Year 3, December 21st-24th, 2018: Christmastime is Near!

Friday we finished up a few errands so we wouldn't be stuck in any holiday lines at stores this weekend.  We went to pick up dog flee/heartworm medication at the low cost clinic, but was told that they had to see him yearly in order for them to sell it to us, despite us having proof from the vet that he had the heartworm test done.  Whoops.  But then we picked up Benaiah, stopped at the grocery store and the library and spent the evening at home.  In the morning, I had finished up our health insurance issues.  Actually, Gary was the one who spent an hour on the phone with the lady figuring it all out finally. I called Socks' vet up north to get his heartworm test results emailed to me and to schedule his biopsy surgery now that I have the cash for it saved up.  He just has a growth in his mouth that we want to make sure is taken care of.  Oh, and I got a shower in BEFORE I left at 2pm for errands.  That's a miracle since we slept in until almost 9am again.  I definitely am back to my new normal of higher "get up and go" that I had when I was off of anxiety medication.  But this recent change in medication has already made a difference in a) keeping my highs and lows not as extreme b)not making me as foggy and sleepy as the other kind and c) I barely have any restless leg syndrome, which was mostly a symptom or was exasperated by the other medication.  I have a bit of hope again, and after that week of being on both at the same time, I am thrilled at what I'm seeing.  I won't come to my final conclusion until I've been on it for a couple of months, but just the improvements I am seeing helps give me confidence that I made a wise choice for this point in time.  Yeah!  I can have less mood swings AND have energy, all at the same time!  It's a miracle!  Not being in control of your brain can be frightening, especially for the already anxiety prone person.  So, I'm very happy with the change.

"Baby Power!" Abishai saw the baby powder, which he calls baby POWER, in the cupboard and I asked if he wanted to put some on to be powerful.  He wanted to put some on because "it makes me a baby!"  He loves being the baby of the family, can you tell?  He thinks he gets away with more if he's a baby.  Bwahahaha, he does! But that's besides the point.  He got the idea though from a movie called Boss Baby where the babies drink special formula that keeps them a baby, although they are really mature adults.  It's not creepy, it's actually a really good, well recommended movie.  It's more of a going undercover thing.  Anyway, I think it's cute that Abishai calls it "baby POWER."

Saturday was our Sabbath day, which we took really, really slow this week because we literally had nothing on the schedule!  Ok, Benaiah worked a 7a-2p shift, but that's it.  Since we are technically on vacation or would be gearing up to go on vacation, and because I ended up planning pretty well and making sure I didn't have any last minute things to do, we pretended we were on vacation and didn't do anything big.  We watched two Christmas movies, Elf and Home Alone, tidied up the house getting it ready for the influx of stuff from Christmas day, sat with each other and snuggled instead of worrying about finishing up the blog post from Thursday, laughed, and played.  Ah, vacation at home.  No "don't touch that" or "pick up as you go because we don't want to leave anything behind in this rented condo" or "what am I going to eat that won't hurt my stomach? (because I have all my normal foods at home).  Ah, I could get used to this, vacation at home.  Oh yes, I have projects I should work on and I'll probably panic about by Wednesday.  And no, I don't really want to go back to school on the 30th, and I'll have to spend next weekend putting that in order, so I'll probably panic then.  But for today, we basically did nothing.  No big house projects, no runs to the grocery store, no holiday parties, no big cooking (yeah for crockpots), etc.  It's been a long time since we've had a day like this and I long for them.  Again, I'll probably remember tomorrow 101 things I should have done today and now I'm 1000% behind or something, but for now, we are rested.  Maybe this whole thing about most offices being closed all next week and having to do ALL the doctor appointments and business things and errands had to be done this week was God saying, work hard for a solid week getting all your ducks in a row, and then you can relax on your staycation.  It's a bittersweet thing not to have family around for Christmas, too, as I've explained before. Making plans with just two other family members is much easier than having to make plans with 6 others, especially ones that have to wait on other family members on their sides to make plans.  Anyway, it's going to be a much different, more relaxed, more fun (to me anyway) Christmas this year.  Sorry, family, but this introvert prefers the quiet controlled environment of her own home, despite it's messiness and constant reminders of what I can't do.  And you know what, Jared and some of the kids would agree.  Abishai loves to be out and about once we get going, but I think he knew we had been away from home every day this week and so he, too, said he was happy to be at home all day.  Normally he would want to jump in the van with Daddy to go get Miah from work, but he protested loudly that he wanted to stay home. What if we all listened to what our kids need in this regard.  They need to have true downtime at home, too, no matter what their personality is.  Enough said on that topic for now.

