Year 7, July 18th-24th, 2022: Playing in the Land of the Living

 Monday - The Day After

- It's Monday. Time to get some work done. But first, I needed a shower. Check. And I had to get Abishai's shirt for Tang Soo Do down, check, but barely. I had to dry the laundry in stages, like leave the bath towels out because it was going to take forever for everything to dry in time. Email the organizer for the IAHE event coming up in less than two weeks at the Central library, check, I'll call her on Wednesday. Go over what documents I need to print for that event and what materials I've low on and contact Molly to see what she has, check and check. Play my video games, check. Watch Grogu videos with Abishai, check. 

- What else? Kya came over. She and Justin went with Abishai and I to Tang Soo Do class like they did last week. Keturah and Abishai got to play in the pool after class. Over the last two days, two much sand filtered up into the mechanism and now the handle of the filter won't move. Whoops, so we have to take that apart now. But can't get to that tomorrow because Keturah, Abisahi and I have a field trip to Central library branch downtown to see behind the scenes. I want to see the inner workings like how they move the books around and how they sanitize them. We might have already been on a library tour before or I'm remembering one from a different place altogether. I'm not sure. But it should be interesting. I have a few questions to ask as well. Maybe about the event I'm doing with them, and maybe about their current homeschool material section.  So, we'll see how it goes. And then tomorrow night I go with out with the ladies for Mom's Night out. Wednesday is women's Bible study morning at NPBC, yeah! So, I'll be spending time in the land of the living, which is the cure for all the gruesome murders that happened yesterday afternoon and evening.

- I was also saddened during the day because on Sunday there were 3 separate violent attacks in our area. A 22 yr old shot and killed 3 adults in the shopping mall we frequent. A 22 yr old shot and killed the 20 yr old original gunman. The mall has a no guns policy but I'm glad that the 22 yr old exercised his right to bear arms in this state where the law is constitutional carry. Which means, the State of Indiana will no longer require a handgun permit to legally carry, conceal or transport a handgun within the state. What scares me is that these young men are Benaiah's age. One looks a lot like Benaiah. And Benaiah wants to carry a handgun next year. And this is the mall that Benaiah and Ava frequent. In fact, a friend's son and girlfriend was there near the shooting. And another friend was in another part of the mall with her daughter. I'm sure I have plenty of connections as well. Police did show up right away and didn't hesitate to get in there, unlike a situation a month ago at a school in Texas where they spent an hour coming up with a plan, which let the gunman kill 22 kids. Many off duty officers also reported to the scene. So our law encforcement did their job well. The mall is about 20 minutes from our house and we pass it all the time when we go to our appointments. It's the mall where we got our original wedding rings. It's the mall that we've taken the kids to the most, where I breastfed the kids, where Kellie and I have gone to Barnes and Noble. And it was a Sunday afternoon at 5pm that some kid who lived in the apartments around the corner just walked in and decided to kill people. He had a not so good family situation either, but it could have been way worse, too. Awful.

- But then, reports came in that there had been a fatal shooting much closer to home at a playground on 9th Ave in Beech Grove just a few miles away, a street we used frequently when going to our Beech Grove house, somewhat random but somewhat revengeful, I don't know. And later on, less than a mile south of there, in a neighborhood, another fatal shooting. And then on the eastside, E. 33rd St., where there's usually a lot of crime, another fatal shooting. And I think this morning, a toddler was struck and killed in a hit and run. So much tragedy in my own backyard! It makes me not leave the house! But needs must. I got home from Tang Soo Do quickly and quietly.

- We ended the day on a high note. Abishai desparately wanted to swim. So, Justin, Keturah and I wrangled the pool cover off, and Abishai jumped in! His first words were, "It's cold!" Yes dear, it hasn't warmed up. Keturah said the same thing. They lasted about 45 minutes. Lots of chattering of teeth. We found some sand from the filter on the bottom of the pool, uh oh. The water was still clear though. I think the sand had just somehow backed up into the pipes or something. Then I went to filter nozzle to see if I could backwash it out. And well, the handle wouldn't move! I could kind of feel or maybe hear the crunching of sand so I immediately thought that perhaps the sand had floated to the top and gotten stuck. So I looked it up and sure enough, yes, it does happen that sand get up in the handle. And the only thing I can do is try to spray it down with a hose but I have to undo it all after cutting the power to it. No fun! I certainly couldn't do all of that tonight because the sun is going down. So we turned it all off and just let the kids have fun. I'll try to tackle it tomorrow, but we have a field trip, too. I'll try to pick up the testing kit, too when I pick up Justin. But for now, we'll just leave the filter off so it doesn't keep pushing sand into the pool.

- We do have some strict rules around the pool. The buddy system, no one swims alone. That means that at a second person has to be around at all times watching the person swimming. The second person doesn't have to be swimming, but they have to be within earshot of the swimming person. I can see the pool from the kitchen window and I can the kids when I'm in the sunroom so I'm good with that if both kids are in the pool. If there was only Abishai in the pool, I would be outside on the deck at least. If Keturah was by herself in the pool, I'd probably be ok with just being in the sun room. I have a huge fear of a kid drowning so i would take a bunch of caution. And if pool rules are broken, if arguing is heard, I will be the strictest momma in town over it. Instant grounded. I'm not messing around with it. They both whined for me to get their googles and their water bottles. I told them tough. I am not going to be fetching all their stuff and going back and forth. It's too much for me to be out in the heat and humidity with my skin ailments right now. My physical pain is high right now, too. And today I have a sore neck from sleeping wrong on it. They have to gather what they need from inside the house before they get in the pool. Once they are out, then they are out. And once they come in, then they are in until the next session. I will allow multiple sessions a day of  30 min minimum a day, Like morning, afternoon and after dinner kind of sessions. I'm not doing the every 10 minutes live in your wet bathing suit back and forth thing. We also have to establish a routine that makes sure that the inside floor doesn't get super wet. So we take turns in the little bathroom only. Abishai can strip off his clothes outside when it's just us. Keturah will need to learn how to dry the ends of her hair better. They have to wipe up any footprints they make. And they have to get along. If they start fighting, they have to instantly get out. We will not be disturbing the neighbors. And so far, so good. The first swim went really well and they had a lot of fun!

- We all spent the afternoon resting and had leftovers for dinner. Daddy took Abishai for an after supper practice on his bike and then short swim. They played some video games, and then it was off to bed. It's an early night for me as well, as I have Bible study in the morning. I just hope that I'm well enough to go because I'm just not feeling great. I finally took some excedrin migrain, the kind with tylenol, and some bendadryl, so if I get sleepy, then I can just go to sleep. I put some lotion on as well. Time for some TV and everybody, just leave me alone, because Mommy just doesn't want to deal with anything else. My stomach hurts, too. And I don't really want to each much. I did have the thought that it might be the flu or Covid, but I told myself I wouldn't go get tested, so, I have that dilemma. Sigh. What to do, what to do. We'll see how I feel the rest of this evening and in the morning.

Baby Bunny made his appearance this morning when Daddy left for work.

I had to hold Abishai back from getting closer but Baby Bunny decided he wanted to hop closer to us! He's not very afraid of us I guess! We both decided that Baby Bunny came for some pettings. This is not a zoomed in photo by the way. He really was just a yard away. Very handsome cottontail rabbit. He was eating the leaves on one of my plants, though!

Hey, don't eat my flowers! Beautiful bunny, though! I could just scoop him up in my arms!

I've heard this before but it's some great reminders.

#TeamIAHE

The current chemicals we have on hand, and none of them are helpful except the household bleach. We need something in between, really. And backing soda if our pH is low. I've been watching YouTube videos on pool chemistry today. The shock treatments especially are way too harsh. The clarify we have inside and the one that Jared used in the pool on Saturday are ok to use when needed. The bleach will be fine as a once a week treatment. We'll see! I hope we don't mess this up!

It's not good when your town makes national headlines because of a shooting and it shows up on the Facebook news feed.

Yup, this was one of the other shootings near to where Leah shops and where our bank is. Also where our first apartment is. It's just a couple of miles west of us.

Same time frame, just a half mile north of the other shooting at a park on a road we used to take all the time to our Beech Grove house. Also, just a few steps away from an elementary school, a rich neighborhood, and a home that used to belong to a relative of Shauna's. Oh, and an overpass of the major highway that goes around Indianapolis. All three shootings happening in one Sunday afternoon. Ugh.

Dude, you need to dive over the bar, not jump over it! And then tuck and land on your shoulder and roll. He and another guy didn't quite get the memo. But they got to do some very different and fun things this evening in class.

