Year 3, November 12th-14th, 2018: Cousin time!

Well, what a Monday it's been!  By now you've probably heard on social media that Shauna's mom is very ill and has cancer.  Today she had a biopsy and they will know in the next few days what their next steps are.  I hesitate to even say that much, because the family has told me not to give out details as they process through this.  I will only repeat what they have said on social media themselves.  But Shauna, Aaron, and the girls made the drive up here from NOLA last Friday and we aren't sure how long they will be here.  We love lots of family traveling back and forth over the next 6 weeks.  But, I get to stay put.  That makes me in charge, right?! No, not really, but I do get to be the "stable" one for once instead of the person "in need."  And man oh man does it feel good to serve my family!  I love Shauna's family just as much as my own because they are very similar to mine, and her oldest sister helped with my Dad when he was living alone after my mom died.  Most of them live close by as well.  But I get to play Auntie and help out with the girls when Shauna wants to be with her mom and siblings.  They have other cousins, but they are either in school or too young to play.  I offered to Shauna (and Aaron, but it's easier to type just one name so either Shauna or ASEN means the whole family) to help with homeschooling, keep the girls fed and exercised, and entertained.  I didn't realize how much I loved that idea until I got to do it today!

When I walked into my weekly counseling appointment, my counselor could tell that I was excited and almost glowing with joy! Homeschooling is my jam, y'all! And being able to provide something for someone because I know it well, makes me feel so good.  We were able to go through all their lessons, check their math, made sure they read, go over their CC, etc.  My kids also did their independent work, although we will have to hustle in the morning to go over it and to our read aloud time, which didn't happen today.  I did set lower expectations today for them because I knew that Grandma Johnson wanted to take them to crochet club and the library.  And then I had back to back appointments, so I fully expect my kids to not have everything done well when I check it tomorrow.  But it was crazy town over here for the morning.  Abishai bounced around between all four other kids like a bouncy ball.  The girls came super early at 7 am (that was way too early for me, but oh well), and he woke up soon after.  We had a super social day yesterday of course because it was a Sunday, and all his running around this morning made him even more tired.  I laid down to rest after the girls left at noon (Keturah went with them) because I was worn out, and Abishai had some screen time.  When I got up and took the tablet from him, he escaped off to his room, laid down, and went to sleep!  We were trying to get ready to go to Grandma's house, so I called her up and asked her to bring the girls back here so he could nap.  Abishai had been literally climbing off the walls and jumping from ON TOP OF THE KEYBOARD COVER of the piano all morning! Ah! Winter is going to be a LOOONGGGG one this year with that child!  I'm glad he's so self regulating though.  He slept over an hour.  I left after giving everyone instructions to finish homework and then at 4:30 pm they could have screen time.  Well, the girls didn't bring back their Bible homework, so I hoped they read enough during that hour.

When I did get back from my appointments, Grandma had left and Jared was home.  I came home to a dark house and 3 girls screaming because Uncle Jared was scaring them in the dark!  They had eaten supper thankfully.  But boy, when those 4 get together, they cackle and carry on so loudly!  It was insane!  And I know they all need some downtime, so I hope that we all get that a bit tomorrow.  Grandma Johnson has a hair appointment and then Lifebridge volunteering, so unless Shauna takes them tomorrow, we will have the girls for a good part of the day.  I'll have to lay down some more groundrules to keep the peace.  Lunch was chaotic, but I did get to share my gluten free mac and cheese and chicken nuggets with Everly, who is also gluten free because it effects her allergies (puffy eyes, itchy skin, etc).  Justin made pancakes for himself and the others.  I didn't get many pictures because we were short on time and it was just crazy!  I nearly got dizzy in the kitchen!  But it was fun!

I enjoyed knowing the girls are being schooled well, that they are smart and know their CC material, and are aware of their own assignments and schedule.  They both did well on their math, too.  I try not to interfere too much in what Shauna has done with them, but home schooling is one my biggest passions and I can't help but check out how others do it and add my opinions in if necessary, lol.  Actually, I'm a little envious of their worksheets and assignment pages, wipe off maps, and very organized all in one binder.  My poor kids have a binder for each subject.  Way to go, Shauna, Everly, and Nora, you are doing it well!  I'm so proud of you! It makes me wonder if I expect and do too much from my own, or if our kids are a tad slower in their brain functions, or something else.  But it's normal to feel that way when you are comparing peers.  You aren't supposed to, but it happens in a classroom right?  I do have to be careful and shield Keturah a bit from Nora's work because Nora is super, duper smart and at Keturah's level or higher in almost all of her subjects.  But Nora has always been that way, even though she is 16 months younger than Keturah.  So far it doesn't seem to bother Keturah, and I've talked to her about it in order to prepare her, and I'm super proud of Keturah for the major progress she is making this year in all areas of school.  And maybe it bothers me more than it does her.  And that's ok, I can work with that.

