Year 6, February 5th-7th, 2021: Some Steps Forward, Some Steps Back, Some Just Standing in Place.

 Sigh. Well, that was an interesting Friday. I barely did school with the kids. The kids had Bible class at 10:30am with Grandpa, so I couldn't do my normal routine with Abishai. I will attempt it tomorrow because I really would like to get 5 session in with him a week. We average about 4 right now, which is fine, and I still count that 5th day of the week because he's always learning or we watch a history video or we learn some science, so it all counts. I checked Keturah's math. But I didn't get to anything for Justin. It was just that kind of depressing, "my mind can't handle anything else and I just want to sleep or veg out" kind of day. I had the appointment with the other gynecologist today. The facility was beautiful inside, quiet, super friendly people, and pretty much the same as my regular clinic. Great doctor for sure, and great nurses. Not a great location as it's near some iffy parts of town, but that's ok. But, the doctor did her best to explain some weight loss things and said it's really just 80% diet and 20% exercise you should work on. We did talk about the hormones a bit, and I asked if the cyst would cause any changes in hormones, and she said no. In fact, I was wrong that estrogen is the culprit. It's when the estrogen drops in menopause that your metabolism slows down and you gain weight. And she concurred with my regular gynecologist that surgery isn't necessary at this point since everything is still functioning normally and I am still ovulating correctly and all that. We did briefly look at my last lab results and my medication list and there was nothing out of the ordinary or suspicious besides the cholesterol, which hopefully I'm working on my eating less salt and less eggs. My blood pressure was 130/90, which is higher, because I was nervous of course, and because I'm overweight. And I had just had a cup of coffee. I'm still watching it and have that heart monitor if I wanted to see what my normal rate is during the day. The doctors aren't worried about it at the moment, but it's something to keep an eye on. So, I hit another dead end today. I am so frustrated I want to cry. Jared was very tender about it when I got home. I am so jealous that his stuff gets resolved fairly quickly and I'm still figuring things out 10 years later. I think I'll be making that phone call to the osteopaths I have listed somewhere because I asked for a list. The osteopaths are the only ones that have helped me progress in my treatments because they will think outside of the normal medical science protocols. So, for now, I'll put that aside, and find time to get to that mental health clinic to see if that will work for those things. I probably won't get that done next week, but maybe the week after.

Jared is doing ok. He's able to maintain a pain medication and therapy routine that is keeping him stable and upright and working on his computer for a couple of hours at a time. He's sleeping 4-5 hours a night on his valium and then taking a 2 hr nap in the afternoon. He's a bit more like himself now. I'm sure he's still in a lot of pain between 3 and 7 am though. He has a doctor appointment to go over the MRI and discuss next steps on Wednesday, which seems so far out, but what can you do? At least he'll have a definite diagnosis and treatment plan. Sigh. I'm glad he gets to stay at home and doesn't travel because traveling is a mess right now. Gary is off doing his traveling 1-2 times a week, and guest preaching most weekends. But I'm worried about the restrictions on flying and crossing any borders right now. I'm thinking that they will start requiring negative covid tests 48 hrs prior to flying. It's a nightmare. I guess I shouldn't worry because it's Gary traveling and not us. But it's still crazy. And not having access to our son's country of origin is well, a bit upsetting, too. We really should update his Canadian and American passports soon.

Speaking of passports, I wanted to do one positive thing to checkmark it off my list, and I was already out, so I stopped at CVS to get my passport photos. I had the nicest clerk and although she had to take the photos several times, she knew what to look for and the computer also knew what to approve. The other clerk that checked me out a few minutes later after I picked up a couple of things (like chocolate because I'm always craving chocolate after someone tells me to live with no carbs in my diet) was very nice as well. It's just our quiet CVS in Wanamaker. It's great store. The only reason we switched to Kroger Pharmacy because of price on one of my medications and because we were allowed to go in on another discount plan with Gary and Leah. I don't know if that's still going on or not, but the Kroger Pharmacy has some great people, too. I love having these around the corner stores that aren't as busy as Emerson and Southport area, just 15 minutes up the road. Yeah for quiet suburbia!

