Year 5, October 5th-8th, 2020: Normal Week Ahead

 Another full Monday of getting our weekly assignments done and assignments written done. We even got piano lessons out of the way. Sometimes I feel my frustration rising when the kids don't get concepts as fast as I want them to, i.e. without me explaining much to them, but mainly because I can't explain myself that well. So, I have to take a moment and chill. I need to remind myself to treat them like I treat other piano or co op students. But it's hard. The obedience thing is even harder. Just stop talking. Why won't they just stop talking? Everybody seems to have a voice and think they are the boss. Too many parents in this house. It wasn't that bad, but it was something that came up again today. Just do the thing. Just do your chore without writhing on the floor in agony. Oppositional defiance disorder is a thing, too, so who knows. Too many medical things to think about. And when your weight is brought up in conversation again, you just might go into meltdown mode after having a full, pretty successful day. It's not what I want to be known for. I count success in what I've taught my children and in my spiritual health, not my physical body. I cannot fight what I am any longer. I am who God made me and how the sinful world cursed me with. End of story. There is no cure. I'm done fighting it. I have limitations. Kids have limitations. You have limitations. I did my best today. That is enough.

So, do I extend that to the children? Sometimes with schoolwork. Not really with character issues. "I know you're frustrated with your little brother's teasing. But let's try to not react to him, ok?" would be better to say than, "Just stop talking to him!" Yup. Different words equals hopefully different results. But now I have a stomach ache because I'm upset and emotionally hurting and basically being called a snowflake. Wow. Thanks. Trying to do a Bible study on the subject of shame over here. Thanks for adding to it. I'll go do the opposite of what the Bible study is trying to teach me and go hide more. Life is hard you know? And that's why we will need to talk about this later. Having emotions and getting hurt makes you human. It doesn't make you weak or a snowflake. I've never been a snowflake. Never. Nor will I ever be. I'm strong. I take initiative. I work hard. Always. Through all the pain. Every day. Only succumbing every once in awhile to the weight of it all. I do what I can with what God has given. He gives me the strength to do what He needs me to do, not what the world expects of me. I have the health I have and I've done what I can with it. It will last as long as God needs it to so I can do His work. I can't fear dying at age 60. I can't fear dying from the flu or Covid-19. I have things to do. I can't just wait until I'm the right weight to go out and do things. I'll be sore after a big hike at Cliffty Falls. So? It's just what I've been given to work with it. I accept it. Now you accept it. I'm done trying to find a cure. There is none. I am me. With fibromyalgia, anxiety, IBS symptoms, gluten intolerance, chronic headaches, a cyst on on my right ovary, a cumbersome melanoma scar on my left arm, polyps growing back, and all the rest, including suspected ADD. YOU try to live a full "regular" life with it when the minute you get sick to your stomach you're in bed. 

So yes, we don't always like each other. Sometimes I'm emotionally hurting. Wow. Ouch. I'm physically hurting every day all day. So leave my thermostat alone. It's my payment for everything I can do. Now leave me be to watch my TV shows.

And yes, the daughter likes to say certain mean things to me as well. And the boys, well, they are just mean to each other. That's why we have rules about "being polite." But no one seems to follow them. 

Sorry. It's hard to think of anything else. It was a decent day. Even Abishai was ready for school and protested a bit less. Justin had to be reminded that school for him can take more than 6 hrs and still be ok. And Keturah needs to be reminded that we hid the candy so she wouldn't find it and she's not allowed to look for it. But overall, they did fine.

Oh how this set up cracks me up.

Amen.

Bwahaha.

Can you see Mr. Fat Squirrel up there? He was chattering away AT THE DOG! Yes, he was teasing Socks and Socks was going nuts, literally! Wowzers!

A few moments of peace with a pumpkin spice latte, fall colors, blue skies, a slight chill to the air, no kids or video games sounds, and....

....a few minutes of an audiobook. Yes, I'm still working on it. I'll be very proud of myself when I actually finish it because it's been rare that I actually finish a book that wasn't for school or parenting.

Wow! The royal family is looking very grown up!

