Year 6, November 11th-14th, 2021: When Chaos Rained Supreme

 Fall Break is upon us. Well, not for us. For the public school people. And that means Keturah is doing Serve Week with her small group and Justin has a retreat with his small group this weekend. But I'm still making them do school work this week because I'm not interrupting our workflow and we still have Grandpa Bible class, ASL class, appointments, and park day on the schedule. We just have to shift a bit of what we are doing. So Keturah needs to catch up on her reading that she has somehow got out of the past month. Aka, Mommy hasn't kept the phone out of her room. Case in point. She was in her room for 4 1/2 hrs today, with her phone, "looking up ASL motions on YouTube." No you weren't. And you could have just asked your brother or me to help. Nope. So I handed her a stack of books this morning and she read through one picture book in 4 1/2 hrs. Well, I guess you have a lot to do before Friday screen time, don't you? And you'll have to sit in Dad's office and read when you get back each day. No phone until you get home. Justin did his homework and said it was a Monday. I haven't seen him read as much either. Abishai played his usual, "I don't want to" but quickly settled down and got it done. I am still sick and my nerves are shooting like fireworks all over my body. Having aches and pains is 1,000x worse with fibromyalgia and neuropathy. It's incredibly painful and distracting and simply makes you want to cry. And did I have time to really lie down and nap? No. Not really. I'm too tired to throw fits today like I did last night. So there's that. 

Jared came home and started a fire in the fireplace, although the a/c was on. We had some heavy rainstorms, but it was only going to cool off by a few degrees. I think he was trying to cheer me up, but in order for me to spend time with him this evening, I needed to spend time with my computer and other chores, so I didn't get to spend even one minute in front of it. So that was a waste. I wish he had asked first. The kiddos had Grandpa class via zoom after supper at 7pm because Gary and Leah are out in Oregon for ministry I think, so it was 4pm there when they could check into their hotel room or whatever. They are enjoying the scenery and all I can think of back here is how much my body hurts and how lucky they are to have missed any major health crisis or marriage crisis or financial hardship or job loss or kid problem. It's easy to say "We are blessed." when everything has gone right in your life It's much harder to say that when you want to jump out of your seat because there's sparks coming from every angle misfiring and dull ache in every joint of your body making you feel like you have severe arthritis. I'm not brave and I can't seem to find the joy in these moments like others can. I'm not that kind of strong cancer patient everybody talks about. I'm just a broken oridinary person crying every few days because something has caused my anxiety or depression or fibro or restless legs or something else to flare. God and I still haven't fully wrestled this out yet. It's in a different phase of wrestling, let's just put it that way. I'm sure I'll come out of this phase eventually, but for now, I sound like a "dripping faucet" pagan instead of a "grateful for life Christian."

There's nothing more to say about the day. I've got some appointments this week. We'll be taking Socks with us on Weds to ASL so I can run him up to the Vet office to see if the medication helped or not and to get more. That should be a crazy morning. I just need to feel better so I can think. I remembered a few things today, like calling the vet and printing out some things for Justin, but forgot others, like calling my friends that is going with me to the Michael W. Smith concert in 5 days. Oh, but we listened to more of Animal Farm and oh me, oh my, is it GOOD. Hilarious and relevant and all the things! Recommended reading for everyone! I can't pick it apart myself and show line by line but you certainly can do that and show the comparisons to first socialism and then communism. I could see how a literature teacher could ask a bazillion of compare and contrast questions. I won't. Or maybe I should scour the internet for some to get us started. I just might do that. Because wowzers! Satire! LOVE it! 

Well, I woke up feeling a lot better, so yeah! 95% of the aches are gone and I'd 95% of the headache. But the cough, well, that's starting to come on strong. Jared said, "That sounds like a Covid cough." No, it just sounds like a post nasal drip cough because I have a runny nose cough. Not everything is Covid people. Actually, I haven't had a full on runny nose, yet. Kind of skipped over that part. And the sore throat was less. So, is it the flu? Or a head cold? I didn't have a fever. I don't know. No one knows unless you take all the tests to find out exactly what strain of virus or bacteria and you know what, if your body is doing what it's supposed to do, who cares. Let it do what God designed it to do. Stay home, rest, drink lots of fluids, eat what healthy foods you can, and only take medicines if you need to if the symptoms are so bothersome you can't sleep. Ok, that's my rule. I don't take cough and cold medicines unless my nose is raw or it's time to sleep or I'm going out and my nose is sooooo runny I'd have to bring kleenix box with me. If I'm at home, I only take the headache medication if needed. Ok, I did take the pain medication after a while because let's face it, after 48 hrs, I was over it. But I'm drinking tea, could have used honey and essential oils, used some rubs, rested when I could, all those things. And if I wasn't going to a concert on Saturday, there's no way I would be going to get tested for Covid. Not a chance. Not even with this cough. It's just phelgm, dudes. Normal stuff at the end of a head cold for me. Quit worrying so much. Normal progression as always. Same exact thing I had the week of Christmas almost 10 months ago. I tested negative back then when we all were still in panic mode. I didn't really need to. 

Jared and Keturah did make it out the door in time for Keturah to be at church by 8:30am for her Serve Week. At least I think so. I dozed off again after Jared got up. I woke up around 9, but putzed around and got an event later start, again. But the boys worked hard and got everything done. I didn't have my counseling appointment until 2, so I had time for a shower. Justin got his science experiment done as well. I texted a few people and tried to get a little bit of work done, which is better than what I did yesterday, so that's good. But I'm having trouble regulating my body temperature still. I'm feeling very warm again, which is odd. I put on long sleeve pj's but should feel cool since it's cool outside and the thermostat is only at 74. I had any hot flashes even being on gabapentin at least I thought I didn't. But then again, I was only on the higher dose for the last few weeks and then got sick. I don't know. Too many changes to count. I'm hot. And I'm coughing. And my throat is still sore. And I still have to figure things out for Saturday, if the Covid test is negative. But William Shatner is going into space for real tomorrow. You know, Captain Kirk from the original Star Trek series in the late 60's? Yes, he's really going to space and he's 90 years old! How cool is that?! So I bring it up and Jared gives me his "I don't really care" face, and I'm like, well, at least I'm not bemoaning about my upcoming Covid test, would you rather me talk about that? What do you want me to talk about? Or something else that is serious like what I heard about at our rep meeting tonight? Pick your poison. Sigh. 