Working on "chambering" or getting their kick and punch ready and then kicking and punching out with control and knocking the block off. Very different exercise than they've done before.

First time for Keturah to go in the pool. Abishai insisted that he go in the pool after Tang Soo Do. It was 7:45pm, but I obliged. I'm glad I did. Lots of fits and giggles from these two. It's the bonding time they need and the reason for the pool in the first place. Just as long as they continue to strictly obey the rules, it's going to go very well.

Summer evenings. It was cool out today, but it's going to be over 90 degrees this week. Perfect timing. And then momma doesn't have to sit in the sun and get a headache.

Abishai put on all the floaties at once and rolled around in the water like a blob!

I'm going to have to find that special swimmer's shampoo for Keturah.

Oh boy, all that swimming is causing the pool to overflow. It's not 100% level so there's going to be some spillage. I just don't want it to erode the underside of the pool on this side. I did show Jared when he got home. We did our best with it. It's imperfect, just like us and the rest of our house. We can always run the drain and filter to drain the pool some more, too. Normally it would be in backwash mode but I can't move the handle, so filter it is.

You crazies! It's not even 80 degrees right now! But I'm glad they are having a blast.

Yup, this week has the perfect weather for lots of pool time. And yes, Lego really is 90 years old. Not so much the plastic bricks you know as Lego bricks today, but the original wooden toys are 90 years old. The Lego brick pattern was patented in 1958, although an earlier version was being produced in 1947. Lego means "play well" in Danish. Did you know the HQ of Lego is actually in Billund, Denmark? Yup! It's on all our bucket lists to go there and take the tour of the factory there, and to the Lego House they built. The vault with all the sets ever made is also housed there. It's quite the complex now. There are other plants and warehouses and theme parks now here in the United States and Canada and maybe other places, too. But if you get the newsletter and watch the main updates, they come from Denmark and Danish people are speaking. It's awesome!

Tuesday

- We were supposed to go to the Central Library downtown for a field trip but I woke up with a bit of vertigo and a big feeling of "my body hurts everywhere." From my neck being still stiff from taking my nap with two pillows under my head instead of two, to my nerves shooting down my legs weird, to all my leg muscles and lower back and even my upper arm muscles feeling sore, to just feeling so lethargic and tired, I knew I couldn't handle an outing, so I cancelled. It was a small group that was going and there was no waiting list and no cost, but I hate canceling last minute. It was a new group of people, too, that I really do need to meet up. Plus, I wasn't going to get myself pulled together in time. Because of the vertigo, I was moving really slowly and couldn't rush breakfast and getting out the door with two kids. I had set my alarms for 7, 7:15 and 7:30 but just couldn't get up. Abishai came in to see me as well. And to tell me that Daddy wasn't there to take Justin to work. I had to text Jared to remind him. I mean, I could do it on a normal day but at that point, I wasn't upright yet and I didn't know how bad the vertigo was yet. I've driven with vertigo and in a pinch I can do it, but it's oh so nice when Jared can step in and I don't have to push myself. He is also going to bring Justin home. I could do it and wanted to do it so I could look at the pool supplies, but it's nicer to just stay safe in the coolness of the house and stay out of the sunshine and not get itchy again and fight the vertigo and all that. I really just want to lay down, but the guppies had other plans.

- Abishai's first thought after I told him we weren't going anywhere was to go swimming. He couldn't get his still damp gear on fast enough. Keturah was getting up and eating breakfast and she told him he had to wait 10 minutes for her food to settle. She was excited to get back in the pool, too, so yeah! I haven't heard her giggle or see her smile, especially with a sibling in quite some time. So I know we made a smart decision and I've seen God work out all the details with this particular large purchase. I just hope I don't screw it up with the filter and chemicals. And so, when Keturah was ready, the two litttle fishies went out to play for 1 whole hour! It was glorious! We went over the rules again, that Abishai can't be in the pool unless one of us is at least watching him. So when Keturah went up front to get a basketball from the garage, Abishai got out of the pool for a few minutes. I was actually just inside the door in the sunroom so it would have been fine BUT I had said the rule that one of us had to be OUTside, not just in the sunroom, so well done children. Both of them located their googles and drinks and took them outside before getting wet. I'm not requiring them to put away all the toys this week because we don't have a box for the toys yet and I know they will be in the pool each day. I'm watching the weather and as long as there's no wind, I'm find with them being left out. I hope to find a deck box that has holes in the bottom for all their stuff, but Aldi might be a bit past that. And I'll look at Meijer sales as well. Jared said they got one for Nellie for $200. I'm not spending that much on a deck box. I'll get a plastic laundry basket instead and drill some holes in the bottom. I just know direct sunlight will discolor them. We had the blue box on wheels but then we made that the basketball balls box. I'd love to find one I could just leave right next to the pool in summer and then leave on the deck in the winter. And maybe a smaller box for the googles. I'll find something.

- We just haven't been to the stores because we've been technically broke in the checking account and the credit card balance is high and the savings is too low for the car insurance and we hesitate to bring money over from the IRS refund. We are waiting for the flipped house to sell and then we can put everything to rights again. And we get paid tomorrow. So we don't have bread or milk right now either and are making do. We want to keep showing the kids that we don't need to be instantly gratified. We can use what we already have. And we had a ton more floaties than I previously thought. We still have rice, potatoes, pasta, and meat in the freezer. Our veggies are pretty thin, but we did get all those cucumbers from Rob Brake to tide us over and we had some frozen ones as well. And some fresh green beans and two cans of green beans, so we aren't totally out yet. We have some frozen fruit. The dog doesn't have to have canned food. There's still some crackers, peanut butter and jelly, flour, muffin mixes, oatmeal, ramen noodles, mac and cheese, etc. We'll survive. And the rest is on a list for next time. We don't need ice cream and pop and chocolate and potato chips to survive. Or convenience foods like store bought bread. Just need to think ahead and wake up early and actually cook something for breakfast. Sigh. 

- Golly, I don't feel good and I'm wicked tired. My leg nerves keep acting up. I rested but didn't actually fall fully asleep. I did decide to stay home from Mom's Night Out again because I just couldn't see me driving out there and back and being in a loud restaurant, spending money on food that was going to make me feel too full. And I was hoping to help Jared fix the pool filter and work on testing the pool chemicals. Well, Jared didn't want to get into fix the filter with just a little bit of the day left, so he watched Abishai ride his bike down the driveway instead. Um, when a kid learns how to ride a two wheeler, they do it on a flat surface and without training wheels. Jared left Abishai's training wheels on and therefore Abishai is still using them as a fail safe to catch him. He's got to grow out of the bike before he actually learns how to ride a bike. Sigh. Do I have to do everything? Does Jared not remember how the others learned? Does he need a video on how to teach a kid how to read a bike? Good grief.

- Anyway, the pain got the better of me by the end of the day and I had a thorough meltdown. That's how bad it was. Hot, sticky, itchy skin, kids misbehaving, filter not done, back hurting, leg nerves misfiring, exhausted, neck hurting, headache, crying, the works. Remembering that you are chronically ill and you can't do anything normally. Remembering you've brought a lot of this on yourself. And then while you are in the middle of your pity party, your husband stops you mid sentence because you said a bad word and now your brain completely shuts off and you're dead in the water and can't think or say anything and don't want to talk to anyone for days. Yeah. Wrong move. Thanks. Go away. I'll talk again when I can think straight again or I'll make myself numb and unable to think by staying up late and be a zombie because that solves all the problems. Great. The story of my life.

I need to remember this. My mom did it, therefore I can do it. It's just a phase and it will only last 3-4 more years for the first 3 teens and then I'll just have the 1 and it will be really easy, I think.

Great, we made the Facebook news again today, complete with the face of the 20 year old. Looks like any other 20 year old. You'd never know. Same age as Benaiah. Shooting up the food court of our mall. That's OUR mall. For the whole world to see on Facebook.

#accurate

Yes, it really took half of a year to play this mine. All the click several times a day to increase each miner just a few levels. It took forever!!!

This mine!

10:30 am swim session and I can watch from the comfort of a/c inside because big sister is out there with him, yeah! When she doesn't want to, I can sit on the deck in the shade. I can both of them giggling and chattering when I sit in the sunroom, so I can sit at my desk and work and tell if they are getting along or not. It's glorious! Now I don't have to worry about taking them to the big pools constantly! No more headaches and dragging food and drink and change of clothes around!

