Year 4, August 26th-29th, 2019: Melanoma Surgery, Pre-op to Post-op

Monday, Monday. It was a pretty decent day.  I "nested" in a way because I don't know how recovery will be after my melanoma removal.  I mean, I should be ok, but I don't know how sore my arm will be and what kind of house work I can do.  So I did some deeper cleaning of the kitchen and finally switched out the Paw Patrol and Geotrax toys that have been in the living room since February.  And you know what?  Just by moving them to a new location, Abishai was interested in them again! Crazy! Keturah slept in until 12pm, so it was pretty quiet all morning.  Justin did his school work with little trouble.  Keturah was only a little ornery and again made the comment that she didn't want to be doing school all day/night, so she also hustled.  They both had to wait for me to do a final check because I was beyond exhausted for some reason.  I didn't have an emotional day or anything this weekend, but I hit a wall and crashed. I'm actually hoping I can't do much after my surgery so I can just sleep it off.

However, we are planning to go to Ron and Nina's cabin for Labor Day, so I will need to pack on Thursday.  Gary and Leah have a speaking engagement this weekend, so they will stay home, and Benaiah will stay home so he can work.  It should be interesting because that means Nina and I are in charge of the menu and main cooking and cleaning up.  I know we will be laid back, but just like we are used to Gary and Leah driving the conversation during a meal with a guest, we are used to Gary and Leah at the cottage as well doing a lot of things.  But I'm not taking my computer and again, I hope I'm a little bit out of commission so I can read and sleep.  I know Jared will be helpful in cooking and watching Abishai.  So, we'll see how that all goes.  I'm trying not to stress about it. I'm focusing on doing all the school subjects that I need to actually teach today and tomorrow, and then I made the assignments lighter for the rest of the week.

So, after a little nap, we put together leftovers for dinner, and then Jared wrestled with Abishai because I didn't send anyone outside because of rain and then wetness.  I don't think it rained as much as they had predicted though.  We are supposed to get rain tomorrow as well.  Actually, I'm glad that the weather pushed me to finish the garden yesterday so I could focus on the inside today.  I have to pep talk myself on these things when I get frustrated that one area is being undone while I'm fixing another.  But I've learned the hard way when I haven't taken advantage of good weather outside.  It's all about being flexible and paying attention.

I'm only a little nervous about my surgery on Wednesday now.  I'm sad, and I keep looking at my arm thinking it won't ever be the same and it's going to take a very long time for the scar to heal.  I have several questions for the doctor about wound care, showering, etc. and then about how long does she think this cancer went undetected.  This mole had been two different colors for a couple of years.  How do you know, besides annual exams, when it's turned to cancer?  It's weird because a lot of my t-shirts actually cover that area.  Why this mole and not something further down my arm?  Those kinds of questions.  Oh, one of the hardest parts it that I had to stop taking blood thinning pain medications like Ibuprofen and naproxen, which means I can only take extra strength tylenol and we all know how little that helps.  It did actually help this afternoon for awhile.  My arms seem fine from working in the garden, but my lower back hurts from all that bending over.  At least I don't have a headache from this low pressure weather coming through, that's a plus.

Well, there you go. Monday is done.

There's my girl, in her hat as always because she refuses to wear headbands and scrunchies, learning the dance moves to songs.

What?!  He was at our Children's Museum today??????  Remember, the escape pod sitting behind him is one of the props from the most recent Star Trek movie, plus they have other authentic Star Trek items on display.  How cool would it have been to be in the same place as an original cast member!  Live long and prosper!

This is how Monday started out with.  Abishai did not want to give up his PJ Mask Birthday Rescue DVD, despite me saying they have the episodes on YouTube.  And he didn't want me to buy him another copy, which was $7.50 on Amazon.  Finally after lots of crying and snuggling, he said he was ready to give it to another little boy who likes PJ Mask and Paw Patrol.  So, at least he's thinking through these things.

Oh that face!  That was my face last week when I found out my biopsy results.  But really? A DVD?  Come on now, Grandma's coming soon and it needs to go with her to get it to the library today.