I didn't get to mail my renewal passport application today because I didn't bring along a long enough stapler to staple my photo to my application, but I got that done at home. I hope to take it to our post office tomorrow and pick up library books. But I've got a long, long list of other things to do like kids' videos on how a bill becomes a law for our video contest I helped out with for our virtual IAHE Capital Day. Oh, and I'm frustrated with that because I have a dermatologist appointment that afternoon and will miss the parent part! I hope it's just a recorded message and doesn't have interaction or a "live" chat feature. I did pay for the replays like I always do on these kinds of things because I'm hardly around when they actually happen. There's 2 hrs of videos to watch in the morning for the kids, so we'll watch those together for sure. And that's on Thursday. Friday I'm supposed to be preparing for Abishai's birthday. And Valentine's Day is on Sunday. And we have no idea if Jared will have surgery the end of the week or not. So, do I plan for the party to go on? I think I am going to. If Jared can stand company for 2-3 hrs now, I think it will be easier than any recovery time he has after a back surgery. It will make for a super busy week. So I have to do those videos by the end of the day. And shower. And check Justin's schoolwork. And do Abishai's schoolwork. And get groceries. Groceries might have to wait until Sunday, unfortunately.

We do have some super bowl parties to attend though. Someone in our small group is hosting one. Justin's small group friend is hosting one. And Benaiah is going to a friend's house for one as well. For us, it's a time of fellowship and eating. We don't know who is playing, nor do we care. It's good to have somewhere to go though. I often feel left out when we don't get to go parties on these man made holidays. I have to put my thinking cap on for Valentine's Day, although I already picked up some special treats for the kids. We aren't doing a card exchange or anything, so maybe I'll come up with something they can do for each other. I might have to get them to do it after Valentine's Day since it is a Sunday and they have church and small groups/Crave. And for Jared and I, it's now all about celebrating Abishai and then resting afterwards. I have some cards and such, but basically, he's gotten acupuncture and chiropractor adjustments as his gifts. I don't want to go out to eat or anything really. I just need to focus on Abishai.

I was feeling very lethargic after that appointment, indicating my depression cropping up, so I didn't do much. I did put a little bit of supper together, moved some veggies around, changed out the shower curtain, put away my huge box of Young Living goodies, found a small bottle of conditioner for my flyaway hairs, and various other little things. So I did something today. I kept people alive, fed, clothed, clean,educated and happy. That's all that matters.

Abishai was so excited to start his new math book that he didn't wait for me! He got out the book I showed him yesterday that tells him how to write his numbers and he got out the math blocks when the instructor said to. We didn't get a chance to actually do the pages, but at least he tried to pay attention!

Our favorite math teacher, Mr. Demme!

I definitely am a weird mom!

Absolutely!

He found another horizontal surface to play on! At least it's not the floor or the dining room table! He's using his Lego table as his Hot Wheels city.

This is what happens when a) you don't change the filter and b) even the best water filter and water softener can't get rid of the iron in your water. I was going to wait until we did the whole bathroom remodel, but I found a cheap shower curtain in the cupboard and just did it anyway. The bathtub is getting worse by the day. We are trying to keep using the bathmat as well. But gross!

Aww, he hasn't been able to do that in awhile! It lasted all of 2 minutes of course.

See those essential oils I forget to use back there? Well, I bought a bunch of stuff on all my points I saved up from buying my monthly supply of Ningxia Red packets. Here's what a I got!

It doesn't seem like much but that's because Young Living is expensive. Lavender Foaming Handsoap, Cool Azul muscle rub, bug spray lotion (with citronella), penolone plus cream (I've had it before but it might help with the hormones), more PanAway because that's a favorite oil for pain, Cypress because well, it goes great with other oils for armotherapy, and Ningxia Nitro, which has green tea and might come in handy to get me through some of the harder days. Oh, and I can't forget the Peace and Calming roll on that I really need to be using daily. It's one of my favorite scents.

He prefers to do doughnuts with the police car and bump into everything else in the game instead of chasing the other speeding cars.

Tada! The replacement banker's box came in today so I was able to reduce my "file pile" and put the file that were on the floor away properly. It does bother me to buy more boxes, but life goes on and you get more paperwork, right? I know I did a great job with the old paperwork, and the other box I do have in the house (the rest are in the shed) is beyond full and has all the older medial files in case I need something from their infancy. But now I can find what I need and file things away properly! Progress!