10:30 am swim session for our guppies

I can even see them from my kitchen sink! But that's as far as I'll go in the house. I will go to the bathroom, but I don't plan on taking naps while they are in the pool or anything. Keturah might be 14, but she is not responsible for keeping her brother from drowning. She can help be the first line of defense, but I'm still the real person in charge here of course.

WOW! We even got in my Christian daily news email! Mike Pence, former VP, does live in Indiana and is from here, so that makes sense. And yes, most people are calling Eli (which is actually short for a weird spelling of Elisha or something) a Good Samaritan and a hero, despite breaking the mall's policy of having weapons while in the mall. Eli did kill the original shooter, so that will have to be sorted in court and all that. But many lives were saved. And of course the chatter is all about gun laws again. In Indiana, you can carry a handgun without a permit, it's called Constitutional carry, after the Constitutional right to bear arms, and it trumps any policy the business will put up, unless the business finds out and enforces their policy and the person doesn't comply. So, Mr. Eli isn't in trouble for carrying the weapon. He will have to confess to killing the murderer but doing it in self defense or something of that sort. But again, 20 and 22. Benaiah is 20. Benaiah could easily have been Eli. What would Benaiah have done? So scary for me. So scary. Too close for comfort.

Wednesday

- Full day. Bible study for me in the morning. Pool time for kids when I got home. A little bit of rest. Then making supper. Then Keturah, Justin and I grocery shopped while Daddy took Abishai to Tang Soo. Then we all got home between 7 and 7:15. Keturah and I put away the groceries. Abishai helped me finish up while Jared took Justin to church. Then Jared took Keturah to Ritter's for late night with her friends from 8-9pm. Then he picked up Justin at Chick-Fil-A at 9 (Justin at gotten a ride from the church to CFA). I gave Abishai a bath because his B.O. smelled like onions! I'm totally knackered! But it was a good day, and the fridge is full. 

- I spent $500 on groceries because the 4 in 1 cabana I had seen in the Aldi ad a couple of weeks ago was 50% off! I might go back for a second one so I can use one outside now and save one for Justin's open house next year. I also found a big kickboard for Abishai for $8 and then I knew the big floaties would be there for $7 each, so we got 3. And then I thought the rest was groceries. I mean I got a big thing of toilet paper. And I guess I did get another set of glassware containers with lids this time because I really want to get rid of plastic containers for leftovers. There was a couple of surprises for foods like gluten free falafal, but I had done a thorough look around to see what we really needed for groceries so there was no buying of extra. I just don't know how it got so out of hand so fast. I don't think the amount of groceries was overboard. The cart was normal full, not overflowing. Sigh. Inflation is so ridiculous I guess. I wanted to make a payment to Amazon, but I don't see how I can now. I might just have to move monies from the IRS refund to make it happen. Because even if the flipped house were to sale next week after it goes on the market, closing won't happen for 2-4 weeks. I can't wait any longer. Sigh.

- At least I felt a ton better this morning. Taking the magnesium and zinc yesterday really helped. I also took benadryl and pain medications and slept on the couch. I took more of all 4 of those today as well. Bible study at NPBC is going to be intensive study and I'm going to have to focus and put a lot of work into it, but it will be good for me. Most of the morning group is older ladies and I'm going to enjoy that. Or their kids have just left the nest recently. After the study, they were asking each other if they had planned on going to the monthly dinner and chat thing we did last month that had happened again two nights ago and some said they had forgotten or hadn't been up for it, like I hadn't been, or they weren't sure because there was so many of the younger ladies, and I piped in, oh please come, we need you older ladies. I had forgotten to sign up and I was feeling awful anyway so I didn't go, but that doesn't mean that the other ladies didn't want or need the older ones to be there. Please do go. And Nancy said, "We need you younger ladies, too." Oh bless my heart! Known, valued, and loved. When you can be in a church where the older ones and younger ones see the value of knowing each other and wanting to be with each other in everything they do instead of segregating into age groups, THAT, my friends, is a church I want to belong to. THAT is a Titus 2 church.  Don't segregate based on age. Let the young ladies join in on the Bible study with the gray hairs. There was a daughter there this morning with her mom. There were going to be a lot more moms and daughters in the evening so it's going to be quite a different dynamic for that segment of the Bible study. But if needs arise, we can attend either the morning session or the evening session the next 5 weeks. I picked morning because our evenings are full. And I also WANT to get to know the older ladies that are the heartbeat of the church. I think I got down a few more names today. And I sat next to Susan, who had seen my post yesterday about how miserable I have been. We exchanged prayer request cards to our right, and she got my card and she said she would be praying for my request, which was my health. So, see, she had already been paying attention to my FB page. Known, valued and loved. And so many at this church have already been straining so hard to learn my name, like, "Do I know you? How many weeks have you been coming? I know your name is, Melinda, right?" And then rejoicing when they get it right. That says a TON about the culture of a church. That's why they've grown a ton. That's what makes me want to come back. And I'm sure that's what made Indian Creek so popular when they were at that stage as well. But that's not where they are today. And I can't get into a small group and the fakeness and the baby milk and stupid questions about the sermon that are so touchy feely and not real Scripture and aren't meaty and real history and understanding. There's no actual Bible teaching anymore. Not like when Gary had Wednesday night classes or Mark Miller had his Sunday morning Bible class. I want to learn about the Bible and then at the end, tack on a bit about application. I don't want it the other way around. I don't want all this application and "what do you think?" stuff and then tack on a Scripture that may say something about it. Teach me about Scripture. And then when I'm in a situation, I can put the two and two together.  Meat. I need meat. Depth. Maturity. And people that really do care. And want the same thing, meat, not just slap a Bible verse on it and call it good. Not the "Jesus loves me" and then move on with their lives. 

- I did see this week's email from the Creek (it's a day early actually) and was reminded of their sermon series and actually, I do need to listen in to their sermons because I need to know what they are saying about unity. There's a progressive Christianity way of talking about unity that sounds very much like the world's way of talking about unity that is basically, just shut up and put up and talk about controversial topics because it's none of our business (things like lifestyles, abortion, kids' education, who we vote for) in order to create peace and unity in the church. But it's a false unity. We are still at odds with one another under the surface. We haven't resolved our differences. We aren't united with what Scripture says about a topic because we are simply ignoring the issue. There are times when the Bible is silent. But there are times where we can have a Biblical perspective and come to a reasonable conclusion about a topic and nominal Christians are totally ignoring or twisting the Bible's words. And Christians that just want to keep the peace won't call them out on it. And that's wrong. And I think Indian Creek does that. They don't want to rock the boat and so they stay silent. They go along with the world too much. It's a false sense of unity. Sure there are some tenants on the wall that we all agree to. But nothing controversial ever comes up. There's no room for discussion or debates or hard conversations or hard topics. It's all swept under the rug. People don't want to think. And it's because they are all brainwashed by the school district across the street. NPBC is not like that. They are much more open to all ideas. And homeschooling and a more hardcore Chrisitian perspective is welcome. When your pastor gets up and shares his actual personal opinion on abortion without fear of retribution from the congregation, that's awesome. When your child is learning apologetics in youth group, that's incredible! When you learn real Biblical history in a Bible study instead of how to deal with people you don't like, wow! That's the church for me. No more pussy foots. Only hardcore Christians for me!

- Speaking of hardcore, I have a bone to pick with my fellow homeschool volunteers. I hope I didn't just dream this up but when I talked to the organizer of the library event I'm doing in a week, she said there's nothing controversial happening at it. None of the groups in the vendor area are biased or selling anything. It's just a chance to network and the speakers aren't even one way or the other. So I have no idea what my cohorts were talking about. I don't think it's the same event. I felt mightily embarrassed. And really mad that they put me on high alert for nothing. But at least I got to ask some other questions and everything is on the up and up and we are good to go and be partners again and move forward. I work hard in my region and I don't need these other volunteers meddling in my business and fear mongering. So I will be taking this up with Tara in the morning when we talk over Zoom tomorrow. I just hope I'm really coherent tomorrow to talk over everything that has bothered me in the past year. I am getting really tired tonight and I need to make a list of talking points. So, here goes nothing I guess. I've been waiting to have this conversation for 3 months and I hope I don't blow it. Sigh.

