The J6 Journey: Year 4, October 18th-20th, 2019: It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Ok, I know, that's a Christmas song, but I LOVE fall, y'all! I love all the colors most of all. The green of spring and summer is great, but fall is so much better. It means yummy warm drinks and cozy sweaters. It means that in a short couple of months, it WILL be Christmas. And it reminds me of HOME, as in New Hampshire home. And since I've had to be out a TON this week, I've got to really enjoy it and go leaf peeping in my own city! Fall is my jam! Anyway, I invited Bailey to go with us today so that Keturah wouldn't be lonely at park day and it definitely helped Keturah not whine about going home two minutes after we arrived. Park day was at Holliday Park, which I think is where we had our first park day with our EYB group 2 or 3 years ago and I think it was in the fall, because it's the only time they make it to the park since it's a 40 minute drive for us and 30 minutes for most of them. But it's WORTH it! From the incredible nature center to all the trails down to the White River and the three huge playgrounds to the "ruins" and large grassy areas, it's one of my favorites! So I'm glad the weather was perfect and I had just enough energy left to go.

But y'all, I'm running on fumes. I hurt everywhere. I can barely put a thought together. My tooth hurts and I can't see the dentist until Thursday. My scar from melanoma surgery itches because I keep forgetting to put my essential oils on it. I have a tightness in my calf that feels like maybe I slipped and rotated my leg/ankle a bit. My lower back is BAD and feels like it's out of alignment, so I'm glad I see the chiropractor next week. And I'm just so tired. It was like I was on vacation and going and doing all week. I don't like these kind of weeks. I like going places and I'm glad I could enjoy things, but I'm done. I have to Sabbath rest on Saturday, although part of me wants to have Jared work on the flower bed or take Abishai to the trails at Southeastway. My brain is fried and I can't even think about attempting any school tomorrow. I'll pick up the pieces of that on Sunday or Monday. It's been a sprint this week and I am much more stable when it's a slow marathon.

Meanwhile, Shauna had her double mastectomy today and it went as well as expected. I didn't realize it was a 6 hr surgery, because she also had plastic surgeon work on her today as well. She's resting at the hospital for her overnight stay and the girls are with friends at their church's annual retreat. Sigh. I just can't imagine going through that particular surgery and pray I never have to make that decision. The toughest parts are in the days and weeks and months ahead. But it does drastically reduce her risk of getting breast cancer again.

But, the best part of the day came early on in the day and helped set the tone for the rest of the day. I will have had to wait to post this blog until it's actually official but......

Jared and I have been approved by the board at the IAHE (Indiana Association of Home Educators) to be the IAHE Representatives for Region 9, Marion County! That's right, after 3 months of hearing about it and applying for it, the board UNANIMOUSLY decided we were exactly what God had in mind for them! It's been a struggle this week because although I had a good feeling about our interviews, I didn't want to get my hopes up just in case. I feel so excited and cried happy tears when I heard the news! I wanted to post on social media right away, but couldn't, so here I go in explaining some background to why this is so important to me, and now us.

Ok, it's not really background, but it's been a long 3 1/2 almost 4 years of tragedy and then healing. The process has been slow and so hard for me. I loved my parents, but they were also somewhat a physical burden to me at the time, so my grief over them hasn't been as deep as the grief I felt when we left PEI. I knew my parents were happy and whole again and without pain and with Jesus. I felt betrayed and angry and hurt by people in the Church who didn't want us to be part of the college anymore. It made me (and I'm sure Jared, too, but he doesn't always share the same feelings or depth of feelings I do, so I only talk about it in my terms) feel like I wasn't good enough, we weren't good enough, we didn't do enough, we didn't have ways we could reach people and share and help them. And I had used all of my mental and social and physical energy making friends and diving deep into the culture and now I was told to leave. That sucked. Fast forward 3 years and we are now far enough down the road from that hurt, that I can see joy again. I can see how those 4 years have prepared us for now, just like all the jobs Jared has had has prepared him for the job he does now. He would not be able to help Gary in this new ministry the way he does behind the scenes with office skills, people skills, writing skills, etc. without being first involved with having to network and put himself out there as the President of Maritime Christian College. Our life is now stable. We are raising our kids in an environment that is best for them. I've had to learn and grow and make new friends because my circles of friends drastically changed or moved on without me when we were gone. That's not easy when you don't want to be back where you started with your tail tucked between your legs.

