Year 5, August 3rd-6th, 2020: When the Music Fades.....

I think there's a song that starts like that, a Christian song, "When the music fades, and all is stripped away, and I simply come...." It's called "The Heart of Worship." It has nothing to do with what happened today, but you know you're a CCM fan when phrases from songs like that pop into your head. Lol. But seriously. I think I talked about it at the tail end of yesterday's blog post, but when the party's over, all you have is memories and a mess. (Those could be song lyrics, too, but I digress.) I went to bed a bit upset because Benaiah canceled his chiropractor appointment last minute claiming he's an adult now and controls his schedule. And then today, he farts twice under Justin's bed overs on Justin's bed just because he could AND he leaves his computer on to waste energy AND he forgets the expensive black CFA bag. And claims he can't afford new socks. Hm,....adult, young adult, kid...still not sure on this one. We debated not bringing him the bag, but what's the point. We all do that sometimes. It's rare that he does it and asks for help. And I didn't want that bag in the house longer than it needed to be because I didn't want to be liable for it. So Jared and Abishai dropped it off to him after supper. Benaiah was also supposed to bring stuff over to Leah's house yesterday afternoon but didn't because he spent more time at his D group's BBQ than he originally thought. He said he'd do it Wednesday. Um, why not between the time you wake up and go to work on Monday or Tuesday? Just because I need to move slow doesn't mean you have to. Ok, fine, whatever, at some point, his stuff will be in the hallway. Maybe tomorrow so I can work on rearranging the room. Jared's adamant about making the beds. I'm not happy with that. I still need to discuss details with him before he purchases materials. Sigh.

I spent the day sulking around, trying to move forward. I put away everything from the open house. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I had kept things organized, so that helped. We had leftovers all day long. Keturah ended up eating 3 burgers, 5 fruit cups, ice cream, lots of candy, and a few vegetables. She had peanut butter and celery for dinner because I don't want them eating up all the good protein for every meal. Good grief! One hot dog or one hamburger a day! We already ate one whole pan of stuff in two days! I guess I won't be freezing any of it. She did take Socks on a walk around the block before the thunderstorms came through. Socks got to meet Quinn's dog, Chaney and they got along ok, so that's good. I got Justin and Keturah to take showers at least today. Chores got done. Screen time was had. Things are slowly coming together. It's a very quiet week, thank goodness. Caught up on the blog. I'm tired. I'm done.

Kids went back to "school" today with two elearning days because the mayor in his infinite wisdom says Wednesday is better than Monday but the school district couldn't wait that long. The elearning was all orientation and lasted maybe an hr. Yes, it was supposed to be two days worth. I don't know, and I really don't care at this point. But I am tired of people putting questions about how to log into their elearning on the township chat. There's gotta be other chat groups for that! Or call the school!

Interesting way to start off the school year from the youth group. I didn't see "at home" or "homeschool" in there though. Sigh. Still outcasted and not thought of. Thanks.

With our babies 12 years ago. Pregnant at similar times. Braelyn, Sheryl Morning's granddaughter is on the left, then me and Keturah, and then Betty Flagle's daughter and grandson on the right. They are all in the same grade, 7th, this year, I suppose.

Benaiah thought Justin's bed was more fun to roll into or something and then fart in, twice, so much so that I smelled it down the hall. We had to open the window with the a/c running!

Get out of my bed!

We are so glad this didn't happen on Saturday! We only got a light sprinkle. But all Gary could think about on his way back from wherever was when could he mow his lawn. Not today, that's for sure.

Abishai had to ask me what the red guys and yellow guys were, but somehow he dedued that the red guys go in the chuck wagon and shot down the yellow guys. I don't know if he saw some cowboys and Indians on YouTube or what. I certainly didn't teach him that.

"The red guys have to take up all the parts of the earth/planet that God created," Abishai told Grandma. Combining a few storylines, are we? Lol. Creative play at its' best I guess!

