Year 5, July 3rd-5th, 2020: Worn Out

I'm worn out. Yeah, the tooth/jaw pain is wearisome, but it could be worse. I'm managing ok and I was able to slowly eat some tiny bit of chicken and soft gluten free mac and cheese, which means I'm up to 3 kind of complex carbs I can eat: mashed potatoes, super thin oatmeal, and mac and cheese. Go me! The bruising is worse today. And I'm just worn out. I went to bed on time last night but had a hard time falling asleep. I stayed in bed though. Then at 4:30am, I couldn't sleep, so got up and typed a 3 page rant for an hour. As I went back to lay down, Jared got up. He choose today of all days to go back to his men's Friday morning group. Sigh. He had the day off from work though, so it really felt like Saturday all day. And we had nothing to show for it either. Unless you include the weariness of emotional and mental burden kids can be. Especially the teen variety. And I'll leave it at that because I was told in no uncertain terms that I'm not allowed to share his life anymore, even when it crosses mine. Go figure.

It was hot, so I only went outside to warm up because it was cold inside. I had the fan running on my phone all day because it nearly quit working! There are many apps I can't access on my laptop but are very close to necessary in my daily life. So, I've been at my desk most of the day. Thankfully, homeshcooling posts have slowed down because of the holiday weekend. I can't wait to get to see my friends but at the same time, I want to wear a mask because no one needs to see this ugliness. Well, I put it on Instagram and so everyone did see it. But, I don't want to scare the kids. And real life is different than internet life, right? Not really. What I would want to tell my friends if I saw them more regularly, I post on social media. So what? It's my social media. Rant over.

Did I post yesterday that I've had 4 moderately major procedures in 10 months? No wonder I'm touched out. I nearly feel violated. When you think you are just going to be bruised from some teeth being pulled and you wake up to your lips bleeding, um, yeah, not nice, and without much explanation. And when you're melanoma scar looks nothing like the photos you've seen online. Embarrassing. Nevermind my polyps being removed and the root canal. Yeah, don't touch me anymore. I'm done with doctors for awhile. I don't even know when my follow up appointment for the oral surgeon is. I was hoping they would call me but they didn't. In and out. Like the huge overweight cow that I am. And no, I haven't lost any weight on a liquid diet. I'm just me. Bruised, tired, in pain, and super oily because of all the essential oils I'm trying to apply to my face to make it feel better.

That's my gripe. And Abishai and Justin somehow busted the pool. I don't know where, but Jared wasn't able to fix it today. And now the fireworks show is starting and little guy can't sleep. Fun times. And gosh darn, I hurt. And the hurt keeps moving around and it's on the bridge of my nose, too.

Ok, ok, enough griping! Back to watching YouTube videos because that's all I can handle.

Little guy learned from a TV show that you are supposed to make your bed before breakfast in the morning while your mom watches you do it. Then you put your stuffed animal on the bed. So, Abishai insisted he do it this morning. He did a great job!

I heard him clicking around all throughout my nap this afternoon. Apparently, he had been puttin away a few Legos at a time absentmindedly while watching his screen time. Just get it done!

Definitely worse. But I took a shower today. That was nice.

Beautiful sunset though as the neighbors start shooting off fireworks. Is it Friday the 3rd or Saturday the 4th? Who knows. It is the weekend though.

