Year 3, October 2nd-5th, 2018: Disappearing Act

 School. Housework. Activities. Sleep 5-6 hrs. Repeat. That's our life.  That's everybody's life. But it doesn't allow for much spontaneity through the week.  Let's see what I can remember.

Sweet nuggets! I rearranged the sunroom a bit to add in the pink and purple bookshelf I bought at the yard sale a few weeks back, and Abishai wanted to hang out with me.  He likes to play with the kitchen set and had all these foods that go well on a grill, so I pulled out our indoor grill and let him play!  What fun!  He of course wanted to eat all the grilled foods himself, but he did share eggs and vegetables with me.  He's wearing an apron that came with a restaurant server's set.  He love to have us play with him and it was so adorable.

Perfect playtime.

Headphones are too big, but he wanted to watch some videos while we were doing school.  I haven't let him have tablet time in a couple of weeks and I guess I was feeling extra generous that day.

I'm trying to get Abishai to do more preschool type activities like coloring, cutting, and gluing but he's not very interested.  I dried some cantaloupe seeds (instead of pumpkin seeds) and then colored them so we could put them on this tree paper to make leaves.  Well, it wasn't interested in it at all and I did the coloring you see there.  So, I set it aside for another day.

Slightly new arrangement in the sunroom.  I guess I have gotten to a few littler projects this week.  I might have Jared build me some shelving units that will accommodate the toy tubs and separate the "office" from the toy area better.  Think: Ikea catalogue with open shelves separating rooms/areas.  They were watching Penguins of Madagascar while I was teaching the piano lesson this week.  The piano lesson is going ok.  I feel very out of practice, pun intended, in teaching though.  I feel like I need to read ahead and brush up on my teaching skills and music lingo.  The young lady knows how to read some music from playing handbells and the recorder, but we are starting at the very beginning with keyboard skills.  I hope to add students in the future though.  That is something I can do to earn money quickly without much extra effort.

This teen who drives his mother crazy because he now has a "style" of clothing he prefers, at least is a decent kid in public.  The owners, friends from church, have bragged about him to Gary, Leah, and us on several occasions.  Everyone should work fast food at some point in their life.  It's very humbling and you learn a ton about work ethic and people skills.  And this store is so fast paced that you just don't get bored.

Proud young man.  Proud parents.  Proud grandparents.

Ok, I'm a bit too excited about this little release (in about 1 hr and 10 minutes from this moment that I'm writing this).  We've been listening to the songs that were released early over the last couple of months and they are fantastic and rich in meaning.  The music videos are incredible, too.  Plus, Justin was excited that they played in the "Playstation" theater last night.  "Burn the Ships by For King and Country.  I'm hoping they have a decent sized tour next year and dates near us so we can go.

It's been in the mid 80's, I kid you not, for the past week and the week to come.  It's October!

I stole the image from the internet and then added the Florida part and "cannot load" bits.  I was trying to mimic the meme that has a loading bar stuck at 87% for spring to "load" that people use on social media when we have a cold spell or snowstorm in March/April.

Yeah, I don't even want to know if it will bloom again in April/May.  This just isn't right.  It was in the mid 60's 10 days ago and must have messed with the life cycle of these irises.

Keturah was getting rid of a bunch of stuff, including her My Little Pony stuff.  As per the rule, I have to sift through the box or trash can to make sure nothing of "importance" is given or thrown away.  Well, some of my pony stuff was in there this time and a few books that needed reshelving.  I try not to hinder the process too much, I promise.  I asked her if she wanted to keep a couple of her own ponies she's collected as a token of her time playing with them, and she did.  One of those items was this carriage Abishai's playing with.  It's one of the first pony things we got (I don't even remember when or how!) but every time he sees it, he hooks it up to his tow truck like this.  So, we definitely kept it, and a couple of other things he took out of the giveaway box to play with.  The older Little People of course were mine growing up and he's still enjoying those.

This castle has seen a ton of use!  He loves setting up the beds and making up stories about bad guys.  I'm so glad I finally dug it out of Gary and Leah's shed!

Baby likes the counter top but he's getting too big for it!  At least it wasn't full of stuff for once (on this side that is, the other side is the typical "don't know where it should go and if I put it away, I won't remember to use it" side).

Homemade marble track I saw on Instagram.

Another cool art thing I saw on Instagram or something!  Roll marbles in paint, put a piece a paper on the bottom of the box,....

....Close the box tightly...

...Then shake, shake, shake!

