The J6 Journey: Year 5, December 30th-31st, 2020: Hindsight is 2020

J12 Christmas Vacation, Dec 30, 2020

J12 Christmas Vacation, Dec 31, 2020

Wednesday was another rough night. Oh my goodness. Jared hasn't gotten much better. But after getting a bit miffed at him this morning, we've settled on him seeing a doctor and getting some imaging done, either an ultrasound to check his gallbladder or a colonoscopy to see if he has a stomach ulcer. We didn't even consider the gallbladder until Gary said this evening that he had his out many years ago and his father did as well. Well, why didn't you say that sooner! That makes a lot of sense! So I looked it up and it doesn't quite add up, but imaging will tell us a much better story of yes or no. I was mad but then gave in pretty quickly and played the care giving wife. Sigh.

This morning however, was a different story. We had slept poorly, I was sore, and had dreamed that he called 911 while I was outside taking care of something else. I texted him all that, that basically, he's “ruining” my vacation, but again, I didn't actually stay mad too long. It was 8am, and everyone was finishing up breakfast. Abishai needed me to make eggy toast and I was barely awake. And then everybody decided everybody was going on a hike with Grandpa to a cemetery. I hadn't even brewed my tea yet. Ugh. I wish they had asked and waited just a little bit. Oh well, they went, and we had some quiet time. I read and Jared rested. The cemetery's oldest tombstone was from 1788 and the newest one was from 1991. It was about 1 mile hike. Then everyone had second breakfast and played board games.

The other 4 adults discussed and hemmed and hawed about the rest of the meals for the week. I finally gave up listening to them. Then they left to go to thrift stores and the grocery store. The kids ate lunch and messed around. Then I finally gave in and we got the gingerbread house stuff out. It didn't go quite as planned however, everyone made something VERY unique and lovely! There were no complaints as to the lack of décor to choose from. Nora had a Mario Brothers gingerbread castle kit. She was very particular about it and did an excellent job. We now have a very unique art exhibit of all the crafty things they've done.

So on a Johnson vacation we:

Eat

Craft

Play board games

Play card games

Horse around

Play video games

Occasionally read

Watch movies

Eat lots of popcorn and nuts and ice cream and chips and dip

Go to the grocery store daily

Visit thrift stores

Drink coffee and pop

Make lots of food, including fruit and veggies

Nap

And walk/hike/swim or some other physical activity

And that's a “staying in” kind of vacation. It's the best kind, although I think the kids are getting a bit stir crazy! And tired of doing the same things. They aren't tired of each other yet though. Abishai gives out lots of hugs and chases the girls like crazy. Benaiah had a headache today so he stayed in his room more. He's doing his best to be with us when he can.

Then the adults came back with groceries and had some lunch. The kids got on Minecraft and the adults played board games. I tried to keep up with Jared's needs. I read for awhile and took a short, but cold nap with him. I hadn't put a blanket on and my sweatshirt was kind of thin. I got up at about 4:40pm to check if I needed to help with supper. Turns out, I was in CHARGE of supper. Um, no one told me that was the final conclusion. Ugh! I looked over to Leah and she shrugged her shoulders with a bit of smirk which saying she wasn't in charge and she wasn't getting up. Gary and Aaron, the peacemakers, jumped in and we got the breakfast casserole in the oven lickity split. And I didn't have a complete meltdown. Woot! Woot! Everybody did different things while we waited for dinner. Shauna cut up the veggies for a salad and we had fruit salad as well. So, we all ended up helping. No harm done. Now the grandparents and grandkids are watching Elf and Aaron and Shauna are probably watching HGTV in their room since the cabin has cable. They like to watch HGTV on vacation when they can. I did see Shauna hide the popcorn bucket behind her back on her way back to the room though. She has also been around us more this time, sarcastic, doing funny sneaky things like the popcorn bucket, etc. After the last few vacations that had some tension between us, this one has been EXCELLENT with attitudes and way less meltdowns. I think it helps when the introverts don't have to go out.

