The J6 Journey: Year 3, December 3rd-6th, 2018: What Happens When There Are Rainclouds Overhead?

Ok, long title. But, the weather has turned colder and there hasn't been much sun lately. And internally, life's a bit of a mess right now. The excitement of the weekend was over, and it was a great weekend! I sold 12 flexiclips, Keturah had fun at the parade and basketball and then choir, the boys did their social thing, we sang great songs at church and it was an excellent sermon. But come Monday morning, wow, words like tired and grumpy and sore come to mind. The girls came over for a good part of the day and I trooped into my doctor appointment with 5 kids in tow and got a "bless you" from someone, lol. I couldn't help but smile. So this is what it's like when you have more than 4 kids! I'm not embarrassed because they all sat quietly and behaved. And, I do everything with my kids, no big deal, especially when the main babysitter is out of town. The doctor didn't seem to mind either. I do like this doctor, too. We are going to try a different anti anxiety/depression medication to see if it will have less side effects like less foggy brain and the restless leg syndrome. And that right there is why I'm grumpy. The brain fog is very real, and I'm super unmotivated again. It's because anti anxiety meds dampen all your emotions. So, I'm not a very happy camper about it because I liked being on top of things and excited. But we'll see. It's a more expensive medication and I had to switch pharmacies to find the cheapest price. Bummers.

Kids were fine on Monday, and decent on Tuesday. I was just remembering certain things that make me grieve on Tuesday, so Abiahai and I spent extra cuddly time to help Mommy feel better. We read some books together, checked math and CC memory work, and cleaned up the house as normal. It flurried a bit outside, too. Jared took Keturah to a local gym to have her basketball team pictures done while I taught my Tuesday piano lesson. Justin's brain was foggy, too, today and it took him all day to focus and finish his work. Hopefully, Jared and I can reconnect tonight because with us doing all the transportation for everyone, we've hardly had anytime together at all to sort out some of our emotions from all the running around. Dealing with teens and toddlers, and extended family on both sides, there's a lot going on. I'm glad we scaled back on school for the first time. I usually push through until right before Christmas, but I'm already burnt out from keeping up with it with everything else. The kids are doing better with it this year, but it's still a lot. I love our read aloud time, so that's mainly what I want to do for lessons this month, not paperwork or writing assignments. Just reading. And then when the girls are over, doing stuff with them. Monday, they all did their written work so we didn't get to any projects before the doctor appointment. And I let them just hang out and play since they didn't really see each other all weekend. I'm telling you what, I think they kids are really enjoying being near each other and not always on top of each other like we are on vacation. We almost have a rhythm down now and it's starting to feel comfortable. I know it's definitely not comfortable for Shauna and her family, and Nora wants to go home, but it does make me want them to move here. Of course they probably wouldn't, but who knows. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, right?

Speaking of Shauna, I did see some pictures of her family, including her mom, that her sister Stasia posted on Facebook and it made my heart sink. I nearly cried over them because her mom looks almost exactly like my mom did. Cancer is evil, pure evil. It hurts, it destroys your body, and it's agonizing to watch. I feel so sorry for everyone that goes through that. I think Shauna's mom being so ill, makes me miss my parents, too, and being that it's the holidays, it makes it even worse. But all we can do is hug and pray and be with one another. And keep looking at the joy-filled kids we have. Like Abishai, who was born for "such a time as this" with his "life of the party" run into danger personality. You can't stay in your sorrow when he's around. He pat pats you and hugs you and then shows you how to laugh again. I couldn't stay in my grief during my parents' illnesses because I had children to take care of and they don't need to be sad all the time or waiting by someone's bedside. So, we did our normal routine and had fun, and visited when we could. And I'm grateful for that. Having kids helps me get out of bed in the morning. I have people to live for, to try to get better for, to put one foot in front of the other for. It's a wonderful, wonderful thing. And having kids around, when someone is dying, is also a reminder that life does go on, that a legacy is left, both good and bad, and family is a gift. That's why Jesus wanted the little children to come to him. Their (relative) innocence, simple faith, and great joy in life. Puppies tend to bring joy, too, but I think kids are better at it. I think everyone should know a 3 or 4 year old and try not to smile, lol. Especially when that kid reaches the kitchen 1 minute before you do and he's already halfway up the pantry getting down his "pink" candy and munching it! Or he's tooting on a recorder marching around the house. Or when he sits in your lap and says, "I like you." and snuggles in more. Boy, they can be a lot of work, but they make up for it with all fun they can be. And in turn, he reminds us how to have fun with the others, when we tend to be too critical and have high expectations. We all need that balance. And Abishai helps to bring that balance.