However, in the past 3 years, I have made some effort in taking what was so freely given to me, friendship, mentorship, knowledge about homeschooling and how ministry really works, and applying it where we are located now. I didn't put myself there as quick and as hard as I did on PEI. I was back to being cautious and slow. I've questioned everyone and their motives for a long, long time. I think it wasn't until this year that I finally settled in more. So I've done what I could without being hurt. What a process. But God has led us/me through being part of a co op to finding our play group and field trip group that is based on the east side of Indy and counties next door to jumping in with the IAHE and volunteering that first year to be part of the mentor booth, then being par of a panel of homeschool graduates, and even investigating helping out with accounting type things. Then this past six months to a year, getting to know even more groups around time, meeting new homeschoolers, helping random families who have questions through the Facebook page, and meeting one on one with some friends. And just like Justin has been consistent in attending youth group and small group and has gotten some one on one time with his leaders, we also have been consistent with going to Mom's night out and park days and now I've had the oppurtunity to further some of those relationships, leading to our names being suggested for the position.

Hard work pays off in ways you couldn't imagine. That's the moral life lesson right there. Just putting one foot in front of the other and making the next right best choice given what information you have. Through the hard days, the meltdowns, the self loathing, the feelings of not being good enough and yet, knowing you want to share what you do know and help who you can help because of what you've been through, God has been preparing us for this point in time. Having the board say yes brought on a wave of validation for me. Instead of all the no's, I heard "Yes, you have something to contribute. Yes, you know enough and are passionate enough and are trustworthy enough and organized enough to do this job. We WANT you and NEED you. Yes, despite your physical struggles and sometimes your mental struggles, you have what it takes to be a leader and you CAN do this." Now, if I think too hard and long about this position, I start to panic. I have to be good about what I put on social media. I have to actually follow up on phone calls and emails in a timely manner. I have to reach out to leaders of groups and speak at groups. We have to be available at convention and help out where needed. I have to bring Jared up to speed and he gets to be the one that stand next to me and look handsome and nods his head in agreement (such a role reversal!) This is a position for a married heterosexual Christian couple, but I will do be doing most of the work.

Validation. We don't need outside validation, but when we get it, boy does it boost our self confidence. And on a day today, my sister Kristina's 36th birthday, it helps to lessen the sting of the fact that I can't text her happy birthday because she has refused to talk to me since our mom died 9 1/2 yrs ago. We had a big argument about worldviews. And that's all I can remember being the problem. We didn't get along much anyway, but I've wanted to reconcile with her for at least 9 years and our sister Stefanie didn't think I was ready to be civil. So, when others see the good in me, my ability to be civil with everyone, it gives me hope that someday, when Kristina reaches out to me and wants to have a relationship with me that I will have the skills to build a new bridge across troubled waters. I am good enough. I have learned enough. I can be a friend and mentor. I have something important to say. I make a positive difference. I no longer just take from others, ask for help, moan and groan about my problems, but I can give and help and reassure parents that they are making the right decision, even if it's not to homeschool. That's an incredible feeling.

We have the privilege of being leaders again, not just behind the scenes doing grunt work, but in a place where we can share and others will listen. To me, that's a gift. That's the capstone of my healing. I'm a wiser, deeper version of myself from before PEI and during PEI. And perhaps that's where the verse comes in that God makes it all work out for our benefit. Romans 8:28

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I loathed that verse for the first year being back in the States. I would say, "How is this good, God? It doesn't feel good, it doesn't look good, and I certainly don't feel loved for all our hard work. You called us and you let Christians hurt us. How is that good?" Well, I have some of the answers now. And I'm finally at peace.

If you are wondering what some of our responsibilites are, it takes up 3 pages. But basically, we are the liason between the homeschoolers of Marion County/Region 9 and the IAHE. We keep track of leaders and groups within our region, match up new homeschoolers to the area with what they might need, answer phone calls and emails (that are provided for the IAHE, not our private ones), volunteer in some way at our annual convention, speak at homeschool or other groups about homeschooling, participate in Homeschooling 101 sessions, reach out to the community like getting to know the libraries and librarians so they can share our info with others. In order to do that, we have to know the law, know where to turn people when they need legal help, know the schooling options in the area including the K-12's and online public school, service ALL homeschoolers including those who have different worldviews than we do, and be active on social media including being a part of local pages, and sharing about events like Homeschool Day at the Capital and our convention. It's a lot. I'll have to stay on task. There is grace, but non profits don't run well if you don't keep up. It's a big job. We represent everyone within the I-465 highway that circles Indianapolis. We will collaborate with other reps and the organization is VERY well organized. It's been around for more than 30 years! This region is a newer region. They revamped the regions a couple of years ago. Everyone south of I-70 used to be part of the Johnson county rep (and we know that couple well) and everyone north of I-70 would be part of the northern counties. But the IAHE felt that homeschoolers inside I-465 was struggling with their own unique things, so they moved things around. I actually know the rep who was taking care of Region 9 when it was "born" 18 months ago, so that eases my introvertedness a bit. I will be stretched and will grow like crazy, especially socially. It will be a challenge. But I like challenges when I've calculated the risks and am prepared for them, lol. I've got some ideas in my head but first I need to see where everything's at.