- Lastly, Abishai must have sweat pretty hard at Tang Soo tonight because he got really close to me and his armpits smelled like onions. I sent him immediately to the bathtub. Ew! He's only 7! Either that or when he pulled his Tang Soo Do shirt out of the dirty laundry pile, it was next to wet, smelly clothes. But still, ew! And I told both Keturah and Abishai, the pool is not a subsititute for a bath. They have to get the chlorine out of their hair and off their skin periodically. Abishai is already developing a much deeper dark farmer's tan. He's just outside so fast I can't get sunscreen lotion on him. He got his floaties off today for most of his swim and practiced his back floating! He was doing so well! He'll be swimming in the big pools without floaties in no time! Meanwhile, I did take apart the filter and tired to rinse out the turning mechanism, but it still wouldn't budge. Unfortunately, I couldn't get the handle and top part back onto the filter because the sand had shifted, so now we have to start all over again. Sigh. I had the time, there was a problem to solve, I didn't want to have to explain all the things to Jared, and I wasn't going to wait for Jared to be available on Saturday. I need this thing to circulate the water now or the water is only going to get worse. I feel like I really screwed up though and we'll need to send for a new part. I wasn't there when Jared put the sand in and that makes me nervous about the whole thing. This is my project. I said I would do maintenance. I should be involved now. Sigh. Why can't anything be easy?

Score! This BEACH cabana was $50 instead of $100! Well, I thought I scored. As you'll see in my other entries, this is a BEACH cabana, so it works better if it's place in sand. I had to rig it to work in our yard. But it does work fine for my purposes and I could make it work possible on our porch as well. And for $50, I'll take it to stay safe in the sun. If I want something sturdier next year for the open house, I'll have to invest in a real outdoor tent. We really should have one anyways as a suburban family. Slowly, we are becoming one of THOSE. Uh-oh. Am I? We've got the trampoline, we've got the pool, we've got the mini-van, the flower beds, the garage fridge full of drinks. We've got the cabana, the crazy evening schedule with multiple kids, the convenience foods and coffee in our travel mugs. Oh no! We ARE the Jones! Whoops!

Aldi still had the twin/double air mattresses that I saw in the ad for $30, which I think was still full price. But it will be perfect for Abishai and Keturah for our camping trip. They really shouldn't be sharing a bed at their age. We make it work in hotel rooms by putting pillows in between them. But Keturah is basically a young woman now, and it's just not wise. This way we can hook the two mattresses together or separate them depending on how much slipping around we feel they are doing. I think we'll start with hooking them together because otherwise Abishai will roll off onto the ground in 2.5 seconds. It will be them on these  and us on a queen sized mattress in our big tent. It's been 8 years since we've been in a tent together. I was newly pregnant with Abishai, and Justin and Keturah were sharing some sleeping pads on the ground I think. They were 6 and nearly 9. Benaiah used an old kid tent of ours and he was 12, so definitely not full size yet. I said I would never camp again because I was so sick with Abishai and it was in Nova Scotia at church camp and it was cold at night even in the middle of summer and the bathroom was just far enough away to be annoying to a pregnant lady and this was like my second time ever camping with kids. The first time being camping with a 15 month old, 4 yr old and 7 yr old in Macinaw City, another cold at night situation. SO, I'm not a big fan of camping because of all the dirt and disorganization and it's hard on the back. But thankfully, we have a few supplies and I think we'll survive now thanks to some Aldi purchases multiple years ago and a few purchases now.

I was fascinated of course by the tidbits of information about the mall shooting from Sunday, so I might have a few pics here and there about it to finish off the week. Here's one of them. I also learned a few days later that Eli shot 10 rounds and 8 of them hit the shooter and he shot from 40 ft. The news clip I saw showed how incredible a shot that was. It took a lot of training to be that good of a marksman. He had been shooting since his grandfather had taught him as a young lad. He had gone training regularly and knows his weapon well. Pretty much he was a police officer without the actual training. He's everything anyone would want in a civilian that carries a gun. 15 seconds! That's it! I am praying for him, his girlfriend, whom he said to get down and out of the way, his family, and of course the shooter's family, and the other victims' families.

Thursday

- I was doing better yesterday and today, until I saw that I got chlorine on my $25 brand new IAHE homeschool light blue tee shirt that hasn't been washed. And I freakin' balled over it. Money is tight and it's a brand new shirt! I shouldn't have worn it out near the pool. But I've been trying to prove to myself and Jared that I was going to be the big girl and take care of the chemicals all by myself so he wouldn't have to because he had to do that growing up and he hated it. It hasn't been easy to even be outside to do anything with the pool this week either. The sun/sweating/heat makes me itch, so I've done it in stages. Today I put up the cabana I got from Aldi only to find out it was a beach cabana and not a true cabana with metal legs, so I'm glad it was only $50 (half off) because I don't think it will quite work out for Justin's open house next year. It will shade me for being outside near the pool though. And protect me for the splashes. But that meant I was outside in the heat and sun today. And hurting. A had to sit and blow up three huge pool floaties today, in between a very intense meeting with the IAHE director Tara. Talk about nerve wracking. I'm afraid to take a shower because I'll itch for hours afterwards. I'm afraid to eat because it costs money and I'll get fat. But if I don't eat, then I have to take expensive vitamins to make up for it. I'm afraid to open my mouth because only gibberish is going to come out. It's PMS week and I don't want to talk to Jared or be near him and he made me mad on Tuesday but I'm not directly mad at him today, but everything he does is pissing me off and I just don't want to be near him but whatever. I forgot to even touch my Bible study today and I didn't finish listening to Nehemiah, and I don't want to start reading it at 10:30pm. I doubt I'll have time tomorrow and I don't know if we'll get caught up with Angie and Autumn tomorrow or if I should invite them to our house after park day or what about Kellie and Kya or if anybody is going to the pool but I should come home and work on IAHE stuff, blah, blah, blah. And somehow I missed the memo about school supplies on sale, but it looks like they didn't get a very big shipment in at Meijer so something got screwed up, I don't know. Maybe I should check Wal-mart. Definitely Staples. 

- I'm so exhausted. I've been trying to do it all. That's what Tara said. Stop trying to do it all. We can't reach everybody. In fact, we aren't supposed to reach everybody. That's not our calling. We can serve everyone when they come to us, or go when they ask us to, but if they don't want us to, then we don't have to pursue them. We have enough work as it is. It's ok to let them go. She said she could tell I was getting frustrated multiple times in the last 6 months and even she was wondering if I should step back from things at IAHE, but she also knew it wasn't what I wanted. I was emotional over the zoom call when she said it, too. Yes, virtual hugs would have brought on the tears even more. She even could tell I was holding back at one point. Dang it. So I told her as much as I could remember about my feelings and frustrations over the last 6 months. I need to be more trusting. They are listening. Things are moving along. I need to stay in my lane with my part because the others are doing some amazing things that I have no clue about. It's a team effort. I'm pulling my weight and then some because I care a lot. And I'm willing to take a risk and have these deep conversations with Tara because I care that much. And it takes a lot out of me to do it. But, I'm known, valued, and loved there. I'm doing God's work. There's so much work to be done. I don't want to do anything else with my life when it comes down to it. Oh, I say I want to to be a vet tech or take care of sick dogs. Or I could go do this or that. And that sometimes, I just need a break from posting the same link 10 times in one day. But at the end of the day, I know that I make a difference in every single family's life by posting that link. It's not wasted. I do something that matters for eternity. And I am thanked for it by those families every day. And sometimes I'm the only one who gives helpful advice on those posts. IAHE is worth fighting for and having the hard conversations. It's worth being embarrassed for. It's worth sitting at a booth all day for. It's worth buying ink and paper for. It's worth buying another $25 t-shirt just so it doesn't have a chlorine spill on it if I have to. As I picked out a huge packet of construction paper and another thing of watercolor paints, I asked myself if I really was going to use these things with Abishai this year. And, maybe I will. I'll try. Put down the phone and try, again. Be the homeschooler I want to be. Do the projects. Cut and paste. Something. Make the Indian headress with feathers with him even tomorrow or this weekend that he wants to do. Bust out those new supplies. Anything. Just do it. Just try. Don't be a hypocrite. Just try. At least I'm getting outside with them when they are in the pool. That's a good thing.

- I think the pool is almost warm enough for me to get in. I've been afraid of the chlorine and my skin, but I think the sun has been playing a major role in messing with the chlorine because when I tested it tonight, it wouldn't even make it on the chart. I need to fix the filter asap so I can get the water moving at least. I will need to get intex to actually look at the unit and fix it or send a new handle or something, but I'm not putting a bunch of chemicals in it without being able to stir it around. And since Jared is doing the e2 women's conference thing, I guess it's up to me to dump the sand, fix the thing in the middle, and start over. If I don't go out with girlfriends tomorrow afternoon, I will attempt it then. I got the right chemical from the feed store today to fix the pH once I get enough chlorine in the pool. But the sun hurts my body, too, so I don't know. I'll try to get it done asap. But I'm also going to enjoy time with my friends, especially since Angie and Autumn will be here! Ah! What a wonderful surprise!

