Year 6, March 8th-11th, 2021: Gorgeous Week!

It was so gorgeous outside today! We got our full load of schoolwork done and played outside for a good bit today, yeah! Justin even went for a run! Keturah watched some of her screen time out under the treehouse. Socks and Abishai were in and out all day! I even opened up the windows for a bit because, well, I was having a hot flash, and it was nice to get in some fresh air, even if that air contains spring allergens. I'm tired from doing all the normal stuff. I'm sure the kids and pup are, too. Perhaps we'll get to some flower gardening this week or some errands and definitely park day (if it doesn't rain). Otherwise, it's a very normal week.

Big brother and little brother enjoying a little music before starting school.

I think they are growing at the same rate - 2 inches a year! But someday, little brother will be as tall as big brother. He's actually not too short for his age.

Warm enough for bare toes and no coat!

Eek! Yes!

I was going to wait to put out the patio furniture but it was too nice out! Ok, it only has to move a few feet, but still. Yeah!

Gorgeous chorus of spring birds and the sounds of the suburbs! It was perfectly warm with a sweatshirt jacket and sunshine, but a little chilly in the shade.

Daylight savings time starts in a couple of weeks! For now, I have to get them to play outside during the afternoon and do more of their screen time later.

Justin decided to try running. He said his lungs hurt after the first lap. Yup, that's because it's pretty cool outside and you haven't do any conditioning yet. Keep going! And he did two chin ups and THEN kept his chin above the bar in a third chin up for 30 seconds!  He's the healthiest one of all of us, that's for sure.

Our avatars fit us so well. This is Abishai 's "resting" face, lol. Well, his resting face is more of a look of concentration, but when he's with people, this is totally him.

We found this avatar way back when we first got the PS4. I don't play on the PS4, like at all, but I still have my own user name. Mama and her 4 ducklings.

Guess whose this one is? Cowgirl!

Daddy's is the simplest and as close to the "meh" face as you can get. No pictured is Justin's because it looks like anime with maybe a "pink floyd" t-shrit? I don't know.

 

Grogu spent the day very lonely on a shelf in Mommy's room today. Why? Because he came to Mommy's room for a snuggle first thing this morning and poked Mommy in the nose with his hard fingers. And then he was forgotten. By accident. Whoops! He's safe and sound back with his Daddy now.

 Banana muffins or little guy's schoolwork? That was the question of the day. We went with banana muffins. I'm telling ya, no matter how hard I try to stay on task and ignore my phone and all, there just isn't enough time in the day to do everything every day. I can't make muffins, answer emails, teach school, and enjoy the outdoors. Sigh. So today, the muffins won. Actually, I did my Bible study first because I knew I wouldn't have time for it later and I was right. I nearly took a nap instead! But the kids did get to play outside a ton today! I have had a headache all day, so while I wanted to be outside, the sun was too much and it was a little too cool in the shade. Not sure if it's a withdrawal headache, or sinus, or too much sleep, or not enough, or what. Too many headaches lately. I plan on taking just 3mg of melatonin tonight instead of 6mg. I've got a vicious cycle going on between caffeine and melatonin, too. I need to tweak that and do what I said I would do, which is to make half calf coffee. I do have a jar already labeled for it. I just need to make sure it's easy to reach. Full caff at lunch and half calf at 4. That's what I should be doing. According to the charts, black tea is 1/3 to 1/2 the caffeine of coffee, so it will be like drinking another cup of tea. I just don't want tea. I like coffee, because I like creamer. Anyway, MAKE THE CHANGE. That's what I need to do. I did start gathering the grinds for the rose bush though. And I almost started the clean out process on the garden. But my head hurt so bad today. 