Anyway, that's about it. Tomorrow we do have to go out. But I'll be mostly in the car. Drop off Justin at ASL, then run the dog up to the vet to get his heart checked so we can more heart medication, and then pick up Justin, and then home. I think that's it. Oh, I was going to go out today to the library and Kroger for medication. I think I should probably do that tomorrow, maybe, not sure. Justin doesn't have small group tomorrow night, so maybe we'll paint in the kitchen. Hm,,...maybe. I don't know. Thursday is Covid test. Maybe Kelly and Kya day. Maybe nothing else. Ok, school, yes. Beyond that I mean. Like projects. I've been a little slow in working on anything too heavily involved. It's been too warm to make the clothing switch for Abishai yet, so I'm procrastinating on that. I did think about it for the other kids, at least in my head, and asked them, but we are more on a year round purge anyway, if we see something is too small or if somebody gives us something to go through or if there's a sale. And for me, I was waiting for the change in temps, too. Although I did look into pjs last night and why are they so expensive? I want to stop using old t-shirts that are now way too small for me anyway (same with the pants) and get matching pj sets that are more sophisticated for a 40 year old and well, $30? for something I sleep in? Sigh. I guess that's $15 for each piece but still. Sigh. Now I have to go to the stores for actual clearance racks. Not what I want to do. Grrr.....and I have to remember to just buy one or two at a time. I can't afford to do all of it at once. Or maybe just take out the whole lot that doesn't fit me and just add in the pieces that do and rotate those around quicker until I build out a collection. And maybe I'll realize I don't need as many in the collection. Hm, that's an option, right? right. Less is more! Duh! It's just pj's! And I did get a couple of nice winter sets last year that actually fit me, so that helps. Yup, let's do that purge!

Cinders flew 6 ft across the room to make this hole right in the middle of the back of my favorite couch. If I had any energy last night and if weren't sitting down just then to watch Mandalorian, I would have been fuming mad when I discovered it at 10pm. This couch is from the 90's. Where am I going to find fabric to match? I don't have sewing skills to fix this? This is not good. Not good at all. So I took to FB and got back loads of great advice and have at least some direction to go. Still, I didn't need yet another project.

Yes, I know. If I had been laying here like I normally would have been, I would have been burned. So, I'm glad it's just the couch. But why Jared thought it was a good idea to start a fire while we had the a/c running without asking if I was actually going to have time to sit in this room that night, I have no idea. He thought he was doing a good thing. He saw rain predicted and a cooler temp outside. I don't know. Sigh.

Today's experiment was to see how different materials conduct heat.

Let an ice cube melt on aluminum and charcoal briquettes.

Leave for 2 hrs total.

Hold 9V battery on edge of material without touching the water. Wait to see if the battery warms up in your hand, meaning that electrical current is running through it? Charcoal one didn't warm up, but the aluminum did. Ok, I don't know all the mechanics of this one. But the result was correct. But we did come up with a result that was similar to the book, so the experiment worked.

Words to think about.

Oh my, what can I say? What a chaotic two days! Where do I start?

On Wednesday, the morning started out fine. We got ourselves together, the boys, the dog, and I, and headed to ASL lessons. We dropped Justin off and then took Socks for his follow up. I hadn't thought much about the appointment, so I wasn't prepared to hear what the vet had to say. He said the medication worked somewhat, but not 100% of what he would have liked it to do. So, he said we could consult a specialist who would more precisely monitor everything or go on a different medication, but honestly, there's not a whole lot to be done. If he was a human, eventually we would be looking at a pacemaker or a heart transplant. But he's not. Most likely, Socks will either die in his sleep or after a series of short signs of things shutting down, we'll have to make a quick decision to put him to sleep. It could happen now, it could happen who knows when. The vet said he gave some cat owners the same diagnosis and it happened two days later. And honestly, I understood that, and I know the vet was being very honest and we all know that Socks could live another year or two. We don't know. And in that moment, I wasn't scared at all. The vet said his life expectancy was, well, 8-9 years old, so 11 1/2 is well past that. So I'm actually very proud of myself for getting to this point. It was one of my goals. I know, I know. Kids and pets and spouses aren't projects. I get it. It's one of my flaws. But I've worked hard to make sure I did things right with annual visits, the better dog food, the right weight, the right bloodwork, the right amount of exercise, and did things differently than my parents did with our beagles and how the Johnsons took care of their dogs. I mean they all did their best, but the main thing was that they fed the dogs cheaper dog food and their dogs were often fatter than they needed to be. Plus the amount of people food they fed their dogs, oi! I wanted things to be different and to have different results. And here we are. 

So the vet switched the medication to a cheaper one and gave me a script to take to an online store and see if I can't get both this med and his arthritis med there cheaper and quickly. And we set up another follow up appointment, again, conveniently during ASL. Sweet! He's very nice in letting us come on his surgery day and just popping over into the exam room between surgeries. Super helpful to us. And it's another reason I go up to this clinic because they do have a full surgery and a large staff. They aren't a 24/7 emergency vet, but I can see any of the vets during normal hours and I'll get good care. And they all think Socks is the best. I've heard not so great things about many of the small vet practices on the southside so I've always avoided them. So, we got that all sorted. He didn't charge me for the visit and he didn't charge for a few extra pills until we get the new script in. My lucky day!