Saturday

I didn't realize how tired I was until I went for a nap. I thought, "I'll lay down and see if I actually fall asleep because there's still some noise from the kids."  Well, I'm sure I feel asleep fast and for at least an hour. I have to keep reminding myself that slowless, idleness, rest, and sleep all help things to heal faster. I could push, but I don't have to. It's a choice. So I didn't. I knew we would be out all evening, so I didn't even push anyone else either. I'm glad, too. As I write this on Sunday, I don't even remember what all got done during the day. Not much. We had a cookout with our small group people and then other friends, family, neighbors came over to the Smiths for fireworks. I don't think we've seen that many people all at once since our last in person service at church. And it didn't feel like much social distancing was happening. And no masks. I sat and stayed in one spot for several hours to conserve my energy since it was 90 degrees. That way I also didn't have to remember so much to keep the safe distance. We had a thundershower roll through, but were all safe inside the shed or under the awning. Yeah! We were late, but that didn't matter too much. I just got to sit and listen and sometimes talk. I did eventually mingle and felt comfortable being on my own without following Jared since I knew enough people, at least in our small group. We didn't see the kids all that much, so that's good. In fact, at one point, Justin showed them some very funny videos (to them anyway) on YouTube. The kids were rolling laughter and hysterics on the floor! I got to enjoy time with Angie and Justin from down the hill (Justin is our only black friend and he's hilarious!  He loves middle schoolers and is a sub at the schools!). A few people asked about my bruises, either asking about an update or what happened. I didn't eat much while I was there because it was hot and because I didn't want to embarrass myself nibbling. I'm glad I had my Shakeology right before we went and was able to last the 5 hrs.

However, I didn't bring my pain meds and when they had worn off, I was ready to go home, but that was easily an hour before fireworks. I had brought some of my oils and things but it wasn't cutting it. Between last night and today (Sunday as I type this), I've gotten really close to the point of crying not because it's horrible pain, but because it's unrelenting. I just want it to be over with. The bruises look ugly. And while I didn't cover them up by make up or something last night, I knew I would get questions. I did want people to know, but I do value my skin and my face and it's natural beauty. My jaw hurts if I try to chew too much. They want me to start chewing a little bit, but I had to stop during lunch because it was just too sore. I took a nap on Sunday just to get a break from the pain. And it's still going to be 3-4 weeks before it's fully healed. I didn't realize that part. That means going through my birthday and Benaiah's open house and our anniversary. Well, at least the two things are at the end of the month. I was just over it by the end of the evening.

So, I didn't put much emphasis on the fireworks or taking a whole lot of pictures. But the evening was enjoyable just spending time with people. Now we are all cranky and ready for sleep!

So sweet! A friend from church dropped off a get well/Happy 4th basket with Aldi's gluten free mac and cheese, pasta and sauce, chips and salsa, some holiday napkins, flags, glo sticks and a note. And it's a perfect little tub to hold chips and things in Thank you Mrs. Jan Lantz!

Abishai wanted to try dipping pretzel rods into yogurt like Keturah was putting strawberry jam on popcorn this morning. He ended up not liking it. Keturah loved hers though!

The front garden is full! I need to get out there and weed! But it warms up so fast in the morning, and I haven't been up to going out there after supper either. It's no horrendous, but I could spend 30 minutes doing some work on it.

One of summer fun DIY's was to put toys in water and freeze them. Then Abishai could chisel them out. I guess it was really hot and didn't take long because I came out with not much left to work on!

He didn't want to get wet, so he was cautious and thankfully didn't break anything. Daddy helped him.

I emailed all 24 branches of the Indiaanpolis Public Library and have heard back from 3 of them so far! I was just sharing our contact information with the IAHE. I will follow up with them in a week or two with maybe a phone call to explain more of what we offer. One of them was my very own library branch! Yeah! We are out of library reading material here so it's time to start pre reading for the school year and get some library books ordered.

Our big fat neighborhood squirrel was enjoying a tasty morsel on the playground today.

Post op Day 3, different lighting. It looks way worse when I'm outside. And yes, it feels that bad, too. I have a high tolerance for pain, but it's exhausting trying to smile through it.

We had fun at our party at the Smiths though.

After the thunder shower, Abishai got to jump in the puddles a bit. He was thrilled!

A few friends. Jared sat with this grouping through supper and I'm at the table with the other grouping. The kids were floating in and out of the shed.

Jared finally had a place to put his end irons. Hopefully Jim can use them well.

Time for fireworks at (Smiths) home!

Abishai wanted to go to the other house across the street because another "little guy" was riding his bike he left over there and he wanted to play with him. We said no. It was already 10pm and Abishai was just tired.

I want this! It's a Tupperware brand container where you can lift the pickles out leaving the juice behind and then your hands don't smell like pickles!