We did the usual, reading, and then cleaning up before screen time, and then, Abishai and I got to go run an errand. Abishai was initiated into the library card holding club! Woot! Woot! I don't know about other kids, but it's an exciting day in our house. And yes, I'm proud, that it made him excited. It tells me I've done my job of using a free local resource and all the kids know how to use the library. Benaiah used his card just a month or so ago to pick up some very light reading. He borrowed a cartoon series called "Bones" that he read in Canada. I don't blame him for taking a break from the heavier school reading. But just the fact that he knows he can go to the library instead of amassing a huge amount of at home library is great. It helps that Grandma also uses the library a lot. Now, Grandpa and Daddy, they never have need to use the library, so they don't. But Abishai was very proud and picked out his own books and scanned them in. He knew what he was doing, too. Once you've unlocked that door to reading, even if it's just looking at the books at first, man,, you've unlocked the door to knowledge. It's so exciting! And then, we went to Daddy's office so we could show off Abishai's new library card! Woot! Woot! And now, with all 4 cards, I can check out even more books! Not that I need to or anything, ahem.We did take back a TON of books today. And I picked up about a dozen more horse books that I had ordered for Keturah. That will keep her busy for maybe 2 weeks. Maybe. Oh my little readers. I'm so proud of all of you! Even Benaiah. I know that he at least skimmed his books for school. I saw him. He wasn't just looking up cliff notes. He didn't read as much as he would have at home because the teachers were teaching the material instead of me relying on books to convey the knowledge. But he did read some great ones in literature. My kids are resourceful in print and online. That's the point. They are set for life!

Then it was a mish mash for supper, and I literally mashed up meatloaf in a pan with broccoli, mushrooms, and leftover asparagus. I added some Mexican cheese dip and viola! It was actually pretty good! And I had new leftovers for lunch tomorrow. I feel like we sometimes don't go through enough food though. Justin eats like a bird. Keturah eats all the sweets. Abishai has his own private stash. No one reaches for fruits and veggies during the day. Sigh. Back to using the veggie bucket tomorrow I think. And our veggie box did not come today. I don't know why. It's Tuesday. It should have been here. Weird. Jared had Bible study, I had an IAHE meeting (which was not as dull as I thought it would be), and the kids watched a quick documentary on a woman who dressed like a man to join the army in the Civil War. So, I got to talk to Justin about it and asked him if he thought she was just cross dressing or actually wanting to be a man. How did the show portray that? It was PBS, so it's hard to tell what their angle is. And now it's time to wrap up some stuff. Oh and I did mail the financial aid package for St. Francis. And I got a reminder bill for Radiology, which is the smallest of the bills so I'll pay that one. Sigh. All the little things. Tomorrow I might pick up a few groceries on my way home. Or go out earlier to do a couple of other errands as well. We'll see how the day goes.

Abishai said that he didn't want Grogu to pick my nose today when we snuggled, so he left him in the living room. I came out to find Grogu reading a Spider Man book! Lol! Even our stuffed animals love books!

My Mom used to love getting these for the kids, the ones with the strings on the top. Obviously the design has changed. Or was it Leah? Or both? Anyway, I found one at Kroger so I got it just for Abishai since he didn't get to have those experiences with my Mom. And yes, he's looking like such a big boy!

I think there might have been some animals eating around here. Maybe? Not sure. Definitely the carrot tops.

We left some kale leaves on the side of the house for the critters.

And then some cilantro and such at the back of the shed. Now in hindsight, I should have looked it up if there is something poisonous to the poor critters. Whoops.

We'll check back in a few days and see if any of it's been eaten.

Oh goodness! Only boys would use an animal cracker box to hide a weapon!

Does it go this way, Mom?

Nope, this way! Abishai got his library card today! So he got to scan it for the first time to check out some books!

He's had some practice with helping me with my library books, and he was quick to the draw and loving doing his own books!

But he's still a kid, too, so he asked to play with this. I did notice that they are really dirty and that he shouldn't be playing with this. I'm surprised they haven't tried to take this down or marked it as off limits. But I don't think many kids have been in and out of the library in the last month since they fully reopened. None of the toys and such are available either. It's pretty sad.

Abishai posing in front of our Franklin Rd. branch of our Indianapolis Public Library complete with one of our bags we use for the library. We leave the key fob library tags on a keychain on the bag handle so it can be quickly grabbed with Grandma takes them. Now, the other two have their cards on them, so what do I do with Abishai's? I guess it goes in my wallet for now. I don't even know where my card is, just my key fob.

Grogu's first trip to the office!

Daddy's car collection. No photos of his family. Just cars. Sigh.

Banana muffins made with coconut flour that, ahem, I purchased in Canada probably 6-7 years ago. It was still good! Then baking soda, baking powder, maple syrup, vegetable oil, cinnamon, nutmeg, clove, 6 bananas, and a dozen eggs. Yes, a dozen eggs because when you don't have any other gums or gluten to hold it together, you need the eggs to do that. I made a triple batch from the recipe I found because we had 6 bananas to use. I forgot to put nuts in them, but that's ok. I nearly got 3 dozen muffins! I froze two dozen of them for later use. Abishai didn't like them. I don't know if the other kids tried them. But I said they could have them. Paleo-ish banana muffins won out the day!