And then, on the way back to ASL to pick up Justin, Abishai did the sweetest thing. He said, "I want to sing Happy Birthday to Socks in case he dies before his next birthday." And that's what he did. This child has the biggest heart of gold and all I want to do is protect it with all my might. I want to keep it all to myself, too. I tell him to never stop hugging people. Ask first, but then keep hugging. Give girls side hugs, (I guess guys too, or give them bear hugs and "holy" kisses), but keep on hugging. He's the most observant, tender hearted, lovable creature I know. And you know what, Socks just turned 11 1/2 the day before! What perfect timing! But I wasn't prepared for this news.

I had to give myself a pep talk on the way home. I'm grateful that will most likely be this type of sudden death because financially and emotionally, it will be easier. I'm grateful that Socks still has all his hearing, seeing, mobility, GI, teeth, all the things intact. He has had us at home his whole life. He's never been locked up in kennel. He made it to Canada and back. He literally shares a twin mattress with Keturah and Justin every night. He's had 4 children to herd and a Mom to watch over and a Dad to get directions from. We've had him since he was 8 weeks old. He's melted hearts in two countries. And now I understand why I felt like I didn't want to go anywhere over Christmas break. We need to stay home for him. I can't leave him with strangers anymore. In fact, I don't think I'm going to leave him for more than a day trip or 1-2 night trip and even then only with a relative. And I think that's why the homeschool conference is way too expensive and out of my league next May. I need to potentially be around for Socks. When we got Socks, I knew I wanted to be there for the end, too. I promised myself, I wasn't going to drop him off anywhere but I was going to be right there until his heart stops just like I was for several other animals when I worked at the vet's office when I was a teenager. Just like I was there when my parents pass. I'm not going to miss it unless Socks passes in his sleep. Plans can change, but for whatever I can control and decide on, I'm going to stick close to home. My puppy needs me. And I shed many a tear last night when I finally had the chance to do so when the house was quiet and the computer was turned off. He's my dog. I wasn't there for Waggle, my first dog, my beagle. But I will there for my Socks. 

So, that was our morning! Phew!

Then Kelly called and said she had her grandson and he was convinced it was park day, so could we meet them at the park closest to us. I asked Abishai and he said, sure! I asked Justin, and somehow he had finished all his work, so he said, sure! And I didn't have anything terribly urgent, so off we went to the park. It was a gorgeous afternoon, warm but a nice breeze under the awning where the picnic tables were. The kids scattered off with the dozens of other kids that were playing. This is the second week of fall break so there's more kids out. I sat down and told my story about the vet and my nervousness about my PCR test tomorrow and all that. Then Kelly's mom comes over to hang for a bit because she lives nearby. I'm sitting in between them, which is fine, and I was ready to have a nice chit chat. Well, a few minutes later, my phone buzzes. I let it go to voicemail, and then check the voicemail. Enter the world of chaos for the next 6 hrs.....

The phone call was from the concert venue in Kentucky. They were informing me that the concert was now fully cancelled due to water damage and that I would be issued a full refund. What?! Surprisingly, I stayed calm. Ok. Now what. Oh, I'll buy tickets to go to Lafayette. Let's open up my web browser lickity split, whip out the credit card, and see what seats are available. Ok, two seats in 7th row, all the way on the left side, ok, hopefully I can still see Jim. Not as close as front row, but hey, I've had worse. Click. Bought. Done. Now, if my friend couldn't go, I'm sure someone else who was going to Lousiville could meet me there and pay me for it, etc. I'm not worried about that. Tickets were secured. And I wouldn't need a Covid test, so hope on over to CVS.com and cancel that test. Yippee! That's an answer to prayer! No Covid test! Drop that worry! Bingo! I can put down the phone for a little bit longer and update Sheryl later when I get home. Phew. Problem solved. 

Kelly's mom goes home. Kids finish playing. And then it starts pouring rain. Of course Kya and Justin want to extend their visit, so we finish making those arrangements via a phone call from our cars, lol. Justin jumps out and goes with them, and I drive home to figure out dinner. Hamburgers, frozen veggies, mac and cheese, and pre made frozen mashed potatoes for supper. Of course Jared's texts were thrown in there somewhere making it all the more chaotic. I just can't type to everyone that fast. Well, it all worked out.

And what REALLY worked out was just telling Jared that a multitude of plans of changed for the next few days and to just hold on until we sit down for supper. And he kept me in check until we sat down because I just wanted to start in on talking as well. Because when I got home, I opened up my email, and in my gmail I received an email from church about Justin. Justin had been in close contact with a kid who tested positive for Covid on Sunday. NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  What?!!!!! 18 months clean! We've been 18 months clean! No contact tracing!!!!!!! Ok, I guess Jared was but because he had the vaccine he didn't have to really do anything. But if you don't have the vaccine, you have to pay the penalty and wait longer to see if symptoms develop and all these hoops. I have read the email 20 times and I have interpreted it 20 different ways. And at that very moment, Justin was at Kya's house. It's a good thing Kelly is understanding and was cool with it. Justin has zero symptoms. I've been sick all week and no one else has been. So, who knows. 

But, I am extremely proud of Jared and I. We did argue but we also somehow divided and conquered. He volunteered to go find some rapid Covid tests, although I told him I heard they are hard to find (and he picked up milk, hot wheel cars, and coffee, oh and my prescriptions, and don't worry, I heaped the praise on him because of how I was not nice to him before he left). He even took Abishai with him. Before he left, he cleaned up supper while I lit into him about all the Covid crap and how it's unfair and why this testing doesn't make sense, etc. I guess cleaning up kept him in the room instead of running away, and he didn't say anything. He did say a few things at a the table, but I didn't end up in tears, so that's good. He also didn't react harshly about how I handled the concert situation. I guess he trusts me that the money will settle when it settles. He even volunteered a way to make transportation work if Justin can go to his retreat and we need to get Abishai to karate as well. So this is what I'm talking about! Both of us brainstorming solutions and taking action. While he was gone, I called Sheryl and gave her the update. Thankfully, she can go! Praise the Lord! Now I don't have to spend time looking for someone else! Praise the Lord again! And I hope that we get to be there early enough to actually meet the rest of the Indiana/Indianapolis fans and get a photo with them this time. I'm actually really excited about that. I see them take photos together all the time and go on the big trips and finally, I'll get to see them. Although we probably live in the same township or something. And whatever my view is of the stage, is what I have. I'll let the other peeps get the great photos and I'll just sit and relax after these crazy weeks and soak in the music like never before. They can look up Michael's nose hairs. And I'll wave at Daneker, too. Oh shoot, I probably should write up a couple of cards for them. Anyway, God has worked out all the details for the concert, getting me out a Covid test, getting us to the venue that is actually closer, and with people that actually live near us. I think it's going to be amazing. I'll take it.