He did a great job with shaking and I made sure the box was sealed well.

Bad cheesy smile, but here's his artwork!

Ta da!

Mine is the top one where I showed Abishai what was going to happen.  His is the bottom one.  I'm thinking of framing them in the same frame and putting it on a wall someplace.

Another proof we did preschool activities today.  Abishai played around with scissors, glue, and coloring!  He did not like it when the glue kept pieces of paper together.  He's letting me read books to him, too.  One step closer to bringing out the actual "school" worksheets.  It's my last time to go through them, so I want to make sure they are used well.  Of course, I'll go at his pace, and it might not be the right fit for him, but I want to try.  He doesn't really need it since he knows a lot already like colors, most numbers, shapes, etc.  We would have to work specifically on his letters in order for him to really know them, but I think he can reocgnize a few and will play with ABC puzzles.  Oh, he did let me read the "Little A had a box" books with him! He asked a lot of questions as to why they were putting things in their boxes, but reading to him like that made me feel like I was actually engaging with him and being as good a mom as the Instagram moms out there.  It takes me a lot of energy to pull myself away from other things to just sit in the moment with him or the others, so just to do that with him today was a huge accomplishment.

Sometimes, it pays to be an organized hoarder.  Benaiah, Justin, and I made this volcano at least 7 years ago, if not 8 or 9.  It was definitely in the Beech Grove house and I'm not sure we had taken it out to use it since then.  But we studied Pompeii and Mt. Vesuvius' eruption last week, so I pulled it out!  When we moved, I made sure it was with the science stuff so we could just easily get to it if we talked about volcanoes or with history.  I didn't use it when we went over geology last year, but could have.  Anyway, I know my parents bought the kit, and I remember it taking a lot of effort to make it.  It's made with plaster and cardboard, so it does get a little wet with the explosion.  I'm letting it thoroughly dry before I put it away again.  I'm just glad I had it on hand because I simply do not have time to make stuff like this anymore.  I barely squeezed in making the explosion happen.  So, am I a hoarder or an archivist? Organized clutter, that's my jam!

Keturah putting the baking soda in the cup at the top of the volcano.

Time for the vinegar!

And we have an eruption!

More, more, more!

Beauteous!  And the volcano held up well.  To be honest, I'm surprised it made it through all the moves.  It could have been easily crushed because it was just in a cardboard box, wrapped up in a plastic bag.

I help, I help!

Daddy's so good at this!  And then I took Benaiah to Goodwill to find some pants, flip flops, and shirts for his NYC trip.  He then proceeds to me I don't know his "style."  Um, guys have three types of shirts, t-shirts, polo shirts, and button down shirts.  It's not rocket science.  But whatever.  We found flip-flops, a trash can for his area, pants, a couple of books, a shirt, a frame for Abishai's baby picture collage, a rubbermaid tote, and a portable battery charger for devices.  Decent trip, but shopping with teens is stressful.

Abishai said, "I get this ready for Daddy's screen shot!"  Bwahahahaha!!!!  Yes, it's an arrow and you shoot it.  But where did you learn that "screen" and "shot" go together?  He didn't know I was taking a picture, so he really was talking about just the bow and arrow.  Poor babies growing up in the techno age.

I sent a series of stories to Instagram about this oil.  You see, I can't take naproxen because I get constipation.  I can't take ibuprofen because it gives me a bloody nose.  I can't take tramadol because it's a controlled substance and they won't give me many doses at a time.  So, I'm back to taking tylenol, which I know affects the liver.  So I need all the liver support I can get!  I only take 1-2 doses of any kind of pain medication a day when the pain is at its worst or I'm going out of the house.  Otherwise, I just deal with the pain because I know pain killers aren't good for you.

We were supposed to go to the park today, but it started to pour rain when we left.  I had an errand on the northside, but had to skip that because there was a huge accident that tied up both sides of the highway.  So, I got off the interstate because I was going to try to go up there on the backroads.  I changed my mind and knew there was this particular McDonald's nearby with an indoor playground.  Plus, I needed the bathroom and caffeine.  It actually worked out well to stop and let the majority of the rain come and go.

This McDonald's has had a couple of renovations over the years and this one was just completed in the last 6 months! Yes, I know there's tons of germs on these things.  Yes, we wash up well when we're done.  But, our kids have solid immune systems, so I don't worry about it too much.  Justin did say the playground felt dirty and slimy, and I have to agree.  I went up in because Abishai wanted me, too, and it did feel a little bit icky.  But it's also very humid today, and it's a well used playground.  I don't mind because the kids played over over an hour and a half! I got my Dr. Pepper, Abishai go fries, and Keturah played on video games.  It was just what we needed!