Wednesday, I just could NOT think straight. I'm a bit weary for the week already, and I wasn't sure what to do next. Justin was sick with a headache and stomachache, it was too nice out to be inside all day, I knew I had to get some errands done and stop procrastinging, and then there was a chiropractor appointment for me and Bible study and small group for Justin. Justin didn't go to small group and Bible study, was, meh. And triggering. And Jared triggered me as soon as I got home and I exploded. I've been having frequent headaches because I don't remember to drink water, I'm stressed to the hilt, and the weather keeps changing. My eyebrows are always furrowed and I'm always concentrating. And on days like today, the ADD was strong. I was fine and didn't get a headache until just now at 8:30 when Jared laid a heavy topic on me out of nowhere, aka, money talk. Excuse me? How about you actually listen to me talk about my day at dinner and then not discuss something heavy without knowing how my evening went. So frustrating!

I don't even know where the day went and I feel like I was 10 steps behind from where I should have been. I do feel better after the chiropractor, but I'm not having some nerve pain again. I'm not ok. My health is not ok. We don't have money for bills. The payroll company is stupid. I need to stay in my lane with ministry and volunteering and ignore everybody else. I need to actually sit down and homeschool instead of deal with all this paperwork and household stuff. I don't know what to serve for dinner. I don't want to make a menu plan. I don't know what I want to eat. And now I have to shower again. Ok? Ok. I was doing so well this week, too........thanks a bunch. I talk to the psychiatrist and the endocrinologist next week. Maybe I'll get some answers. But I doubt it. There's just too much stuff going on with me. And debt scares me. So I want to get rid of it. So God has provided it in IRS refunds and Covid relief funds and that's where it's going, for expenses of the past, and not for the future. And investing in OUR future aka, our past, and buying myself a freaking wedding ring, ok? It's like I'm not even worth it. And then the Bible study talked about how important we are in the job we are currently doing and then Jared's like, "Oh, the world wouldn't work without you would it?" very sarcastically. Actually, no, your world wouldn't. And you don't appreciate me. So no, I'm not going to think about investments in gold and silver. I can't even afford today. I may not live past 60 at this rate. And you underappreciate the stress this is putting me under right now. You're recovering. I'm not. I'm only getting worse. And I barely have any hope. Thanks for stressing me out more.

Men.

Back to my babies tomorrow. No more errands. An all day at home day. Lots to do, maybe some fun, but back to homeschooling. Forget the big wide wild world at there. It's not where my heart is. It's not my job. Making my body work and doctors and finances and medications and recipes and and and is not my primary job. They all serve to help me in my one job: raising my kids. I have no other aspirations and goals right now. NONE. Everything else gets in my way of those goals. 

And how dare he tell me that a biography video is not entertainment? It IS entertainment because it's not directly applicable to your life. Just like I can learn anything from a TV show set in a certain time period or shot on a specific historical location or in a different place like Shetland, but it's still entertainment. So enjoy your entertainment because you were off duty at 6pm. And I'm still not off duty when I'm filling out paperwork at 12:30am to send in the next day. Or at 9pm after Bible study because your son needs a permission form. I'm not off duty and in pure relaxation mode until at least 10:30 at night. I text from the bathroom. I write answers to FB questions while I'm eating. I make the most of my time and I STILL can't get it all done. So, go enjoy yourself. I have work to do.  I'm essential.I'm the CFO and I haven't approved your expenditures. And most of the time, I'm the CEO, too. And the office assistant. And the HR director. You're the shop floor worker, clock in, clock out, bring home the money. 

And yes, I'm leaving all of this in here because I haven't written about it in a while. And I'm super stressed. Again. I can't seem to get away from it for more than a couple of days. And only when I force myself to and the rest of the family has to handle themselves. I'm done.

It was gorgeous outside today and I did get out and do some gardening, and Abishai and Keturah was out for a bit. Rain comes in tomorrow.

Can't wait to see this! Although, it probably won't show up on our channels for another 6 months or so.

Cool facts!

In case you need to know where to go for Easter.

Yes, I looked it up myself. I'm still not comfortable with the answers we got from the payroll company. I am an accountant, too. And my auditing ears are ringing! My brother said today that he's being audited for all the money he earned doing UberEats last year. It can happen to anyone. Time to keep talking about this. Or come to terms with I'm not in the wrong, they are. They would be the ones audited for refusing to correct their mistakes. We'll see.