What I can't take, well, what my nerves can't take is all the back and forth of the rest of life. The rest of the evening was pretty normal. Jared meet Kelly in New Pal to get Justin. Oh, Keturah had a good time at Rascal's Fun Zone. She complained that she had to put her hair in a pony tail to rid Go Carts. She said her arms were sore from working at the food bank. She ended up vacuuming for Justin since he was gone, but it was still raining so she didn't brush the dog. Oh, and she did say there's less than 30 people, kids and sponsors, doing this serve week. To me, well, it's still disappointing. I know, not everyone is home. People are on fall break. I get it. But there's two weeks of fall break. How many 50 passenger motorcoaches did they take to CIY to go have fun for the week? And how many 15 passenger vans are going to actually serve the community and for only a handful of hrs for 3 days and then go play for the rest of the day? Yeah, it's just a little off balance to me. It's not the way it worked when I grew up and we had workcamp. We had over 200 high schoolers and staff at workcamp every year actually building wheelchair ramps, roofing, painting, etc. (we had actually carpenters and such with us, loads of supervision), working 9-4, 4 1/2 days, and just 1/2 a day to go swim in a lake or something. And at youth group on a Sunday night, we averaged 30 kids maybe? And when we went to CIY that ONE time, we rented one or two 15 passenger vans?  And it was really just juniors and seniors and it was last minute so we didn't even stay in the dorm. Anyway, serve more, play less. That's my opinion. But until we get more staff, it's hard to even think of suggesting anything to the leaders right now.

Ok, THAT was Wednesday. Again, I'm super proud of Jared and I because I really let it rip with my opinions. And he kept cleaning up. He kept serving me. That's big y'all. We are trying. Sometimes it's me. And sometimes it's ALL Jared. I see it. I recognize his effort. I do see him. We can do this. As long as we keep crying out to God for help, we can do this. Whatever mid life crisis I'm going through, and whatever growth he needs to go through now or later, we just need to keep literally crying out to God on our knees (or me, rolling around on my green couch with my restless legs), help us, Lord, help us. Change us, one of us, both of us, something. We are both so stubborn because You told us to stand FIRM, Lord. We are standing FIRM. We both reading Scripture and trying to discern it through what God wants for us individually and sometimes, because we are human, we don't end up in the same place. It's not fun. And sometimes it feels hopeless. But it's not hopeless. Just keep seeking. Seek God, seek forgiveness, seek mercy, seek GRACE. Seek reconciliation. Take two steps forward, one step back. One step forward, two steps back. Just keep moving. Don't stagnant. At least not for long. Move sideways, or saw a little big. Strain to see the next step. Keep thinking. Don't blank out. Keep reaching. Don't bury your head. Keep LIVING. 

Yes, who do you want to believe? Southwest or other airlines or weather reports or????? Hm,.....Jared wanted to argue about this point. I watched a video about a pilot from another airline that was  going to loose his job if he didn't get the vaccine. The real answer is that it's complicated and it has affected 100's of flights including Gary and Leah's multiple times over.

Look what Abishai found! First of all, he had gone outside and when he came in I told him he had been walking through a cloud. He didn't believe me! I said, yes, fog, is a cloud hanging out at ground level. So, he went back outside to "walk in the cloud." And then as he walked around the back yard, he looked UP and saw this monstrosity on the side of the house! No joke, this gorgeous real spider web is 3 feet wide (not including the pieces that attach it to the house, chimney and tree). It's exactly like Charlotte's Web! Abishai was so excited to show it to me! I had to be careful to make sure I was photographing it with something colorful behind it so it would show up. At first, we couldn't find the spider. But when we returned from ASL class, we found her right in the middle. Her body was probably the size of a nickel and when she stretched out her legs, she was more like the size of a quarter. Abishai likes to call her: "Mrs. Beautiful." Isn't that the sweetest? I explained to him that I don't like all the fake spiders and webs people put out, but look at how God designed real spiders and their webs. We can call them beautiful because they serve a purpose and they worked hard to put them there so securely, blowing in the wind. Incredible! I also told him to never, ever, stop looking around and noticing these things. Pay attention to the details.

I think if you measured from the top of the chimney to the tree you can't see, it would be at least 8 feet. So cool! I've never seen one so intact and prefect and easy to watch before!

Boy wrestling time!

There's Mrs. Spider! Actually, there's a cartoon from Nick Jr. called Mrs. Spider and the Sunny Patch that Benaiah and Justin used to watch that I thought was so cute. The bugs all had these big buggy eyes. Keturah said it was creepy. But saying Mrs. Spider reminds me of that show. Mrs. Spider has yellow and black striped legs and maybe some yellow dots on her back. I didn't have much time to look her up though and when I did, all that I came up with was Halloween decorations. Whatever. I'll just enjoy my garden spider for who she is. Charlotte aka Mrs. Spider aka Mrs. Beautiful, I hope you catch many meals up there!

The tips of the trees are starting to change color!

Not what I expected when I opened the bag of frozen potatoes. I thought I would get cut potatoes. But nope. I guess they made mashed potatoes and then froze them in these medallion shapes like I would freeze them in an ice cube tray or something. Then you just add a little water to reconstitute them. Laziest way of making mashed potatoes besides using the flakes. Good grief. They were good though.

