Year 4, December 9th-12th, 2019: 16..15..14..13..Days to Go Until Christmas!

Oh woah, slow down time! I know I've been prepared for a bit, but how is Christmas just a couple of weeks ago? I'm sure I'll get things done, but still, I'm starting to panic a bit here. It was a weird kind of Monday. We all got started on our work, and I told the middles that we were taking turns playing with Abishai, who kept exclaiming, "I need attention!" Yeah, he knows what he wants, eh? So, I made a couple of phone calls, one of them being to set up an appointment for Keturah to explore her stomach issues. Well, they had an appointment this afternoon so we went for it. He wasn't our regular doctor, and after a long wait (Mondays are rough at the doctor's offices, I know that), he suggested we put her on prilosec for a couple of months to reduce the acid in her stomach to allow it and her esophagus to heal from whatever originally irritated her, which is probably long gone by now. Ok, that makes sense, we'll try that. I think it's somewhat of a food sensitivity issue, but I can't pinpoint it. There's no rhyme or reason. I'm going to have her do a food diary for the next two months as well. And if we need to, I want to go straight to the food sensitivity blood test I took a few years ago, rather than going the diet elimination root. I just don't brain power to read labels and keep track of food for us both. I will if I must, but I'd rather not. I'm not sure if a regular doctor would be up for doing that, so in the meantime, I'm going to explore finding a new naturopath/osteopath. The one I'm seeing is way up north and super expensive.  I'm just not sure we are clicking that well. Anyway, that's the plan for now.

And because that appointment was at 1:30 and took way too long, we didn't start going over school work until 4pm. Thankfully, both kids had did the bulk of their work in the morning. Justin was super grumpy and irritable today from being tired from his sleepover weekend with Elliot. I was irritable because I think I overstretched my shoulder this morning and it hurts in a different spot than normal, plus my scars are so darn itchy all the time! And I'm tired. Abishai has become really obnoxious, clingy, sneaky, etc with behavior that isn't cute or funny and shouldn't be allowed to continue, so now I have to find a way to discipline him. He gets super mad as well and throws things. Ugh. He's taken too many lessons from his siblings about how to get under my skin. Sigh. We didn't get everything done today, but hopefully we will catch up tomorrow. We finished the day watching 1/2 of Star Wars: Phantom Menace as I had planned. I want to watch 1/2 of a Star Wars movie in the original 3 trilogies (not the spin offs) before we see the last movie in the saga. And boy, did I forget all the funny moments with Jar Jar Binks in Phantom Menace.  No wonder I fell in love with him! And did you know that Natalie Portman is only a month older than I am and she was 17 when she starred in that movie? No wonder I related to her in that role over the years. That movie is 20 years old now! And yes, when the Star Wars them came on, I got the goosebumps, again, each and every time, even as I type it. Again, my parents loved Star Wars, especially my dad, so it's another connection to them. I know way more pop culture than I do theology and Scripture and it's sad. Sigh.

And yes, the kids know about Disney Plus now. I did put it on the tablet and I'll have to monitor Keturah's use of it. What I don't like about it is that it doesn't show a history of what you watched. I think that's an important safety feature when you have kids. And I like to know what I've watched, too.  I often use that feature on YouTube. YouTube Kids' sort of has that feature if I go back through it manually. But if they use the regular YouTube app on the tablet, it's signed on to my YouTube and I can check the history on other devices. We've never had Netflix and probably won't ever get it, so I don't know how it works compared to the other streaming networks. But, we fed the beast that is Disney, and we signed up for a year's worth. We enjoy a lot of Disney's content so it only made sense. Then maybe Abishai can watch the animated Star Wars and such instead of toy unboxings and people playing video games. We'll see.

That's it. Benaiah and Jared had normal days. Jared is working on Christmas gifts in the garage and boy is it making a mess! And the dust is way too close to my laundry machine! I am so getting a friend to build him a workbench this spring. I'm so over his tools being all over the floor and disorganized. I had more free space in the garage than ever before after that flood we have and now I can barely walk through it. I don't like it when my work is undone. I have saved cardboard boxes to put Christmas gifts in, but as soon as those are wrapped and unwrapped, they are going to recycling. That's my goals at least. Jared doesn't care. But I do.  Meanwhile, I switched Benaiah's dentist appointment from tomorrow to Thursday because he has a special extended lunch period for seniors tomorrow. Sweet! My boy, a senior in high school! Craziness!  They have 7 more days of school until Christmas break. Yeah!  Oh and he works more than 40 hrs again this week! He's going to be exhausted! I don't know how he's going to study for finals next week.  It's a good thing he only has 4 classes. Yikes!