Listen for Nora's comment starting with "You could kill a person..."

Abishai couldn't wait to wake up the girls, who slept over because it was Shauna's turn to spend the night at the hospital. He just adores Everly and Nora! Nora's like, "Get away!"

These kids are such goofballs!

Nora is the fastest reader I have ever known! It only took her maybe 2 hrs to read this book! Wow! I'll have to ask her if she remembers everything she reads, or perhaps I'll be mean and ask her to write a book report. I told you she's the wicked smart one!

Playing driedal at the doctor's hospital of course. The hardest part was making sure Abishai didn't hold the candy pieces and melt it!

Hanging out on the exam table. He was pretending to sleep, lol.

We stopped at the dollar store on the way home so we could get items to fill stockings for kids whose parents need a little help with gifts this Christmas.

We bought gender neutral items for the 10-14 year old crowd. Candy, pencils, card game, and ball on a string.

These stockings, and larger items that other congregation members are purchasing, go to our partner in Beech Grove called Lifebridge. It's the same organization that Leah volunteers at.

Abishai got a little surprise in the mail. I was thinking about giving it to him for Christmas, but, it couldn't wait.

It's a new blankie! And this guy received it VERY WELL. I had shown it to him online and he said, "that's not my blankie." and didn't want it. But he's a smart little guy and realizing his old blankie was quickly getting worse, he decided to give this one a try.

The new blankie is in the back, the old balankie with pen mark and holes are in front.

The patterns are sligly different but the company is the same. See the size of that hole? If I tried to repair it, I would tear the fabric further. Abishai fingers his blankie and stretches it out with his toes. The darkness is from the tannins in our water.

Thankfully the tag was still on the old blankie and Daddy looked it up and sent Mommy the link.

Old pattern.

New pattern.

One happy and excited boy. He's ok with me putting his old blankie in his keepsake box. Now, if we could only get rid of paci and NOT replace it....

Abishai saw this logo on the box and knew immediately it was for him, although no one told him it was. I'm not sure he would do that with say a box from Amazon. Smart kid!

Bad picture, but this is a reminder of how this little guy still gets right up in your lap without being asked and snuggles you until you feel better. Or when he gets bored in 2.5 seconds and finds something else to do because he's a ball of energy. And yes, bedtime is hard work! Sort of. He goes to sleep and stays asleep easily and sleeps hard like he plays hard. But he's also an active sleeper. My crazy boy!

Well, can life get anymore complicated? Actually, it can. Now my brother is having some hardships in his relationships. Ugh. And of course, Jared and I are beyond exhausted keeping the homefront together. We can't wait for Gary and Leah to get home and help out again! Don't worry, they don't feel used. Things are just less stressful with them around. Take Wednesday for example. Everly and Nora came over around 11am. We left at 1:30 and did the following: picked up some gifts from a friend, drove over to pick up Benaiah from school, took him back to church, went to Kroger nearby for medication, double backed to the library (past the church so we could waste some time), drove back down Southport Rd to go to CFA for dinner (which was a fundraiser for a former employee and her boyfriend who were in a car accident), met up with one of Shauna's sister's husband so he could take the girls to the hospital to do Christmas. Then the rest of us went back to church with food for Benaiah and Jared, so Benaiah and Keturah to go to dress rehearsal for the musical and Justin could go to Bible Bowl practice. While they were at church, we went down Southport Rd for a third time to go to Aldi's to get groceries. The we went back to church to wait on everyone to be done with activities. Finally got home at 8:20pm. Phew! I'd so rather would do all the errands like that in one day and then have full days at home like we did Tuesday and Thursday this week. My back hurt like crazy though, and the cold, snowy weather was not helping. So being inside the other two days made all the difference in my recovery. It's a good thing the kids are pretty flexible, no naps or nurses anymore, and they aren't picky about food. Instead, they have a blast with each other and we are grateful.