Jared texted me this afternoon about something, and I texted back, "Well, I've weeded the flower bed, vacuumed the car, washed/dried/put away a load of laundry and a load of dishes, kept the kids alive, answered emails, and rearranged the boys' room. #winning " It's not a competition, but I needed to write it out to tell myself I did enough today. I did take some what seemed like LONG rests but I did do enough. I started the day tired, but trudged on. I'm just kind of mopey I guess. Not much to answer on social media now that the kids are back in school. I only did the boys' room and vacuumed the car because I felt like it. Just taking that next step. Benaiah will move his things to the other house tomorrow. He could have done some of it today, but choose to go out with Ava today. He'll go out with Ava for brunch tomorrow and THEN move stuff, so there's no point in waiting. In fact, if you wait around for Jared or Benaiah to actually do something, you'll be waiting for a long time. I've had to learn to work around them. I do as much as I can without them. So I scooted Benaiah's clothes to the living room and very gently pushed his computer parts to another part of the boys room. Then I moved his bed and cords and cleaned and whatever else. Justin did help me. Now it's Justin's turn to arrange his Legos how he wants to. I would buy him the containers he wants but the budget says no. Probably for Christmas. He'll have to start sorting and making do for the moment. Same goes for the Lego plates that will go on the Lego table. It would be nice to do it all at once, but the budget doesn't allow for that. Oh, I got the finances straightened out again, including paying ourselves back for items with our HSA money, so I'm happy about that. It wasn't much of a mess, but I like to know exactly what we have and what the next few bills/steps are. It's not nice having medical bills or not having enough HSA money to cover new ones or not having an HSA debit card that works. But we are better now. Not caught up by any means, but I know where we are at.

So, yes, I'm tired. I'm sore, too. I tried to scrape off the bun from the hamburgers from the open house but I couldn't get it all and I think the gluten is yes, still getting to me. I ate three of them I think over the last few days. Plus leaning over in the garden instead of squatting and I haven't exercised in over a a week. But, I did move a lot today and we were outside this evening while Daddy was at Bible study. We told Daddy we would pick him up from Bible study so he wasn't late coming home. We ended up seeing many neighbors plus stopping at Grandpa's, too. Abishai had ice cream at home and then a cookie at Grandma's house. We saw Raquel and Sophia, Debi on her way to Wal-mart and on her way back, the black Justin on his moped going to Bible study, Grandma and Grandpa, then Jim and Adrienne and Kristen, and finally Jeremy. I briefly saw Erica get in her vehicle to go to the store. Yup, I think that's just about everybody! And the lady who rides an adult trike did her laps around the neighborhood. See! You just have to get outside and in your front yard if you want to see people. So then we walked Daddy home. Except Abishai hadn't had enough people time so he wanted to tell Jeremy and Jim all about everything. It's so cute to here him say "Jim" instead of Mr. Jim or Mr. Smith. Anyway, that was a good way to end the day.

Tonight's the last night Abishai will sleep in his tent in the fireside room. We may set the tent up in the boys' room though, so it's not his last night in the tent. But, we'll see. I have some ideas. I will was Benaiah's bedding and thoroughly vacuum the bed. And then if/when he moves all his desk stuff, we'll get rid of the plywood and vacuum all in that corner too, setting it up for puzzles. OOOO, I can put a couple of toy boxes under there, too, perhaps. Not enough to block the vent though. I'm glad it's a quiet week and we don't have to stress about getting kids to school or on a bus or figuring out elearning or who their teacher is, etc. What a nightmare. And they did nothing productive for the last two days, and yet they will call it part of their 180 days of attendance. Are you kidding me?! Makes me so mad! Our tax dollars at work! Not! I will not be voting for any more rise in taxes if it's for schools. The budget is ample enough and has been increased every year. That's not the answer. Anyway, back to my lane. I have our region to cover plus the one south of us, so I need to be on the alert. I haven't been posting as much this week just because of my own mood. I'd rather go work on the house than sit on social media right now. I don't feel pressured by the home projects because we are in the home stretch. But I also don't want to see the first day of school for everyone. Perhaps I'll plan a day at the water park next week when it warms up again. It's only 75 degrees this week and 55 at night. Too cold for August! So it feels like fall and school weather. But it's going to get super hot again for awhile longer. Now I'm rambling. Nothing much else to report. Abishai is cute. Justin is clueless. Keturah is redecorating her room again. Benaiah is working. Jared wants to sleep. I want to watch TV. The End.