Abishai is loving this "pop" blanket we got from the nursery volunteers' Christmas party. I wasn't sure if we would keep it, but it's super warm and super big!

All snuggled up to read.

It's finally here! I've been waiting all year to take the plunge and buy it! I can't wait to try it!

Bethany's back story is amazing and I follow her on Instagram. She's super smart about all the food and gut health stuff. Amazing!  And the ingredients is very few: pea protein, coconut palm sugar, cacao powder, L-gultamine, and a probiotic that she loves.

Chocolate protein fluff, here I come!

Yup, just your typical "Abishai is a tornado" day. I've been working on getting him to pick up something before he gets into something else, but I didn't have time for that today.

His favorite chair with his new favorite blankie!

Abishai likes that I have a coffee Christmas countdown calendar and he likes to tell me which one I should have. This one actually did smell a bit like gingerbread cookie after it was brewed.  I had all the kids smell it before I added creamer and they agreed.

Time to watch Episode 1, the Phantom Menace. I had forgotten how long it took to get to the pod racing scene!  We didn't even get that far tonight! So much backstory! And at this distance, despite turning it up, I couldn't understand everyone's words. Oh well.

I can't wait to introduce Jar Jar Binks to the kids!  I don't think they've really watched the first three movies that often, if at all. So far, Abishai hasn't been too scared.  Maybe because he's familiar with some of the characters and droids on his Star Wars video game.

Nothing crushes the joy of Christmas giving/receiving more than the thought of more medical bills.  Today was dental cleaning day for 5 out of 6 of us (Benaiah will go on Thursday). Our dentist said I need to get at least two wisdom teeth taken out soon because they are wearing down the tooth right next to them and maybe another one in front of that will be affected. Two extractions?! How much is THAT going to cost? Plus I don't know what the gynecologist is going to say on Friday about my cyst. I waited until I was in the car before it hit met and the train wreck started to happen, again, as it has, many times this fall. Therefore, I couldn't handle one on one school today. After exploding and then finding my children quietly doing their homework and playing, I apologized. I asked them if they needed help and then corrected their math. Tomorrow is another day. These days of not doing school with them will eat into next week's plans but whatever. I can't switch my mind's thoughts that fast. Normal life stuff happened. Our teeth are clean. That's about it. I'm awake enough because of coffee but have zero desire to tr to do anything terribly productive. Nothing is due tomorrow. I have counseling and then the kids have their last small group and dance class.  At some point, we need groceries because we finally finished up Thanksgiving turkey leftovers and Abishai needs to eat more than just chicken nuggets. I'm craving beef and pork. And chocolate. Which, I still haven't opened up the Christmas chocolate yet because I know once I do, it will be gone in a heartbeat between the kids and I. Maybe I'll make it an incentive for them and I that when we finish up the lessons for this week (even if it's early next week), then we can open the candy. I just want to complete school so I can get to baking and wrapping. And I don't know why I agreed to leave for NOLA the day after Christmas. I'm beginning to freak out over that, too.  Send help! Lol.

And now Abishai threw up on our bed. Thankfully contained just to the bed and we have a mattress protector, but still. Jared washed him up, I did most of the bedding. A lot simpler than Keturah's mess last week. Here we go again.

Not quite what I was expecting or excited for. I wanted it to taste just like chocolate.  Not enough sugar, too much pea protein. And yes, it still hurt my stomach a little. Maybe just one scoop instead of two next time.

Cutest kid in the dentist's chair. He listened well and wasn't the least bit afraid.

Jared took these pictures and said, at least the kids are comfortable at the dentist's office. We kind of invade the place since Jared has been going here for a good part of 30 years.

It's a good thing they know us well.