Jared and I miss our home routines though. At least our stomachs do. Well, this one hasn't been as bad for me because we've only eaten at the cabin our own kosher food. Jared hasn't been able to make his tea or stay on his veggie lunch diet and main meal for supper diet. I feel so bad for him. I need him to be the stronger one. I know he wants that, too. Being tender was the right choice today. I'm ready for some Mr. Selfridge, although the story has turned in ways I am NOT happy with. I watched the bonus material for Season 3 and it is based on a true story, so I'll take it as it is somewhat like that. Maybe I'll learn more about Mr. Selfridge through an audiobook or DVD or something. Back to the library I go!

I found some books and a DVD. And yes, the series is following the story pretty well. I also signed up for Audible, so I'll have a few options there. After the movie, I put Abishai to bed. Thankfully, he went willingly with just a Brick Bible story. He wanted me to stay so he could “pat pat” me while he fell asleep. Oh my gosh. He's so precious! It's such a blessing to just lay there watching your kid fall asleep. And he's so loving. SO loving! He patted my face, and my arm, and reached for my arm. And the fiddled with his blanket. I would have recorded him if I had had my phone with me. He's got so much surrounding him, too. He has his pillow and blanket, blankie and Dinosaury, Doggy song and Rain Forest sounds, Pikachu facemask and Mommy nearby. So precious to be stroked by your almost 6 year old. I'm so glad we have allowed him to be closer and snuggly in our bed for longer and we held him more. SO worth it now when we get to enjoy every little minute with him like this. Someday, he won't be doing this. Maybe. Maybe he'll never grow out of it. Wouldn't that be splendid?! Sigh.

And then I came out to the big room to Grandma and Nora as a team, Grandpa and Keturah as a team, and Benaiah and Justin as a team all playing Nertz together. Benaiah had gone so fast that he and Justin had gotten Nertz in 1 minute. He was guffawing over it. He got pretty cocky and then lost the next two rounds. But the boys made a great team. What sweet memories we've made this week!

Speaking of memories! 8 years ago.....in a land far far away....up north.....we fried a turkey during a snowstorm. Yup, we did.

I thought this was an interesting way to look at prayer, because I can say that there have been many times were I have no words, just tears. From "Streams in the Desert."

Playing Clue.

It's an art gallery! Woot! Woot!

Nora's is the most meticulous and accurate, which fits her personality.

Justin's nutcracker looks a little scary. Keturah's fox is on the far right. Don't know whose is in the middle.

Everly's abstract art.

Justin tried his best, messed up the eye, tried to make a sword or eye patch and ended up with this, something that looks like it could be on the cover of a rap or emo album. At least he tried!

Shauna couldn't stop working on the perler beads and made everybody's initials with the leftovers!

The perler bead kits came with very unique molds! We brought them home to put with the rest of our molds. Timeless art! I used to do perler beaded things as a kid.

Justin went outside on the porch to get his shoes or something and got distracted so I locked him out. He looks like one of those pigs from Angry Birds.

And I just laughed for 10 minutes straight about it because it's so Justin's personality! I mean, who gets locked out and their immediate thought is to press their nose to the glass to entertain the younger ones? And he went up and down on the glass, too. Hilarious!

Poor guy. As I type this, it's Sunday, Jan 3rd. This picture was taken on December 30th. He had already been sick for a day. So, 5 days now, same stomach pains. He's been to see the doctor and will get tests on Monday for his gallbladder. He thinks it's an ulcer. I think it's his gallbladder and it will have to be removed like his dad and his grandfather had done around his age. He missed half of vacation because of this.

Another Johnsons semi Christmas vacation, gingerbread houses! This time, instead of the fancy kits, I saved the small milk cartons to use as a base. But the only one who used it was me. Oh well, they did what they could with graham crackers. And each creation suited their personalities of course!

A nice, neat traditional house for Everly, including instant coffee grinds for the roof.

Keturah's intitial for herself, as always. She just loves her "K."

