Year 6, February 8th-11th, 2020: Birthday Party Prep Week

 I thought everyone would be really tired today, but actually, not really. Abishai slept in a tiny bit, and he had a major meltdown at 7pm so he went to bed early tonight. He had gotten to bed about 1 hr later than normal last night. I was too tired to explain it, but Jared wanted to stay for the whole Superbowl game last night. I was surprised when I said, "Aren't we leaving at halftime or after the halftime show?" because that's how we've always done it. And Jared's usually pretty good about getting Abishai home in time for bedtime. I guess he really just wanted to be his friends last night to keep his mind off his pain, so ok, that's fine, but the rest of us want to go home and Justin needed to be picked up from his party at some point. Jared had done all the driving earlier. I was surprised to learn that others had stayed, too, with even younger kids that had school the next day. Ok, that's interesting, to each their own. I was done. Keturah was over it because she didn't even want to be there. So, we got everybody home and Jared went back. But, it was a normal Monday. We got all the schoolwork done, chores done, TV done, watched some history on DVD, (so TV time was a bit late), ate leftover chili that I made for the party, and yup, that's it. I didn't take a single photo either! It's too early to do any cleaning or final picking up, so we are focusing on school Monday through Wednesday, doing the virtual Homeschool Day at the Capital day event on Thursday, and doing most of the work for the birthday party on Friday. So, I'm trying to rest up as well.

Jared had a chiropractor appointment today and acupuncture tomorrow and then he talks to the doctor on Wednesday. He slept maybe 2 solid hours last night. And I'm still over here scared to death of it all, from finances, to actual back surgery, to my won weigh issues, to getting accommodations for Justin to take an SAT, etc. Yes, another "no, we don't do that, try this place" kind of answer today. So, I finally just looked it up and the SAT/ACT has their own set of criteria that some kind of professional has to fill out or write up in their format. But who do I take it to? The PCP? The behavioral health people we talked to? Someone else that will do more evaluations? I don't get it. So I finally asked, again, on the special learner's page. It's all unique because it's homeschool vs. public school. Public school counselors would help you through this sort of thing. We can maybe get an ISP, but that doesn't guarantee that he'll get accommodations on the SAT unless they follow the guidelines on the SAT website. So, maybe Riley for psychology? Or bite the bullet and pay for a private person to do it? Could be over $1,000 just so he could have extra time on the tests. That's all I'm asking for. He doesn't need extra breaks. He can sit still. I don't think they put him in another room, but maybe. Maybe we just need to take some practice tests online or something and see if we even need this. And for college, it depends on the college AFTER they get accepted and pay their deposit, and it's a more simple doctor's note kind of thing. At least's that what google said. I'm ok with that info for now. It's just really, really hard to keep hearing "no" when it comes to my health or Justin's. There's no coordination between disciplines. 

I'm finally giving up on my weight issues via gynecology or PCP and finding an osteopath. I did briefly look at gastric bypass surgery and what do afterwards, but that's way too intense of a forced diet and I'd be super hangry and sick and no one has time for that. Of course you lose weight when your stomach is small and you literally can't eat much. And to actually bypass the stomach? It just seems so unnatural. Nope. Not going there. Back to the drawing board of trying to eat less and finding a way to exercise. I just don't want to have sore muscles because it makes me cranky. Because I'm already sore and my body thinks any type of exertion equals pain I shouldn't have. It's so cold here still so walking is not an option. A treadmill or exercise bike might be good for all of us. Keturah loved the exercise bike at her therapist's office. We had one in Beech Grove they would get on. And no, not a peleton super expensive thing. Just your basic stationary bike. Hm,...that's an idea. I'll have to pursue that one a bit further.

Ok, that was a nice rabbit hole I just went down. Still stuck. But I'll think on it some more. I did find out, that he just needs some documentation from the right people, like a psychologist, to be sent to the SAT/ACT people and having an ISP or 504 doesn't guarantee you to get accommodations.  I don't think it would be harmful to get an ISP from the school, and I would think it's free. I guess the more papers you have, the better. This is why I'm searching for a psychologist for the both of us, or two psychologist within the same system. And that's why I'm starting with it now. Ugh.

Anyway, I also did a silly FB post for Valentine's Day and just promised to do Valentine's for the neighborhood kids in our small group. So, I guess I'll get the kids on that tomorrow and drop them off on Thursday when I'm out or something. Or maybe even on Valentine's Day with Abishai. I'm sure he'll like doing that. We could bake a treat, too. It's only 6 kids. Yup, that would be fun! We'll see!