Thursday started with a text update from my brother (I won't tell the whole story here, but this will jog my memory if I reread this later. The situation keeps changing but just know it's pretty awful and scary and heartbreaking.) And then another text a few minutes later from Shauna saying they have called the whole family to the hospital. Her mom's blood pressure had dropped and today might be the day. The girls were upset, partly because they had to be woken up early, but with Justin's help (who ran over there) walked from Grandm's house to our house in their winter coats and pj's, with their schoolbooks. It was 8am, but still, they weren't used to that. So, we've stayed in our pj's all day, they did their schoolwork, they played Minecraft, and we made gingerbread houses, sort of. They've had plenty of laughs, a few little disagreements, and plenty of distractions. Gary and Leah got of the cruise boat at the normal time today, and they, with Aaron will drive up here from NOLA overnight tonight, which is a day earlier than planned. It will be SO GOOD to have everyone in the same area again for SO MANY reasons. I need not only the physical help, but just that emotional and mental support. When you're on a cruise ship, you have no connection to land unless you pay big bucks for it. Gary added a texting plan to his phone, but it was limited, so we kept texts to a minimum. It felt so wonderful to be able to blabber my issues to him via text about my brother, Jared and I, and Shauna and family. Just knowing someone else knew what was going on is so helpful. I've talked with my sister, Stefanie, about my brother, and she's able to advise him in ways I can't, so I'm not alone. But I've spent a ton of time on my phone taking care of things all week, especially this morning, and I'm exhausted.

Being exhausted (and in the process of switching out my anti anxiety med) means I've been irritable and while I've tried super hard not to crack and be angry like I was the first week the girls were here, I've let a few things out. But we've had a lot of awesome moments, too. I hope that when the girls look back at this over a month long event, that they don't just remember their Nana being sick and passing away, but they remember making lots of memories with us. I don't normally get this kind of one on one time with the girls, so I'm grateful for it. And so are my kids, too. We aren't physically or relationally close with my siblings' kids, plus they are much younger than our oldest three, so the kids don't really know or miss my other niece and nephews. It's just a sad reality and not my siblings' fault by any means. Finances and time prevent us from getting together more often. Anyway, we had a decent day on Thursday, even including Benaiah in on dinner for once, with lots and lots of laughter. I know he has a hard time relating to the girls, but he can make them laugh, too. And vice versa. Their non logical antics makes him frustrated, but also shake his head and smile at their goofiness (if he's in a good mood to receive it of course, because sometimes, he's just not in the mood). He said he was going to help Abishai with his gingerbread house, but then came home exhausted and refused. I didn't push it and I'm not upset because it was a last minute plan anyway. I'm getting better at this thing of not doing everything with everyone thing. But, we will all be there for the musical on Saturday and hopefully we can get our family picture done at church in front of the Christmas trees. If everything is said and done with Shauna's mom, then they will be back in NOLA for Christmas. Sad, but true. We'll have to open presents over Facetime or something. It's just reality. We'll do what we can now though. That's the goal anyway.

So, let's see what it looked like to be us the last couple of days.

I had to buy the more expensive chocolate advent calendars because Aldi's was out of the small ones. So, two kids have to share 1 advent calendar and the chocolate are huge! Unfortunately, we aren't doing it altogether because we aren't usually all home for breakfast or dinner. So, I don't know if Abishai is really understanding the concept or not. But he likes the chocolate! Aldi's makes a cheese advent calendar, too. Yum!