Who needs the dentist's glasses when you have your own? I'm not usually back here in the same area when it's Jared's turn, but I wanted to ask the dentist about Abishai's extra spit when he talks, so I was sticking close by.  The dentist said he probably just has extra saliva. He couldn't see anything wrong with his teeth. Oh, and zero cavities for at least the 5 of us.

Abishai loved these little games they had out for siblings or kids when parents are in the dentist's chair. He got most of the hoops on the nose of the dolphin/narwhal.

Abishai carefully played with the parachute guy while Daddy got his teeth cleaned.  He even used me (sitting on a chair) as a step stool to get higher.

When the rest of us were done and the kids got really restless, I took them to the car. We had to make a fast exit. Abishai was getting out of hand.  And then they wouldn't quiet down in their seats either, but at least they were contained.

Daddy felt the need to get a carwash for the car since it was right across the street from the dentist. I'm not sure how he figures we can afford a $15 car wash, but oh well. He says he doesn't get them on the van because of the dents and rust on the door panels of the van. It doesn't quite make sense to me because wouldn't you want the grime and salt off of those spots to stop them from becoming worse? Hm,...

Benaiah had a special lunch out with all the seniors at school (thus I rescheduled his dentist appointment until Thursday).  They had a secret santa thing going on and when the person he was buying for announced "just get me anything, even office supplies" Benaiah got her a package of paper clips and then wrapped it in a whole roll of duct tape. I can't wait to hear how long it took her to cut through it.

After long afternoon, this was pretty to see.  And then we finished Phantom Menace.

The calm before the storm of another sick kid....to be continued....

Wednesday went by so fast! But it was also so long! When I went to bed last night, I checked on Abishai in the bathroom. Well, he must have thrown up pretty quietly or Jared and Benaiah were dead to the world with the doors closed and my sound was turned up too high because no one heard the poor little guy throw up. He was sleeping next to his own vomit. Ew! I cleaned it up and tried to go to bed, but within a couple of minutes, he was hurling again. I ended up sleeping on the floor of the bathroom (really just dozing) with a pile of washcloths nearby so I could change those out under his chin. He would just roll over a bit on his side, throw up phelgm, and then roll back and go back to sleep. This happened 4-5 times.  When morning came, we both had to move because Benaiah had to take a shower. Abishai was able to stand up and walk out to the hallway, where we set up shop for a little bit longer. He did it once more, and then started to sit up and slower sip water. Within an hour, he had eaten some cereal and in the next hour, a whole banana. And he was fine by lunch. His 12 hr sicknessess amaze me. He was running on about 95% power the rest of the day, chasing his sister, watching YouTube with his brother, playing by himself, eating chicken nuggets for lunch. He did end up leaning over onto Jared's lap at dinner and basically falling asleep, so we put him to bed. We left him sleeping at home with Benaiah, who skipped his small group because he, too, felt very ill in the head. Benaiah has a man cold.  By the time we had dropped off Justin at his small group and gotten groceries with Keturah, Benaiah, too, had gone to bed. Pretty strange to have the house so quiet so early.

The rest of the day was just trying to catch up from that. Keturah and Justin got up late as usual and had to be prodded to get moving. They both were in bad moods. Justin felt pressured, but that's because he didn't start his schoolwork until 10:30. He likes to be done by 3 because that's when his friends get on to play video games. Keturah just was moody for no apparent reason, but finally calmed down by 3 and we finally got to do some regular history for the week and feel a bit more up to date. I ended up canceling my counseling appointment again.  I probably could have gotten it done, but I didn't want to risk falling asleep at the wheel or Abishai having a relapse because he moved around too quickly or ate too much. Oh well. Such is life. I am not liking this super slow mornings and I don't feel like I've been overly productive this week. So I sat down at my computer and actually figured out a bit more of how the HSA works, how I can maximize it this next year, and I called the oral surgeon and asked about Benaiah and I. Benaiah needs his wisdom teeth out as well, but his surgery will be covered by medicaid. Mine is not covered by our current insurance and there's no payment plan. Why don't dentists have payment plans? Who has $2500 in their back pocket? Oh wait, everybody puts everything on credit cards. There's a special 0% interest for 12 months credit card for dental work (and at the vet office) called CareCredit. Been there, done that when my childhood dog was dying and I cosigned with my mother to take care of him. That didn't get fully paid off until she died 5 years later. Yeah. Not really found of that idea. But, depending on how much IRS refund we will get this year aka "magic money," it could work. It's hard being in the upper poverty/lower middle class situation because Jared makes too much for him and I to qualify for medicaid, but the kids still qualify. But we also don't make any extra to save and pay for things like this. It's a catch 22. Do you just not get medical care? Or you pay $25 a month on a payment plan for 10 years? I don't know. This is why my parents never had proper medical care. They chose to spend it on our sports instead. Anyway, long story short. I figured out a plan that might work, but the underlying problem is that we don't make enough money. Period.