- I didn't make dinner tonight. I'm tired of making food for people. I didn't want to eat much anyway. Jared had come home at 2 to eat lunch. Which is so weird. If you are going to do that, then wait and pick up your kid at 2:30 and eat then. I don't get it. But I just didn't want to stand in the kitchen making food. So I didn't. Now I'm starving of course. I helped Abishai make a full on deli sandwich complete with mayo, mustard, pickles, ham and cheese for dinner. He ate some carrots and had eaten the whole container of tomatoes I bought last night because I told him to eat vegetables instead of eating out of the pantry. So he mindlessly ate the tomatoes while he played his video game. Sigh. Oh well, whatever. He just won't get tomatoes for a few days. Justin had put in the cart some big tomatoes, sliced mozarella, and something else to make something Kellie had showed him for his lunch today. And it looked pretty amazing. And he was still pretty full from that. Keturah wasn't hungry much either. I ate a few different things. Jared ate something, but I don't know what. I'm just the kitchen help and I'm on strike. Do I always have to cook? Some of you can make dinner. And did they touch the little bit of leftovers that needed to be cleaned out? Nope, of course not. So back in the fridge those went. Sigh.

- I guess a good thing today was that I got Keturah and Abishai's medicaid letters and they were both able to stay on it as expected. I'm sure I'll get Justin's tomorrow. Also in the mail, Amazon is being a jerk about the lotion I bought, so I bought one from Meijer tonight and I'll send the one tube of cream of back (twice over) so they can refund my money that should have gone to 3 tubes of it. What a rip off. Someone must have scanned the wrong products in the warehouse or coded it wrong or something. But Amazon won't let me talk to a live person so, whatever, I'm just sending it all back and starting over with a new order. Moving on.

- This weekend could be a little crazy because I need to start printing off the IAHE stuff for next weekend and putting the newslettter together. Plus it's celebration night at Indian Creek complete with fireworks. And I don't know if there will be other plans because it's Kya's birthday as well. Busy, busy, busy, and I'm exhausted. Ugh.

Pretty much.

Hey, we have a pool in our backyard, didn't you know? And now it's totally full of pool toys. So full, you can hardly swim in it! I love all the bright colors though!

The floof has been shedding like crazy. Our inside rug has been covered with hair daily. This is how much hair Keturah can get off him with her hands in less than 5 minutes. I feel so bad for him. But no, I still won't shave him down because he will look stupid and if the sun gets to his skin, I'm sure it will burn him. He has two layers of fur to protect him for a reason.

Too many toys, eh?

New game: where is Abishai?

10 minutes of fluff picking and brushing. Just 10 minutes worth!

So, here's the BEACH cabana. It's meant to be used on sand, so the middle poll is to be sunk into the sand. Well, we don't have sand. I had to go get the big umbrella stand. Thankfully, that did the trick. It also doesn't have polls for the corners. It's really weird. The flaps and "legs" attach via velcro. So one burst of wind, and I'm afraid it's going to come apart. There are stakes to stake down the legs and a pocket at the end of them where you can put sand in them to stabilize it, too. I definitely didn't have it all straightened out for this photo yet. I fixed it later that evening and it was fine for a few days until we had a huge gust of find with a storm that was blowing through near us so I took down the whole thing before the wind did. It came down in less than a minute thankfully. It was easy to set up, too.

A little crooked to start with, but it worked fine for my purposes. I actually like the side panels. I feel cocooned away from the sun. There was also a slight breeze the first day and it was barely 90 degrees. I felt somewhat accomplished.

Now, I could definitely get used to watching a kid doing his thing in his pool. Or having a friend and her kids over while they played. Yup, this could work. I could put the small table out here for our drinks. I'm much safer here than at the big pools. Time to be hospitable! Well, chemicals need to be balanced out, but yup, I need to do some inviting.

Checking on the temperatures. 90 degrees all of a sudden doesn't feel so bad when you have a pool in the backyard to go to.

All pretty normal.

Divide and conquer again. While Jared took Abishai to Tang Soo again tonight, Justin, Keturah, and I went to Meijer to see what they had for school supplies, buy some odds and ends, and Justin wanted to get a gift(s) for Kya for her birthday on Saturday. I had talked him out of the Bonsai Tree Lego tree set because his budget wouldn't allow it and we couldn't find an actually Bonsai tree because most people don't sell them around here, but he found this other plant that was good enough. However, he ended up still spending more than his budget after walking into the Game Stop store and buying a stuffed animal that looks like a kids' version of the Nochness monster called Nessie. Oh good grief! But Kya did like both things when he gave them to her on Friday. But yeah, when Justin held the plant in front of his face in front of his bangs that were in front of his eyes, it cracked me up. Now he really couldn't see where he was going!

One of the most unique loads of shopping I've ever done. Bananas, weird plant, face wipes, venus flytrap, school supplies. Odd.

I always splurge too much on school supplies. We only really need new glue. But, we always run out of mechanical pencils, too. And Keturah is into camoflauge so why not some camo regular pencils. And the markers, watercolor paints, and construction paper is in the hopes I do some more crafting with Abishai (but probably won't do), and I got Keturah was cool felt tip pens because well, she's in 9th grade and what girl doesn't need more colored pens? Oh, and now they have markers of the different skin tones that match the crayons and colored pencils I already have. Not that we've really used them, but I dream someday of needing them to color in my old coloring notebooks and trying to figure out what to color their faces, lemon yellow, or dk. peach, lol. What I really, really need to find were student planners but they had none. It's like they didn't have any stock to put out. There weren't any really empty displays either. They just didn't get anything in. And we had just been to Meijer like the week before so it wasn't like we totally missed the sale or anything. Some have said that Target or Wal-market have a better selection. School starts for the district this next week! How on earth this snuck on me, I don't know. I've heard no announcements, not even from Indian Creek. But all of a sudden I see all these people posting pictures of their kids doing freshman orientation. I was like, "Wait a minute, summer is over? I haven't even seen back to school ads or flyers yet?!" I guess Indian Creek didn't do a back to school supply campaign this year and that's what threw me off. I saw a couple of other backpack drive events around town. And of course us homeschoolers are blowing off the start of school until the end of August. And we JUST got the pool set up and it's still going to be 90 degrees for at least another 5 weeks and 80 degrees for 4 more weeks after that. Y'all, this is Indiana. Summer just started! And in NH, they don't start until after Labor Day and this year, we are going somewhere for Labor Day, so I might just keep going with summer until then and then start school afterwards. Point is, this year is one of those year, I'm not ready. Kids aren't ready. None of their classes are starting up yet. We are still playing. I have to go check their bucket lists. Be right back. Or rather, I'll be back in 4 weeks.

Lazy days of summer!

Nice looking cabana down there! We are becoming suburbanites! Always adding something to the backyard to make it our oasis. Then we really don't have to go out. It hasn't even been a week since we filled the pool. We can't get enough of it! Yeah!

Friday - 

- Park day had a boost! We had the other couple of moms plus Angie and Autumn from Florida! Our other regulars knew they were coming but I didn't know until the night before. I was like, "What?! Yeah! We were out Southeastway, so I was going to go anyway, but now I was super, duper excited! And the morning didn't disappoint. Oh man, I miss Angie's stories, wisdom, and love! I miss her friendship so much! I have not been the greatest friend, but we've stayed in touch on Facebook, so I sort of knew how things were going. But you really don't know everything unless you see someone in person. Abishai was super excited to see Autumn, too. Justin was like, eh, sure, ok, and he and Kya took off for a walk as soon as Kya got there. But they later joined up with the rest of the teens. Abishai bounced back and forth between Niles and Alex and the teens. It was pretty warm, and by the time we left, I was sweating, but the breeze was out and we moms were sitting at a table under the big trees near the hilltop playground. We all had a blast, that's for sure. But I really, really, really miss my friend. And then later I saw some photos of Laura from PEI and I really missed her, too. She's ALWAYS up to something. And I mean ALWAYS, like every single DAY! She doesn't vlog or blog but she should. Sigh.