So how come you can be tested as early as 3 days after close contact if you've been vaccinated but after to wait a full 5 days if not vaccinated? I'm not understanding the immunology logic on this one.

Well, Jared found them. But will they work? And will we get the results we want? Time will tell.

Aww, I'm so glad it was emotional for him. Now leave him alone about it. He has the money to go up there, let him do it. Good for him.

And somewhere else I read that the reason so many jobs were "created" was because actually these jobs weren't NEW, they were just vacancies left by people who left the job force because of the mandates or retired early because they didn't want to deal with all of this anymore. So, it's not as big as politicians are saying it was.

How sad.

Thursday we needed to get after what we didn't get done on Wednesday, like dishes and laundry and schoolwork. But, as typical, I got caught up in some emails and back and forth worrying about this and that. I didn't eat anything until 10:30, so my sugars bottomed out and I haven't felt great since. I developed a migraine as well. I think I'm just seriously stressed out over everything. Abishai did a great job with school once I sat down with him. He and I had a great day hanging out. He was supposed to go to Jared's office for a few hours while Justin and I hung out with Kelly and Kya, but since we did that yesterday, I had to scratch that. I think Jared was more disappointed than Abishai was. I think I might drop him off tomorrow afternoon for a bit instead before my friend picks me up for the concert. Jared did talk to Luke Green and all we need to do is take those rapid Covid tests and make sure they are negative. So, we finally took one about 1pm.

That's when things went another step south. Justin did not like taking the test at all. He was not expecting how much sticking the swab up his nose to hurt. I reminded him that this is why we have been blessed not to have had to go through this constantly like his peers. They've taken so many tests that they are probably pros at it now. I've only done it that one time and Justin and Keturah have never done it. I think Jared took it a few times for his surgeries or whatever. Well, the instructions were clear and easy and it was very similar to a pregnancy test so I handled all the other bits. I put it together and then he went to take a shower while we waited the 15 minutes. But it didn't take the full 15 minutes to get the results. I know the results within 5 minutes. And they were obviously definitely confirmed by 15. POSITIVE. Now, depending on who you believe, Justin could have Covid-19 or he could not have it. The rapid tests are 86% accurate if you have symptoms. He does not have symptoms. And you are encouraged to take one a day for several days in a row because viral load changes, just to be sure, so kind of an averaging of sorts, or kind of when you take multiple pregnancy tests, just to be sure, so we'll take one tomorrow. Depending on who you talk to, the rapid detects parts of the virus and the PCR detects the whole strand of the virus, so the PCR is more accurate because it can detect that it's actually Covid-19 and not a different coronovirus. Oh yes, there's a ton more coronovirus' out there. And of course the virus' that cause flu and colds and all the things. That's why I'm not taking the tests. Because I'm certain I would test positive at this point. Especially since Justin is testing positive. I'm just going to go to my concert like I would before Covid happened. I'm on the mend, I don't have a fever, I just have a lingering cough, but that lasts a while, and I'm no longer contagious. End of story. The venue says masks are recommended, so I might do that on the way to my seat if it's crowded, but other than that, I'm good. I'll take my cough drops and sneak out if I need to. But back to poor Justin.

Justin doesn't seem phased. He did actually feel sick AFTER the test. I think the swab knocked some junk loose in his sinuses. And then it drained into his stomach making him feel nauseous. He did go ahead and pack for the retreat despite the very likelihood that it will test positive again tomorrow. And I actually didn't need to worry about his volunteering in KP on Sunday because we had already requested it off since he would be at the retreat. Now we just have to see how long we wait until he reenters the world and what the rest of us should do. We all breathe the same air. We can't isolate from him or social distance no matter what virus it is. I've been too busy to even think about cleaning after him today and what good would it do anyway at this point. Should I expect them all to get sick? But I've been sick since Saturday. Did I make him sick or did the child on Sunday make him sick? Who stinking knows. And who really cares. If we didn't have contact tracing, we wouldn't even know he was asymptomatic and he would be going anyway and maybe he would pass it on to someone but that's just life. That's why each person should build their own immune systems and not over wash their hands and spray everything down with anti bacterial spray. We need some germs! I've been saying it for over 20 years! Let them eat dirt! 

And I should be more worried about how any virus is making my kid sick, not, what does this test say or not say and how can I manipulate the system so he can still go on the retreat. What a sick and twisted world that I have to worry and focus on what hoops I have to jump through instead of his actual health care. So, you know what. Whatever. I'm sticking with my old protocols. If a person is sick, they stay home. Fever free for at least 24 hrs before they venture out, and if they can stay home longer, than fine, good, ok, like I've done this week. And only take tests when absolutely necessary. I'm not playing the extra isolation game within my home. Whoever gets it, gets it, whatever virus it is. And once it goes through once, they are all good for a year, no vaccine needed. I've played that game for 20 years and it works like a charm. And some years, we haven't even had the stomach bug or flu or a head cold. And we are going out and living life as normal. Sick people stay home. Healthy people can go out. No tests because the same healing protocols apply: rest, fluids, good food, vitamin C (and others), low stress, and stay home. Who cares which strain it is. And if symptoms get worse or lasts for weeks, then go see a doctor. And most of the time, the body heals itself if it's a healthy body. But now a days, the body isn't healthy and the immune response is broken. And that's a story for another day.

So, two pink lines. Positive. Like a pregnancy test.

And Justin doesn't seem too phased.