So, at the end of a very full day where I barely had time to eat and sit down, lots of things did get done. I'm tired and am actually hurting now from sleeping on the floor. I suspect Thursday will be the day that I barely stay awake. I had two cups of tea and one cup of strong coffee today to power through. Keturah's last dance class was postponed until next week, so that's going to be fun. I'll have to enlist some help with transportation. And I'm going to be exhausted because I'll be out of the house with barely 5 minutes in between things from 3 until 9. I pulled a "Gary schedule" and will just be praying that traffic isn't bad.  What is frustrating is that I'm supposed to do my two holiday baking things next week. And finish school. And finish gifts. and start thinking about our NOLA trip. See why I do not like traveling anywhere after Christmas? There's just so much more I have to think about and I can't even sit down to properly enjoy Christmas music or read Christmas books. Sigh. And it's not even the extra holiday stuff. It's normal sickness and doctor appointments. I'm so over it. I can't even find time for Jared to come with me so we can get our access pass for the Children's Museum and do the holiday stuff at least. We haven't been to the Children's Museum hardly at all this year, and we could have had the access pass in July. Yikes! Sickness and appointments, go away already! Ugh! Bah humbug!

Anyway, moving on because I want to finish binge watching the new CW show Batgirl. It's going to be a good replacement for Arrow. Definitely the same darkness of other Batman things, but not as bloody and violent as Gotham was. That show is downright scary sometimes, and creepy. Even the sidekick is similar to a sidekick in Arrow. Watch it and you'll see it. Anyway, I have to catch up before the CW takes them off their website.  I missed a couple of episodes of a few of the shows because I wasn't keeping up. And then I'll get to watch Crisis on Infinite Earths, the crossover event of the century that they have been hyping up for a year.  And that Arrow episode I think is the the finale of Arrow as a series. The end of an era. Then it's back to Star Wars movies and the new series the Mandalorian, which isn't for kids.  Fun times! Entertainment to take my mind off other serious real life things. That's one of the reasons why I don't read alot. I have dozens of self help books I should read, but I can't always grasp the concept or remember it well. If I try to read fiction, it often gets boring or I'm afraid it's got the wrong ideas or something. And I have to remember enough history facts just to keep the kids' straight in their studies, I do NOT want to be reading non fiction stuff like that. Besides, I can't play my video game while I read. I guess audiobooks are an option, but I like to write things down, too. Ugh. I'm sure reading is a great thing to do. I'm just not into it and don't have time to redevelop that habit. Or change my bedtime habit. Or have self control with chocolate. You know the drill.  Now I'm rambling. Time to do something else.

Aw, that's Michael W. Smith's mom! Did you know she has a cookbook? I think I have it somewhere. And the lady to the left of his mom is his sister, Kimberly. I think she has two kids. I don't know about grandkids. The Smiths grew up in Kenova West Virginia which is right near the border of Kentucky. I've been through there once, late in the evening, on a college tour with my youth group. We were headed to Kentucky Christian University (it was a college then). I was even playing a Michael W. Smith song on my personal cd player when we passed through (remember them and how you could buy a special cord that attached to this special cassette your could put in your car's cassette player in order to play your cds? I'm so from the '90's!) Anyway, I hadn't seen a picture of his mom and sister in a very long time. His dad passed away in late 2017 I think. Don't quote me on that.