Phew, that's a lot of writing and I feel like I was actually articulate for once! I guess I did have just a smidge more intelligence in me left from this crazy week. Now off to other things.

A few leftover pictures from meeting our friends at the apple orchard.

Say cheese!

How high can yu go?

Spoons help, but it's still too gooey. Next!

Rolling down the pumpkins as a matter of fact. He picked out two pumpkins all on his own, one being bigger than him, and he managed to roll them down to us. Determinatin.

We had our first frost advisory last night!

His new favorite spot this week. He must have found the purple pad in the corner with all his stuffed animals. Yes, he's reading alphabet books. No, he's still not interested in learning the sounds. Oh well, we have lots of time. 'K for Keturah! B for Benaiah!"

Always take a picture of the map if you don't have a paper copy. We were on trails 1 and 2 at the bottom of the picture.

One very eager beaver.

Let's sit on the bench because it's there.

Playing follow the leader. Mommy, you have to march!

Whoops, wrong way.

Bailey and Keturah played par core (sp?) climbing on the outside of the play structures.

Look at me, Mom!

"I'm the king of the castle. I'm the king of the castle."

Gorgeous trees in full "bloom."

Their favorite treehouse like play structure. But there are numerous other boys there screaming at the top of their lungs and no parents in sight.

More playing barefoot on the outside of the structure.

There's two "holes" at this park where the kids can build secret forts and hideouts.

Time for a walk!

Abishai was pretty attentive on the little hike we did. No complaining and looked at different things.

He loves being the leader and he did lead well.

I spy with my little eye, a river. the White River. We are directly north of downtown and the water treatment plant.

Just a few stairs. Not too hard.

Lots of colors!

Somewhere in there, we saw a chipmunk! It's so hard going on a hike with kids because they ae so loud. Abishai did try to be quiet, too.

Taking a rest with my hiking buddy. The others had already used a different trail and I was tired of waiting for them to wander out of the woods to join us.

Abishai was the first one to notice the little trickling waterfall.

The woods. In the middle of Indianapolis.

The White River.

Little poser! He knows exactly what to do when I ask him to take a picture.

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Abishai stepped onto the bridge and looked upstream and said, "Mom, this is pretty!" Yes, son, nature is beautiful, especially in the fall!

He had all the confidence in the world and just did his own thing. He didn't complain or misbehave. He just wanted to climb and went for it calm and confident as can be. No, he didn't get far.

I showed him this cool stump so we started talking about it.

Next thing I know, I told him to sit or stand in it. And this is what he naturally came up with.

Oh yes, definitely a poser. Too cute!

Love these stone stairs!

Oh Canada!

The other kids took a different path but also went OFF the path, which they know not to do. The other moms didn't make a fuss about it, and I didn't really understand that they were off the path until we were on our way home. Stay on the path! You're going to get poison ivy! And they got muddy. I told them to just keep playing and then when it's time to leave we will try to find a towel in the car or something to clean off. Well, after another 30 minutes of playing, the mud dried and flaked off and stay there at the park. Unfortunately, Keturah was wearing her new WHITE shoes. She doesn't have any grubbby sneakers. Thankfully, she took them off pretty quickly before they got too muddy. And I was able to easily wash the off with just water later that evening. Phew!

No, he's not dancing. This is "I just kicked a soccer ball" move. I really think he should try out for soccer next spring/summer. There is a large homeschool soccer program, but it depends on where and when it meets.

Big bumpy slide for my big guy!

Even at home the trees are on our street are starting to pop!

DSLR version of the sunset.

Sweet sunset. (iPhone)

(iPhone)

He's tall enough to peer over at me without standing on something. How is he that big? Peek a boo!

See, tickling you is fun! Try not to smile, I dare ya!

Sabbath Saturday was all about living life slowly. Slowly wake up. Slowly make breakfast so it becomes brunch. Slowly do a few things around the house. You get the point. Jared is still recovering from the shoveling of dirt he did on Monday. I'm recovering from a week on the go. I would have liked to do more physically, but knew that I couldn't. I did manage to work through some paperwork though. Benaiah had an early morning shift and then went to a concert with Abishai (Jared transported them to and fro). Justin is spending the day and night at Bryce's house (Montica's). Keturah listened to an audiobook and colored. Abishai clung to Jared all day and was very clingy to me, too. He had asked multiple times through the week, "Mommy, will you build with me?" And I had to say no because I just didn't have the time. Yeah, that's pretty much it. A very uneventful day. Tomorrow full life schedule starts back, including the older 3 having bonfire/barn parties to go to practically next door each other. Transportation was easy to work out. Perhaps I'll get a nap in, but probably not. Abishai will get some more one on one time.