So, we made time for a mini Christmas movie marathon, which is something we've never done.  We've never let the kids watch two full movies in one day!  But I just felt like throwing out the rules for the day because I've been so strict on them the last couple of months.  I think because I was trying to make Christmastime fun for my nieces, I've just been in the Christmas spirit a bit more (at least some of the time), and want to do a little bit more than we've done in the past (maybe because of certain circumstances like moving and family issues).  You could say we are now finally "settled" into the new chapter of our lives and can breathe again after 3 years of craziness.  And maybe I'm just getting wiser as I grow a bit older, letting my "hair down" a little, and being a bit more "lazy" because I'm realizing more and more what is important for kids' childhoods, the memories they make, and environment we create for those memories.  This comes easy to some, but to others, like the anxiety prone, and the performers, and the perfectionists, it's hard to get off that rat race train and sit back and breathe for a few moments and realize that life will still go on even if you step off that train for a minute.

So, for today, the Saturday before Christmas (which is this Tuesday), I am at peace and in a good place.  Again, with my anxiety and mood that can change quickly, I'm sure I could have a moment of grief at church tomorrow, or any time this week.  But I'm just going to roll with my ever changing emotions, embrace them, sit with them, and keep on trucking with them.  I do have everything in control this year, but I know how it works.  It could fall apart at any time, so I prepare myself for those times.  Church is tomorrow evening for the majority of us, then wrapping presents in stages (with kids helping in various different ways) on Monday, then simple meal for Christmas Eve and maybe, just maybe, we'll go to bed extra early instead of panicking on last minute wrapping.  It feels great to have so many things checked off my Christmas "fun activities" list this year.  Sure, I gave up some of them, but we've done them recently enough that my kids still remember.  And I have many more years to do them with Abishai and then he'll remember them better.  As of right now, we've done enough for this Christmas season.

(Almost) Christmas pancakes!  I'm glad Justin knows how to make his own breakfast!

Daddy brought home a big bag of grapefruit from the office because he won't be there all week to eat it.  Abishai loves sharing grapefruit with Daddy!

Abishai "blew up" Justin's gas station he made.  But I love how he mixes his matchbox cars into the Legos.  He was playing "construction site" and moving things around using his trucks.  But part of the play area was the trucks "home," too.

Snuggled up watching the first movie of the day, Elf!  Except that Abishai bounced on the mini trampoline for the last 1/3 of it.

Twinsies playing Lego.  Justin can't wait to help Abishai on his new big Lego sets Santa is bringing.  The Lego sets that Justin requested are on pre order, so he won't get them until Jan. 4th.

Of all the kids, these two are the closest.  I think it's because of Justin's personality and big heart.

Stir crazy kids were bundled up and sent outside to let off some steam!  They were out there for like 20 minutes!

Second movie of the day, Home Alone!  We couldn't find our VHS copy, so we bought it digitally on Amazon for $8.  Such a classic childhood memory for both of us.

Did you know that "Somewhere in My Memory" was a John Williams' song originally made for Home Alone?  I thought they had taken it from an album of Christmas songs made decades earlier.  And then Michael W. Smith made a cover of it on his last Christmas album in 2014.  Oh the things you learn!

Jared is/was a big of John Williams.  John Williams wrote many, many famous movie musical scores.  I'm sure he did more than that, but he was a big name in music in the 80's and 90's.