Wow!  This room feels so much bigger!  I took out the big Lego box because I didn't want Abishai's special Lego sets to get dumped into it by accident.  Then I moved the box with Abishai's presents from February to new homes.  I moved big vehicles and random big items to the sunroom.  I moved the book pile that was near the table, over to where the board books are.  I'm contemplating on moving the board books elsewhere.  So now we just have some cars and trucks, a stack of books, and Abishai's current Lego collection.  He had already brought out a lot of his fire station pieces, so I just brought the whole tray out, too.  I also removed some things from the bench area he plays on behind the couch in the fireside room.  The geotrax in the fireside room are tricky to navigate around and make me feel claustophobic, but I keep telling myself, it's just one kind of toy and I'd rather it be in a room that I don't spend as much time in as other rooms.  Then I vacuumed everything including our room and the boys room and the bathroom.  I hope to mop the floors tomorrow.

So the goal is for Justin to explain his science experiments to the other two kids as a way of reinforcing the concepts.  I had him write down a lab report of sorts, but we'll need to work on polishing them as we do each experiment.  It's a good thing I remember how to do those kinds of things from college.

Bascially, we are watching how antacids neutralize vinegar, an acid.  We used flavored Tums, and I think that affected the speed of the reaction because it was taking a long time just to see some bubbles.  The first set of glasses has different amount of vinegar in it.  The rate of dissolving is supposed to be the same in all three and I think it was.

Then we added water to make the liquid in the cups all equal.  Did it change the rate of dissovling?  We aren't sure.  It was taking a long time so we stepped away from it for a few hours.

Now look at them! Keturah noticed that things were happening about 3 hrs later! Chunks of the antacid tablet are rising to the top of the water slowly, and then quickly sinking to the bottom.  We think that the chemical reaction causes an air bubble in the piece of the tablet and that changes it's buoyancy. And then when it escapes, the piece of the tablet is too heavy again to float.  I Think that the rate of dissolving did change and the glass with the most water. 

Abishai didn't want me to move his blankie because I think he just wanted his "friend" nearby.  So, I put sunglasses on blankie so it looks like he's watching Abishai play.  Abishai didn't mind it either.

Hi, blankie, can we be friends?

Look, Mom, I made a sonwman!

Bwahahaha

Towers for days...

Lots of giggled and wiggles out.  Then he was hot and sweaty, so he took a bath.  Then Abihai and Dady finished the Star Wars movie they were working on, Episode 2, Attack of the Clones. Abishai didn't seem to be too scared.  That's a great thing!

So hot and sweaty and read but love that wrestling today.

Tuesday ran pretty smoothly.  Abishai and I went to get milk at the dollar store and I let him pick out a treat.  Well, he traded in two candy treats and one other cheaper toy for a more expensive toy that he will show to you below. Keturah was up at 11. I made sure everything was prepped and cleaned up for Wednesday. I tried to stay calm and in the moment, cherishing the last moments with my own skin intact. Lol. I know it's strange to say that. I won't try to explain it.  I'm just quirky.  I didn't think much about anything specific about the surgery.  I had come to terms with it, did my research to know what to expect, and moved on for the most part. No one was particularly difficult or anything, except Abishai is becoming more mean towards his siblings telling them to go away and that they stink.  He's mimicking what he's heard though, which is sad.  Sigh.  We are what our environment makes us is true. But we can break that cycle as well.  So, we'll be working on it for sure.

THESE are so yummy! I wish things like this weren't seasonal at Aldi's.  They definitely easily replace the coffee wafer stick things. Addicting!

Not sleeping, stretching and thinking and praying, and Abishai decided to take my picture.  Thanks sneaky kid.

He's looking so big explaining his Batman story! And he uses the word "projectile!"  Thank you YouTube. He also was showing off his new batwing exactly like a toy reviewer would.

24 hrs later and they still didn't fully dissolve.  Time to dump them.  But wait, they stained the glasses! Eek!

Last look at my freckles before surgery tomorrow.

They were supposed to be hot cocoa with marshmallow cookies.  Justin got distracted pouring the batter (we had to soften the butter using the microwave so they were a little runny) and then proceeded to do the rest the same way.  Yes, that's 4 giant cookies.  The marshmallows got absorbed leaving the holes.  Basically, he made hot cocoa pancakes.  Maybe he used too much of another ingredient, I don't know. Did we miss the egg perhaps? Hm,...