Nora got a special Mario Brothers castle to do.

And I helped Abishai build his own castle! Loads of aha moments there, like sticking the toothpicks up for the ramparts!

Training grounds for the gumdrops that are being transported on the sled.

Transportation, usually a boy thing, too. I love how Justin used the roll up to make backs for the chairs.

The doorway had candy canes, a moat, handles, and a drawbridge.

Fruit roll ups were put on first and then I stick the toothpicks with some frosting behind them.

Gotta have guys and animals to carry them!

Nora being very meticulous with her creation.

Getting little help from Keturah.

A couple of changes and voila! Fnished!

Another afternon of Minecraft. They did go hiking several times with the more able bodied adults, including to an old cemetery dating back to the 1800's.

That's a LONG line of sorms! From PEI to Texas!

More for the art gallery! I told them we should have them present their artwork and tell us why they did this or that color or method. They all declined.

Another day, another movie.

And another game, Risk! I think we all brought 5 or more games with us.

My 3 boys, all different sizes with very different hairstyles.

Nora pretending to be a horse for Abishai to ride/handle.

Tying the horse up so she can be fed and have a rest.

Supper prep. Leah and Shauna and Aaron are the food prep people. I hate to cook, so I stayed out of the kitchen as much as possible.

Ready for some get gots?

When you have tall big brother!

Most of our crew. Missing Jared who is sick, and Aaron and Shauna were watching HGTV in their room. I saw Shauna sneak the popcorn bucket to her room!

"This is the scary part, Mom!"

Is it ok to come out now? Is Buddy, the elf, ok?

Let the eating of the gingerbread houses begin! And that orange poppy thing is a kind of like a fidget toy and they LOVED it!

Double screening like his Mama. He's loving his new airpods. He didn't want to ruin his best pair of in ears that are really just for drumming/on stage and I don't blame him. Now I wish I had asked for a pair because these are the $70 kind. Jared got a pair as well because Gary thought his might be wearing out.

When you're an extrovert, and you've had 11 other people to interact with, you get worn out! He looks so big, too! But still such a baby with all his sleeping gear, including his song box from his crib mobile.

Poor Grandma. She seems to get beat at every game she plays.

Abishai was trying to sleep and these two were guffawing out here at the table. They were playing in pairs and they were going so fast at Nertz that they were done with Nertz pile in less than a minute. Oh the brothers! Similar to Jared and Aaron, and yet they are mine. So different and yet so bonded to each other.

Thursday, December 31st, 2020 – NYE

We slept better last night because I gave Jared some anti nausea medication. And because of my stretching yesterday afternoon, I wasn't as sore. I'm still really really sore in my lower back. There was a couple of chances that I might have had some gluten, but I think it's more weight related. Anyway, we woke up after 9am. By the time breakfast was ready, it was almost 10 and I was told Abishai had been on Grandma's Nook since 8am. Um, thanks a bunch. Now he can't have it later. But whatever. I started to feel the self induced pressure of prepacking but needed to shower first to clear and organize my head so I got that done. I was going wait until this evening to pack, but I'm glad I didn't. I started gathering everything of ours and had the kids shower and pack as well. We had bigger lunch at 12:30 and then headed out to a nearby historical location, Fort Donelson National Park, a major Civil War battle site, where the Confederates had the high ground but because of some unwise decisions, the Union, who fought from ironclad ships in the Tennessee and Cumberland Rivers, won in February 1962. It was a neat driving tour, complete with a phone number you could call and listen to messages of what 11 stops were about. It was a huge area of land we actually covered, pretty incredible! The kids were tired from being in the car, so we didn't end up going to the Elk and Bison refuge like I had wanted to, but that's ok. We'll go the Bison refuge that is 2 hrs from us soon enough in the spring or summer. Jared would have wanted to be with us anyway. Benaiah ended up doing most of the driving and I didn't really seem to worry at all about it. I just trusted we would be fine. And we were. Grandpa was in the back seat.