History lesson! Watching Former President George H. W. Bush's funeral in Washington, D. C. and talking about how he was (based on an article I read that day and from what I can remember) and sharing my opinions on how we should pray for every person in office, regardless if we agree with them or not. Beautiful funeral service, very God centered. They did a great job with eulogies and tributes. Well done! And I nearly cried every time the camera panned over to Former President George W. Bush as well. The Bushes are solid Christians, regardless of their politics, which I believe were ok for what they had to deal with at the time. Great stuff!

Onto chemistry class! Candy chemistry that is! It cost a bit to get all the ingredients, but we did it! We made candy!

George W. Bush giving an eulogy. There were two modes to George H. W. Bush, full throttle, or asleep. Sound familiar? (Gary and Abishai)

Pouring the candy mixture on a tray to let it cool and harden and it hardened within minutes! In fact, this "drip" is almost solid! Crazy! We added peppermint oil to it, with corn syrup, water, sugar, cream of tartar and food coloring.

And of course, Michael W. Smith is very close to the Bush family, being at the height of his secular career during George H. W. Bush's presidency, and getting to know and being involved with George W. Bush's presidency (I think that was when Columbine happened, too, and he wrote a song for that, but also "There She Stands" the day after the 9/11 attacks). Michael W. Smith sang "Friends" of course and it was so well done with the choir and orchestra behind him! I knew he was going to play because he had showed the rehearsal on his Instagram feed the day before. Bittersweet stuff.

Paying tribute to George H. W. Bush and praising God at the same time. Smitty also played "Just as I Am" when Billy Graham was lying in repose in Washington, D.C. a few months ago. He knew several famous people, lol.

Choir and orchestra playing "Friends."

The aftermath of the hard candy. I was just happy we didn't burn it and it didn't taste like rubbish! And after I let this pan soak in very hot water, all the hard bits melted and was easy to wash out.

Oooo, new buttons at Chick-Fil-A! You can order right from your seat! So, I had to try it! We had bought dinner there for everyone because they were having a "Spirit" night for a former employee who was seriously injured and her boyfriend was killed (local football star) in a car accident. I had ordered the kids and I's food at the counter and then ordered Jared's and Benaiah's (who were at church at the time) with the push of a button. I was expecting a person with an iPad to come over, but it was the lady that has worked at that CFA since it opened a long time ago and she took the order without writing it down. And she got it right! I won't use this feature often, but how awesome it will be for parents who have little ones and don't to leave them to get something! I love how innovative CFA is, and I know that this store likes to try things out before other stores do. Cool!

Instead of waiting until Sunday when we are worried about other things, we brought our stockings full of goodies on Wednesday night and put two of them in a bucket outside Abishai's classroom and two of them in a bucket outside Keturah's classroom. And yes, Abishai doesn't have shoes on. He took them off in Daddy's office. Truth be told, Jared sometimes walks around church in his socks. Yes, the church is our home away from home. Benaiah spends more time at school than at church, however, the rest of us, spend most of our time at home and we spend the majority of the rest of our time at church. So, it's home. And there's no better place to be.

While the older three were at church doing their activities, we went grocery shopping. I'm not sure when the last time was that we only had one with us grocery shopping, especially Abishai. He loved it! And it was a calm experience, too, not the "can I have this? Can I have that?" all through the store. And Abishai helped, too, with loading the cart, unloading at the cashier, and helping out at home. Sweet!

We caught the last 30 minutes of rehearsal for Beaniah and Keturah's musical on Saturday. Yes, Benaiah is on the "cleaning crew" and gets to pretend to drum a 5 gallon bucket with a toilet brush and other brush. He has a solo and a couple of speaking lines in a couple of the songs/scenes.