Ok,there's nothing else going on, so I have to do my little backup photos thing, watch my show, AFTER  I do my Bible reading, and then go to bed early. Here goes!

This is the only photo I have for today. It was in my FB "Throwback Thursday" suggested post. It's Justin 8 years ago, so he was 7 years old. Definitely not Abishai, but a bit similar. Goofball.

Oh goodness, the day went by way too fast again! But it was good full day. I did get to Abishai's schooling as soon as I had just eaten enough to tide me over. I don't eat a lot first thing, but more like 10am when my stomach is more awake after I've digested my warm tea. But his schooling went much better, although he had already started playing beforehand. Then I got my shower in, and the rest of the day was normal with checking homework, doing lunch, answering emails, playing my games, etc. We finished our history reading and DVD in time for regular screen time. It actually feels like history is taking longer, but if I don't make it a regular thing, they won't watch the DVD's, actually Justin won't.  We are watching a well recommended mini series by a Ken Ham (I don't think it's the Creation scientist guy) put out about 15-20 years ago by PBS. And then we'll watch a few other miniseries. Because there's more photographs for this time period, I think it's important to put the visual, and audio that makes it sound "alive" together to make things sink in more than just reading to them. And technically, I don't have to sit there and watch it with them. Now, I think there's some wonderfully great stuff, but I don't have much to add to the Civil War era that isn't already going to be talked about. They know that some history books and shows will focus on the slavery issue and some will focus on state rights. Some will paint the North in the best light and the South in the worst light. Other than that, I don't have much commentary on the politics of it all other than, Grant and Lee were both great leaders. Robert E. Lee was actual a very devout Christian man who opposed slavery but needed to literally defend his home. Anyway, there's a lot of great characters in the Civil War, but the kids will get that understanding from biographies and first hand accounts. I love it when documentaries use different voice actors to quote the writings of the time period. It brings history to life. And although I really want to still learn with the kids, this week isn't the right timing and I'm giving myself permission to do other things. I actually did sit there the whole time today, but tomorrow might be a different story.

We did have a quiet afternoon and I was able to sit for the whole two hours and not do much. I did wet mop with Swiffer the bathroom floors, including moving the toilet paper holders and plungers and all that. I have no idea how we have so much more dust in this house than we've had in any other houses. Maybe our air filtering system doesn't work well. Maybe the duct work needs cleaned out. But man, especially in the big bathroom with the extra moisture from the showering, the dust settles and sticks so I can't just vacuum it up. And Keturah is supposed to vacuum the bathroom but never does. Anyway, I just focused on the floors and I'll do the sinks, toilets and any other dusty spots at eye level on Friday. Dinner was leftovers and I made kale chips which didn't taste that great and I think they are giving me stomach problems. I did Keturah's piano lesson, and I heard Justin play his, but I don't think he was ready for a lesson and then it got too late. Jared had Bible study and I had a IAHE zoom call. Abishai got extra screen time and Keturah whined about it. I didn't have time to set them all up so it was one of those "I just don't care, do whatever" moments. Keturah "listens" to her Bible so she can have extra screen time with her games, and she goes overboard sometimes, so I have to keep an eye on her. If she really wanted to read her Bible, she could read her print Bible, too. And Justin was nowhere to be found or helpful.

The IAHE rep call was a bit overwhelming because my heart and brain wasn't in it. I had to filter a lot of what was being communicated so I wouldn't get overwhelmed. By filtering I mean I wrote what I could down and then told myself, "It's not in my wheelhosue. I don't need to help with this or that. It's not my decision to make. I communicate things as I hear them, but I don't hear much. I don't have to come up with ideas and feedback out of the blue just to be nice." There's a lot going on with legislature stuff, what to do next about events, the new regional newsletters, the keeping track of groups and co ops, logging emails and phone calls so we can track trends on why people contact us, etc. etc. Some of it is just reminders that make me feel guilty because I don't keep track of every group that well for example. I've tried to email them and I've had no response. I don't do phone calls, which is something I should do. But receiving a phone call back interrupts the flow of the day, too. And especially now with all the health care stuff and those phone calls. But, I have connected well with our library system. I am active or actively watching all the reigonal FB groups I know of and have talked with their leaders. I correct information when necessary. I do know what's going on around the city or where to find info and point people to it. I know what I want to do with the newsletter, but I have to take the time to figure out mailchimp and such, and coorindate with the other regional reps near my area. But, that's a project. And I don't complete many extra projects these days. Just mopping the bathroom floors was one of those 30 minute projects. And I sat down with my Bible devotionals today knowing I will be physically busy the end of the week. So, there's that. 