See, that's why I take photos. I almost forgot this! I remembered to tell Jared, but forgot when I sat down at my computer. Abishai wanted his friends to have breakfast with him. So he got out 4 fruit cups, one for each of them and himself. He then ate two of them himself of course, but how cute!

Abishai likes "jelly bread" or a sandwich wit grape and and strawberry jelly in it. He then asked for a pickle and mustard (not meat) sandwich. I said I would only make it if he was still hungry. He wasn't still hungry after the jelly bread, but I'm pretty sure he would have eaten it if I had the mustard and pickle sandwich.

I haven't vacuumed the car since we took Socks to see Granny Annie for her birthday a few months ago. So, yes, it's mostly dog hair, which is the worst to clean up thoroughly. Next time, we need to use a sheet!

Other side of the back seat, but this is after I vacuumed.

The sunflower pollen matches my tablecloth! I tried wiping it with a dry paper towel thinking I would brush it into my hand, but nope. The pollen was damp enough to stick to the paper towel Fun times!

Abishai decided to roll in the pile of dog fur that Justin had brushed out of the dog. And then Justin put the fur down Abishai's shirt, or maybe Abishai did it to himself. Either way, what a mass of dog hair!

I'm pretty sure I vacuumed under this bed less than 6 months ago when we switched out the mattresses. Ew! Lots of Legos, too.

A panoramic of the progress so far.

Poor Socks didn't know what was going on and couldn't find a bed to lay down on so we had to make some room for him.

Where we finished for the day.

I'm so glad we were able to fit the TV and stand and drum set in a more secluded spot. Then it won't be such an eyesore to me. That whole wall in the middle will be Justin's job to rearrange. I think the bookshelf in the foreground will stay there and I might put the yellow folding chair there as a reading nook. The computer parts will go with Benaiah.

Boys' Room Tour So Far

Some of Keturah's final touches. She will move her Lego sets to where her stuffed animals are as soon as Daddy puts up the animal net again. She plans to do school work here. This is perfect for her! She hung the blanket to make a backdrop between the desk and the mini couch.

I'm not super crazy about the art drawers being up there, but it works and uses vertical space. I'm sure these things will be moved around a hundred times more, so I 'm staying out of it.

After we moved the dresser out of her room (her clothes are in the drawers that are part of the bed frame), she set up the rest of her American Girl doll stuff. Again, I'm sure it will change, again and again. She calls this the AG outdoor space.

Here's the inside of the American Girl doll "house" and her couch. She is using her couch to watch her screen time on. She's a very privileged young lady. A loft bed, a desk, and her own reading nook. Crazy!

The smell of a fresh bag of coffee is amazing! I bought this as a fundraiser for a family that is adopting from the Ukraine and they are on their way right now to get him! Finally!

It's the last night that the tent will be in the fireside room, thank goodness! I'm so tired of walking around these thing to get to other things.

Nope, it's not morning. It's the sun setting on the other side of the house peeking over the roof of the house to the east side.

We got hot playing soccer. He won! Yummy!

We made this sign for Daddy to come home to. I had to shorten the phrase that Abishai wanted to use. But I think you get the point.

Well, I nearly missed my counseling appointment, again. It's a good thing it's over FaceTime. But as  I was telling her my two week saga, and reliving the emotional moments, wow, no wonder I'm mopey this week. Extreme emotions. I'm not used to it! I'm so exhausted this week! And sore. Probably because I gave up my workouts last week and then haven't added them back in this week. I was going to today and just didn't. But Benaiah moved out today after brunch with Ava. They didn't get back until 1:30 but made quick work of it. I was kind of surprised. Now, I'm just left with the mess. I got the floor vacuumed under his desk but then it was supper time and I didn't have time to dust the shelves and walls. I'll have to finish that tomorrow. While I waited for him, I moved Keturah's dresser into my "office closet" to help with getting boxes up off the floor. It did help some. And now I can visually see better what I need to wokr on, some day, not today. Probably in the middle of winter when I'm bored or something. Boredom? What's that? Lol. But Benaiah didn't give me much of a "good bye" which, yes, it did hurt. I mean, I know it's not college. But if he's pretending it is, I wanted a good farewell. I just got a grunt and "I didn't want that toothpaste." He didn't want to come back for supper so we went over to him and bring him the clothes he had forgotten. I won't be doing that every day. Leah stops by often enough so if mail comes for him or something, I will just give it to her.