Saturday Busyness. Ok, now that I've decompressed by watching nonsense on YouTube, I can tell you about our day. I did sleep with Jared last night and it wasn't too bad. He did wake me up several times but he wasn't yelping in pain. I think his therapies are helping, but we can't keep spending that kind of money every week, nor the time. so, we need the next step of surgery of some kind. Abishai woke up at 6:45am and was wanting us to be awake with him. No way, Jose'. We did get up around 7:30am to find him just playing in the hallway as always. He and Daddy then had oatmeal for breakfast while I set about doing the normal routine. After that, it was time to do a round of schoolwork and check Justin's work. Justin had to first send me his paper, which was proving difficult. He finally got it to send, I printed it, and looked it over. It looked very good to me. On to the next lesson. Then it was already lunch time. Put away laundry, keep people moving along. Finally around 2pm, Abishai, Justin, and I went grocery shopping and spent $375!!!!!! Ok, ok, there's a good reason. First, we bought extra for Abishai's birthday party and second, they had WHOLE frozen lobsters for $10 per lobster! These were the 1lb lobsters like we would get on PEI for $5, but hey, $10 is much better than the $35 we would pay at Red Lobster. The boys behaved well, and Keturah helped on our return.

Then it was nearly chore time so nobody got their regular screen time. Supper was pizza and cheesy breadsticks with vegetables and leftovers for me. And THEN I finally got my shower done. I'm just way too busy to do it daily. And doctors think I can fit in exercise? When I do stop for a few moments, it's to rest. I do still have fibromyalgia. I need to rest or I will crash and burn. Since Jared didn't want to argue with him, Abishai didn't get a bath tonight. Which means trying to squeeze in before church tomorrow morning. Ugh. Not good. Hopefully Grandma will take Justin for 1st service and serving in 1st grade, and the rest of us will go to 2nd service. There's no middle school worship or Crave because it's Superbowl Sunday. Oh shoot, I was going to soak some beans overnight so I can make chili. Apparently everybody else is making chili tomorrow for the super bowl parties because the shelves were empty. Let me go do that. Ok, that's done. I think I learned how to soak beans while still living at home. It's just a matter of remembering to do it since I typically start chili first thing in the morning and I don't have time for them to soak for the 2-3 hrs before. Anyway, I don't usually have dry beans because of it, but Jared bought them a while ago. It's a good way to use them I guess. And as I was pouring them in the bowl, I was reminded about how in kindergarten we used to count beans (and we had a rice table instead of sand table in our room). Not that Abishai needs to use them because he's a genius, but they are there.

I'm so tired. And snappy. PMS week, Jared's surgery, me having to wait to go see the intake specialist at a different mental health facility BECAUSE it's birthday party prep week, plus a virtual event, all the things. Now leave me a lone, I'm exhausted and it's already 10pm.

Oh, both of the kids managed to put together a 2 minutes video on how a bill becomes a law for a video contest. Keturah's actually came out really really well. She wrote herself a diagram, and spoke slowly enough and looked right into the camera. Sweet! Justin's looks like he is just reading from an article instead of having rewritten the information himself. We'll see how the judges think about it. But it's submitted and done. 

Keturah's "How A Bill Becomes A Law" 

Justin's "How A Bill Becomes A Law" 

 OH AND MY PASSPORT RENEWAL APPLICATION IS IN THE MAIL! Now I have to sit 10 weeks before I hear from them, and that's fine. I'm not going anywhere, I'll be here. 24/7/365 but it will be good to have that option back again. I think we'll wait to do Justin's until the fall after he turns 16 (this fall) because then he can get the adult, 10yr, passport like Benaiah is getting. I don't know when we'll do the other two. We'll see.

Lucky girl. She gets to snuggle with the puppy AND she doesn't have a ton of responsibilities yet. But she's really enjoying the latch hook! I did buy her some yarn that will be here on Wednesday. In the meantime, she started on the horse one I had saved. I kind of wanted to do it myself, but I know that I probably won't ever get to it. It's a way to connect with Grandpa Howell, so I'll let it go. I can always buy another kit. It won't be one that he picked out, but that's ok.