And we will be starting up a more intense Bible study next week, and I just got my book, so I'll start that soon of course. I don't know if we need to do a full week ahead or we do the week after we see the video at study. I'll find that out tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow, I have decided to go with Jared to his appointment tomorrow. Even if I have to sit in the waiting room, I think it's just one of those more important things we should be together on. He would feel fine either way. I trust (for the most part) that he would remember the right information to share with me. But, I think I just want to feel more comfortable with the doctor and ask my own questions. And if not, then at least Jared and I will have some time together, even if we don't talk a lot. I did share with him and cried, again, about how hard this has all been for me. Not necessarily physically, but emotionally. Mentally, too, although I did block that piece out of my mind and told him long ago that he needs to figure it out and call the doctors and such. I've got my own fish to fry with medical personnel right now and that has been very mentally taxing, too. I was talking to a friend last night who said they were all exposed to Covid multiple times last weekend and how she's scared of her husband getting it and dying from it. They aren't high risk or anything and most likely nothing bad will happen, but just that tiny slim chance of being left alone with our kids, and not having our best friend around, send us with anxiety, depression, and ADD into a frenzy. Most people would just say to buck up, but I totally get it. Even way back when Jared broke his arm and needed his surgeries, I was internally a mess thinking the worst that he won't wake up from surgery or he'll bleed out or something. I have watched way too many medical dramas in my lifetime, so that doesn't help. The likelihood of that happening is so low, but it's still there, and I can't assume that everything will go perfectly well. Fast forward to tomorrow and possible spine surgery. Yikes. Now that's some scary stuff to mess with. I think Jared senses it, too. And he's not getting any better. He's still in so much pain. He's got a routine going, but barely. He can't stay like this. Something has to be done. A little numbness here and there will happen and will probably stay. A constant ache like I have with fibromyalgia, sure, he can learn to live with it. But the excruciating pain where your legs crumble beneath you? No, no can do. Something has to be done. So, tomorrow's appointment is pivotal. I want to be there.

So, early to bed, and I MEAN it. No getting stuck on an old TV show from the 1970's on James Herriot, animal whisperer, tonight. Lol. Yes, I signed up for BritBox channel on Amazon Prime to watch a miniseries thinking I would cancel it after I was done and instead found a TV show based on a vet in England from the 1950's. I have a huge volume of his stories that my aunt gave me when I was going to be a vet. So, although it's old, I started watching it and it sucked me in. And I recognized one of the other actors! Boom! After he played in this TV show, he became one of the doctors on Doctor Who! The one with the celery pinned to his suit! I watch too much TV, I know, I know. Anyway, gotta keep it shorter tonight. Or watch something else that has piled up on my desk. Or listen to something else. I'll get there.

This was a gorgeous improv! Very classical in nature. If only I had that 10% of that talent! Not everyone can make their mark in the pop music world with the keyboard as their main instrument, but Michael has. He's played piano for close to 60 years. Incredible talent!

Impromptu Valentine's Day packages were made today on request by a neighborhood mama who said her daughter's class was going to do Valentine's because so many of the kids and adults are out because of Covid, either sick or in close contact with someone who is. So, I just happened to have some goodie bags and some mini bags of fruit snacks, and a few actually new boxes of Valentines in my holiday stash. Woot! Woot! I'm always prepared, y'all1 Abishai helped put the fruit snacks in and then he told me which kid got which Valentine and I wrote them out.

Valentines for the neighborhood kids and for our homeschool friends who are coming on Saturday for Abishai's birthday party. We've done a Valentine's party for the last 3 years with them, and didn't plan anything for this year, so it seemed like a good idea to go ahead and do it for them, too. The kids didn't seem to mind.

Keturah took her time on hers using the first name and last name initial on each one and carefully putting the stickers on. The boys could care less how nice theirs looked, lol.

Abishai keeps empty cardboard boxes as bowling pins but they've also become building blocks. check out this tower!

Then boom! Jenga!

I think his new design worked even better.

And then he made himself his own working space, complete with a work fridge like Daddy's.