Jared also brought gear over to Jim's house to cut down that branch for him. And, he managed to do it! Scared Adienne, but hey, it got done. So, for the third night in a row we were over there, or is it tomorrow night will be the third night? Anyway, sometimes it feels like we live over there. I wish it was the other way around.

Uh oh, Abishai has now come out for the third time from his room complaining about something. We set up his tent in the boys' room for the time being. I will want to transition him probably to Benaiah's bed, but it was easier at this point. At least I thought so. First it was too dark, then there was an ant, now I don't know what the third reason was. Buddy, it's been a long day. It's 9:40 pm. Go to sleep!  So, Justin is now in his spot in the fireside room again, and I had to send him out to the garage because he was talking to his friend too much. He's enjoying the new gaming set up in his room. I need to put limits on that because Benaiah gave him some other games for it. It's not internet connected (at least I don't think so). I really don't want them to have TV's in their room, but I allowed it because of Rock Band and the drumming. Now, I'm not so sure. We'll have to talk it over tomorrow.

And that's our day. I'll do more cleaning and rearranging tomorrow. I think I will start fresh next week with school stuff. I don't see myself pulling my brain together enough this week. I'm ok with that. We've done so much over the last 4 months. We just need to finish well and settle down again. Back into school work for sure. Tweak the routines. And rest. Lots of rest. I push myself too hard. I haven't been on a vacation since New Year's. Every week I go at it my to do list with gusto. I need a change of scenery. I need to just lay still and read my book. Maybe this weekend will be that kind of weekend.But for now, I'll keep muddling through. Staying home. Staying safe. Round and round and round. Sigh.

It's great to have friends!

Sleepy boys.

Last morning seeing the big one here in this bed. Bittersweet.

Time to "move out" to Grandma's house! See, this is why we kept the truck! Reminds me of going to college though.

Getting through the last bits and bobs.

Too many electronics! Have fun with all this gear laying around Grandpa!

Benaiah's 1st iPod. Or was it his second? I let him toss it. It was an iPod 5 or something.

Good bye!

Benaiah was complaining that I was keeping too many cardboard boxes again. But see, we've been using and reusing them!

This is disgusting. It's mostly wood bits from Benaiah's chair. Ugh.

He's even toting the girlfriend with him! Lol. It's just around the corner. They are fine.

See you later, Son!

Going....going...

And he's gone!

Less shoes, less laundry, less fried smell from CFA.

No more OSB board on my floor! Woot! Woot!

75 degrees today with a light breeze! All windows open so I can at least feel like I'm outside while I work.

Oh crud, we are going to have to put new rules into place here.

Oh boy. He's weird. But that's why I married him.

Went to see Benaiah, played with Grandma instead.

See, this is why we left this box of Legos here!

Miah's new set up. Don't ruin that table! I want it someday!

He's SOOOO weird! And fun!

What a great impromptu photo!

I spent Thursday cleaning up the aftermath of moving the big kid out. Jared is concerned that with me sharing what I've been up to, I'm sending a mixed signal to Benaiah that I wanted him out or that he's super messy. That's not the case. His mess is an embarrassment to me only because I did not look after it. I didn't clean up his area or insist that he do it. He knows how to clean. I know how to clean. But we don't always prioritize it. We are actually much cleaner and neater than Jared's room was when I met him. I have just a few rules of cleanliness, no food left out or open drink cups that can be spilled or collect critters, no dirty clothes stinking up everything (which, I obviously failed on this one with Keturah's bedding especially), and I need to have pathways to windows and doors uncluttered by toys in case of an emergency. So, when you see a soiled tabletop, well, it happens. My own desk is just as bad sometimes. I cleaned my own computer keys just a month ago. Benaiah closed up all his food items when he was done with them. Things just fall down. Dog hair collects under a bed. So, these next photos will show some of the grime I had to clean. I wasn't mad. I just find it crazy that in 3 yrs time, it would get this bad.