And yes, I'm on a "high" from seeing Canadians yesterday, and fulfilling a huge role today.  I was just talking about what my/our role is in the Church with a capital "C" or in God's family.  I think I've narrowed it down to that we, Jared and I, are people who minister to other ministers.  We are supporters.  We are in the background, doing the encouraging, championing on those in leadership (for example, the Canadians who came), praying and advising others (like me with Shauna and her oldest sister, or me with other homeschoolers), etc.  We are support people, not on stage, in your face influencers.  They say that behind every great man is a great woman. (and it works both ways really).  Well, behind every great organization or couple or family, there has to be those who shepherd the shepherds of the God's flock, right?  And I think, that's kind of where we fit in.  I love to be close to influencers (an influencer is like a spokesperson, someone others look up to, follow on social media, and will buy whatever product or idea this person is promoting, whether paid or unpaid).  But I don't really love to be on the frontlines.  I'm reminded of a minister and his wife at our church that goes to CIY Move as a "sponsor" but actually spends their time running to the coffee shop or gas station to get the youth leaders and sponsors "fuel" or whatever else they may need (pain medication, lol) and aren't in the thick of the fun and games and teaching time.  They support the sponsors that love on the kids.  And maybe we are like that.  We don't have much of a desire to "get out of the fancy salt shaker" and preach to the masses.  Jared works for e2, which is a ministry to elders within the church.  He doesn't work for LifeBridge or Shepherd Community or the food bank or goes on a bunch of mission trips.  Most of the time I have resisted this idea because I feel guilty for wanting to stay "safe" in the Christian bubble we are in.  But someone has to support the ministers ministering to the people, right?  Anyway, I just loved seeing Jared light up yesterday talking to these Canadians.  And we didn't make fun of each other for wearing red on purpose.  We care for these Canadians and their churches.  I've seen him do it at the e2 conferences, too.  And I enjoy talking to other homeschoolers, or people with chronic illness, or other moms with teenagers and pushing ourselves to think deeper and be more intentional.  "Get out of your comfort zone" has been a popular phase in the last 20 years, and I've done a lot of that.  But, what if being in your comfort zone is a good thing?  Just because we are "safe" at a healthy church, with healthy leadership, drawing a decent salary, taking care of life well, doesn't mean it's a bad thing.  It's exactly where we need to be in order to regroup, finish shepherding our kids into adulthood, and yes, being here for Shauna and her family. I couldn't imagine how I would feel if I was 1600 miles away in Canada right now.  I think I'd be very, very upset.

So, for now, I'm happy and content.  I'm seeing the "good" a little more each day.  And I'm going to love on those girls as much as I can over the next little while.  And Shauna's sister is going to have to fight me later this week when all the other adults have gone to NOLA to see Aaron graduate and she and I are in charge of the girls.  I feel needed, important, wanted.  And I want them all to feel known, valued, and loved during this difficult time that I understand all so well.  That's the thing.  I really do know and understand the situation.  And I'm ok with just sharing that knowledge in a way that others shared with me that helped me through it.  Like all the practical stuff like "go rest," "go eat," "You can't please everyone" and the legal things that are necessary regardless of the final outcome.  I'm not the one to sit by the bedside or in the room and offer sympathy.  I help people think logically and what is the next step to take.  But I have to realize that not everyone wants to heed my advice either.  This is their journey, their battle, their family.  I'm just here to fill a need for as long as it needs filled.  One day at a time.  Making as many memories as I can possibly squeeze in.  Some schooling will wait, too.  And that's ok.  Next week is Thanksgiving week and if we have a good week this week, I'll take the whole week completely off just to play and maybe go do something like bowling, as well as Thanksgiving.  Kids will help decorate Grandpa's house for Christmas, too.  We will have a blast because we love each other and fight hard to communicate and keep our relationships strong.  We are Johnsons and we do not quit.  (Howells and Proffits don't either.)

Aw, I love it when the kids get to play with the Cheerios book!  You use Cheerios in different areas for eyes or wheels or balls and then you get to eat the Cheerios! One of my favorite board books!