I finally got another HDMI cable so now Justin can play the PS3 or Xbox or whatever it is we have that does the Rock Band thing. He's pretty good at the drums for it. But oh the banging! Ah!

Let's just say I started the day mad and I'm ending it mad, ok? Ok. From doctors, to preachers, to headaches, to backaches, to comments made by relatives to comments made by social media, I'm just at the end of my rope. I didn't go to church nor listen to this week's sermon because I KNEW I wouldn't like it or it would be the same old, same old, "everybody needs to get plugged in and serve." Well, I'm not going to serve until I know exactly where this church is heading because every single week something else comes out that is rocking my boat and what I was brought up in to believe and do about everything related to church. So, I'm not signing a commitment statement. Nope. I'm not. I don't know what kool-aid they've all been drinking, but I'm going to wait until they figure themselves out and really tell us where they are going. I'm just so confused. It's not what I have grown up in nor heard for the past 20 years. Which makes me feel spiritually adrift and upended and questioning everything and I don't have time for it. I want to stick to what I know and be left alone. I don't want to change without really knowing why and I don't have time to know the why, because guess what? We have other things to focus on than a local congregation.

I went to Jared's appointment this morning and I'm kicking myself for not going back there with him. I should have . He spent 45 minutes back there and came away with this: Insurance needs to approve for steroid injections. That could take up to 2 weeks. THEN a partner spine office that does the injections will call to make an appointment. THEN he gets the shot, probably a week later. THEN in two weeks time he will go back to tell the spine surgeon if it worked or not. Did you catch that? It could be 5 more WEEKS of HELL. Hell for him and for me. I don't know where I should sleep. I'm sleep deprived no matter where I sleep and when I go to sleep. I slept with Jared last night and he woke me up several times, thankfully with no crying, but shifting in his sleep. So I woke up with a bad headache that's been with me all day. I don't have time for this. I have a busy day tomorrow, cleaning and baking on Friday and people coming over on Saturday. And then I have to think about when I can go see another psychiatrist and all that because I have ADD and I'm in a mental and spiritual mid life crisis and I'm fat, and and and. Jared has a bone spur, so how is a steroid injection going to help long term? It's not. It might bring the swelling down so they can see better what's going on perhaps. But in the meantime, the bone spur will still press on those nerves and damage them. The disc isn't completely gone but it's not good at all. Surgery will happen at some point. So why put it off? It doesn't make sense. I hate modern medicine and their dumb protocols. Just fix it. You're leaving someone in pain, with 5 more weeks of damage to main nerves. And the whole family is suffering because we can't do anything we would normally do because we have to worry about his pain levels and mine. Same with the darn mental health professionals. You have to have so much counseling before you go to a psychiatrist. But first you have to go sit and do this intake thing. Can you not take the notes of the previous doctor and trust them? Good grief. Meanwhile I'm out here waiting and waiting and trying to figure out what to do next but that's hard to do because I need treatment for the thing that is making it hard to do! Will someone out there help us! 

And of course I feel like a bad homeschool mom because I haven't put my heart into these week's lessons and now I have to focus on other things. Why does everything have to pull me in 100 different directions? It's so overwhelming and when I say even that, no one understands and just says, "but it could be way worse because look at this family and their father just died or this person's cancer is worse or someone lost their home in a fire." Not nice. Of course there's people "worse off" physically than me. But that doesn't mean my pain is any less and invalid. It's all relative to who we are, our personalities, our mindsets, our spiritual walk ,and right now, mine is bad. That's the crux of it. So, I'll just have to force myself to switch gears and focus on something totally different.

We have the virtual homeschool day at the capital tomorrow, so that's a totally benign subject far away from my personal problems (I mean the bills do affect us, but it's a totally different topic than theology and medical problems). And I have a dermatologist appointment. And then it's all about Abishai. That's it. And only our homeschooling friends are coming because, to be honest, that's the only ones that Abishai can name and the only ones who I feel comfortable with right now.  Just two families and maybe a third or maybe just the son. And that's all. And I'm ok with that. It will be more than just family. I will still do the normal amount of cleaning and setting up and getting balloons. And just hope it's the "best birthday ever" for him. I don't feel like celebrating, but I will regret it so much if I don't do something because it's not fair to him that Mommy is in such a bad mood all the time. Poor little guy. I'll do what I can and somebody somewhere, God or some other thing, will fill in the gaps. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'm not going to know. It's all confusing and overwhelming. I do know I'm tired and I'm mad and I don't want to talk to anyone. And I have to switch gears. And I'm just going to eat my feelings at some point. 