My eldest is the most romantic guy on the planet. So, he bought these special wrist bands where you can tap on them like morse code and it goes to the other wrist band on your lover's wrist. That's all it does. You sync it to your phone so maybe there's more on the app, but you determine the color that lights up, so orange from him, purple for Ava. And then you can mutually decide on what the codes mean. It costs $100.  Thankfully the rest of Ava's Christmas gifts will cost much, much less. I can't wait to reveal them to you! And this is why this child has no money. He has his mother's spending genes.

Poor, poor baby. He takes it so well though. He barely gets upset.

This monstrous doughnut costs $15 and it fits in a large box that holds 12 regular sized donuts side by side. Cool! This particular store isn't close to us though. Bummers!

Abishai came running to tell me it was snowing! I didn't believe him at first because I didn't think it was in the forecast. But honestly, I haven't had time to look at the forecast. He as super excited.

Awww, brothers.

Sweetness.

Yup, that's what next Wednesday looks like. I pulled a "Gary schedule" on myself. Yikes!

Abishai loves picking out my coffee of the day. When I brewed this Christmas cookie one, we could smell it a room away! And then Keturah popped popcorn and ruined it for us. Justin literally held his nose as he was answering questions during school time.  Oh well. It was yummy!

Little boy was so tired he fell asleep at dinner at 5:30pm. Daddy put him to bed and we just hope he sleeps until morning. Benaiah was home with him while we took Justin to small group and got groceries.

Oh, that's the difference between some of the different types of nasal congestion relief medicine. Nasal decongestant and antihistamine are too different categories.

Sudafed didn't work for Benaiah so I had him try Benadryl. We'll see how he feels tomorrow. There's just too many!

If Jared hadn't been with me, I probably would have bought this AND the $25 heated blanket! But he was and I knew we were already spending over our normal budget.  We hadn't properly grocery shopped in almost 3 weeks. We were very low on many, many things.

Not too bad. That's the normal junk that's in their brand of almond milk or non dairy creamer. I guess if you're in a pinch this would work. But I like my coffee warm and close to hot, so, I don't think I would make much use of this except to try and warm it up and that defeats the purpose right? I did buy a couple of other "treats" like bacon wrapped scallops for me and some holiday cupcake twinkies for the kids.  Oh, and I found Santa fruit snacks. Abishai is going to love them! But we said no to almost everything Keturah asked for because the common factor in all the foods she wanted was sugar and carbs. Um, no, there's candy at home. We are buying fresh veggies and fruit and normal meal type stuff, not a bunch of snacks. We've had snacks and Christmas vacation is coming. Yup, we good.

I didn't want to open my eyes today. I just didn't want to parent or teach or deal with the real world. I've actually had a lot of insight of the last few weeks about how and why I've felt so frustrated about life.  Putting words to my feelings is a great thing. Then I can work through those things. I think I'll share the details another time. But what I did do was just not react or talk to the kids today when they did annoying things like fight. I just ignored it. If they want to fight about what they should and shouldn't eat (sugar bread aka sweet Hawaiian rolls) then so be it.  If they want to do their chores and school from 11-6pm, so be it. I'm not going to wait on them to do their schoolwork. I'm going to go work on my to do list instead. And if they have to wait for me to finish when they are ready, and it's 4:30pm then, that's when we'll do school. If that means they can't have screen time because they didn't finish, then so be it. Thankfully, we have done most of our school work for the week, although I just haven't gone in as deep or talked as much. My brain hasn't been too sharp this week. I also was feeling a bit queasy myself so I went slow today.

Speaking of sickness, Benaiah stayed home from school and work today. He had a low grade fever, felt cold but was warm to the touch, bad cough, nose congestion, and sore throat. So, he called off work today and tomorrow. I called the doctor and asked for a sick note, but they said he/she probably wouldn't give it to us unless they saw us, but didn't want to make an appointment either. Therefore, I made an appointment at a minute clinic for Saturday morning at a CVS because Benaiah should be much better and then can go to work for the afternoon/evening. He's missing too large shifts, which is really going to affect his budget, but what can he do? I wish I could call off work when I got sick. But when you are homeschooling mom, there is no such thing. Benaiah only came out of his room to eat some soup around lunch time and then a smoothie for dinner. He has slept good portion of the day.