Screen time then commenced. I worked on the emotions and details of yesterday's blog entry after I put chicken in the instant pot for more meat for dinner. Jared had Bible study at 6 tonight, so I wanted to make sure to have something ready at 5. He didn't get home until closer to 5:20, but at least I was ready. Keturah looked exhausted and she wasn't hungry because she ate too much popcorn at the movies. They did a lot of work this morning at another food co op, too. But she over ate the movies and of course at the wrong junk food. And her stomach was protesting. After Jared left, I cleaned up dinner, and tried to keep going on whatever I could. I tried to keep Abishai entertained and had him follow me to our room to do a the load of laundry that had been ready to put away yesterday. Well, he decided he wanted to do all the sorting himself. And he did! He would ask and I would tell him. He even made sure most things were right side out. And he wouldn't allow me to fold anything until it was all properly sorted. Ok, boss boy. When we were almost done, Daddy came home and he proudly showed Daddy what he did. Teach them young to do these chores, right? Oh yeah. It's just fabric. Abishai did actually recognize some of Keturah and I's stuff. The more he and Justin handle it now, the least squeamish they will be about it later. I don't want it to be taboo to them. It's fabric. It is what it is. You pass these garments in the store. Don't think about it much. Put it in the right pile and move along. Cross train so everybody can do all the chores on any given day. Their wives will thank me. It's only fair if Keturah and I have to touch their underwear. Anyway, it was fun and kept him occupied. And then he and Daddy got to watch Star Wars stuff and play video games before bed time.

And now my migraine is worse. And I'm tired. It's been a long day. Tomorrow will be long and I just pray that my stomach cooperates. I hope to go to bed on time as well tonight. That's all I can hope for. I've been looking forward to this for 2 years. I'm going and I'm going to enjoy it. And then Saturday, I will rest. And next week, is next week. Just one more day to get through. God has made a way so far, and He will guide out steps tomorrow.

Abishai tried to do a Hulk Smash move on the big plastic cups after he set them up in a big tower and instead, smashed his forearms so well that they swelled up. Some lavender oil brought them right back down, but wow, he was in a lot of tears. I thought he was going to just bust right through them with his whole body. Nope, he jumped up and came down on top of the top ones with all his might. Lesson learned the hard way.

Uh oh. It's time. Not for me though. For Justin, because he can't go to his high school retreat unless he has a negative Covid test because he was contact traced. Here goes.

It was like waiting on a pregnancy test. If there's a second line, however faint, then it's considered positive. This was at 7 minutes out of the 15 minute waiting period. But I could tell, even just 2 minutes in that it was positive. Rapid tests pick up only bits and pieces of the virus so you don't know 100% if it's the Covid-19 strain or some other strain, actually. That's why they usually want a PCR one. And that's why you take a second test to make sure it's a Covid related piece of virus, too. But directly after taking the test, Justin took a turn for the worst and felt awful, exactly 5 days after exposure.

And his 15 minutes reading.

Check out that sentence that says the performance of this test is still being studied in patients without symptoms. Ok, so why am I using it? I'm not sure. Because we wouldn't get a PCR test back in time. We plan to use the second test tomorrow. I really don't know if I trust this test. But it is what it is. It says positive. And we'll have to see how Justin really feels tomorrow, too.

Not sure why there had to be controversary over this, but this look on William Shatner's face about what he thought about flying in space for real after pretending to be a space captain all those years ago is priceless. So leave him alone. He's 90 years old. He had money to do it. So let him do it. "Beam me up, Scottie!"

It's the middle of October and the ground is still vibrantly green because of all the rain and the mushrooms won't quit! This is nearly a foot wide!

The amount of dog hair I got off of the side of Socks' face and under his chin and down his neck a bit. Sigh. Not sure when the kids will learn that a dog's fur isn't completely brushed until you can't hear that scraping sound anymore. And now Socks has more dandruff because Keturah isn't getting down to the skin and spreading the oils like she should. I need to spend more time brushing him myself.

Couch stealers!

Seriously?! After two years of waiting and 3 postponements because of Covid, the Michael W. Smith concert is canceled because of water damage in the theater? Blows my mind!

Checking on traffic for tomorrow night. The route kept changing slightly, but all in all, 90 minutes to get there. Not bad.

Did I show you the pretty cup that Jared got on his last run to Starbucks? He sometimes puts my tea in it when he makes his.

The only time I see tik tok videos are the clips on FB and I get really stuck on them. Here's one about Jesus. The girl is swaying and dancing to the music that Star Lord is dancing to in Guardians of the Galaxy and at the end she sings, "Hey..."

And then a risen Jesus calls back, "Hey...." Hilarious!!!

Abishai was bored waiting for Jared to come home, so I asked him to help me sort laundry. Well, he insisted in doing it his way and all by himself. Ok, dear, go for it. And he did! He would ask me questions about whose was whose, but not every single time. And he made sure some of the things were right side out. And he wouldn't let me fold anything until it was all sorted.

Tomorrow night's outfit choices. Worship Forever, which is the rebranded name of the tour, or.....

....The original official t-shirt of the tour.....

Tonight's show was actually an official date on that tour as well as my original show, so it fits. See Lafayette on there? Lafayette is the home of Purdue University for those who don't know. Boiler up! And no, I didn't have to look that up. Boiler up because the logo is a steam locomotive. Then there's the Butler Bulldogs and the UIndy Greyhounds and the IU Hoosiers and the Norte Dame Fighting Irish. We've got so many great sports teams, don't we? Lol. Anyway, we won't be at Purdue but at a small local old theater that seats about 1400 people. I love theater tours. So intimate. Old theaters are so pretty, too. I'll probably pick the black shirt. I haven't worn it once yet because I was saving it for this concert. So, here goes!

The End

Year 6, October 8th-10th, 2021: Fall Weekend

 I stayed up super, duper late, and I'm going to suffer the consequences all weekend long. It's because in order not to think about something, I have to distract myself with mundane or unimportant other things. So I get "lost" on social media, YouTube, wherever. You would think I would just go to bed and get "lost" in my dreams, but then it becomes morning and the thoughts are still there. It's a vicious cycle. So, it's a coping mechancism. Sometimes I can win. But a lot of times, like last night, I just lose. And then I weep because I lose big time and I get caught. Jared woke up and found me still at my computer lost watching dumb videos. How did I become this person? I don't know. It all started with Farmville. And now, it's an addiction to the quiet and the dark. And then I can't function and I can make excuses that I'm tired and depressed. And I do nothing. Vicious cycle. So I need accountability, too. But I'm still awake right now. I can still type quickly while Jared takes Kya home. Kya came home with us after park day again. Thankfully park day was at Southeastway so I didn't have to drive far. I think I would have fallen asleep at the wheel if were in Greenfield.