New pogo stick thing.

This kid's diet today has been all "tan." Cereal for breakfast.  Chicken nuggets at home and fries at McDonald's for lunch.  And then chicken nuggets and fries at Chick Fil A for dinner.  Whoops! He ate plenty of vegetables and fruit yesterday, so I'm not worried.  These kinds of days rarely happen.  But it was a child's dream to have chicken nuggets and fries twice in one day!  And to go to two fast food chains, lol.

Keturah at the top of the pole.

Justin in this rope jungle gym thing.

Abishai way up high in the playground.

This is why we didn't run that errand today.  And I forgot the rest of the donations in the garage.  Widow's Jar is an organization that helps missionaries with household supplies, office supplies, toys, clothes, and tons of homeschool materials!  They took a bunch of things off my hands last year and had stopped at my house to get them because they were in the area.  I'd like to make the the effort to take my stuff to them, and not to goodwill.  Their hours are limited, but they have an outside bin for donations, but I can't tell how covered it is or not, so dropping off items would have made me nervous anyway with all the rain.

Inside the playground.  The orange part was what felt slimy to Justin.

Big slide!  You do have to war socks, so I had to buy socks for Justin and Keturah.  Abishai had some in his bag thankfully.

The pole way up high that spins!

Rope course.

Awesome "ladder" of sorts!  Abishai could zip up there in no time!  He asked me to do it and I refused because I barely made it up and down in the other part of the playgrund.  But it is cool!

Inside the bump out at the top of the playground where Justin was.  Nice ropes course, again!

Jumpy jump jump.

The apps on the two screens here looked pretty educational and fun.  Geared towards the younger kids at least.

Even preschool ones.

Then we headed to the library.  This was the first time I had seen Abishai actually pay attention to a program and try to click to figure things out.  Awesome!

Apparently, I ordered 6 Paw Patrol movies and 4 books from the library.  Abishai was very excited to take them all home!  "I want to take this to bedtime."

Reading books they just checked out by themselves.

Our library has some great puzzles and toys too play with like this puzzle with all the different kinds of locks.  "I keep out the bad guys, Mommy!"

Abishai also wanted to take the alligator home.  We have one of those shape sorters in our baby stuff.  I'm glad it's still fun for him.

Lazy mom didn't want to fuss with dinner, still had errands to run, and wanted to be near her 16 yr old who made these things.  So, yes, we ate at CFA again.  I had them leave off the blue cheese and it was awesome!

Abishai, how your day? "Tired."  Awww, but he did eat 6 chicken nuggets and most of his fries.  He was really hungry and tired from all that indoor playground time.

Happy boy with his big guy sandwhich.  Cheese and fried chicken sandwhich.

Original chicken sandwhich with fries and yes, she ate the whole thing.  We didn't get to see Benaiah and actually, I spent time talking to a man behind us that works for IU as a security officer.  He said he was a non believing biochemist and formerly worked for Eli Lilly for 30 years on all kinds of projects.  And has he was trying to find new ways to tackle some research and came to the conclusion that there is God and evolution is hard to prove.  He lectures his fellow researchers on DNA and genetics and carbon dating and all sorts of stuff.  Very, very interesting.  I've never really talked to someone who was pretty much an atheist but dug in trying to disprove that God exists  only to find out that God does exist.  Sweet!

Irisises are still growing.  Will they survive this hot spell and subsequent frigid temps headed our way as early as next week.

Time for some Star Wars: Last Jedi and calling Daddy time.  Daddy is in Georgia with Grandpa for one of their events.  He'll be back late tomorrow.  We had gotten groceries at CFA, so we had to put them away before starting a movie.  We had to stop about 1/3 of the way trough because Daddy called and we need to head early to bed because of a busy day tomorrow. Abishai really wanted me to sit with him on the chair and he showed me how long his legs were.  It was so sweet.

Asleep in two minutes. He really was tired!

Gotta finish the day listening the newest album from For King and Country.  It's a must have record!  And I wore my "Joy" flexi (usually reserved for around Chirstmastime only) because one of the songs is called "Joy."  They have several music videos with these songs and had released a few songs before it came out at midnight last night.  So awesome.

Well, that wraps up another week.  Utterly exhausted and we all have things to do tomorrow.  I'm glad it ended on a high note with getting a few errands done and just having relaxing playtime.  That's what we all needed.  The end.