"My name is Blonde, Jane Blonde." Mrs. Shannon Knaack played her the first time they did this play 7 or 8 years ago, and now she is reprising her role. (She's the one in the pink hat.)

Benaiah as a shepherd this time, on the right side of an angel, who happens to be Olivia, my friend's granddaughter.

The girls came over and they had Bible class with Grandpa. Grandpa and Grandma had just gotten back to Everly and Nora's house from the cruise. So, the girls had him so them their bedrooms because they missed them, lol. It's kind of strange to see your own house 100's of miles away when you are 100 ft from the person's house that is currently IN your house! Weird!

Big brother, little sister shirts this time. 7 or 8 years ago, it was big brother and little brother (who is now the middle brother). Sweet!

Nora and Justin's abstract house. We didn't warm up the frosting enough so it wasn't sticky enough and none of the houses actually stood. But instead of getting upset, they got creative and thoroughly enjoyed making their masterpiece! Way to go!

These girls decided to split up the pieces and decorate them how they wanted and stood them up using other pieces as back braces. They took their time and did such an amazing job with them!

It flurried off and on for 3 days straight! We stayed inside, stayed warm, and enjoyed just being together.

Just a little bit of snow in the backyard, which quickly melts.

Oh my goodness! I think these kids had more fun eating the leftover frosting than making the gingerbread houses! They laughed and giggled and ended up on a sugar high for several hours! It was awesome! Making these memories with them is so precious to me. I'm glad we can bring the joy when the reason they are up here is so sad. And yes, we stayed in pj's all day!

Keturah's creations! Awesome!

Everly's house! I LOVE the overalls on the gingerbread man!

Who knew we had 6 kids?! And we all fit at the table! Awesome!

Nora taught Abishai how to hide from the camera. Sorry, but I'm taking the picture anyway. I know how to sneak in pictures, lol. Too funny!

Sleepy time!? Nope, these girls didn't settle down until at least 10:30 that night. Come to find out, sugar really affects Nora and she was very giddy, totally opposite of her "I need my alone time" self. Nora is opinionated and boisterous at times where Everly is more peace loving and soft spoken. However, Nora was just as stir crazy as Abishai gets around people. It was hilarious to watch! I told them that if they didn't settle down, Uncle Jared would come out and tell Keturah to go sleep in her room. And you know what?! He did! They finally did settle so Keturah got to stay with the girls. I love that they have had many years of cousin sleepovers. They all have a very special bond, all because Gary has made the effort and paid for all those family vacations. It takes intentionally to create strong family bonds, and I know that Gary and his brothers have had some of those times when their kids were younger, which carried on to our family vacations. Now those vacation will slow down and be less extravagant because of Gary's transition, but never the less, just being together in our houses is enough. I'm not close to my cousins because 2 are way older than me and 1 is my brother's age and we didn't do these sort of things. And unfortunately, I haven't been as intentional with getting together with my family, although my brother and his kids live 40 minutes from us and I often drive past the exit on the highway to his area. We are all so busy and it wasn't something that was modeled for us. And when the girls are in NOLA, we don't talk to them besides during Bible class. I don't text Aaron and Shauna very often. But since they are right here right now, we've had more interactions and bonding time. I'm really going to miss them when they go home, whenever that is. These girls are precious to us. And I'm glad we can play a role of joy right now. May this time of sorrow be also a time of joy. That's the goal.

These pictures were from the DSLR camera of our gingerbread house escapades. Here's us at the beginning of our task. I should have waited for Jared to be home because he's the expect at this. I had hoped Benaiah would help, but he was exhausted.

I gave up. I couldn't do it. And I was trying to work on dinner, too.

Working hard on her house.

I'm so glad they are older now and don't need my help.

Sweet, literally!

Their house stood for a little bit! They decorated the roof before they tried to attach it.

Whoops! Oh well, let's make it fun!

I was also frustrated because Abishai just wanted to eat the gingerbread and the decorations! Ah! But he did pretty well with his fine motors kills placing the candy on the gingerbread man and the tree.