That was the other thing. I got sick in the middle of the day because I tried a keto friendly smoothie but didn't look to see what the sweetener was. I knew it was milk based, which was problem number one, but it had stevia in it, which is very bad for me. It makes me so sick. So, doctor, I can't just follow a keto friendly diet because I can't just rely on the things that are on your list of ok foods to it because I have dietary restrictions as it is. I can't eat eggs all day because of cholesterol and they make my stomach hurt. I can't eat gluten or beans. I can't eat dairy. I can't even eat kale because I get so gassy. I don't know what to do.

And I set a horrible example to the kids of course. I wish I could have a clear head so I could better teach and help them know the right way to say things instead of them copying me and my snippiness. I try, I really try hard, but some days, I just explode. And some day I hope when they are in their own counseling they were tell their counselors, "I know my mom would try not to, but she would explode, and I don't know why and it makes me sad. But I know she tried hard to say the right things and set a good example. She just couldn't hold it together all the time." I just wish I could be a dumb little sheep, meek and mild again. I wish I could get there again. My children need me. They don't deserve to have a mom like me. I'm too negative and mean all the time. And I can't stop. I need help. But there's no one there to help. Nothing helps. I'm hopeless. Utterly hopeless.

Maybe tomorrow will be better, but I don't think so. I'm going to be just as tired because I have a lot to do. So tonight, I rest. And I go to bed crying. I know that's going to happen. I have too much to grieve over right now. And I don't want to focus on anything happen tonight. Maybe tomorrow. But there's no guarantee. People cry. People get mad. And it's ok to let them have their moment, even if it makes you feel utterly uncomfortable. Being sad is not a negative thing. It's ok to feel sad. It's ok to feel mad. Life sucks, you know. It really can and does suck. Not everyone can say in the same breathe, "Life sucks but God will make it right." Some of us don't really believe that anymore because it hasn't been our experience. Or our practice. Or whatever theologically correct thing to say is. I'm done. I'm over all these changes. I want stability. I will build it myself at home in my little cocoon with my little routines. People are exhausting.

People are exhausting until you spend an hour watching Britain's Got Talent. Then people are amazing. I'm obsessed with this heartwarming stories. Obsessed.

Jared discovered bunny tracks when he got home from Bible study last night! The bunnies leave on! Aren't these the cutest things? Adorable!

Grogu found a way to get a ride around the house! Abishai's hood makes the perfect backpack for him!

Awww, he's so cute!

First time trying Spaghettio's. I know we've had them a couple of times over the years, but they just taste so fake that I don't think to buy them. Justin and I saw them last week at the grocery store. Abishai said he liked them, but only ate half of the bowl.

Keturah ate her bowl and then felt sick. I guess we aren't the "cheap food" kind of people unless it's chicken nuggets.

Baby boys make everything better. He always knows when I need a snuggle. But his little toes were so cold when he got under my blanket! 3 more days and he'll be 6 yrs old!

And this is why I found us a indoor bicycle for free! And shoot, I forgot to tell her when we'd pick it up. I'll do that in the morning. Abishai was banging on the bedroom door a ton. This is also why it doesn't matter if we update anything because the kids are just going to eventually wear it all out. Yes, they need to respect the house and they do, but they also just need to play.

Socks got in the action to protect his little brother.