Anyway, the weather was gorgeous and I was a little frustrated that the ones that could enjoy it, didn't. I needed to be a slave to my computer and not move my body so much today. Oh well. I did put everything back properly in the garage and made more space! That felt good. My tooth feels horrible. I don't even want to think about what a root canal is and how much pain there is. I'd rather focus on the beauty below and the weeks and months of pain she'll be in. The nieces come home tomorrow from the retreat, so at least Shauna and Aaron could get Shauna settled into the recliner and such. You do have to sit in a certain position at least some of the time I've heard. Poor thing. Not fun at all. Oh well, you gotta do what you gotta do.

A few hours post surgery. Looking pretty good I think. Watching their favorite channel, HGTV.

Abishai isn't sleeping. He's demonstrating how he now sleeps with the purple pad under him to "protect my bed" and surrounded by all his friends. Aw.

Abishai turned the Lightning McQueen trailer upside down and made a huge jail cell for cars. The back gate on the trailer became a door.

Just what Abishai wanted, a playmate.

Full of stories of police and bad guys and jail.

The bad guys are surrounded by the police!

Sunday was back to normal. Everyone scattered to their places. Benaiah had an awesome time on drums and you could see his hair flying about has he rocked a new version of Amazing Grace. He's really excited about Rhett, our new worship minister, and what he has to offer. He said Rhett interacts with the band in the back row, which is cool. It's also cool to see my kids talking to adults and their peers just like every other human being does. With Jared and I being more reserved in public, I have always felt nervous that we weren't modeling how to handle friendships well. But the boys at least seem to know how to handle themselves. We are still working on helping Keturah open up and talk to others. It's ok to be stand off ish if you are having fun and observing others. I do that all the time. But there comes a point where you need to engage with other people. We are praying that Keturah finds friends who will encourage her because she struggles with a lot of things right now. I even downloaded a Facebook messenger for kids app that the Keturah can talk to her friends through. It's just on my phone because she doesn't have one, but maybe I can download it to the table, too.

A cool thing that happened to Keturah tonight at the 4:30 was that she and Jasmine were the only dancers in the preschool area and no one was running the sound board, so Keturah did! That's pretty cool and has a little bit of responsibility to it. I served in nursery watching others take care of our pastor's son and his cousin. I didn't have to do anything, but I was there just in case. The cousin didn't like Leah's voice though, so she had to go to the other room to help. Whoops! After volunteering I took Keturah to her middle school bonfire and then went grocery shopping. The boys were also at a barn party, a few doors down from Keturah, at one of the big houses in the Southport Rd stretch east of Meijer and CFA. Everyone had some food and smores. The boys got to square dance! They didn't like it, but they were forced to. Ava didn't like it either, but Kylie did and so she kept encouraging Justin to stay in the square and he eventually got the hang of it somewhat. I wouldn't exist without square dancing because my parents met at a square dancing competition in NH. They met one year and then met again the next year and started dating. A mutual friend, "Uncle" Tony, introduced them to each other. So, kids, be grateful for square dancing.

Despite a little nap where I could have stayed in bed for many more hours, I am still exhausted. We have nothing the next two days outside of the house, and minmal on Wednesday. Thursday is my dental appointment and I have to be prepared for a possible root canal, and then piano lesson in the evening. Park day maybe at Southeastway Park and then Keturah, Jared and I go to that horse thing in Ohio on Saturday. Hopefully it will be a bit of an easier week. As soon as I sort out school, I'll need to try to get in the shed to rerrange things and find the winter gear and 5T stuff. That will have to wait until Tuesday because we have rain coming tomorrow, which we need.

They filmed the 50th Anniversary of the Dove Awards (Christian music awards basically) this past week and I've seen bits and pieces on social media. Michael W. Smith sang "Place in this World."

On Michael's tour, he must have had a Tennessee stop because one of this grandchildren stoped by to "dance" on stage. She basically walked back and forth but it was so cute!

Socks in his comfy spot.

Got interview by People magaine. Sharpest looking 62 yr old there is.

Abishai was talking to the sare girl and telling her to stay standing up so she can greet those that knock

Today's outfit. Trying the style of putting something over (instead of a basically cardigan) a dress. And I'm rocking the boots with a warm liner on a 73 degree day. Not sure if it works altogether, but I try.