- Fridays, our play day. Our day to play hooky and not do much. And well, this summer has been like that the last couple of weeks so I'm planning to work harder on Saturday. Kya came home with us on Friday. I actually didn't know what Friday afternoon and evening was going to look like. Jared had stayed home for the morning until about 1pm because he was going to be out all afternoon and evening doing the e2 women's retreat thing and then again on Saturday until 4pm. So we weren't really home with him, but had a little bit of extra time. Unfortunately, that meant I couldn't leave the house to run errands because Kya was there. So, I'll have to try and take the Amazon returns on Saturday, Sunday, or this coming week. I messed up royally on them so I have to take a lotion and bodywash to Kohl's and a lotion to a UPS store. I bought the same lotion at Meijer for it's proper price on Thursday night. I can't believe I kept buying what I thought was going to be 3 tubes of 3 oz and they only sent me 1 tube. And then there was no way I could fix it. No way online or over the phone to talk to a person. And then when I tried to explain it in the review section, they took down my review because it wasn't about the product! What the heck! I see people talk about the service all the time in the comments! What a rip off! Whatever, I found it at Meijer for the same price. I'll just go there and I won't be busying my beauty items on Amazon anymore I guess. Whatever. Amazon, you have failed me.

- I worked on the blog instead. And my Bible study. Oh, and I went in the pool with Abishai. That's what I did! I went in the pool for the first time! And it was too warm! Not refreshing! I had a grand time with him and he was was so sweet! He wanted to jump into my arms for a hug. I had to tell him not to do that so I wouldn't get hurt, so he jumped in and I sort of caught him. I tried to teach him some swimming basics but he was barely listening. We'll have lots of time to go over that. I found out that he just learned how to do a somersault under the water! And of course, no floaties. He climbed onto my back for "snuggles" in the pool when I was in the doughnut floatie. And we got on the big floaties and pretended they were cars. We parked the cars at different "spots" in the pool like the grocery store or the doughnut shop. I could have just floated on a floatie and taken a nap. But then I felt the back of my legs start to burn, so I got back into the water. I had only put on sunscreen on my face and arms today. I don't usually put my whole head under the water because I don't want my hairclip to be affected by the chlorine, not to mention the skin on my face, but Abishai did push me under once, punk. We had a blast, that's for sure. Later on the muscles under my armpits felt sore, I think from showing Abishai what a full freestyle stroke is, or from just using my arms to paddle around on the floatie. Either way, I did move around and that's good for me. I was exhausted to begin with, and I was doubly exhausted when I was done. Abishai appreciated that even Mommy could get in the pool with him. He has a good time with Keturah, too, but I did notice more fighting by the end of the week.

- Justin still hasn't gotten in the pool. I feel like if Justin would just get in one time with Abishai, he would love it. All the wrestling and goofing would be could for them both. But Justin's at that age where it's too cool to hang out with younger siblings. I hate it so much. And Justin is subconsciously taking cues from Benaiah, too. He even sounds like Benaiah. All I've ever wanted was to cultivate a loving family that stayed close because my family didn't have that. Jared's family had that for the most part. Maybe not as much while the boys were in high school. I don't know. I just have to bide my time and see if we've laid the foundation deep enough that they come around and grow into loving adults. I had hoped that my siblings and I would grow closer, and in some ways, we are ok, but in some ways, we've grown very far apart again. And it's disheartening. They say they want to try, but then for months, nothing happens.  It's so sad. And isolating. And after leaving Indian Creek, I've felt a distancing between Jared's family and I as well. So, I'm even more alone. (see Sunday's entry).

Yup.

Even I need to slow and make sure I'm not creating an environment at home like this.

Soulfest, aka Inside Out Soul Festival, looks to have an incredible line up this year! It's the premiere music festival for all of New England! I was actually at the inaugural one years ago as a volunteer and got 1/2 off the ticket price. And all I did was volunteer for like 2-3 hrs a day. I helped out at a merchandise booth one of the days, but I can't remember what else I did. I met the Newsboys for the first time. And then I got to meet Phil Joel and Rebecca St. James in a meeting for youth leaders as Jared and I were techinally youth leaders at Indian Creek for the high schoolers. I didn't camp onsite though. I drove up the 90 minutes one way every day for the 3 or 4 days. I think Michael W. Smith also played that year. It was either in 1999 or 2000, the year between before Freshman year or before Sophomore year, before we were married for sure. I'm thinking it was 2000 because I would have been fully 18 turning 19 at the time and had been a youth leader all year. I had so much fun. Too bad my souvenir extra small spaghetti strap tank top doesn't fit me anymore. I bet a 10 yr old me couldn't even fit it anymore. It shrunk a lot.

Justin said he's already signed up to help his small group help at this event. We'll be going straight from one youth group to another on Sunday night. It will be a bit strange going from one to another, but that's what we've chosen. Justin balances it way better than I can.

I was looking through photos for something and happened upon this lovely collage. I believe we were in New Orleans, our first time downtown. That's baby Everly, not Keturah. So, Justin is probably almost 2 yrs old, and Beniah might be 5 years old.

My first time in the pool and I thought the water was too warm! Yuck!

Like a duck diving for a fish, lol! Actually, he can now do flips in the water!

Here I go, ready for my first dip in our new pool!

Uh, I don't know why I took this pic. Maybe because their room is always a disaster? Or maybe Kya was over and I have a video of her laughing? I'm not sure.

Saturday - 

- It's literally more than 6 weeks later. I got way side tracked and inconsistent with blogging so who knows what we did this day. So, no big blurb for July 24th, 2022. I'll see what I can do about journaling the photos and making sure videos are uploaded. And the next journal entry, I had totally skipped, so that should be fun to figured out. Enjoy!

Nora's day calendar is hilarious!

When your husband's ministry has a conference, you get all the leftovers. It was a women's conference this time. I did make the mistake of mixing these two bags and some of these chips were the yummy lime chips ones. The kids don't like them but I do.

Leftovers for days and days! The kids didn't like the spicy rice or beans and eventually later in the week Grandma took them to her house. But we ate chicken and beef and lettuce and all kinds of great stuff! Taco stuff makes it easy to serve to people with allergies because they can pick and choose and Qdoba's is one of the best because their taco meat and many of their sides and their chips are gluten free.

If you say so, dear. Most of us run and hide.

Ah yes, the 5 city European tour. They had a blast, saw record numbers (people FLY into the cities to see those shows because it's so rare!), and these guys really don't forget these shows. I'm sure they eventually forget the state side shows because they do eventually revisit the same venues. But you can't forget the energy and crowds over there. Yes, there's a ton of dead churches and they desperately need revival. And so do we. But the Church is still alive in pockets, and we've seen that with the humanitarian efforts of the Ukranian people. I loved following along through Instagram what they were doing during those couple of weeks while they were over there.

Sometimes, e2 stays local and then Jared and Leah get to help. And the rest of the office ladies and their spouses. Special times.

Incredible clouds that evening. Thunderstorm rolling in. I remember seeing the front edges of storms like this on PEI. You can see it coming for miles and miles. View to the west.

View to the East.

Abishai was watching a lot of G.I. Joe during those weeks. It's amazing how short the runs these cartoons have. They just have so many reruns that you think they go on forever, especially when you're a kid. Only 96 episodes? And it's the same with today's cartoons, too. And I guess most adult shows, too. I prefer picking a series that's been on for 8-10 seasons, but sometimes a season only consists of 8-10 episodes. Sometimes the episodes are 50 minutes long, sometimes 90. It's really all over the place.

First (and only) time I got the pH correct!! Finally! We have learned a lot about all the chemicals and what goes into maintaining the pool. It's really not that bad once you get into it. I can do the testing and adding chemicals. But I have to have someone else do the vacuuming and scrubbing. Justin and Keturah can do it together or one of them with Jared (when his back isn't hurting). Next year we will get a stronger filter and then clean up will be a breeze. We've been able to keep a fairly clean pool all summer, except some algae growth near the end because of my negligence.

Sunday - 

- I stayed home from church today because I did a no-no and stayed up again until 4 am. There was no way I was going to sit in church and stay awake listening to dear Pastor Brett. I love his sermons, but man, his soothing voice puts you to sleep! My friend Angie from Florida actually used to attend New Pal BC and that's how she put it, so I'm glad I'm not alone! I stood in the kitchen or walked around a bit. I caught at least 3/4 of the sermon, but was also distracted a bit. It was on Daniel 10 about spiritual warfare and I zoned out a bit because I found myself agreeing a lot and I totally know and see spiritual warfare all the time, here at home, out there in the world, and in the heavenly realms. Dude, do I ever. And it's something that Gary has preached on for years and years. And Ephesians 6:10-18 is something that I have had memorized and understood for 30 years. But it was interesting how it related to Daniel 10. We'll go over it again next week as we go over the passage again and go into Daniel 11. I'm good.