Kendell put glowsticks on her bike wheel, so Abishai got to do it to his. I have more glow sticks at home, so maybe he'll get to enjoy it more another night again.

Gorgeous moon!

I guess I didn't realize this was a thing. Plus he bought and planted another new one this year.

July 4th, 2017

July 4th, 2020. Looking great!

Sunday

Daddy is trying for the 3rd time to refill the pool after the boys "broke" it and Abishai is outside keeping him company. Jared basically has to "babysit" the pool because every time he walks away, a side falls down and the water spills out. The boys just leaned the wrong way and I guess too much water spilled out and the walls collapsed. The pool stays open because of the pressure. But boy is it hot outside and it has been all week! Yesterday was technically the last day of screen freedom for the kids, but maybe I should extend it since they did seem to take breaks. I'm not sure. We did have church inside the Smith household because of the heat. Although, technically both from the church and at the house threw us of a bit. And you can tell we were all exhausted from the night before! Lol, but the core people made it. Yeah!

I was the only one who took a nap and it was a fitful one. Which means, I wasn't as sleepy as yesterday. We had no other obligations today, so that has given us a time to rest. Oh, and I was able to do some donations for the food pantry and school supply drive via Amazon wishlists by the church and they could be sent directly to church! How about that! Save me time! I've spent the rest of the afternoon going over my schedule and to do list (after doing some thinking while I was resting) and catching up on email and the blog. It's a very light week with no appointments, but I have some things to take care of like my phone overheating and some follow up phone calls. I hope to get back to exercising, too, but with no deadline this year to stay in shape, I'm going to have to find a new motivator. I have no excuse this week in finding the time and since I'm in a good routine with food and meds, that's no excuse either. I can pull back a notch but still the routines just fine I'm sure. But only first thing in the morning with out this bloomin' heat.

The weekend also gave me reprieve in answering homeschool questions, but I'm sure that's about to explode again as more details in our school district come out. Plus, the mayor decided to mandate that everyone start wearing masks all the time, indoors and out, and kids 6th grade and up in our school district have to as well. There's been an uptick in cases again.Our small group friends aren't even sure about going to church on Aug. 2nd and are fine with being together at the Smiths every week. I'm waiting to see what KP's protocols will be when deciding if I'm going to continue in the nursery or even in a different area. We shall see. Abishai needs to see others his age and if we aren't doing our playgroup with homeschooling, he's very limited. The older kids have youth group. Sigh.  I just wish it would all go away and be like the flu. Even my homeschool suggestions have had to be reframed to "if co ops resume" "if DNR has classes" "if sports teams are a go." We are all suffering in this limbo. But if our ancestors could do that through wars that lasted years, so can we. And so we shall.

Sunday, Day 4 Post Op. Tried to chew soft foods. Not fun. Had to soft. Back to purees.

Abishai was keeping Daddy company when he was keeping an eye on the pool as it was refilling. It still didn't work. Sigh. Maybe the top ring needs reinflated.

Naps and snacks.

Time for a little storm? No, but it did stop the Brickyard 400 at the IMS today. They went ahead and had the event but no one was allowed to attend. It's the annual stock car race at Indy. There was a large amount of car crashes, especially in pit row and one tire changer was hurt. Weird and crazy day for them I'm sure.

Abishai needed a double wide track for his monster trucks. He wanted me to use a bunch of tape to secure it. Well, I came up with a non tape way. I took the connector pieces from an older track and stuck the ends in some slits I mad int he box. Tada! Now two monster trucks can drive up the sides and crash into each other and the other cars up there.

I didn't feel up to taking picture of the process like I normally do, but here's the end results. Abishai's is on the left with two layers of two different kinds of pepperoni, cheese, and green pepper with the "fake" melty cheese on top. He literally was trying to find all kinds of things to put on it for toppings like fruit snacks and raisins. I said no. Justin's is on the right.

Cheese and green peppers for Keturah.

Abishai wanted to use the real cutting wheel to cut his pizza.

The End