We did stop at Piggly Wiggly and the Dollar Tree/Family Dollar on the way back and got some blue Mountain Dew for Abishai, lol, so he could stay up late with us tonight. He seems raring to go and wanting to stay up so we'll see. I told him if he fell asleep, I would be sure to wake him up. It will be easy for me to stay up because I always see midnight. Lol. Dinner was grilled cheese and tomato soup! Shauna had found some gluten free tomato soup which is kind of hard to find and we had our gluten free bread, so yippie! It was SO yummy! I don't think I've had tomato soup for 8 years since I went gluten free! Crazy! We'll snack away the evening as always. I don't know how they keep eating and eating, because I'm pretty full after the evening meal. We still have 3 ½ hrs to go. Sigh. But everyone is being organized and getting ready to leave. Just got to get kids in pjs and all that.

Jared is still very ill. He did end up eating some oatmeal and drinking some water and keeping that down. His urine is indicating that he is very dehydrated. He put in a call to our doctor friend for a telehealth call but either way, I will drag him into this friend's walk in clinic on Saturday. We have got to get some imaging done. I was looking up liver, kidney, and gallbladder issues today and none of it's pretty and none of it should be “waited out.” I just hope we aren't waiting too long. Since this is the third bout of it, and it's more severe and lasting longer, it's got to be something more than stomach upset or the flu. No fever thank goodness. But he has slept and doozed off and on for two days straight. It's starting to emotionally weigh on me. I need him to be my care taker. I don't want to be his. We need to figure this out. I can't handle life alone. It's all very scary to me. He says not to go ahead 149 steps, but what if its something so severe that they immediately have to take him back to the O.R. or something. I'm going to be so upset and scared. I have to be partially prepared for every scenario, even the worst ones. And because I usually “wait things out,” I need to be forced into a panic mode with the worst case scenario. I'm really concerned about his dehydration, so I'm going to push for more water.

In light of this, instead of panicking, I asked Benaiah as soon as he woke up, or rather I gently told him, that I need him to take over Dad's job of packing the van tomorrow. I explained that I usually pack the bags, and place them by the front door while I do the last minute cleaning and checking. Then Jared does his bag and packs the van. And this time we have that extra shelf thing to deal with. I know Gary and Aaron will help, but they have their own vehicles to pack. I will hold back the items I really don't want going into Gary's car or being buried but I don't care where the rest of it goes since it's all going to Indianapolis. That's how we got down here anyway. Benaiah did some measuring already and has been formulating a plan today. When we went over what our favorite part(s) of this vacation was, one of the things that Shauna mentioned was just how much more engaged and mature Benaiah seems. She thinks it was senioritis. He did have a lot on his plate like school, on top of work, so it makes sense. I have seen him out with us much more often. And going to bed and getting up at his normal times. I'm super proud of him. I also told him that I would like him to ride home with us and be prepared to be up on deck with Jared can't drive. Jared wants to drive because it keeps his mind occupied, but there's a good chance he can't. Benaiah can probably manage the whole thing is my guess. I can also do 45-60 min at at a time. It's under 6 hrs, but who knows how long it will actually take if we have to stop for Jared to throw up or something. We have to leave here by 10am, the official checkout time. So, we'll see. I'm sure the morning will be chaotic, but we've got our kids trained fairly well and no one has had a true meltdown yet, so I'm hoping that continues another 10 ½ hrs.

The only issue with today was at lunch time. Benaiah was explaining that the band at Shelby St. might be short on drummers because one of the volunteer drummers was asked to leave the band and the church. He had blasted the church and the elders on social media. One of the other staff members (who tends to comment “you're not being Christian enough” on my posts), tried to talk to him on his post, and then on private message. I guess it got bad enough that this staff member must have consulted with other staff members/elders and the drummer was dismissed from the church. Over what you might say? Covid-19 restrictions! Please tell me this wasn't the first time this particular guy did this. If it is, this is definitely not grace. This is why I have trouble with the leadership of our church. It's their way or no way. And so I said something to the whole group sitting there for lunch, including the children. I said just that, “This is why I'm not even sure if I am going back to the Creek or not. The elders and staff do not listen.”