Just a few of Abishai's cars waiting for the car wash he made.

Swam equals SLAM.  All boy and nothing but boy!

That black dot in the middle is a gigantic spider (obviously the spider is a foot away and hte chimnes is 100 ft away). But it's web went from a tree to a mailbox about 4 ft across!

Grandpa reading time!  He also got a chocolate chip cookie and milk.  The rest of the kids miss out because they don't want to walk around the block.

Wednesday, surgery day.  I spent the morning trying to stay calm, eating the right things, putting on the right essential oils, and yet, I still got this big knot in my stomach. In fact, I still have it this evening.  And my blood pressure before the procedure was 150/84 and after the procedure was 160/102 despite me feeling calmer overall.  You can do all the right things in your head, but your body knows what's up and responds. Thank you, anxiety!  So, here's how it went down.

I had the nicest young student doctors and resident doctor. I loved being able to help the young doctors practice because I know the resident is there to take over if necessary.  They've got to practice on someone don't they? So why not me? Lol. I had a total of 4 people in the room. The nurse, the resident, the main student doctor, and a doctor who came in halfway that I think is a few years down the road than the main student doctor because she was also talking him through it.  The nurse put on my choice of music, so I choose CCM of course, but I actually didn't pay attention to the music because I watched the whole procedure! First the doctors drew the incision site and it was what I had expected.  1 cm margin on all sides and they were to cut all the layers of skin down to the fatty layer, although the melanoma was only in the top two layers. Then the nurse numbed me up with the lidocaine/epinephrine mixture that also slows the bleeding down.  I bled a ton less than I thought I would! Yeah! The burning from the licodaine is the worst part but I just breathed through it and relaxed as I told myself I would.  Last time, my body hurt from clenching the muscles when the needles went in.

Then the cutting began.  Yes, I watched the doctor make the incision and stitch me up later.  It didn't hurt so why not? I wanted to see what my fatty layer looked like!  Remember, I was going to be a large animal vet and don't get squeamish unless it's a lot of vomiting from the kids or something.  The doctors were amazed I could watch them.  I did look away at times so they wouldn't get too nervous.  But I intently listened as the resident doctor give instructions and tips and tricks to the young doctor. I proved, once again, I love learning how something is done or how it works, so why not?  Did you know that the fatty layer looks like one of those squish balls with the netting around it when you squish it through the netting?  Yup! And now you now.  You're welcome.  After the initial cut was made with a scalpel cutting through the skin layers and popping into the fatty layer, the doctor cut the rest of the skin away with scissors.  And that was the fast and easy part of the whole thing. Plop went the tissue to be sent off to the lab.

Then he took blunt scissors and cut the fatty layer away from the skin around the incision so they could pull the skin over the incision.  After that, he put many internal stitches in that will take 6-12 MONTHS to dissolve, helping with scarring.  It was very time consuming work, and I'm glad he took his time.  He did seem some help and direction, but he was able to get the job done just fine.  Phew! That was the hard part getting the fat to squish together forming a mountain that will later lay flat.  Then the dozen or so outer stitches went it and they will be removed in a couple of weeks. Then the nurse cleaned everything up, put some bandages on it, wrapped it up, and went over the wound care instructions.  I can take it the initial dressing off in 24 hrs and can even shower with it open.  Then vaseline and clean dressing until outer stitches are taken out. I also can't lift anything heavier than a gallon of water or I'm at risk of popping the stitches.  It's a good thing I deep cleaned before the procedure!  And that's it. Ok then. We'll see how this recovery process actually goes.

Now that it's been 9 hrs, the lidocaine is finally wearing off.  I peaked under the wrapping and found major swelling and bruising on the end closest to my elbow but not at the top towards my shoulder, and that started to concern me.  Abishai and I went to a playground this evening for an hour and I had my arm mostly at my side the whole time, so I'm sure the blood was just pooling into the bruise.  I'm trying to elevate it now, but I'm feeling numbeness in my hand and some pain in my scapula.  I definitely expect to feel more sore than others because of my fibro.  I'm assessing all my symptoms all the time and writing them down.  Like my heart racing after I got the epinephrine.  Which is normal, but I did not feel good about it at all.  I asked for a blanket to make sure I didn't shake because it was cool in the procedure room. And when I was all prepped, and the procedure began, my heart calmed down.  I just wish my stomach would calm down, too. 