Anyway, Abishai claims he was in my bed at 7am. I know he was in there with his smelly Goldfish breathe talking up a storm. I know I snoozed at some points and we didn't get up until 9am when Jared came back to get a different shirt. I heard Abishai whispered into my ear, too.  I wasn't sure I was going to even make it out of bed. But, with Jared's encouragement, we were able to get up and do the next right thing. Breakfast and school. The others were late getting started so they barely finished before park day started, so I didn't get to check homework, again. So that will be first thing on the agenda in the morning. As well doing another round of homework with Abishai. Justin has to mow both lawns. Jared will work on the chalkboard wall. I was trying to push for the BMV, but who knows. 

Park day was ok. There was new people another mom had invited but then something came up for her, so I improvised and I stepped in. It went ok. I don't think I could have done anything differently. It still makes me sad that someone left unhappy. But you win some and you loose some. Time for bed soon. But Jared said we could watch Mandolorian together. So I have to go do that.

Warmer temps equals fall irises in bloom!

Abishai is the commander of the 8-10 yr old boys!

The tweens and teens crowd at park day today.

Wowzers! Fully open!

I spent a few minutes cleaning up the flower garden since it was finally dry enough. I also had to clean the dining room table thoroughly because Abishai spilled his milk. I got in the crevices of the table top and found some nasty stuff! I will tackle the legs and the kitchen floor when I know Jared is done with other parts of the project.

I woke up to a bad case of vertigo so I popped a regular dose of dramimine and tried to stay upright and busy. I had gone to bed at midnight because I was tired the night before, so I knew I had some energy, or should have had. But it was still a harder day than I wanted it to be. The kids had some chores to do and I could have done more school with them, but it didn't quite work out that way. Abishai went to the working store with Daddy to get more supplies for the chalkboard wall. Jared only got more mudding and sanding done (the mud took longer to dry than he had anticipated and we all woke up later than expected and let's face it, projects just take longer anyway for him to finish, sigh.) Justin was late getting up and got only 3/4 of the mowing done, did his shower and screen time and then was invited to go downtown with Kelly and Kya to "Riley days" which is NOT the festival downtown having to do with Riley Children's Hopsital that I thought it was.  Instead, it's a festival in Greenfield because James Whitcomb Riley's birthplace is over in Greenfield. Duh!  He'll have to do our backyard tomorrow, as well go over homework with me. Keturah did all of her yardwork and we went over her schoolwork, protesting about it all the way. All three kids got their bath/showers in. I tried to rest when I needed it, which made me slower on screentime. But I did go through the papers on my desk. The piles don't look much smaller, but at least I went through them making sure I didn't miss anything. Dinner was leftovers. The weather was clear, but warm. Gary and Leah are gone this weekend, so I tried to get a hold of Benaiah but he's already "booked" doing "stuff." The kids don't have as much activity tomorrow because it's fall break, so we'll be home and maybe Jared and I will go see the Jesus music movie if I can convince him. We'll see. Hopefully the vertigo won't last. I had no inkling it was coming this time. Bummers. Nothing else to report. It's just warm in the house and my eyes hurt from trying to focus all day. Just keeping up with the normal stuff. That's all.

"Mudding" the wall. The drywall "mud" goes on pink so you can see it and then dries white so you know when it's ready to sand and paint it. There's a lot to be done. The bathroom needs more, too.

P.S. Oh wow, I had NO CLUE who James Whitcomb Wiley was until I looked him up! I thought he was a famous doctor or philanthropist since his name was affiliated with the hospital. Nope. He was a famous Indiana poet! He wrote a famous poem called "Little Orphant Annie" which inspired the "Little Orphan Annie" comic strip and broadway musical and movie and "The Raggedy Man" which inspired "Raggedy Anne and Andy" dolls and stories. Just as famous as Mark Twain and praised by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, too. Wowsers! The historical site in Greenfield is his childhood home and there's another historical site in Indianapolis where he had his adult residence. The home in Greenfield stayed in the family and then was made into the museum it is today. He also lied in state at the Indiana State House, the only other person before that was Abraham Lincoln, and he is buried at Crown Hill Cemetery where Keturah and Justin will be going on a field trip soon. Interesting! You just never know what you are going to learn until you look things up! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Whitcomb_Riley

Sunday. I'm sick. Like head cold sick. And I'm not happy about it. I still have a migraine. But my vertigo is better. I have a sore throat, chills but sometimes feverish, aches and pains more than normal, and it all makes me more nervous about the PCR test I scheduled for Thursday morning. Because what if it's actually Covid and I can't go? I'm going to be so mad. The Lafayette concert still has 3rd row seats available for $100 and no vaccine passport or pcr test and it's Friday night and I would see the Indiana fan club. It's all madness. Someone with a Covid vaccine could have the same exact symptoms as me, feel fine by Saturday, chalk it up to a head cold, not knowing it is in fact Covid, but never get tested, and go to the concert, and spread Covid. Stupid. So stupid. Either test everyone or test no one. Either test everyone for flu or test no one. Make the Covid vaccine like the flu vaccine or any other vaccine. Not mandatory. Ahem. Yes. There are children that are no adults that never went to public school or had medical exemptions that do exist in our society and have never had to prove to their employer or to a venue that they have had their MMR's or polio's or Tetanus' or whatever else. So why now? Why this? Give me a freakin' break. Requiring this one vaccine has upended everything. And it's not as deadly as everyone thinks it is. It really isn't. What's deadly is the profound impact on the economy, including the impact on hospitals and doctors' ability to treat other diseases because of nurses and doctors walking off the job because of mandates. Ridiculous. Barring us from living normal lives because we make a medical decision is just dumb. It is not making us safer. It is causing way more anxiety and headaches. And the ripple effects of that is astronomical. Just think of the increase in homeschooling. And the fear mongering. And just how it even affected a scenario at our homeschool group on Friday that I'm still trying to sort out tonight. Ugh. Make it all go away! 