So, now, finally, Gary and Leah have both heard me say that I might not come back to the Creek. I had to stop the conversation because we needed to leave and Benaiah requested that I do because of the children in the room. In hindsight, I could have snipped off that, “I want the children to hear this. My children already know this. We discuss this often in our studies of leadership inside and outside of the church. There's nothing wrong with kids hearing differences of opinions and having a discussion.” Now, of course, I probably would have escalated. But at the same time, we don't discuss this at Sunday lunches because no one in the Johnson family wants to have a heated discussion or be on opposing sides in a conflict. Nope, we have to all be peacemakers. Sorry, Gary and Leah, Jared and I are NOT peacemakers. It's not in our nature. We want to bring things up and we have very strong convictions. The particular topic between Dan/Keren/Me wasn't life or death or salvation, but the embodiment of their leadership very well could turn people off to God's truth. If people aren't heard, they won't stay. They need validation in our generation and their freedom of speech. So, we'll see how this all plays out back at home. I did tell Shauna a lot of what has been going on, from me not attending the church's online service or Bible study, to longer term feelings, earlier in the week. I hope that Gary and Leah remember this conversation and discuss it among themselves. I want them to know. I want them to be shocked. Then maybe they will care about me again.

Ok, enough of that. I know we will all have fun for the next few hours. I will let the week end well. I will stay calm in the morning. I just need to get up early enough to get food down the hatch and tea drank and peed out. I will trust the process. I will enlist the kids to help. Oh, Justin has been forewarned to keep an eye on Abishai but I might have Keturah do that instead. I'm not looking forward to going back and immediately taking over with no help from Jared. We do have some food in the fridge. But I might need to stop somewhere this weekend for a few things. Perhaps I'll try a pickup service or something later in the week. I don't know. I have a huge week of appointments ahead of me. And I need to pick up medication from the pharmacy and books from the library. I'll do that on the way home from Jared's appointment probably. Not sure how the week will go with school. I might have them really finish watching all the DVD's they ignored all week and then start our together reading the next week. We'll see.

I'm starting to get tired. My back hurts. And I'm finally feeling like I need to go home. I did great all week. But I don't like the tension either. So, I need to run home and hide and let things settle.

Speaking of, if I hear someone say one more time how awful 2020 was, I'm going to kick them! Guess what, not everyone had a bad year! We had NO major changes or crisis's this year. We got a TON done at the house. We got Benaiah graduated the best we could. We stayed strong in our marriage and homeschooling. We got to be home even MORE together. And I LOVED most of it! We didn't have any personal loses, no job or income loss, in fact we had our biggest tax refund to date! Benaiah only lost a few weeks of pay back in May by his and our choice, but he got to keep his job. None of us have been deathly ill with Covid and NONE of our relatives have been hospitalized or died from Covid, not even Grandma Cook! So hard year? Not at all. So STOP SAYING IT like it represents EVERYONE. It does NOT even represent the majority either. It's not a bad thing to stay home. It's not a bad thing to homeschool your kids. It's not a bad thing to be with your spouse more. Not at all. A favorite speaker of mine, Peter Heck, said that his family has had a great year, too. He said a word that would describe 2020 is “revelation.” Not Revelation with a capital R, but that 2020 revealed a lot about what we really value and gave us a chance to step back and look at how we do life, i.e. we could work and worship and educate from home. It revealed that we do put too much priority on things like sports and all these extra things outside of the house. We don't always need to go to the grocery store every other day. Or go out to eat. Or get our hair dyed every 6 weeks. It revealed maybe that our families don't get along and we need to work on those relationships. And I loved that. Revelation. 2020.