Mr. Spider is still just hanging out. I don't know if it's dead or what. Or maybe he goes and feeds at night. There's a ton of gnats now on it's web, so it has food. Or maybe it will move again when the weather warms up this week. It's supposed to be close to 80 degrees on Wednesday when we go to the zoo.

Leaves are turning color everywhere.

Oh how gorgeous this tree is ever year!

I ran all off all my emotional energy yesterday, so today was a day of lethargy. School got done as normal. Abishai pulled out his handwriting and did all by himself while he was waiting for me! He wailed about math though. Good grief. I managed to finish my Bible study for tomorrow night and get to the grocery store and library. Normally those are Wednesday things, but we are going to the zoo tomorrow and don't have time. We are in the midst of Indian summer around here this week, with 75 degrees today and 82 degrees tomorrow! See! This is why I'm never in a rush to put away summer or winter clothes. Never. Last year it almost snowed in October, so who knows what the end of the month will look like this year. Anyway, I wandered through Kroger just as a breather and to just kind of think of anything but stuff at home. I found the coffee creamer I loved though! So I bought 3 of them and will probably freeze two of them! It's good when you go every week and start getting really familiar with the store. And our Kroger is never that busy so it's just a nice reprieve from being at home. I picked up some cream for my arm that will numb my scar a bit before I get the steroid shots in it. I can tell a bit of a difference, especially when it was starting to get really irritated today. My other arms was as well. I bought a bottled mocha and drank it and listened to my Poldark porch for a bit when I got home. Then it was chores and tacos. Then I thought I had an online meeting, but I guess that's next week! Whoops! The kids watched Disney's Johnny Tremain and I putzed on here.  We've got an early wake up call for the zoo, 7 am, so I'd like to be off of here early. I'm really tired after going to be later than I had been the previous few nights. Plus emotional exhaustion equals physical exhaustion. My whole body hurt today.

Abishai did create some cute moments, but I probably missed a lot being caught up in my own world. I got to read more Beautiful Girlhood to Keturah, which I'm loving because it's bringing up subjects in a manner that I would talk to her about and I can add in my two cents worth. We got our George Washington's civil rules reading in early at breakfast. And all the rest. It was a normal day. What can I say? I didn't feel right, but even that can be normal. Oh, and a friend stopped by unannounced to give me back a book so the kids got to play with her kids for a few minutes. Man, here kids have grown a ton! I probably haven't seen them in over a year. Probably won't see much of them at Indian Creek as they are anti mask. I don't think the church realizes how many people have left our church because of that policy.  I really don't understand where the church has gotten this idea that people aren't coming back because they are afraid of getting the virus. It's totally the opposite. They don't want to wear a mask. They don't believe in the science of wearing one. They think it should be optional. The church will not recover to it's previous numbers because of this one policy. They made the wrong choice. And it's a shame. Our numbers had stagnated anyway before Gary left. They hadn't gone anywhere since then either. And now, they are way down and many have left. That's what is scary. How can you leave a place that you were actively involved in knowing that things are going to change and could change for the worse? I mean, we were going at the status quo for awhile. I don't know. I think Indian Creek hit it's peak awhile back. I don't know that "the best days are ahead." The same thing happened when we left MCC. It was already going downhill and quickly descended further still. So sad. I just don't know. I just don't like it at all.

Ok, at least my brain engaged there for a bit. Back to reality land over here. Need sleep. I have a headache. Jared did some things this evening on the house. Left a mess in the bathroom for me to clean up. I don't know how he feels about what I texted him today. Up and down we go as usual. That's why we need to get away and spend hours going through this junk. I should buy that marriage journal. I wonder if it would come here in time. I'll go look. Anyway, I'm done.

I didn't find this one that my friend posted, BUT, I found a couple of other fun kinds! I don't think Keturah saw them yet!

Goofballs! I'm trying to read to you over here! Settle down!

Quit moving!

You're still on me, kid! Good grief!

I want to take a nap, Mom! Help me fix the umbrella! He didn't really sleep, but it was cute. Then he brought over the footstool as a table for his water bottle. I attached the umbrella by tying it with the strings of the cushion.

He abandoned me! He wanted me to sit next to him and he look off! But is this how you wear this huge pirate hat?