Meanwhile, I woke up to Abishai sitting by my bed pouting at me because we had only gotten 1/2 of his fruit snacks right. We had gotten the Santa ones that he wanted (which he didn't even knew existed until this morning) but had gotten strawberry ones instead of dinosaur ones. His pouty lip was huge! Definitely not the reaction I was expecting when I set out the boxes last night. I was sad and mad. And that's when I decided that I'm just not going to say anything. I'm tired of correcting people all day.  My work environment is a negative one. So at least I'll shut up with my negative words, even if I can't replace them with positive ones yet. And you know what? It worked. My kids know how to behave. I've done my job teaching them. It's up to them to remember and be responsible. I'll keep teaching Abishai, but the older ones, I'm done. I'm no longer going to add my voice to the chaos. And until they are nicer, I just don't want to engage with them. Yup, that's it.

Instead, I started on wrapping presents because that was giving me anxiety. I told myself to just wait until next week and do it all at once, but that wasn't working. Abishai and I worked on extended family's gifts. And then we'll either send them in the mail (which was my real reason for getting everything started) or put them under the tree, which I never decorated and won't. I don't have energy and time for that.  I have enough clutter around the house right now. I got a phone call from my doctor with my lab results and everything is normal. I put away dishes and laundry, took care of the mail, put supper in the crockpot, made sure Abishai and the dog were fed, took all the wrapping supplies out and organized them (we now have a wrapping station in the fireside room), went over homework, taught a piano lesson, arranged for Benaiah's sickness stuff, cleaned up the kitchen, cleaned up stray toys, finished labeling the Michael W. Smith concert videos, kept up with emails and messages and my game, ran my essential oils, tried on my new shipment of clothes from Old Navy and decided to take at least 3 things back, etc. etc. etc. Yup, my job is all day every day, no breaks, just lots of demands. And that's why I'm exhausted emotionally, mentally, and physically. Homeschool moms don't get the satisfaction of a job well done until the kids are out of the nest. We don't usually have an outside job that brings adult conversation and good attitudes (hopefully) and work ethic, where you leave feeling you've accomplished something or get a pat on the back for a job well done. I'm sure teachers feel the same way.  That's why, sometimes, we want to quit our jobs.But we can't, so we have to find a way to cope, find out the underlying issues, and fix what we can. Or, I'm just having a mid life identity crisis a little early. Yeah, that's it.

Aww, Justin's small group!

Yup.

Making up stories. Today he also said, "I don't just kill you, I hang you." or something like that. Maybe he was talking for the bad guy. Where does he get this stuff?  Eek!

He's getting the hang of putting tape on the right spots.  Not quite how I would do it and sometimes he doesn't catch both parts of the paper.  But I read an article that it's the effort that counts when wrapping gifts, not the perfection. We just tear into them anyways, right?

"I'm ready to get Justin and Keturah, Mom."  He pushed the front tote out just enough to get a hiding spot.

Our wrapping station.

We'll move the table on Christmas day, and I'm not sure if this is it's permanent home. I kind of liked the wide open space. We'll see.

Gift bags and such.

Wrapping paper and different sized boxes/tins.

"Bits and bobs."  Oh my, I've been watching too many historical costume designer vloggers that prefer to speak in older English terms and/or live in England. Eek!

It's lava, Mom!

Wow, Team Trees might actually make it to 20 million trees!

No ornaments and it looks fine to me.

Are you warming up your toes, dog? Hm,...

Abishai used this when he was sick (it's washed, don't worry), and likes it, so he hung it on his chair like a cape. It's practically brand new because it used to hang up in the boys' room in Beech Grove behind their door and hasn't been used much.  It's from the original movie 15 years ago.

Talking to his girl about what he missed in class.  She might visit him tomorrow.

Sunset.

The sicky had to find a place to eat while I taught piano lesson.  Poor guy.

Not sure about this hat. It looks alright when my hair is down but 99% of the time, my hair is up in a flexi clip and it makes a weird bump. Hm,....and it's not as thick as my other one.  The color is nice though.

This is what I have been wearing. Not as sophisticated, but super warm, hides the flexi, and covers the ears well (a must have for me). Maybe I'll alternate between both of them. Probably need to style them differently.

The End