- But that also gave me the opportunity to see who was preaching and on what at Indian Creek. Oh, it was Gary. And it was on wisdom. Ok, so, I guess I'll try it. I missed the one on unity. I had watched an hour or more long video on progressive Christianity's view on unity and now I'm curious what Pastor Dan said on unity or maybe I had watched that one and wanted to rewatch it and wanted to analyze it after watching this YouTube video. I was explaining to my friend Angie why I had switched churches and how I wasn't sure where Indian Creek was headed and how some of the progressive Christianity tendencies were going to play out, plus the spiritual milk vs. meat and I was tired on waiting for them to catch up, etc. (I didn't get to explain everything) But anyway, it will always be hit or miss on if/when I listen to a Creek sermon or if it is wise to just cut everything off, which is what I've been trying to do. But it was Gary, and I don't hear enough of what's going on in his mind, and curious minds like mine need to know where he's headed because I'm related to him. Well, it was insightful. I'm going to say this, I now know where his brain is at and what does upset him right now. Some things that have probably bothered him for years that have now surfaced and he's more passionate about because of his age and possibly because of what I've done recently. But, I walked through my reasons again, and I know I'm where I need to be at this moment in time. Things can change, in fact, I'm sure they will, not necessarily back to where they were, however, right now, God has affirmed and affirmed again I am where He wants me for my spiritual health. My spiritual health is important so I can lead my children and do my homeschool ministry. I need to be built up so I can build up others.

- And now, I have to go be a good conversationalist and go to the summer camp Celebration Night at Indian Creek. Sigh. And the weather is about to go sideways. They were supposed to have bounce houses and food trucks outside from 8pm until fireworks at 10pm. Worship service at 7. I can do the worship service, but I don't want to do the hanging out part. If we are inside, at least I don't have to deal with the heat and humidity. But I don't want to feel awkward with people. I have to go get Justin and Kya from the other youth group and bring them over here for the Celebration Night. I would just drop them off, and let Jared hang out with Abishai, but, the kids went to summer camp, so, I know they will be in the pics and videos, and the service is for the parents, regardless of where they go to church, so, I'll go. But I don't want loud and crowded. I just want my friends and my church. Sigh. That is, I'll leave after I get Abishai off of the TV. He's now watched 4 hrs of G.I. Joe. Because I didn't get him off at 4pm and Jared has now found his way to his bed.  He needs to leave for church with the other kids in an hour and make sure they eat. Sigh. So not helpful!

- I'm back! What an eventful evening! So, I left a few minutes late and forgot that I needed gas, but I only brought my license with the old Bank of America credit card in it, so, I used that to get gas and then picked up the kids. That left me no time to go back to the house to change into pants, change my shoes, fix my hair, get water, or my purse. The kids didn't need to change their clothes either because they didn't end up going outside and getting wet. So we went straight to church and got there right as the service was starting. All was well. The service was fun and straight forward with a kid from each grade getting to say a word or phrase or a couple of things about their different camps. And then we sang songs from every camp week.There were some extra lights, glow necklaces, light up drum sticks, 5 baptisms, and bubbles floating down from the balcony at the end. The auditorium was full and the music was fairly loud but not too bad. Mr. Sam Southworth and his daughter sat next to us and Abishai immediately changed seats with me so he could get closer to Mr. Sam. Eventually Keturah wandered off during the middle of the service when she saw her small group in the balcony. Justin and Kya sat with his small group, so Kya was the only girl in that whole row, a little tiny girl amongst grown men. Too cute. Gary eventually found us and I have no idea where Leah was. Benaiah was doing tech. Normal, straight forward and all that.

- Then the chaos began. The bounce houses were set up in every large room available. The food trucks were set up on the south side parking lot with tents in front of them because of the rain and of course they cost money. My phone was doing wonky things so text messaging wasn't going well. Everyone in my family was scattered. I managed to get a water from the office and just stayed at church. Justin and Kya started to wander around and say hi to people. Justin didn't need to help with anything. Keturah went to play nine square the whole time and didn't hang out with her small group because, well, she doesn't understand the concept of mingling. Jared took Abishai to buy a hot dog, after I specifically said to eat at home so we wouldn't buy from a food truck because of our bad experience at the airshow. Then I guess they went to the office for Sprite.

- Eventually I found Corrine Paulson and we talked while all our kids wandered. Ah, a friendly! That kept me from a lot of awkward conversations. Actually, I found myself darting away from everyone I knew. I just didn't want to engage with them because what was I going to say? Hi, how are you? and then what would I say if they asked me why they haven't seen me around. I did find out that a friend knew I was going to another church. So now I have a text out to Jared to tell me exactly who he's talked to and what he's said. I've been very careful about not putting it out on FB and only telling people in person who are not at all connected with Indian Creek. There's a ton of gossips at Indian Creek. TONS and TONS. I mean, just last week people came up to Leah to ask about her knee surgery. Um, she's not having knee surgery. Or they will ask about Gary's retirement. Gary hasn't retired. I told staff. I've told only super friendly, understanding, and people I trust with all my secrets, say Lise Caldwell (I told Shan but I wouldn't care if Lise knew). So, to have someone ask me "how's the other church" or say, "I heart you're going to another church" took me by surprise. I don't want the whole church to know my business and look down on my family. I guess, if word gets out, it's not my fault. I've done my job. I didn't gossip. It's Leah's mouth or Jared's mouth. They can ruin their own reputations there I guess. But because I've gotten in trouble for saying things on FB, I want to make sure it's not because of me that word gets out. And like I said earlier, I'm not going to be the cause of disunity within the church or the family. So I'm trying to solve the problem. Instead of being discontent in a place that makes me grumble and groan every week where I never grow spiritually, I left. I pressed in a bit to see if I could do anything to make changes and when I wasn't being heard, I quietly left. That's the key, I quietly left. If others want to make a stink about it from the pulpit or just outright tell the whole truth, that's on their heads. I'm not an embarrassment. I'm not a black sheep. I just need something different. I need to serve somewhere differently. 

- After I talked with Corinne, I finally saw Jared and Abishai heading towards the KP area. Justin and Kya came to get my only credit card to get some food from the food truck because Justin hadn't eaten dinner. It was a little too early for supper when he had left for youth group. This was at 9pm mind you. And it was raining. So they went to get in line before the food truck closed. I told them I was headed towards KP. Eventually that's when I found Keturah, Jared, and Abishai, and we stuck together after that. There was a bunch of confusion about if they were going to do fireworks and when. Well, when fireworks get wet from rain, you can't just wait for them to dry out and store them. They will go off as they dry. So you have to shoot them. At this point it was lightly raining. So, we went and got the two chairs out of my car (thank goodness I had them) and headed toward the other end of the parking lot. I should have just driven closer but I was in chaos mode and the ADHD brain was in full effect. I was on the dregs of the caffeine high and ADHD meds. I was going on autopilot from a regular non rain night, really. Anyway, grabbed the chairs, and Jared went to get the drive the van over and closer. I just get the chairs set up and then it starts to pour! So I put the chairs away, find Jared in the van, and then they start the fireworks! In the pouring rain, with thunder and lightning! What?! I guess Mike (Ava's dad) knows what he's doing. And I'm sure they have some firefighters or the fire marshall or whatever over there as well. And at least Mr. Mckiney, one of our police officers, who works our security team, was out there. Nice and proper and safe, no worries. Jared drives me to my car. Then I text Justin and Kya to stay put or go back inside the church. They are still waiting in line for their food. I then drive around to the other side of the church to find the food truck. It's the last of the 4 food trucks sitting there. Justin and Kya see me. And I just drive as close as possible to where they are. Once they get their food, they hop in the car. Oh my word! 

- Meanwhile, the fireworks are still going off. Most people have left. Some, who realized that the fireworks are still going on, drive their vehicles around so they are facing the fireworks and watch from inside their cars. I've never watched fireworks from inside the car! I drive back around the church just in time to catch the last 30 seconds of the show including the big fireball ending! We had that last year, too. And then I realize that Benaiah is probably out there with Mike or close by or he was sent inside and is with Ava. Ethan is probably somewhere near there, too. Crazy! A fireworks show in pouring down rain, lightning and thunder, which is kind of a big no no, but what can you do? Usually they would call it off before the mortar shells would get wet. But they had to set it up outside all day and in the rain. They didn't have a choice.