Christmas Eve Eve was a blast!  Oh how I get giddy when my kids are on that stage!  I know that Justin's volunteering is just as important, so I'm going to try to catch him "in action" at some point.  It's definitely not always about the people on stage.  However, it's always a proud moment when grandparents can share the stage with grandchildren!  And I get a little teary eyed that my parents aren't there to see it, but at the same time proud that they left a legacy, too, and we've passed it down to the next generation.  In fact, I'm proud of all the young people that selflessly serve, seen and unseen.  One reason God brought us to Canada and back is so that we would appreciate what we do have here in Indiana, and to develop a heart for all churches to be healthy and help them get there.  He knew we need grandparents around to help us finish raising the older three at least in place that makes them feel known, valued, and loved.  Watching one of our newer youth pastors lead worship, just like his dad did when he was on staff years ago is awesome (Aaron Shroeder).  Watching the former worship minister, now discipleship minister's, son play drums while he's home for the holidays, is another proud moment.    Seeing another minister's kid (senior in high school) serve behind the scenes (I saw his earpiece) and a friend of ours' daughter be a stage manager, again, I love seeing these kids grow up in church and continue on in their faith and serving in the church!  As the one of the new cool things to say is, we are a tribe.  We are a village and watching out for and cheering on other parents' kids as they launch into the world is fun and exciting.  Seeing that end is near for ours to start graduating, man, I'm well aware of what we've done right and wrong and trying to make the most of these last couple of years.  And doing things differently with the others because of it.  Sigh. This is the stuff that makes my heart full.

Keturah was on stage, too, and dancing with her KP worship team while soap bubbles floated down as snow! Abishai was also with us, and boy is he a handful.  Jared didn't take him out of service though because it was a family service and it was expected that they would be ancy.  However, Abishai is extremely ancy and we were down front in the fourth row so it was actually a bit embarrassing.  Especially as Gary could see us from stage. Thankfully, he gets in the zone and wiggly kids don't bother him.  I think he was also just trying to survive because he's battling a sinus infection all week.  The message was shorter on purpose so we could sing more songs and so the littles didn't have to sit for as long as we normally do.  We sang a new song that the KP team helped with, typically carols, and my mom's favorite, O Holy Night.  And a favorite new worship song, Reign Forevermore.  Benaiah played a tom tom with 2 other guys on two of the songs.  We had extra singers as well.  AND we had REAL candles we lit for O Holy Night.  We had to keep them away from Abishai of course.  But they put off just enough light and heat to warm me up a bit.  The first three services were packed and the 4th service was pretty full on the main floor, too.  I know we've gotten the word out many times on social media that we weren't doing a traditional Christmas Eve service.  I almost like this way better.  We can get all the excitement out of the way and then tomorrow night, calmly go to bed instead of being rushed.  Hm,....things to think about for next year.

And I wasn't the only one taking pictures and video.  Jared took a nice long one at the very end during the walkout song when we could see Benaiah more clearly and Jared wasn't handling Abishai.  He's a proud Dad, too.  And when Benaiah texted at 4pm from backstage that he would like to go to the gas station to get energy drinks because he was falling asleep on his feet, I rushed to his aide and we were gone to the gas station and back within 7 minutes!  He had plenty of time to drink his energy drink and get on stage, lol.  That was fun! How could I say no, anyway?  I love to bail out my kid, at least some of the time for certain things, lol.  Poor kid had been at church since 7:20 am and although his role was a bit smaller this week, he still had to stay awake.  I know he had fun, though.  Like I said a few times on social media or in person or in the blog, he seems to prefer hanging out with more mature people.  He has an overnight "playdate" with his BFF Ethan on Wednesday and Thursday though.  Yeah!

Abishai was putting his ear up to the mircophone in this book with sounds.  It was kind of loud so we discouraged him from continuing.  But, it's fun to see the randomness of life with Abishai.  He wanted to be the both of us in the kitchen, so he parked himself here.

Lots and lots of boy wrestling today.  Eek!

I thought this was an interesting quote on Instagram.

I didn't stay in this parking spot for long and it was way before service started.  It was just closest to the door Benaiah was closest, too.  I'm just glad we have these special spots for kids and adults with special needs away from the big crowds.  They have their own separate door to go in as well.