I saw this on an ad in my migraine app. Justin says he needs the t-shirt of this. A door sign would actually probably be helpful. I could just buy the sticker and make one.

I found waffle fries again at Aldi so I bought extra in case Leah wants them for Abishai's birthday dinner next Sunday. That's the crazy thing next week. Virtual Capital Day (homeschooling) on Thursday plus dermatologist appointment. Birthday party on Saturday. Normal church AND it's Valentine's Day on Sunday. Ugh!

I needed more coffee (these smaller bags don't last that long when you are drinking two cups a day at the strength I drink it at) so I bought Gary's favorite.

The red container is at least younger than 5 years since we got it upon returning from Canada (I think. Otherwise it would be something like 9 years old). But it's all gummed up because of the grease and heavy air from being near the stove. But it's finally empty. Bring on the black pepper that actually TASTES like black pepper, lol. We do go through a decent amount of spices actually.

Little guy surrounded by his friends, pretending he's actually conversing with the radio chatter on his Need for Speed game. He sounded like a mini Justin.

Need for Speed with Abishai in the police car on pursuit.

I caved and let him get a new stuffed animal. It was only $4 at Aldi AND it's holding a doughnut! Unfortunately, the back seam is already coming undone and I have to try to get it replaced tomorrow. There was one other one like in the bin. I hope it's still there! If not, I'll sew it up like always.

I might just have to stop by on Saturday after getting Abishai's balloons on our way home.

Not bad for $10. 18oz I think?

My phone reminded me that I need to send pics to the guy who did the laser thing on my arm. Well, now that the deep red spots are gone (that the laser caused because lasers burn your skin so they can regrew better, or at least this one does), it's looking better. Basically you redamage the area so it can try to heal better. I think it definitely worked. It's still red, but that's normal. We won't see full results until 3 months out from the procedure. Even the last little bump at the end closest to my elbow had gone down. I don't know if we'll do just one more injection there on Thursday or not. We'll see! This is 4 weeks after the procedure.

You can still see where the stitches were pulled too tight, but it's much, much less. Yeah! Progress! Now we'll let it rest and hopefully fade.

Oh, wow, anxiety attack? Panic attack? Something else? Well, it's minus degrees with the windchill here which means I have to put tights under my pants. Well, with the extra weight, even my new pants aren't fitting and the tights were too tight. And I couldn't get my boots on. The sermon was going to be on serving, so, I was going to try and be open minded, but I knew I'd be saying, "I don't want to serve at Indian Creek, I'm already serving my family and IAHE." So, I knew it might be triggering. But trying to get my boots on was the last straw and finally told Jared to just leave without me. I could tell I was going to break down any second and I didn't want to see people and I was going to want to run away as soon as I got there. It was the BEST decision. No, I didn't watch any church today. I'm pretty upset from my appointment on Friday with the other gynecologist, not because she was mean or anything, but because it was the usual "diet and exercise" protocol. I guess I had been holding in all weekend. Jared was able to get his MRI on Thursday night, and will have a definite plan on Wednesday. And I'm still stuck out here in la la land not knowing who to go to next for help. So, I felt hopeless, sick, fat, and very upset. I cried and cried. And laid on the couch playing my phone games. I didn't read. I didn't listen to my Bible. I didn't watch anything or go to social media. I did NOTHING. After I cried, I didn't do much thinking. I just let the rest of the day flow like that. I did finally pick another audible audiobook to read about ADD, written to ADD people, as an abridged version of a longer book I was trying to read. It's definitely written with the ADD person in mind. Nothing new quite yet, but I was nodding my head a lot, which was good because I need to be affirmed in my thought process today. It was the usual stuff I say during PMS and lo and behold, my menstrual cramps started. 