Or is it this way? I can't tell. but it kept my hair out of my eyes while I finished my Bible study. I just grabbed it to get a reaction out of the kids. It's a good thing we were in the backyard only! Oh and I managed to keep my hair down all day after my shower!

Eating popsicles on this glorious day!

I'm a genuine person. But if I can't say something nice or play nice, I'll just get real quiet because I'm not going to burden everyone around me in that very moment. It's a rarity that I do. And yes, I'm the real me. I won't smile if I don't feel like. I'll do my duty and go home and cry. And complain on social media. Or talk it out with someone else. I don't know. And my happy moments and passions, I share. I can blab for hours sometimes. But I'll also be the first one to tell you I have anxiety and jealousy issues. Insecurity. All the things. Not perfect by any means at all. Just me.

Cuties from 6 years ago. Must have been a vacation trip! Oh! We were on our way to New Orleans to go on our cruise before Abishai was born!

 

This video above was shown at church on Sunday talking about how they gave our tons of vouchers for free coffee for a local coffee shop to all the teachers and administrators of local schools. They are planning to donuts and something else in the next couple of months. While I do think it's appropriate, I also get a twinge of "Um, what about homeschoolers? Why is it always about public schools? What about private schools?" Newly minted homeschool parents need this encouragement as well and we don't have a budget of $35,000 to do this with. There's not even a mention of homeschool parents anywhere at church. That bugs the crap out of me sometimes. We can't meet there. We can't have our leadership team meeting at church because NO outside groups are allowed. On one hand I understand that there has been some bad groups in th past, but on the other hand, the building isn't being used like it had been. Do you need revenue? Aren't you supposed to be a community support? I really don't like the restrictiveness of policy at our chuch, or any church, and the lack of homeschooling being mentioned. It's always about supporting the local school. Always. I think instead of supporting any campaign to send snacks to school for testing time, or coffee for teachers, or whatever it is, I'll just do my own thing over here and give something away. I might bring it up with some staff to see if we can't change the verbage a bit. This is why some kids don't like our youth group. It's not all inclusive. If you don't go to one of 3 major public high schools, you're an outsider. That's just what it is. Again, it just makes me so uneasy. I'm trying to filter it through the Scripture and God and figure out if it's the Holy Spirit prompting or my own pride. So I'll keep letting it sit and I'll keep pondering. I just don't know. At least the kids, and Jared sometimes, don't feel that way and they can carry on. It's just me. And it might just be because of my own spiritual walk, for better or worse. But my hope is that it is the Holy Spirit stirring. I'm not part of the "woke" movement, that's for sure, but they undercurrent seems strong. It might be a few more years away, but I sense a change coming. Something else to talk about it on our getaway.

And I did find the marriage journal. It is so expensive on their website, so I found a "used" one on Amazon, with a different cover, that would also come on time for our getaway. I had a ton of Amazon points, so I used them on it. I'm crossing my fingers I made a good impulse buy. But I got it for 50% of their original price including shipping. That makes me happiest and will make it feel less of a waste. It's supposed to have the 6 weekly questions to ask and space to talk about the next week as well. We'll see. It's by the Roloffs, whom I read their Love Letter Life book, so I'm familiar enough with the process. We'll see if Jared is interested in it. Couldn't hurt to try. (I did end up finding a cheap copy that will be here for our mini vacation. We'll see how it goes.)

Wednesday was Zoo day. See separate post. We were physically exhausted but it was a great day, full of lots of giggles and less complaints than normal. The aftermath of trying to catch up on school was not so fun though as Thursday became a reality.

Thursday morning, Jared decided to take Abishai with him to the office since we were going to come at around 10am to help set up tables for this e2 event they are having on Friday night and Saturday morning. Abishai was more than happy and willing to go with Daddy. And since Abishai is a slow breakfast eater, Jared got him some McDonald's on the way. Oh, and Abishai got to go to the post office with Daddy, too. I don't think Abishai's been in the post office much. Usually I go alone or the kids stay in the car. Anyways, the post office did see me as well since I finally mailed off some books and the child sponsorship packets we accidentally took home with us last Thursday night.  My desk piles look a little smaller now, yeah! And so does my painted bench in the fireside room! The other kids were jealous of Abishai's treat, but I told them, "The early bird gets the worm." And sometimes we don't know when the extra treats are going to come. I didn't know Jared would stop for breakfast. He probably didn't either. So, lesson learned, perhaps? You get up, you move, you might get something special. Or you don't. Who knows. But you definitely don't do anyone any favors for lazying around. 