Aw, a friend captured this pic of the 4:30 service.

After taking Abishai with me to take Benaiah to the gas station and after Keturah danced in the first song of the service, we chilled in the office while Daddy played with the two year olds.  THEN we all went to the 6pm service.  For once on a Sunday, we were all in the same room!  That was definitely a treat!  We as a church should do it more often, or, we need to go to multiple services.

Home comes the KP (Kidustrial Park) worship team! 

There's my girl!  She definitely has some great moves!

Abishai simply cannot sit still.  But he likes a head rub from big brother!

The senior minister's LAST CHRISTMAS sermon! Not last sermon as senior minister, just last one as senior minister of Indian Creek Christian Church.

Not so little drummer boy! Actually check out the pics and footage below mine.  Proud and joy filled Grandma and Grandpa took a ton of photos and footage of their grandchildren!  And as always, we all have a ton of respect that this is a CHURCH service, but sometimes, you need to document the GOOD in your life and these are some very precious moments after the trauma we've been through 3 years ago.  It's an affirmation of the healing process for us.  It means much much more than just your kids being on stage.  It's hard to understand, I'm sure, if you don't know the details, but God knows and we are so very thankful for these steps in healing our family.

So many people posted their versions of this photo on social media!  What a special team glorifying God!  Are they proud of themselves?  Sure, on some level, but most importantly, they are humble, love God, are like their very own small group, and have BEEN AT CHURCH FOR 12 HOURS STRAIGHT!  Ok, maybe some them went home to eat lunch, but still.  You try singing your heart out for 3 plus hrs! So much love in this group.  We are so grateful that Benaiah had many, many mentors in his life looking out for him, building him up, making him feel valued, known, and loved.  It fills our hearts to overflowing.

Aw, we did get a nice family photo, just the 6 of us this year!  I meant to take one when we did the 12 of us the other week, but forgot.  I told the kids not to worry too much about what clothes they were wearing, so, each person has on what is special to them if you think about it.  Keturah was encouraged to wear Christmas themed, so she picked out her very favorite shirt, complete with a ripped cuff I hadn't noticed!  Whoops!  Abishai is wearing a motorcycle Hawaiian shirt.  Justin put on his Kidustrial Park volunteer shirt just in case he needed to work in the nursery, and I think because he's "proud" to wear it.  Benaiah of course has his Sunday best type of shirt on, complete with jeans.  And Jared and I?  Well, ours doesn't have as much meaning, but I tried to dress up a little bit, black skinny jeans and "booties" or ankle boots included.  Merry Christmas 2018!

Now, here comes the photos and videos from Grandparents.  This is from Leah's phone.  She sent these to our friends in Canada, the Crocketts, because they were instrumental in helping us when we were in our crisis.  Here's Benaiah doing his drumming thing.

I'm glad she got a picture of the candles!  I didn't think to take it myself and saw some people post their families lit up by candlelight.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE this part of Christmas Eve services!  I've done it most years, and way back when we had the paper candle holders and if you weren't careful, the hot wax would burn your hands.  Today, we had real candles, but nice, wide, plastic holders.  Incredible!

Grandpa was on the other side of the stage, which was a better angle.  Check out the awesome videos he took below!

Our stage is so simple yet elegant, and a bit of fun!

The team nailed it tonight!  Way to go!

Next up: wrapping presents!

Christmas Eve was like any other Saturday, except it was a Monday.  Sort of lazy morning, but had to get kids up and out the door with Grandparents to go see the new animated Grinch movie.  Then we adults had a few hours to ourselves to wrap presents and chill.  Grandparents took kids out to IHOP for pancakes before dropping them off.  Then the three younger ones each took turns helping me wrap gifts, even Abishai, who was confused as to wrapping vs. opening.  But, he used scissors on the paper!  All was calm until 5:30pm hit and I wasn't done wrapping, I was hurting from standing on concrete in the cool garage (we had a space heater going), and I was starving.  Abishai had gotten out more things than I wanted him to, and I felt overwhelmed, mostly because I was in pain but it was I who could set everything straight again.  I knew I would have a "panic attack" (no, it wasn't a panic attack and I'm not using that term lightly or to say others don't have real panic attacks, but it was a flip of a switch for me) at some point today when time got short and my to do list looked long.  I took a few minutes in the bathroom to compose myself and then....