Tiger spots!

Getting our breakfast and school on!  The girls came in their pj's! I kept them all moving along in their day, not pushing too hard, but keeping us on track to be productive.  Just because some have to sit with their mom, doesn't mean the rest of us have to hang out by the phone all day.  Let's do this!

What a blessed sight!  It's so wonderful that home schooling is portable!  The girls are missing their CC community days and some other little classes, but overall, Shauna didn't have to fuss about getting homework from teachers and sending it back.  She IS the teacher!  And we can do as much or as little as time allows.  I LOVE IT SO MUCH!  Keturah got to share how she's doing in cursive, they got to test each other in their Bible memory verses, and I got to help explain Everly's math to her.  So much fun!

I brought the trampoline in from the shed in preparation for when the big trampoline gets put away (this weekend?)  We left out the big one so the kids can go jump on it this week with their cousins, but it's really too cold.  Abishai has find a new hiding spot and it's too cute!  I spy with my little eye - a screen and a little foot!

The girls went out and came back.  Now it's 7 pm and they are all enjoying some cupcakes or gluten free cookies.  Cousins!

Say "cheese!"

They were playing clue, but they were so loud!  Justin showed off his dance moves and I sneaked in a picture and video of Nora (who hates getting her picture taken).  So much goofing around.  So much bonding.  I'm so grateful that these four are stair stepped, meaning they are all 16-18 months apart.  It doesn't get any better than this!  And I'm grateful for all the vacations we have had with them and experienced life with them.  I wish my whole heart that I could do that with my siblings and their kids.  It's just not possible because of finances, distance, and other circumstances.  But I'll keep trying to make it work and I'll enjoy these moments when they come!

Nora "dabbed!"

Watching cat videos!  I heard Justin guffawing so loudly from way over in the living room, I had to come into the fire room to check out what they were laughing at.  Silly preteens! 

Tuesday was a quieter day.  Shauna stayed at "home," aka Gary and Leah's, with her girls, although the girls were begging to come back to our house because they had so much fun.  Yeah! I'm a fun auntie! No, it has to do with the kids more than the adults, that's for sure.  This is kind of like a vacation for them, so for now, it's fun, but I'm sure it's going to get old by the end of next week.  One day at time.  Shauna ended up leaving about noon, so we had the girls the rest of the day. I had to quickly readjust my day and attitude and I think I already hit the mental "wall."  Praying for patience and endurance.  The girls are great girls, it's just that I can't handle my own kids most days, never mind the exponential rise in activity and volume.  We did get to accomplish all our school for the day, but it took literally all day.  I even had Jared take the girls and Abishai over to Gary and Leah's while I had a piano lesson and finished up lessons with Keturah and Justin.  Keturah also hit an emotional/mental wall today, so I know she and I need to keep reminding ourselves who we are and why we do what we do.  She was wondering why the girls don't have as much homework as she does.  I totally get it, I wonder about it all the time.  Everything the girls are doing is perfect.  Everything we are doing is perfect.  It's just different.  We have more subjects.  I expect more writing.  And simple, for Keturah, she is academically slower than Nora especially and I knew that was going to be an issue.  So, I just have to keep reminding Keturah that she has made an incredible amount of progress this fall in math and attitudes.  She even came to me and reminded me that I said that since she has worked hard and I can see her maturing, we could try to let her get on the tablet again.  And she was right, so I let her.  I'm so proud of her and I want to be there for her to work through these feelings.

So, tomorrow, we are having a break from the girls before we are totally in charge of them on Thursday-Saturday.  Praise the Lord that I can be honest with Shauna about the kids and myself and our needs.  We want to help, but we don't want to get burned out.  We don't want to ruin our relationships because of too much time together, but we will work out the crinkles and keep tweaking and NOT freaking out.  I might just up the zoloft again so I can handle this. Justin and Abisai both get crazy when more people are around.  They get really loud, and go in circles.  I literally had to spin around and around in the kitchen pulling Abishai off the cabinets, locking the pantry, making sure he didn't take pop into the living room, getting him off the trash can, telling him not to jump off the piano cover, and to stop running away.  Justin just has a hard time concentrating and it showed in his math today.  And I need to keep reminding myself to relax and just do the minimum and we will get through this together.  I bought a ton more inventory for Lilla Rose because I want to sell online, but haven't had a chance to mess with it yet.  Black Friday sale is next week and then I have a craft fair.  I have to spend some time on it this week.  But I also have to run kids around to activities tomorrow.  It's just crazy town and there's not enough of me or anyone to get it all done. So what can we stop doing?  Not sure.  Loop scheduling for school where whatever we don't get done today, we start with tomorrow, and that did work today.  I just have so much other things I want to do instead of chasing a preschooler all day and pushing kids to do homework.  Time for a break next week I think!  Sigh.