Overall, it went well.  I learned some things about my body and my reactions to situations and medications. It might be the "poor man's hospital" but really, I felt like I got the best care and didn't mind that it took a little longer than expected.  It definitely redeemed IU Health in my eyes.  Just around the corner, in the next building, is where my mom received her radiation treatments. But now I have a positive experience to help redeem that one.  And this is an experience I will never forget.  It was so fascinating to me!  I love learning and watching others learn! I couldn't wait to get home and tell everyone! The doctors couldn't believe I watched the whole thing.  I could have said something like "Isn't God's creation fascinating?" Oh well. At least I was a cooperative patient and made it an enjoyable experience for the doctors as well.  One of the doctors had pretty red curly hair and freckles that reminded me of Anne of Green Gables.  The student was an ordinary geeky looking guy.  And the resident was obviously had an Arabic or Indian backgournd, maybe parents or grandparents. And she did some residency in Boston, so we chatted about that.  The doctors were ready to chat about anything in order to distract me but I was happy just to listen to them talk in their doctor language like "throw a stitch down." "I prefer this type of "thread" for sutures." "I like the angle of your cut." Oh yeah, fun times!  Now let the irritating, painful year long process of healing begin.  Yes, one doctor said that the scar is barely 80% healed in a year.  It takes a LONG time.

Yes, after some rest and food, and getting my stomach to settle a bit, I took Abishai to the playground so Justin could have some screen time.  It was quite different just taking one kid to the playground and at 7pm, but he had a blast!  He found many kids his age an said, "Come on, guys, let's be a team!" and used his little "come on" motion with his hands (palm up, fingers curling in and out).  And then he would lead the team around the playground and tell them what to do.  He's going to be a great recruiter someday for something.  He was firm, but not rude. And it proved once again, that just having the 1 hr of Sunday School every week is all he needs to be socially apt. No need for expensive preschool, that's for sure.  He's his grandpa's twin!

Abishai used his "come on" hand signal and made Socks chase him through the house.  I finally had to tell him that Socks is hold and can't keep playing so much.  He needs to take a nap!

Sweet belly rubs.

Abishai got the leash and got it on Socks before anyone noticed.  Poor dog would have loved a lap around the block but I didn't have time.  We were supposed to go to Keturah's first theater dance class, but she wasn't feeling good and I wasn't going to push myself with my stomach and not knowing how my arm would feel overall.  So we stayed home.  I signed Keturah up for 16 week 1 hr per week class with a 20 yr old dancing student, homeschool grad, that trained the kids that were in the Newsies musical I saw recently.  She was able to take those kids with zero experience and get them to do some pretty neat things.  She's also well organized and prompt in answering messages.  They will learn some basic ballet, jazz, tap, and general theater dance techniques.  I had asked Keturah on Monday if it would be something she would do and she didn't say no, but gave me the "meh" face.  So, I just signed her up.  She was not happy about it today.  It's her PE class, and will get her to actually use her growing muscles, so I'm hoping that will help her pain.  She doesn't have a problem with coordination, but it will help her overall in her balancing as she figures out how her growing body works.  Plus, the majority of the students are 11-12 years old, and a mixture of home school and public school.  So maybe she can meet new friends.  Who knows, but we need to try something. And the price was less than $10 a week, so that was reasonable. We'll see.

Last look of my freckles and biopsy wound.

The story of his life! Yes, wearing pjs to the playground, hair flying, and now he wants to wear mismatched socks.  Oi!

Trying to get his first recruit.  And I found him introducing himself and asking others for their names.  He's picked up all these social cues on his own.  We haven't taught him anything like that.

He had me follow him when no one else would and boy, trying to climb down onto that rope bridge was tough for me, but he navigates it like nothing.

Abishai with two of his recruits.  His recruits were mostly boys but including whites, Indians, and Latinos.  Kids don't know race until you teach it to them.  They see a little boy the same age and size as them and they go off to play together.  That's how it should be.

Abishai with a few more of his recruits.