Recovery time. Rough night. I cried on Jared's shoulder, which felt good. Then I watched my shows and went to our bed. Do you know how hard it is to climb into bed when your husband is on the outside and a big flip table is blocking your way to your side of the bed?! Yeah, I have to climb OVER the bottom of the bed, which has a railing, because well, it's a 40 year old frame. So, interesting times. I slept HARD and woke up with another migraine that still hasn't quit. I tried to rest this afternoon, couldn't fall asleep because it was too bright, and my mind was racing with all kinds of things. But, I felt like doing nothing today. We watched the morning portion of IAHE Virtual Homeschool Day at the Capitol and then I watched the 2nd portion in the afternoon while Jared took a nap. I just couldn't engage with the kids today.  I was supposed to go to an appointment and do some errands, but I couldn't do that either. I was feeling achy in my neck and nauseous. This isn't Covid, this is a stress induced, clenching my jaw at night because of dreams, sleeping too long, migraine. I felt yucky. I stayed home and will pay a nice little fee to the doctor later. But that's a drop in the bucket compared to the bills we just got today for the gallbladder surgery. I quickly set those aside after briefly talking through them with Jared because I'm not messing with them yet until we are sure that's it from them. It's kind of funny because he has never paid attention to medical bills before. He's never had to. I've done all the medical things and even with his broken arms, I took care of the payments and asking for financial assistance and taking care of the paperwork. I will still do that, but now he has an interest in the amounts and such. So watching him trying to figure out what to look for (bill date vs. procedure date/ER visit/MRI visit; account number; why this was that much and why didn't insurance cover that, etc.) cracked me up. Just give it to me, I know how to work these. I haven't seen a St. Francis bill since I think when my Dad went to the ER back in 2011, but the paperwork looks exactly the same, same colors, same items, alrighty then. I figure after Jared gets at least the bone spurs taken care of, we will owe close to $25K in medical debt from my surgery 18 years ago, to all this stuff, plus all the upfront costs. I'm not sure when we will hit his side of the deductible or the combo of our deductible, and I'm not going to worry about all that. We owe what we owe. Then I ask for financial assistance. Then I pay what we owe once that is applied. End of story. I don't dispute the amounts much because I can usually match up what was done when. I don't have energy to fight any of that. In the end, we will be paying $25-50 to 3 of the 4 or 5 major hospital networks in the city of Indianapolis, IU for me, St. Francis for the gallbladder, and Community for the spine. Oh joys of having a never ending folder of medical bills sitting on my desk stressing me out. It's just another thing to remember and keep straight on top of all my other issues.

Moving on. The virtual Homeschool Day at the Capitol was excellent! They did such a great job with the filmography, the presentations, sliding in some mini videos the IAHE has produced between the main speakers, and wow, just so much work and done so well for just a "little" organization made up of volunteers. I don't know who knows how to do all that, and how many hours went into that, but good grief. We had nationally known speakers, like the president of HSLDA and curriculum writers, and homeschool pioneers. We had the cream of the crop share information about the government and share in so many glowing words how wonderful the IAHE is to work with and what we do. And from the stories I've heard of what the organization looked like, just a little over 10 years ago, to an organization that everyone looks up to, wow! We're top dog, and it's very cool to be a part of it! I would have enjoyed it more if I didn't have a headache and just wanted it to be over, but I powered through because I knew I would find it hard to go back and watch the replays. All of it was pre recorded but premiered today. They didn't show the videos the kids did because there really was only 4 entries, including our two entries. Not much of a contest. But hey, at least it was something. And it got my kids to do something. Although the grumbling from Justin was more than I could bear. And then Keturah's grumbling, too, on "when will this be over?" Um, this is your schoolwork for today. It was 90 minutes long. Good grief, you'd think I dragged them by their ears and bolted their butts to the couch. It's very disheartening. And I blame myself for not being the "fun" mom, but I know I also share what enthusiasm I can about education and about government, exclaiming, "look! how cool! did you know?!" They roll their eyes hard and then Abishai moans with them. Although, he was listening and picked up on some facts about limestone. Sometimes I look forward to being done with the middle two and then I can focus on Abishai and the older two won't influence him so much with such a negative attitude. I think he and I will have a lot of fun going on field trips and exploring books together if I can just keep is loving spirit nurtured, answering his questions and listening to his stories. The world is still so new to him and I can't wait to take him to all my favorite spots. He doesn't remember things like a sleigh ride or ice skating or even much about farm animals. Some day I'll do things just with him. Some day. I need to put those things back in the schedule. But health comes first.

Actually, now it's birthday party time that comes first. So, I rested, the kids did their screen time and other schoolwork, and then we had a good dinner with potatoes, vegetables and corned beef. Jared was happy to have expensive olive oil and drizzle it all over his food again. Crazy! After dinner we opened up a gift my sister Stefanie sent for Abishai, a Hot Wheels triceratops set! He was very excited when he opened it up on FaceTime with them. He does get excited and he's thankful and it brings us all joy. And then he talked and talked and talked to them like he was starved for conversation. Well, he was starved for conversation today, lol. Oh my extrovert, what can I do with you? Two more sleeps and he'll be 6! I cleaned up supper, put a load of laundry in and thoroughly cleaned the bathrooms to make up for the fact that I didn't go out today. Then maybe tomorrow I'll make the rounds to a couple of places. We are picking up that exercise bike in the morning as well. And I will make the cupcakes, vacuum and clean the floors, check homework, and then perhaps we'll set up what we can tomorrow night. We might even give him his gift early. It will be a good way to finish the day. We'll see. It's still really, really cold here, so we won't be able to go outside at all, so we're trying to find ways to spread everybody out. I think I will put Legos in one room and Hot Wheels in the other. I need to make an order for the balloons as well. We'll see how it goes. 