As far as the this whole moving out thing, we had planned this a couple of months ago. This was a mutual discussion and decision. He wants to be more independent and doesn't feel like he fits into our daily family dynamic and routine since he's been away at high school for 4 years and then at work or church every other part of the day. We have had plenty of time this spring to work on relationships and for him to get used to it, but to be honest, it was time for him to find his new normal now as a working adult, and someday college student. I have NOT been overly giddy about this. I've been plodding along, moping in fact, crying, just trying to keep moving to the next step this week. I was anxious and on top of it just because it had been planned and we finally put the plan in motion. Seeing some of our rooms open up a bit is bittersweet. Bitter of course because Benaiah isn't here. But, it also affirms for me, that we have too much stuff for our space. We squeeze 6 kids, a dog, 3,000 books, and all the toys, into 2,000 sq ft. (plus the shed). Most of my friends don't, or they learned long ago how to get rid of things. Or they don't have kids that span 13 years so they are able to permanently git rid of or store toys for younger kids. Or they have tons of closet space. Or any number of reasons. I want to be a good homemaker and I make progress every week in my attitude and habits and abilities. So, yes, it's a relief to "get rid of" two small truck loads of stuff. It helps us to breathe a bit and reminds me that it's not just my fault we feel cramped. And for someone who is extremely self critical, it boosts my self esteem a lot. 

So, I'm sad that I do not have direct contact and influence every day on Benaiah anymore. I'm not sad that his stuff is gone. Well, some of it did stay behind, but it's in the garage on a shelf where it was before. And, because it was the plan, we could move around the other pieces of the plan, get Abishai moved back into the boys' room, and I can access our school books once more. Remember, Abishai moved out of the boys' room because he couldn't sleep because of Benaiah's snoring. It's a fact, not a criticism. And sometimes, when you have felt so stuck, so stagnant for months because of lockdown, finally getting to work your plan feels so good. We've done so much for our home these last few months, and I'm going to have to tell myself that often as I switch gears back to homeschooling. I've got my little side projects, but I can't be spending much time on homemaking during the school year. And that's ok. Everything has a season. 

Since I haven't had much communication with Benaiah, I don't know what he really thinks. I did tell him to just say "ok" when he receives my texts because my phone won't tell me he's read it because he has an Android and I have an iPhone. I don't expect a lot of communication, but I do care. We will need to find a new rhythm of visits, more than just Sunday dinner since we typically aren't staying the whole afternoon like we did before we went to Canada. We don't plan on visiting him every day either. We just happened to have reasons to walk over every day this week from Bible study, to his move out day, to picking up a car seat tomorrow so we can go to the park and drop off the rest of his clothes that I washed. I'm hoping he can pick a morning or evening that he's off that he can come consistently visit. He holds date night with Ava dear to his heart, but I would like some "Miah" time, too. Kind of like he would call home once a week if he was at college like Jared and I did with our parents. Actually, I might have done every other week. And I realized that, again, I starting crying and "asking forgiveness" of my parents for not picking up the phone more often in college or even when they moved to Indiana. I didn't do it out of spite, but everything was so new and I had Jared and Gary and Leah. I wasn't homesick. I think it would have been a little bit harder if I didn't already have a supportive network out here.  I was a little bit too excited to finally have daily contact with my boyfriend/fiance' after dating long distance for nearly a year. And you can't blame me there. Lol.

So, I cleaned, and cleaned, and cleaned, just because I could. So much so that I exhausted myself. Hooray for a quiet weekend to recover!

 

Pictures are totally out of order and since I'm a day behind as it is, I'm just going to leave them. I cleaned all day, obviously some things got cleaned first, middle and last. End of story.

After the first round of cleaning the Benaiah's table and walls he used as his desk.