I had fogged up the house with smoke while cooking hamburgers so I opened some windows.  What I didn't realize was that Justin had some mini figures near the window and they fell in the window track.  I went to close the window and jammed the poor Lego mini figure in the track.  Justin had to use a screwdriver to get it out, and only after the top half came off of the bottom off.  Poor little mini figure!

Amputated! Poor Legos!

I sent the kids outside after lunch even though the temperature was hovering at freezing.  I just can't stand the constant talking over each other and louder than normal voices.  I'm so glad we left out the trampoline and have the tire swing.  They willingly went out, thank goodness.

Abishai went out, too.  At first he was just in his pj's with no socks and shoes or coat.  Nora and I waited inside and a minute later he was back in asking for the coat.  Then we went back out again.  Two minutes later he asked for socks.  Nora said she just knew he'd come back for the warmer clothes!  She's pretty smart!

They said they would each do one subject while they warmed up and then go back out again.  And they did go back out for a few more minutes.  Sweet!

Watching her cousins drive away to the other house with Jared and Abishai.  I'm glad they love their cousins!

Jared tweeted: "The joys and challenge of life with 3yo. They're managing just fine, then #3yosez (in his wonderful little mind) I NEED TO BE UP THERE WITH ***P E O P L E!!!!***  *sits on table, gets in middle*

Jared said that Abishai said, "You guys waff at me for these guys *holds up game pieces* to go home!"  (I think they were playing a game similar to Sorry).  But yes, this is Abishai and he must be in the middle of everything at all times, especially when 8 other people are in the kitchen and the stove is hot and he's zooming around with his cars or lying down reading a magazine.  Right in the middle of things! "Look at me! Look at me!  Look at me!" Oi!

Wednesday was oh so much quieter except I had to pick up Benaiah from school and take him to church.  Then Keturah had basketball at the same time as Justin's Bible Bowl practice and Benaiah's small group time at church, which I attended the parents' part about suicide.  I'm so grateful we now have two cars that more than one child can sit and we currently have the 2nd carseat.  It's been so convenient lately! It was a decent day overall, and we got the break from the girls that we needed.  Now they are snuggled up together in Keturah's room getting some sleep before their Grandpa Bible class in the morning.  Yeah for cousins! I also got to debrief with Shauna about the events of the last couple of days, and I think that talk benefited us both.  Now it's time to debrief myself and calm down to get ready to sleep.

I do have to be careful getting up in the morning because I had some slight vertigo.  I tried to not take medication, but quickly realized I did need it.  I knew this episode was coming on because my ears have been filling with fluid and I had felt slightly dizzy in the kitchen going round and round getting everyone lunches and suppers.  I managed to keep it at bay all day, which is good.  I have plans to take the crew to some fun places in the next two days while the rest of the Johnsons are in NOLA attending Aaron's graduation from police academy (but he's going to be a full time chaplain, not a police officer per se). We'll see how all this pans out!

Keturah's illuminated letter.  Our history lesson was on monks during the early middle ages copying every Bible and book by hand and adding these special letters to them.

And Justin's version.  Justin said he used colors that Thor and Norse mythology uses.  Ok, this isn't quite that far north, but it did turn out gorgeous!  I love both pictures!  And I love that they barely mumbled a "do I have to?" question at me.  I think secretly they love to color and create.

Speaking of creating, Jared created this concrete pad (using 10 bags of concrete, so homeowners that get the house after us, you won't be able to move this!) to store the firewod away from the house.  His logic is that he wants to keep termites and other bugs away from the house (although we haven't had any termites in the house since last year's extermination).  But, it's just one of his little DIY projects, so who cares.  It's not beautiful and the whole world can see it from the street and probably thinks it's ugly, but it is practical.

Little man was up early when Jared left to get his mom to the airport.  So, he fell asleep on our car ride home from church.  I let him sleep for a couple of hours so I could read the Enneagram book and because I knew he would up past his bedtime when the girls came to sleep over.  And I was right.  They didn't nod off until almost 10.  It's hard to keep up with all the chaos, I agree.  But it's fun.  And Abishai adores his cousins.