P.S. This is what I wrote to start my brain flowing with ideas.  It's depressing, but it's where I'm at right now.  I know it's a family blog.  But it's also a personal blog.  You don't have to read this, but it helps me to remember some of my thoughts from this valley.  I'm not sharing all the details of what I've felt this week, believe me, it's not pretty.  And I pray that I can improve and my kids don't have this kind of mommy forever.  It's important to me to not sugarcoat life and protray a "Pinterest worthy" life.  So, if you are into that, read on.  If not, I hope you enjoyed the fun stuff I wrote above.  Thanks.

Original content: Wow, um, I don't really feel liking blogging.  I'm not in that "gotta do it every night" groove anymore.  Which, was kind of the point when I switched to a M-Th blog post and a F-Su blog post.  Honestly, it's just been tough since school started.  We are "in the groove" but barely and there's some very negative feelings by all.  This week, I've had to time Keturah when she was doing her different subjects to make sure that IF she was concentrating, they weren't too long of an assignment.  A couple of them are "iffy" long but math take a really long time.  I'm not sure what I'm going to do with that one.  Overall, I don't think it's too much, but because the day gets so broken up by interruptions or a late start or an apointment, it is too much.  And maybe my theory of doing more on 3 days of the week and then two half days is the culprit.  Then there are days where I'm just an emotional and mental wreck for no apparent reason.  No emotional triggers were hit, but after 3 days days of fighting with school and 3 kids, I was just "done."  I wanted to go hide and not talk to anyone.  Such is the life of a homeschooling mom, I know.  I choose this path.  And the alternatives freak me out, although they do cross my mind, not an threatening way towards the kids "behave or I'll send you to school" but in a contemplative way "what if in this season it would be better to put them in school?"  And then I remember how upset I was with Benaiah going to school and say to myself, "Nope, I can't do it.  I won't do it.  I need to buckle down NOW and get myself better so these kids have a better mom that isn't ruining their childhood."  That's why I'm seeing a counselor.  That's why I contemplate going back on Zoloft at least weekly, regardless of my time of the month.

One of the things I totally ignore and don't want to admit is the sleep issue.  Going to bed at midnight seems unfair to me and yet I regret it each night.  I did do it last night.  And I'm not sure I'll get it done tonight, but when I'm this mentally exhausted, I'm no good at "working" on anything.  I have fibromyalgia brain fog and am mentally paralyzed.  I try to do the "next thing" like feed kids or something, and yet, it doesn't feel enough.  I should be better than this.  Anyway, I rested today because I know the weekend is another jam packed weekend.  Gary and Jared are gone and that leaves Leah and I to handle a Bible Bowl competition, Benaiah's work schedule, park day, errands, a wedding shower (for Leah to attend) and airport runs.  It doesn't sound too bad until you realize that some of those things occur at the same time and there's no margin for error.  December 1st and 8th are also that bad because Gary and Leah will both be gone.  We do ask for outside help, but it's annoying and I feel bad about it.  Plus, Benaiah's ACT/SAT were supposed to happen on those dates in December and now I've got to move at least one of them until February.

That's the thing.  I've become the event coordinator for the 6 of us, plus micro managing Gary and Leah when I need them, too.  I want to live life, not make it happen for everyone.  But if I don't plan, it won't get done.  We won't get clothes shopping done for NYC.  We won't get stuff dropped of to charities.  We won't get groceries done if I don't look ahead the next week or two to see when we can fit it in.  Even bedroom intimacy has to be penciled in. I'm not sure this is how life was meant to be, and yet, we're here in the middle of it.  And before you know it, the kids will be gone and we'll look up and wish we had done it differently.  Benaiah's school and work schedule is the worst part of it.  And I don't want to wish away the next two years, but I wish it wasn't that way.  That's why I don't want to send Justin to school either.  I miss our freedom.  We are just so tied down to this and that, and church stuff.  We said we would do one activity per kid so we wouldn't be my growing up family, and yet, that one thing still takes time.  I now know why large families simple don't do sports, music lessons, all the church functions, plus school functions, etc.  Not sure what we can pull back on now though.  The five of us have time together, it's just Benaiah that we are missing.  Even tonight when we had time to be together, Jared didn't drop him off after school and we had to go get clothes for his NYC trip.

So, we are still struggling.  It's all part of the journey.  And I pray that I find ways to make it better before it's too late.  This isn't the dream of family life I had in mind.  Pray for us.