2020 has been life changing, but very good to us in many ways. 2021 might bring some major things with it, but it's hard to tell when and where. We aren't sure of Jared's or my illnesses. We aren't sure if we'll be able to do the house flipping thing with Jim. I'm not sure if I'm going to stay with the Creek or go somewhere else. I don't know if or when my role at IAHE or his role at e2 will change. There's no one graduating this year, so that's of my plate for another 2 years or more. Our 20^th anniversary is next summer, but we haven't planned anything yet. I'd rather have a diamond ring to call my own again. Life will keep moving forward. 2020 rocked some people's worlds. It woke them up to things that we've had as part of our life for many many many years. It makes me feel like our choices have been validated. Sometimes, I feel like a failure but more and more, I do feel strong and confident, too. From putting the pressure on doctors to do it my way, to speaking up to my in laws or other leadership, to firmly taking a step that others would call wrong or never understand why I did it. 2020 was a good year for the J6. 2021 should be more of the same. But, you never know. So, I plan. I work. I save. I prepare. That's all one can do. Happy New Year!

Once again, the photos loaded backwards in time. Happy New Year!

Popcorn buddies.

She had just finished building her Lego set at 11:45pm, so she finally got her ice cream.

Almost done with her party boat! She told me to stop taking pictures of her because it was distracting her and making her nervous.

At least he shared with us all!

The popcorn bucket came with it's own scoop, and Abishai was eating straight out of the scoop! Ew!

What are you doing up there, Abishai?

It's a boat!

More food?!

Hot chocolate socks for the hot chocolate bombs we made today. Aren't they cute?

The Queen Master Builder

Why yes, did I mention that Everly is taller than me? And about to turn 14? And looks so grown up when she puts just a little bit of make up on? Well, now I have.

He got ice cream, too. Grandpa bought chocolate rimmed ice cream cones!

What's with Abishi and laying on tables?

New Year's Eve Party spread. I only ate the chocolate and maybe a few veggies. I just wasn't hungry and I never waste calories on salty foods!

Leave it to Shauna to put a little pizaaz in our evening.

Daddy was upright for a few minutes eating lettuce so he was able to play laser sword fight with the glow sticks I bought.

More wrestling with Benaiah, including farting so loudly on the bed!

The table! What's with the table?! And he choose this helicopter toy over a Lego set at the dollar store (see below).

Only little fingers can reach down and pull out the gumdrop soldiers and animal cracker transports!

$8 toy brings hrs of entertainment to this wee one.

Fog on the lake.

The best seat in the house to play video games! I'll never get tired of taking photos of these two together!

Reading up on the Civil War. Like Mother, like Son.

Tried a new game today, one based on Bob Ross. It seemed pretty complicated though and took a long time.

The unicorn hot cocoa bomb was strawberry flavored! I had to heat the milk on the stove for all 4 of the bombs we made, put the right amount of milk into the glass cup, then put the bomb in. After it melted, I put the contents into two tea cups each because the tea/coffee cups were tiny!

Baby Nora 10 years ago! She wouldh ave been 14 years old! She gets pretty embarrassed by these "old fashioned" dresses. Except these dressees were bought brand new for the girls.

Ready to be melted!

There's the peninsula where our cabin is on!

Wait a minute?! How can these two stores share the same retail footprint? Because they are owned by the same company. Everything in Dollar Tree is a dollar, but the Family Dollar is just a cheap store and can vary in price. The shelves were marked for Dollar Tree items and you had to assume the rest were Family Dollar items. Then, there were 3 or more Dollar Generals in the area, too!

Our first Piggly Wiggly! It's a grocery store in the south. Benaiah went in to find an energy drink but didn't find anything he liked.

The previous blog post had the DSLR photos for our trip to Fort Donelson. Here's some of the iPhone pics for that trip and on the RIGHT day. This little machine at the National Cemetery let you look up last names to see what relatives might be in the graveyard. This cemetery dates back to the late 1700's and goes through the 1990's as far as we can tell. It's still considered active and is visited and maintained with the relatives in mind. Here's some with my maiden name. There were some Johnsons, of course, as well, but no Proffits (Shauna's maiden name). We should have looked for Cooks but forgot!