Side project is to write down all the DVD's we have and if we watched them into a spreadsheet and then decide if we can get rid of them or not since most things can be borrowed from the library or bought again digitally. The DVD's yes, the CD's, well, I consider those my personal collection and collectibles, so maybe not. But, it's a project that has been waiting for years and will continue to wait. I finally have all my books sorted and labels on the shelves, so that was a good start to those projects with no due date.

Will I actually do a puzzle? Time will tell.

Gross.

Yup!

I love this stool!

But now I keep lookin at it and it looks weird. Maybe the colors weren't supposed to come off? Or it was colored on for so many years I got used it that way.

My biggest pet peeve is putting boxes in front of bookcases!

I did put the stuffed animals and some Lego boxes back up on the bed after I took this photo. Both things will be put elsewhere once the room is completed with the triple bunk, including turning this bed frame into a Lego table.

That's what I wanted crates for! Or a skinny mini bookcase! Those brown boxes are very old piano books from my grandparents and great grandparents. I hate brown boxes, but I totally forgot that's what I needed to add to my list of "keep an eye out for." These boxes don't bother me as much since they are not blocking anything. I will probably put a shelf of some kind in their place, so I won't be claiming any real estate by finishing the project.

The good police are helping Batman take back his lair!

I think I had hung this up before and then placed it down on the ground in a big storm, so I put it back up finally. It's weather worn because it's been sitting outside our front door for most of our marriage.

I was taking down the ladybug and tulip I had put in the front window months ago and decided to actually clean the windows, inside, and then I decided to do the outside and then I decided that why not, I'll do a bit of cleaning on the light, too. I wasn't too meticulous about it though since we hardly ever turn it on.

I was in such a cleaning mood, that I even cleaned the front windows and dusted the whole living room! It was better than crying or being on social media mad over everybody's decisions about their child's education..

I have a feeling that now that Abishai is back in his room with Justin, these two will bond even more. Justin was actually showing Abishai real chess moves. And then later on, Abishai dragged some of the toys into their room so that they wouldn't have to walk back and forth. He follows Justin around a lot. I'm grateful for Justin's big heart and his help.

This is quite annoying. Because Benaiah used the armrest to hold things, this side has flattened out so oddly and I doubt there's any way to fix it besides putting in more cushioning, which is something I won't attempt. Jared and the kids don't care. But, this couch was Gary and Leah's and it wasn't that old when they gave it to us. Frustrating.

Here's the other one in comparison. We do leave the controllers on it sometimes, but it's not nearly as bad.

Pretty pop up card for a certain someone's birthday.

My mom's favorite bird was the cardinal. The cardinal is Indiana's state bird. White paper birches are New Hampshire's state tree (the purple finch is the NH state bird and purple lilac is the state flower). And we have a cardinal in our yard right now! I saw it today (and the next day!)!

Today's funny story. So, I was putting the card out in the mailbox and when I opened the mailbox, I discovered this bucket of vegetables. We had been walking towards Leah's house when she passed us on the road to drop them off. She backed up and put them in the mailbox. Well, I didn't remember when I got home to take them out. So today, there they were. Imagine if the mailman had come by first! What would he had thought?! Whoops!

I promised myself that I would spend time outside today on this gorgeous 77 degree day so here I am. I spent over an hour reading. So far, the TV show followed the book quite closely. I did get a little backstory on the main character's father's death and a little more detail about the first wedding of his cousin and friend. So, we'll see.

Well, this explains it. Are kids actually going to sit "in class" for each class period? Maybe there's a way that they have to show their face and not just an avatar. Who knows. But on Fridays, all these kids have to be on their computers at home for 6 hrs a day starting at 8:20 am with 10 minute passing periods and maybe a longer lunch. Every single Friday. I guess that's what they would be doing in school, just not staring at a screen. They should provide some kind of blue light filter glasses for these kids or something!  Crazyiness!

Sunset, per usual. I did have Bible study tonight and it was fine. We went through the material pretty quickly, and the small talk was just small talk. At least Erica was in a more talkative mood. I was very glad to see that. I'm sure she's been stressed about work and the kids and finding their routine, but with the three kids in school while she's at work, it eases the situation a bit.

The End