I started off doing some cleaning and picking up because I have a friend coming over on Friday morning and I didn't know when I'd find time later, not knowing when we'd be home from church. The kids seemed eager enough to step in and help, at least they didn't complain. When we got to church, we found Abishai running around, basically entertaining everyone, or asking if someone would play with him. He must have climbed up and down the bar stool 20 times, looking like he should be the one doing the talking. I was caught up in the moment of seeing several people there helping, and just dug in, knowing Jared probably knew what Abishai was up to. No one seemed to mind him, anyway, since they know him. Even my friend Maria knows us well enough (we've kept up a lot through Facebook) and has similar enough parenting philosophies that it didn't bother her. Abishai kept us smiling and laughing. We finished decorating tables, put out gift bags, and wrapped all the utensils with gloves on. Yeah, that was fun. We wrapped a set of silverware in a napkin and then tied them with a ribbon. It took some extra time with the gloves on, but we got 240 sets done. Half are for the dinner and half are for the lunch the next day, I think. We had some funny moments where Grandma taught Justin how to curl the ends of a ribbon using scissors. Keturah was very helpful in counting the bundles. The adults were all patient and yet kept the kids working. A good time was had by all for sure. And finally, a conversation that didn't revolve around politics or masks or "how are you coping?" Just plain, good old, "how are you and my how you're kids have grown up!" kind of conversation. Sigh. Surface level stuff is sometimes what we need. We were done about noon, and headed home. Abishai didn't want to leave the office, but he also wanted more screen time.

And then at home, we had lunch, the kids did their schoolwork, I checked it, and they went on screens while I finished email, went to the post office and the library. Yes, I just went to the library two days ago but they didn't have my DVD in it for a show I want to watch and I'm tired of the current show I'm watching on Amazon, plus I did have a couple of books due that I couldn't renew. No problems this time at the library, though, lol. They probably know me by sight now. I probably should learn their names. So, I'm happy for a different show to watch tonight. I came home and finished cleaning the bathroom light fixture and all the dust Jared had made. What a chore! That light fixture in the big bathroom needs replaced or refinished. The light part is fine, but the metalwork is rusted. Jared doesn't want to mess with electricity and will probably just put it back up, but when we got to paint and take it down again, I'm going to insist on a new one or something. It's just not nice and if we are going to take the time to do this bathroom, we are going to do it right, like taking off the baseboards and properly mudding the lower parts of the walls. And doing that AFTER I take out the carpets and things. Oh good grief! Yes, he sanded the walls but he didn't move anything! Grrrr,.....So I had sanding dust on my floor for a few days until I could get to it today. I cleaned toilets where Keturah was supposed to be cleaning them, and I vacuumed, again, so it was done more precisely. I hate cleaning but I hate others' version of cleaning, too.

Then I listened to more Poldark, before gathering leftovers for dinner and adding in a frozen pizza. Now the fridge is even more empty and that's ok. We aren't wasting food and that makes me happy. Jared and I decided to get into a "row" about politics and Abishai told us to stop fighting. I watch too much British tv, can you tell? A "row" is an argument. Anyways, we didn't let it get out of hand this time, but we are on very different sides, which is a bummer. We are really going to have to let the emotions not take control and just agree to disagree and move on. Let's just say, our votes will probably cancel each other out, but oh well. We've got other fish to fry.