Justin was hard to wake up this morning and I had to hustle him to get him out the door with Grandma and he still forgot his name tag! Jared, Keturah, and Abishai went to the 11. I was going to have Jared pick me up for lunch at Gary and Leah's, but I couldn't even make that. I was still too angry and upset and I was going to spout and embarrass myself and cause tension. I needed to hear NO words that were meant to be "helpful" but really aren't. Thus I didn't open any Biblical books. Anyway, Justin went to Elliot's house for the afternoon and then went to his friend Cooper's house for the Super Bowl to spend time with his small group. The four of us will go to Mahurins and meet up with Smiths and a couple of others to watch the Super Bowl. I did manage to make my chili that I know the Smiths like. I had to soak beans over night and cook them because everybody was making chili this weekend and the shelves of beans at the store were bare. But I think it still turned out alright. I left the mushrooms out, but I'm taking them with me. And we are bringing the dominoes for the kids to play with and I'm bringing my crossstitch. I'm going to sit and listen and talk perhaps and do nothing else. I don't care about the Super Bowl game. Tom Brady, formerly of the Patriots, and his team are playing but he ditched us so, not going to root for him. And yeah, it's not a game I care about. I'm glad I'm feeling less moody and can go. I probably need this lighter level of talking and less doctrine and theology at the moment.

Jared took a nap and then shaved while the other kids did their electronic time. The good thing about Sundays is that there is less mess to clean up at the end of the day. Yeah!

This is what I woke up to. He had finished putting his snacks in their drawers and had opened his lunchable all by himself. He came to me with the Capri Sun in his hand from his lunchable and I thought he had gotten in his stuff for his birthday party. This kid!

Ok, NOW it's cold. But you know what? I survived going to our friend's house 2 minutes away without tights. Because, well, I had a meltdown over the tights under my jeans this morning. BRRRR

It didn't get much better over the day. And this is also why we left the water faucets dripping over night. The tub drips constantly anyway, and thank goodness we have a well, because eek! No pipes bursting here! I didn't think about the washing machine or the dishwasher though. We just have 3 sinks and 1 tub to worry about, and two toilets. We have a crawlspace so it does get cold down there. But don't you think some of the pipes are insulated? I don't know. Jared thought it was wise to let the sinks drip. Well, both Keturah and I couldn't stand them dripping overnight so we turned them. Whoops!

Frost on the inside of the front glass door of course!

Just another dusting of snow that the sun took care of today. No shoveling needed.

Hot flashes galore today so I had to sit in the garage to cool off before attempting the tights and a sweater to go to church. I did cool off but the clothing didn't work out and I was frustrated and mad and didn't go to church. Some days are mental health days. It was a long morning but I'm better now for it.

Yum-O! I don't think I took a photo of this gorgeous stuff when I made it. Maybe I did, but the seasonings were just right! I think it was the fresh cilantro and onions. I LOVE root veggies!

Party with the fab 5 families of our neighborhood. Derrick played with Nolan and Abishai and they got along fairly well. They did a lot of wrestling and running around like hide and go seek and then we got them to settle down and play dominoes. Overall, for boys, they did well.

They were hiding on Derrick who was coming down the stairs on the other side. This is technically a tri-level house. Abishai was so excited to find out that Nolan, who is just a month or two older than him, is actually shorter than him! Well, his mom Erica is teeny tiny and my height, so her kids are teeny tiny, too. And I think Abishai has grown 2 inches in just a few months. He's been eating a ton, that's for sure.

"And this is how we are going to fight him." - Abishia, always the gentle leader

Good boys playing quieter when they were asked to. The girls did ok as well. Keturah of course wanted to go home a lot sooner than anybody else wanted to. She said it was way too noisy. I had a decent time. I enjoyed the food and stayed within my calories. It was awesome that Erica's family came because they don't always do that, especially since she works at church in the morning. I'm glad they came. Justin was at his small group's friend's house and he said that they ganged up on their youth leader, Will, and it was hilarious. And no, no masks were worn at either place. So, if we come up with symptoms, we know exactly who to blame. Good grief, of course there are more germs than Covid, people! Justin also said they gave Cooper's mom a great big round of applause every time she went to where they were with more food. She LOVES to spoil them and has always fed them lots of great stuff. Keturah did enjoy helping clean out Quinn's guinea pig cage and such, or at least learning how to. She brought her latchhook with her, but didn't get to work on it much. I brought my crossstitch but I didn't find a good place to just sit and do it. Sigh. Oh well. The night went well.

The End