My sister Stefanie called and said my other sister Kristina was in a horrific car accident and was awake, but in the ER with multiple broken bones in Boston.  Thankfully it was not on a highway, but at a stoplight when a truck struck her head on and then someone rear ended her, too. Her car is totaled.  I had calmed done at this point and I was emotionally neutral.  I think my new medications are working to keep me overall a bit calmer but this is darn scary.  Then Benaiah exploded with emotions at dinner.  We listened as he let out steam and then took a ride around the block on his bike a few times.  Again, we stayed calm and moved on watching A Christmas Story with Gary and Leah at our house.  Some Christmases go well for some people and some don't.  Each year is different, and I was definitely on a high from yesterday's festivities.  I'm still doing ok, and we are still going to have a wonderful Christmas tomorrow.  But life doesn't just stop for a party and Satan will do his utmost to ruin it.  But Jesus has overcome and we have hope, and that's what Christmas is all about.  It was a great day otherwise and we are mostly ready for tomorrow.  Just have to polish off the blog, clean off the iCloud if I have time, and watch my TV show.  Here we go!

We always track Santa's travels with the Norad Santa Tracker!  They don't have an app so I had to bookmark the website on my phone.  Norad is a Canadian/USA thing that tracks activity in the skies and every year they answer phone calls about Santa.  The full story about how their tradition started is on their website.

Here we go!

You can track Santa on Google maps!

Last chocolate in the advent calendar!  A pretty girl for a pretty girl!

Keturah's personal countdown calendar, and a list of all the costs of all the gifts she wanted from a certain catalogue.

Jared took a few pictures last night.  Abishai wanted to share his blankie, paci, and seal (he calls it a dolphin) with Grandpa on Grandpa's desk.

He did leave some trucks for Grandpa though.

Jared caught a good picture of Benaiah during the walkout encore.  Gary is holding Abishai watching big brother bang on the drums!

Grandpa and Abishai catching the snow! (aka bubbles)

Phew!  It came!  Stefanie, my sister, sent her son's Paw Patrol tower and vehicles (and underwear) and we were afraid it wasn't going to make it in time!  I don't usually have gifts sent to us this late.  I did have some back up ideas though, just in case.  And it made me sign up for mail alerts from the post office so I know when mail and packages arrive as the receiver.  I don't have to have the tracking number either.  The post office sends out a daily email with alerts.

Let's get this wrapping party started!

All the calendars are lit on my parents' candalabra meaning it's Christmas Eve!  The colors are supposed to be the colors of a traditional advent wreathe where you light one calendar at church every week for hope, joy, peace, and love.  So we just twist that week's light on with the previous week's light on.  The middle light is the light of Jesus.

Traditional Howell Christmas Eve meal of ham, muenster cheese, rye bread and mustard.  The GF rye of course doesn't actually have rye and Aldi's doesn't carry rye bread, so we didn't fuss about it that part this year.

Cranberry bread ready for Christmas morning breakfast.

Cherry winks ready for Santa.

Eating our ham and muenster cheese sandwhiches!  One Koski (my mom's side) recipe I miss are the thin Finnish cookies my aunt makes.  And the soft gingerbread men my Gramma Koski used to make.  I don't have their talent when it comes to cookies, although I've tried in years' pasts.

Supper!

Keturah had gobs of ranch on her ham, and no bread.

Benaiah was in a mood, but he was present.  Poor guy.  I'm glad he spoke up though.

Watching "A Christmas Story" with Grandpa.  Grandpa kept showing us the pictures on his phone of the different places they saw when they were visiting the house in the movie as it came up on the screen.  Grandma joined us for the last little bit.  And now our mini Christmas movie marathon is complete!

Merry Christmas Eve!