"It's tea time, Mom!"  Ok, we'll sit for a minute.  It was barely 70 degrees with a light, cool wind, so no bugs and I'm glad I covered up my skin with a thin cardigan. I am not supposed to reveal my skin to the world unless I have sunscreen on.  Playing it safe with silly hat and cardigan.

He couldn't quite make it up this one, but that's ok.

This one he scaled in a heartbeat.

He loves to use the clubhouse as his own personal prison.

With a little help, Abishai packed a bag for when I take him with us to Keturah's dance class.  It's in the same time frame as Justin's small group, so I'll be running back and forth.  Fun times!  New Batman, Bat flyer with characters, plus lots of snacks for later.

Pretty sunshine.

It looks like the blood decided to pool at the "end" of my incision because I had my arm down at my side at the playground.  Whoops!  Time to elevate it!  There's no bruising at the top though.  Strange.  Plus, I think the bandage is a little too tight.  I was able t oslip it down though and give my wound a break.  It certainly doesn't hurt as much with the wrap off.  The incision is 8 or 9 cm long.  This is just the tip of it. Can't wait to see how it looks tomorrow.  Ugh!  I'm off to find some essential oils to put on the skin on the outside of the wrapping and take some arnica for the bruising.  Plus elevate, elevate, elevate!

Thursday, recovery day.  Oh boy. Where to start.  Well, I felt very lethargic all day.  Kind of woozy, too. So I finally looked up what epinephrine is and it's an adrenaline shot!  Say what?!  Ok, so it helps to narrow the blood vessels so you don't bleed as much during surgery.  But, it also made my heart race and I felt nauseous and shaky yesterday when they injected the biopsy site with it.  I was fine within a few minutes, but it explains why I was so chatty and excited.  I definitely do not want to need it again.  I would rather have my caffeine for energy, thank you.  But now I know.  I didn't take anatomy and physiology because I had taken all the other science course in high school (dual credit) or in my freshman year, so I'm still learning all this stuff.  I did take biology, but didn't memorize it word for word because we didn't do any tests with it.  Anyway, I'm always learning something, that's for sure. So, once that fully wore of, I crashed.  I'm now feeling a bit sore in my neck and shoulder from holding my arm up and somewhat elevated. I have felt nasueas still all day.  But I plodded along and assembled some things for the cottage trip to Michigan this weekend.  It's not highly organized, and I hope I have everything. We plan to buy food once we get there.  And depending on which vehicle we are using, will depend on how much stuff we bring. I just need to make sure I'm bringing all my meds and wound dressing material. I hope everyone else packed what they needed because I don't have energy to double check.

I did manage to check their homework and remind them of chores today.  Justin mowed the grandparents lawn and claimed he trimmed ours as well.  But I don't have energy to go check.  I got a nap which definitely helped me through the rest of the day.   I had a counseling appointment, so I got down there and back just fine.  I knew the second day I would be sore, and I expected to be sore all over so it's good that I'm not.  But the wound is very sore and an 8 if you press on it and a 6 out of 10 as I move it around. It feels like I have a dressing on it and I'm restricted in movement even when I don't.  The pain is starting to wear on me because no pain killers seem to touch it.  Hopefully I will perk up tomorrow.  I'm using too many essential oils at once and it's causing me to detox or something too fast.  I'm just a bit messed up here.  So, I took it slow, things got done, and we don't have a specific time to leave tomorrow, so we'll leave when we leave, hopefully by 10am.  We are just going to Uncle Ron's cottage for a few days, just 5 of us because Gary has a Sunday speaking obligation, Leah wanted to stay home, and Benaiah wanted to work.  He's actually home alone, with strict guidelines and it's going to be a test to see if he's really an adult.  He does have to let the dog go out to do his business and feed the dog, which Benaiah hasn't done in years. Between work, Sunday, and spending time with Ava's extended family on Monday, Labor Day, he's got a full weekend planned.