- And then I have the other two kids with me, with their corn dogs, which weren't wrapped in corn bread, but in Korean donuts, so it was sweet, but they didn't know that and so they smothered them in honey mustard! Whoops! $9 a piece! Justin was starving so he ate all of his before we got home. Kya took hers home. I went back to our house to regroup, and also hoping Jared would take them home. He did do that, which was great of him because driving in the rain and in the dark is basically a no go for me. I don't drive well in the dark anyway, never mind rain. And I needed some time to resettle. That was one crazy and wild evening! Mostly good, kind of fun, mostly interesting, a little bit insightful. Nothing too awful. That is until I realized, again, it's no longer my church.

- The transformation from the Gary Johnson era to the Dan Hamel era is 99% there. The decor is almost changed. No more pretty blues on the wall. No more carpet on the floor. No homey feel. Just naked chic modern black and white with those stupid "Einstein" lightbulb fixtures. No more oak wood anywhere in the atrium. It's all black. On one hand, I can think, ok, in a way, God is black and white, no more wishy washy theology. But on the other hand, this kind of decorum is what millennials like and it's not inviting to me. I guess it's better than the orange couches in the KP area, lol. But I did like having color around the building. I don't know about the new logo. I definitely don't like the cement showing on the floor and the slickness of the top coat with the ramp and wheelchairs, etc. I think they even took down some oak paneling in the main room. Oh and yup, the small pews that were in the atrium are gone. And I'm guessing the pews were disappear in the next 5 years. Everything has changed from head to toe. Indian Creek isn't the same church. And like I said earlier, Dan is NOT my pastor. Indian Creek is unrecognizable to me. Every program is different, the mission and values is different, every staff member has changed, the decorum has changed, and I don't have to stay. MOPS is pretty much gone. There's no meaty classes or Bible study. Women and men groups aren't highlighted. Kids don't mingle with other aged kids. Everything is based on government schooling and government mandates. Home education is not celebrated. Anything that is remotely tied to politics is swept under the rug. You aren't allowed to influence the staff on anything. Certain families rule the roost. You shut up and put up. People don't linger between services. They are too busy getting to the next thing. Etc. Etc.

- Pretty much, when I got home and was alone in the quiet. I had a nice mini meltdown. Indian Creek is not at all the Indian Creek I met 23 years ago. She's gone one way, and I have gone another. We can't be friends right now. We've grown apart. Our social circles aren't the same. And that's ok! We can still be part of a larger community. We can still have similar goals. But how those goals are achieved are different. There's room in this world for both. And I long to go back to my new world now. Back to my homeschooling world. Back to my outspoken conservative apologists who will actually march for Abortion this week. That share the same interests as me, that have the same worldview. So that we can focus more on learning God's word together instead of being distracted by the differences. So that I can sit there and say, "Yes, I agree with you!" Instead of getting more and more mad and contrary. My heart wants to know peace. And peace comes from being with people that you agree with some of the time because the big bad world is totally not at peace. At church, I want to be at peace with those I worship with and do life with. And those are people at New Palestine Bible Church. It breaks my heart to break up with Indian Creek Christian Church. And I think the less contact I have with them, the better. Now that the summer camps are over, I don't need to step foot in the building for any reason. It will become a distant memory, just like Manchester Christian Church. No more sermon watching. I'll just keep the kids' serving schedules until they turn 18. And youth group emails and notifications on all platforms, just like they were in some club. I can never go back. I just can't. Just like I can never go back to Candia Congregational or Manchester Christian Church. I can only move forward. Alone. As an orphan. Or at least by myself. But at least I'm going forward to somewhere where I'm already known valued and loved.

Amen.

Must have been a stay at home morning for me. I honestly love to do church at home. I concentrate better. It's so quiet. We do have quiet moments in the afternoon, but in the back of my mind, I still have kids to take care of and I have to watch the clock for dinner. But on a Sunday morning, I have all this space to myself. I can watch Indian Creek's sermon and go right into New Pal's sermon. And if I'm a little sleepy, I don't feel embarrassed about not talking to anyone. I don't have to feel like I have to be "on." It's just me and God. Sure I could do that another time I guess. And being with fellow believers at a time where most of them gather is important, I totally get that. And I know why staff are continuing to push that. I know why in the Bible it is true, aka, they didn't have technology for one. But it also says where 2 or 3 are gathered, I will be there, so it doesn't have to be a huge room full of believers either. I could be having coffee with a friend and the Holy Spirit can speak between us, and He totally does, and often. I fellowship with other believers most of the time that I go out or I talk to someone online (which are mostly people I know in real life or want to know in real life like the Michael W. Smith fans). I've made the effort to go in and be part of this congregation. I try to go every other week. It's so easy for me to stay home though. I just love it so much. I know that Satan could easily make it a way to keep church people divided. But you have to remember, I spent 6 years trying to wedge myself back into a church of 4,000 people, attending every single Sunday, to no avail. So, attending church in person doesn't always result in the closeness you want, either. I feel just as close to some people halfway around the world as I do to people I see weekly. I think it's a both/and, not an either/or. I think preachers and staff people will continue to push and push the in person church service, and will want butts in seats for their attendance numbers. But I think there's a reason to shift the paradigm to be more inclusive of the introverts' needs for a bit of distance and smaller groups and need for quieter times with God through technology. We feel just as connected doing church online as we do going to church. In fact, for the ADHD introvert like me, I'm highly distracted by going in person. So, which is better for me? Sometimes, being at home is much better for me on a Sunday morning and then going to a smaller gathering throughout the week to get to know a few women at a time, like one of the cafe' mornings or the ladies' Bible study coming up, is a lot less intimidating. Church, like everything else, is not a one size fits all. Although, I do find, that at New Pal Bible Church, people will notice when I've been gone. THAT alone keeps bringing me back every other week because I don't want them to think I'm a church hopper or just dating the church, lol. I'm not THAT unfaithful, lol.

It's Keturah's 1st Anniversary of her baptism! Woot! Woot! She completed the circle! The circle of every one of us in the J6 being baptized into the faith of Jesus Christ! We are all saved and going to Heaven together! Yeah! She took a little longer than the boys (by 6 years), but hey, she did it! It hasn't changed her overnight, that's for sure, but she's making baby steps of progress. Baptism birthdays are WAY more important in this house than even our regular birthdays. Woot! Woot!

And here's the list of upcoming birthdays. We're getting there!

And the next day, are pH is still within range but already up. What gives?

End of summer all kids' camp celebration night! It's now an annual thing and includes the young ones, too. Glow sticks because they turn down the lights! I think I described it well above (although it's been 5 weeks since I described it). Abishai insisted on switching places with me because his camp leader sat next to us. He had so much fun at camp this year but also was overwhelmed by the chaos.

The music minister leading the kids in a fun camp song. He's got elementary kids, too. The ministers on staff just get younger and younger, I tell ya. Yes, this one is I think 30 something.

Dancing so much he's blurry.

Ended the night with bubbles this year! No more confetti mess to clean up. No more beach balls hitting our heads. Just gentle bubbles for all the sensitive little kids. Easiest on everyone I guess.

A little bit of extra drumming action from some of the high school boys. But nothing like years' past.

Same cool drum sticks though.

I kind of miss the lights and theatrics of Indian Creek and professionalism. Sort of. I mean I do listen to the music sometimes via technology. I don't always watch it though. But I also like being at New Palestine Bible Church because it takes me back to my Manchester Christian Church days and my Cornwall Christian Church days to a more stripped down version of ordinary small church life with the most basic musicians like me who still need their music in front of them and might hit the wrong notes once in awhile. Nothing fancy. Just singing a few words with a bit of music with the sun actually shining in the windows on a Sunday morning. Save the theatrics and loud music for a concert or celebration like this.

Then there was this. Fireworks in the rain. They had to shoot off the fireworks that night regardless of the downpour. It was such a confusing night after the service. We all scattered. Some people were hungry and went to long lines at food trucks. Eventually we tried to wander outside but the rain really wouldn't quit. Just when we thought we could sit outside, it started to pour. Well, the fireworks are wet and you can store wet fireworks even if they dry out because they will still go off spontaneously. So they let them off anyway. The neighbors thought the church was crazy and the NextDoor app was all abuzz. Jared went home with Keturah and Abishai. I had to wait on Kya and Justin who were hungry because I had picked them up straight from their youth group to come to this celebration. They had gotten in one of the lines at a food truck and it was backed up with orders. It was a nightmare.

Justin finally got his corndog, but it was a Korean corndog so it had a sweet doughnut covering. And he put honey mustard on it! Ew! Oh my word. I still had to drive Kya home so it was super late when we finally got home.

Still setting off fireworks when we left to take Kya home. What a crazy night!

Elementary Camp Song

Last song

The End