But, yes, I woke up feeling gross again today, but, I only woke up because Justin was making noise in the kitchen. It was already 9:30! Jared and Abishai had left, and Justin was supposed to have gone WITH THEM! So I thought it was Keturah and called out to "her." When I heard Justin's voice, I was not happy. The story went something like Jared didn't hear his alarm until 8:20 and was supposed to be at church by 8:30 so he could be at the meeting before he did nursery at 9. Justin was going to sit by himself at the 9am service, and Abishai would be in Sunday school. Keturah didn't have Middle School worship today so I was going to take her for the 11am. I thought I had plenty of time to get up. I did hear Abishai try to wake him up, but I fell back asleep and dreamed alot. I didn't hear my alarms either. Anyway, Justin had been up for awhile and watched the sermon online in his room, not bothering to see if anybody else was awake. Justin is supposed to be at church at 10:30 for his meeting before volunteering. Plus, he had a meeting at 10:15 for his high school fall retreat, so he really was supposed to be there at 9. Well, I didn't want to leave the house with a sore throat and face the bright sun with a migraine and by the time I figured all of this out, it was 9:50. I can't shove food down my throat and ready to face people in 30 minutes. It just does NOT happen. So eventually an unhappy Jared is summoned home to get Keturah and Justin after he grabs the paper for the retreat. Sigh. And then I read the paper and we have to pick up Justin from retreat at preciously 11am next week. Which means, I'll be driving down to get him which means I'll miss church again. Sigh. Really? I can't win.

But there was no way I was going to be in church with the loud music when I had a migraine and already took two migraine pills the day before, plus the chills and scratchy throat thing. I did listen to service on very low volume on the tablet. And I got leftovers for lunch pulled out. I also took a nap this afternoon and I went for hot to cold several times. It was over 80 degree outside this afternoon and we had to put the a/c on once again despite a $300 bill from mid August to mid September. That's the highest it's every been! When I finally roused from my couch, I had to use my scratchy throat to rouse everybody else because they were beyond their screen times. They had gone on at 2, so they were supposed to be off at 4, but no one realized that but me. And then I had them do chores, eat a snack, and shooed the lot of them outside. Justin had to finish mowing before the sun went down, which he barely did, and I was determined that we were going to enjoy the cooler fall evenings. The breeze was brisk so it kept the bugs away. I got my magazines away and set my phone down. I stayed in the shade and despite still feeling yucky, I set the example. I had to shoo Keturah back outside twice. Eventually Jared came around the front and raised Abishai's training wheels after I tried to find the right wrench to do it. They did bounce on the trampoline for awhile first. 

I still feel pretty yucky. It's a good thing we don't have much going on this week. Keturah is doing the serve week with the middle school, so Jared will take her in the morning with him Tuesday-Thursday. I don't think I have anything until ASL on Wednesday, so I have a couple of more days to recover from this initial crud. I won't be doing regular history lessons because Keturah is busy. Justin will do his independent work and I will work with Abishai. I have online counseling, online IAHE mtg, and then the PCR test on Thursday. Regular park day/karate on Friday. Concert on Saturday evening. Pretty low key for us. I just feel so achy. And it sucks. And Jared's hip is flaring again, so he's taking medication that makes him sleepy and he's worried about all of that of course. Sigh. And when he's hurting, projects don't get advanced, so we'll see if the chalkboard wall gets some paint on this week after he spent a good amount on supplies this past weekend. I've got a lot on my mind and having a migraine and vertigo and extra pain is not helping. Mama doesn't have time to be sick. So stop talking back so I don't have to use my voice and make it worse. I don't know if it's better to sit, stand, or lay down. Everything hurts. I hope it's over quickly. I don't have time for this. My anxiety can't take this.

Did you know that a baby platypus is called a puggle? So cute! I have always thought that platypus were the most interesting creatures because of their duck bills and that they are mammals but lay eggs. Adorable! I found  this on FB.

Apparently the child got a hold of my phone while I was sleeping.

Abishai selfie again. Abishai!

Oh, hi Dad!

Benaiah and Justin apple pickers way back in the day.

I need to remember this when Benaiah and now Justin are too busy to remember I exist.

Air Traffic controller strikes because they don't want to take the Covid-19 vaccination. Same with stewardesses, nurses, doctors, and many, many, many other employees. That's why we have an employee shortage. Take off any mandates and we can return to normal sooner.

Abishai was very upset that Socks wanted to snuggle with Justin on his bed and not out in the hallway with him. So he made a little bed area and waited with me playing on my phone. So as soon as he heard the jingle of Socks' collar, he leapt up, gave me my phone back, and got ready to snuggle Socks, at least for a few minutes anyway.

I tried to convince him that Socks doesn't hang out with him because he doesn't stay long enough for a snuggle!

81 degrees on October 10th. It doesn't feel right.

My fall irisies in full bloom. I need to get these trimmed and transferred as soon as they are done before the major frosts settle in.

I read two magazines from my "to be read" pile today. One being this quarter's IAHE magazine. Yup, I'm a bit behind. But I found a bunch of articles that are direct answers to people's questions on the FB groups lately. If only they all had paying memberships and had the answers in the print membership at their fingertips! It's not that expensive, $40, for a print magazine, loads of free stuff and discounts that are actually usable, access to MP3 recordings of past conventions, and so much more. So worth it.

Loads of great articles in this one!

Tomorrow has to be better, right?

The End