I would have heard an earful of how selfish I was for not attending to my husband's feelings right then as dutiful wife. So, it's better to just not say anything. Stuff it down deep. Let the explosion happen later. That's what I've been taught and have done for many years until Jared and I have worked it out that at least he and I don't let it fester for long anymore. Hence, as soon as he noticed I was about to cry this morning, I was able to cry and tell him exactly how I felt without hesitation, without fear of him being mad or thinking evil of me. I knew I couldn't tell him yesterday. He needed to be cared for. He needed to focus on what others were saying. I needed to stay out of the way. I needed to make sure everything got home and the drugs were picked up and he was settled in bed last night. We needed to make it home so we could be ourselves.
- So why tell you? Because I want it on record that dealing with this crisis went a lot differently than previous crisis'. I was not at all nervous about the injury. It is what it is. As soon as Dana said he was breathing fine and could feel his whole body, I had a sense of peace that everything was fine physically. I went into crisis mode getting my ducks in a row and basically being proud that this is my usual time to shine that I can keep my cool in a crisis and not forget anything (except I forgot caffeine and my meds) and this will all be over soon. But that didn't last long because I went into mad mode as soon as things calmed down and I was bored. Then resentment started. Then new things came up like leaving him to come home to try to keep my cool and pick up meds. And then how we trust and communicate with each other better now and are different so we will come out of this one differently than we have before. I'm in a totally different place in life. And I think he is, too.
- In fact, to prove it, Jared decided to paint the trim in the small bathroom. Um, excuse me? Show off! Get out of there! Go lay down! He finally did. Justin took himself to Rock and then picked up Keturah from Crave. All I had to do was get Keturah TO Crave. Meanwhile, the rest of the day was just screentime. Benaiah did come over for a little bit to check on Jared. Then they talked shop for awhile about jobs and money and cars and Benaiah's travel. I listened for awhile while I ate dinner. I then updated Benaiah on how much his car insurance is because I didn't want him paying something so out of whack from what Justin is paying. And it did need adjusting, so that's done. After that, I moved on to start getting everybody ready for bed. That was Benaiah's signal to wrap it up. Well, once again, you only talked about yourself and your trips and didn't ask about the other kids or about your mother. Thanks. I appreciate it. I'm chopped liver, again. I'm done here. Moving on. Glad to see you, however, scoot now. I've got 3 other kids and myself to take care of.
- And, yes, 10:30pm now and I have no idea what to do about tomorrow. We could start with math and science. That's not hard. I don't have signs printed. Justin will be at work first. But, we do have everyone's science and math figured out. That would be something. I could get the signs printed out really quickly here. I don't have everything else organized. This blog isn't really done. The CD's aren't backed up either. The budget isn't fixed and the IAHE groups didn't get updated yet. Next weekend is the picnic. But perhaps the next weekend. Labor Day weekend is the following weekend. I don't know if Jared is going to stay home tomorrow or not. Of course I should have other fun things for them on their first day of school, but I don't know. No signs, no plan, no agenda. Hm,...can I pull this off? I don't know. I'd rather watch my TV show before I fall asleep. We'll see.
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| Cap'n Happy, what do you say about all this? Be(e) happy? Keep on smiling? Ok, we will try. Cap'n Happy brought to you by Jared's imagination from college. |
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| Bionic spine dude showing me up and showing up by painting trim in the little bathroom. Dude, go back to bed. That doesn't need to be done right now. I think the pain medication is messing with your head! Or, you have come to your senses that doing DIY projects is a very attractive thing! |
The End
P.S. I wish my in laws and everyone else were as concerned about me and my appointments and treatments and my kids and their appointments as they are about Jared. It's always about Jared, Jared, Jared. Gary's son. It's never about Melinda and her ailments. I'm invisible. ADHD doesn't exist. Fibromyalgia patients don't need help. It's not acute, therefore it's not important. I will never heal so I just have to find a way to deal with it. Who wants to pray for chronically ill people since you never see healing? It's boring and not hopeful.
And NOW Gary is blowing right past everything and talking about Christmas vacation plans. Dude, I haven't even decided who is going camping with you in two weeks. Let me catch up. I haven't even started school yet. Go away. I'm exhausted. Wrong timing dude. Wrong timing. "But if are going to reserve something, we need to decide NOW." Oh my gosh, go away! You're on my naughty list AGAIN.
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