Oh, back to the schoolwork. Justin is behind on his work for the week. Which, I'm not happy about because I warned him about missing a full day yesterday because we went to the zoo AND because we were helping today, he's helping tomorrow night and Saturday morning, so he didn't have much time to catch up. I did stretch out some assignments because of it. But these assignments he's behind on are because he's not remembering, or he's distracted by having a phone again. He wanted to blame me, and it's not my fault. He has to learn that a deadline is a deadline regardless of your mental ability or a packed schedule or impromptu change. He has to find the pockets of time to spend on his homework and that might mean giving up his 2 hrs of PS4 screen time in the afternoon and only having his 2 hrs of before bedtime screen time. That's the part of growing up. He is awake for 14 hrs. 4 hrs of screen time still leaves him 10 hrs to eat, exercise and do schoolwork. I know he's spending even more time on the screen though. I have the power to turn off the wife now at least. So I did and he wasn't happy. He forgot to take his medication today, although I said he needed to because I knew he was coming home and doing schoolwork later. He will take it tomorrow and Saturday despite having other social engagements as well because at some point on those days, he will be studying. Perhaps I'll have him wait to take it on Saturday because it has a 6-8 hr window. I guess he could take a second dose, perhaps, if he really needed to study at night, but he probably wouldn't sleep well. I'll bring that up with the doctor just to clarify if we have any wiggle room with it. It's something Justin will have to learn to work around when he's in college. He'll have to weigh the pros and cons of taking a stimulant, whether medication or caffeine later in the evening. I switched to 3 cups of caffeine a day and it helps keep me focused more steadily. Except on the days after I stayed up way too late and then nothing would keep me awake then. So, we have more things to work though on that.

At least I had the clarity of mind to put this part of the blog together. I'll have to go back and do the zoo blog over the weekend. That's what happens when I skip a night of blogging for time with the hubby. Which, we had a bit of a row over that as well, me not having enough mental energy to work on my weight and him caring too much about my weight. But thank you, Jesus, we didn't let that one separate us for too long and I think some important words were said. Hopefully that's a foreshadowing of some discussion for our little marriage retreat/getaway that we'll actually get somewhere in our discussions. We'll be happier when we come back, that's for sure. We typically are. Oh, and because my computer was being slow, I had to restart it, and it was God telling me to do my Bible study first, so I did. It was pretty short, but I had some important things to right down about relationships. So, I got that done. Now to finish up and relax for a bit.

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Abishai had a special breakfast at Daddy's office, McDonald's pancakes and orange juice!  And Miss Ellen keeps spoiling him, too. They are best friends now!

When e2 has an event, all hands are one deck! And not pictured is Benaiah, who I found out, is running the soundboard for the event. Group effort!

I love fall colors, but when you pair it with e2 green, um, a little too Halloween for my taste, but ok. And there's a photo op in the back, how about that?!

240 sets of cutlery wrapped in ribbon that was tied while wearing gloves. Yikes. Again, group effort of about 8 people at a time. Done in a bit over an hour.

And....resources table.

And watching funny animal videos on Miss Ellen's computer.

Keturah voluntarily went outside to do her homework and took the dog with her as her companion.  Justin took out the guitar this evening and Keturah said she wanted to try, too. So she spent 30 minutes learning how to do the fingering and notes on a staff kind of thing. Like I always say, learn how to play piano first, and learn theory and ear training. Then, all you have to do is pick up on the fingering of an instrument (sometimes a different staff and of course how to blow into an instrument or how to use a bow). She was pretty proud of herself. That will keep her busy for awhile. I'm just glad that the strings were still useful. We couldn't find the tuner, so we did our best to tune it to our piano, which was just tuned in August, so it's still pretty much in tune. We made do.

We made up our own rules, but I think you can count this as school. I at least had him match up the letters for the country names on the cards to the board and he sounded out a couple of them. I also made him stick to the rules he started out with. He didn't like that because then he lost.

Playing another version by himself. "There is no escape, this time!"

I stole these from the e2 FB page. Hey, Jared has dimples! Not sure I've seen much of them over the years, only because well, he's lost a ton of weight!

Gary, of course. Jared definitely looks more like his mother.

This is Miss Ellen Clodfelter. She's put up with Gary's antics for years. She was first my friend from MOPS. And now she and Abishai are best friends, lol. Her twins are a year older than Justin.

And newest to arrive on the scene, Miss Debbie Poer. Sweet, sweet lady. Known by the Johnsons for years, but I didn't get to really know her and her husband Jim until we did the Rooted group together. Quiet strength, making sure everything is done well.

Oh my, Keturah is looking so much bigger next to me! She's such my mini me. But lots of lovely ladies helped out today, and Mr. Jim Poer, the quiet, patient teacher who helped Justin tie the knots on the ribbons. Many hands make light work!

The End