Yup, I'm grouchy. And just the few words I exchanged with Mrs. Permanent Grouch were tense.  Not fun, but I wish she would think about others more. I'm hoping that will come soon when she starts small groups and theater dance and sees other healthier human interactions.  No wifi at the cottage, so we are all brining lots of books.  It should be interesting with less people to have small talk with.  I just want some quiet time with a book in a chair on the deck while Jared watches Abishai. If I stay here, I'll find things to do or be annoyed about and I won't read the books I need to read.  So, I'm going to try to read them there.  Let's see.  Benaiah is working a late shift tonight, although it's a Thursday, so that he could try out for piano at Crave.  He doesn't have to be at rehearsal if he's just doing tech stuff. So, he will work on Thursdays unless he's needed at rehearsal for drumming.  He's got a plan, so that's good.

I'm so drowsy, and my arm feels weird.  It's going to be a long, long recovery.  In fact, it takes 12 months for your scar to be at 80%  Wow.  I didn't expect that.  But I'm sure things will feel better when they take out the stitches in a couple of week.  But for now, "Owie" is the big word of the day.

Fun things on the 'gram today.  Then I played the song on YouTube and then I played it on the piano! I bought the LP cd, with two versions of the song and two other songs on it before the album came out in a real bookstore in Concord, NH on my way home from a college class that I was taking as a senior in high school.  That was the year that I met Michael for the first time, too.  Live the Life album, 1998.  Fun stuff! First time I had really heard the word "yurt" and "Mongolian BBQ."  Lol.  Great album.

Sidenote: I think I'm using too many oils at once, too many blends, so I'll rotate them through instead.  I think my body is "detoxing" a little too much.

Ain't it pretty? It certainly hurts though!

This.

Another up close view of it.  Lots of bruising still on the bottom, but it hasn't gotten worse.  I got up at 5am to check on it (I never wake up in the middle of the night anymore, so I guess I had told myself the night before that I probably should get up and my body listened!) while I still had the wrap on and nothing had changed.  I finally took the wrap off at 7am when Jared got up and kept it off since.  I made sure to put a long sleeve shirt over it while I drove to counseling today to keep it out of the sun like the doctors said. The wrap was too tight and I didn't want to bother with trying to rewrap it and I was careful all day.

Now you can see them better.  Arnica for bruising, Trauma Life has things like frankincense in it.  Frankincense of course. And Juvaflex has helicrysthm and geranium known for healing.  And my bottle of Myrrh came today, so I added that, too.  Yes, Frankincense and Myrrh, just like the gifts Jesus got as a little toddler. Great for healing.  But they are expensive. The 15ml bottle of Myrrh was $65 and I used up all my Young Living ER points for it.  I'm not taking a chance on this one!  No more cancer and I'm hoping for the best scar possible! But again, don't put them on open wounds, only on skin that is exposed on the edges of the bandages, but don't get bandages wet.  And always dilute with a carrier oil!

Well, I wanted to go this year, but it's sold out because it's the 50th year!  Wowzers!  Check out this fun fact.  Of course 1993 was when I became a fan at 12 years old, so, Place in this World was sung at that concert and had a special place in my heart for a long time.

Michael W. Smith in 1992. 35 years old then. Craziness.

Typical day of screen time.  But I had to have a nap today.  Thankfully Justin was good enough to keep him occupied while I was at counseling.  Normally we save screen time for when I'm out. He was also packed up and ready to go to the boat house by 9am.  He had his new bat toy, snacks (from last night), pjs, underwear and his water bottle.  Too cute!

Well, sorry, but not sorry, it's part of our story and it's making me frustrated because of the pain.  It's slightly swollen, and the pain is contained to the swelling, but man, no pain meds are touching it. I wish it was straighter, but oh well. The ridge will settle down though they told me, but we'll see. 

Slightly different angle and lighting.  I've elevated it today and used an ice pack. I've been carefully moving it around in all directions just to make sure the muscles keep working properly, although the muscles weren't cut of course. Not too crusty yet. That's why you put a lot of vaseline on it.  Time for new bandages and possibly wrap it for extra comfort.

I didn't have time to enjoy the weather today because I was nursing my arm and packing for the lake. But this is beautiful.

Abishai went with Jared to parent teacher night at SCS so that we could have a break and I was supposed to have a piano lesson.  I also know that Abishai needs social time and Daddy time.  But Daddy said that Abishai is obviously not afraid to talk to older women, lol.  Nope, he's not afraid to talk to anyone unless it's an adult getting in his face.  He's such a people person.  Too cute!

The End