I have a sermon to listen to and videos to watch and books to read so that's it. I feel better after a good cry and expressing my thoughts and feelings in a text to the family. Now they know where I'm at in life. I'm sure it has upset them. It upsets me way more. But there was never a good time to bring it up or discuss it. So, there it is, in writing. Stuff like I'm no longer considered a member of the Creek and I will not sign up again until I feel more comfortable with how all these changes will shake out. I'm going through a mid life crisis. It ain't pretty. But I have a loving husband, and my children are still with me. I'm still doing things like I love, and have routines that carry me through my bad days. I will take another step tomorrow, and another the next day. And maybe I will even have no headache tomorrow! Wouldn't that be something? Sigh. Headaches are the worst. No, nausea is the worse. No, menstrual cramps are the worst. Ok, I could go on and on but yes, it's all chaotic, a mess, and overwhelming and confusing. Sigh.

I've been looking at all these tweets from this touring company near Cornwall, England and all the beautiful beaches and ports. But this one is one I do recognize from the TV show. Not all of the photos they share are of things shown in the show, but oh my how cool!

REAL still usable sailing ships!  Gorgeous!

Just a bit of detail of our day. Linda Lacour Hobar is the author of our history book and she actually went over 3 lessons worth that we just did this year in our book. She used her narrating voice and it took me back to listening to the audio version of her history books. Fun! Zan Tyler, a pioneer in the homeschooling movement in the '90's, who went to court numerous times to defend her right to homeshcool. Mike Smith, president of HSLDA, nationwide organization for homeschool freedom, and my buddy Rick Green that I watch often and follow his emails with all the crazy stuff going on. He's the history buff that takes us back to the Constitutions doing series like, "Are quarantines and lockdowns constitutional?" He's from Texas but he loves us up here. Some day the kids will go through his Patriot Academy. They have to be 16 yrs old though.

Here we go!

Hi, Tara! Director of IAHE. Doing her thing from Florida!

We are watching!

Ta da! My kids entered a contest!

"Mom, I don't want to take a photo for a hashtag and door prize!" Me, "Just do it!"

Our Mystery of History lady doing her thing. Voltaire and French Revolution and Karl Marx all were mentioned and we just went through those lessons.

The covers look a bit updated, but we've used them all twice over now!

Little man has discovered what fun it is to have a "bubble world" in the sink. It's fine except he's using the most expensive soap I've ever bought to do it. The bathroom smelled very lavnderish when he was done.

I'm so glad I couldn't open the door all the way because he hadn't pulled his pants up yet! I think I got his nakedness on video though, whoops!

Using his toothbrush to play in the sink! You don't want to taste soap! Quit that!

Eagerly waiting for Stef, Auggie, and John to call.

Hello and thanks for the Hot Wheels set!

I can't take a video when we are facetiming, or photos, so if you look in the corner, you'll see Abishai opening the box.

We interrupt the play time with this important news break. Um, I'm not going to be part of that 80% thank you. No way. And why the difference between high schoolers and elementary? And if kids don't have to be quarantined if they are further than 3 feet, than what about adults who come in close contact? I think this does mean that they are all wearing masks, too. So weird and confusing and inconsistent. Stupid.

1.8% death rate. Probably people with underlying health conditions. Yup, ok. Can we all calm down now? I know, I know, the people that survive, some of them still have major symptoms. But the majority of people I know, don't have complications, not any more often than people who get pneumonia. Sigh.

Again, 2.2% death rate. It's not that high compared to cancer and heart disease. Give me a break and stop panicking. There's a "pandemic" of heart disease and obesity and diabetes and mental health issues, too.

Proof that you've been vaccinated? Since when? We don't do that for other vaccines? Do people do that if they are going into a country that requires them? Like India? Do you need a doctor's note to travel? I sure hope that they don't require Covid-19 vaccinations or that they accept a note that says why you aren't vaccinated because I'm not getting vaccinated. So, if this becomes a requirement for Israel, well, I'm not sure what I'll do. But right now, I'm not.

Back to the fun. Dinosaur smashing cars and cars smashing it!

The End