Thursday was an all at home day, so we hit the books HARD and got a lot accomplished. I felt sluggish, but I usually do after an emotional outburst like I had last night. I'm still mad at Jared for even suggesting that we invest our IRS refund, but I'm not mad at the timing of his bombshell. He never really knows exactly what's going on with us financially because I keep all the paperwork and pay the bills. He has glanced at his doctor bills, but he hasn't watched the ebb and flow of cash and credit card payments and such. Perhaps we'll talk about it again before the money arrives or, I'll do my thing and he'll have to deal. I mean, I've been keeping track of everything for more than 20 years, so, yup, he can deal. He just makes the bigger decisions on who to put our insurance with or what to invest in. I'm the accountant dealing with the daily stuff. And it ain't pretty. It's as bad as it was in 2016. And with investing in a house to flip it and how that might affect any need based help, yup, I'm in for a ride of paperwork in the next year or two if that takes off. Sigh. 

But today, it was all about school. I thought about doing some deep cleaning, but ran out of time and energy. I barely got a shower and Bible study in for the day. I had to drop two of Keturah's subjects to do on Saturday when I have energy. I was going to make some special treats but we were out of peanut butter and BOTH treats need peanut butter. Grrrr....I made the effort yesterday to go to the store for the other parts of the treats! That's what I hate about being so busy and having ADD. I don't even have time to double and triple check everything like I prefer to. And that makes my head spin and chaotic and mad when I miss something. You know, I shouldn't have to write down to remind myself to take a shower (which doesn't happen as often as most people). But that's where I'm at. 

And as activities ramp up, it gets more chaotic and I'm more tired and we don't have time for any fun stuff like making a yummy treat for Easter. So who am I fooling? And add on the stress of diet, stress, pain, daily headaches, you get the picture. It's the same answer whenever I do a Bible study, "Tell of a time when God showed up." "Tell of a time where you at your lowest." "Tell of a time when you had to wait." Same answers every time. "I don't know because I don't feel like He has." "I'm at my lowest weekly" or "When we left Canada." and "I've been waiting to be healed for 12 years." "I've been waiting to be appreciated and/or noticed for longer than that."

I did try to tell myself not to say, "I'm stressed out, can't you see that?" and think of something happy so I wouldn't get out of bed with a headache. Well, I'm having a lot of trouble finding the happy things. Or the topics that make me happy most of the time. I say homeschooling makes me happy, and it does in the moment when I'm not watching a clock. But you but the least bit of time constraint on it or my brain can't think and I'm not enjoying it. The rest of life, well, is a bit of a chore right now. So much to think about and do. So much knowledge to learn. Nothing fun in the schedule for myself. Maybe Mom's Night Out. Maybe park day. But a lot of times, it's just another thing to tick off the schedule. I don't have anything to look forward to. The Israel trip is very stressing for me right now. All the fun and anticipation for front row seats to a Michael W. Smith concert has waned to zilch because it will have been 2 years since I purchased the tickets. And every time I go to do something, I hurt, or my stomach hurts if I try to enjoy some food I actually want to eat, or I get side eyed if I purchase anything. Church isn't exciting, it brings me anxiety. Bible study is sometimes exciting and sometimes well, not. Almost everything contains some kind of stressful element. And do you know how hard it is to get away from that? Very. If you've never had anxiety or depression, you wouldn't understand. 

So, I've had a depressed day after a jittery day yesterday.

I checkmarked off a lot of things. We had showers. We did lots of school. Jared and Justin picked up a free desk for Justin. I wrote lists and made schedules. I cooked a nice meal, including purple sweet potato. I signed for Noom, to finally discover their secrets to weight lost, but it cost money. And we did all the normal routine stuff. Boring. I listened to another audiobook for school and didn't want to stop. Oh gosh, and now it's 10:30. Again. What the freak. Some might say listening to an audiobook for an hour is relaxing, well, it's a task for me to cross off my list because I can't discuss a book I haven't read. I work when I eat and when I use the restroom. So, when are my true breaks? Never. And sleep is never restful when you are now having night sweats (our mattress protector even showed signs of it!) and you can't even get into bed because of a dumb machine in the way (that problem will be resolved tomorrow), and I'm the one blamed for it when he's the one who wanted the stupid flip table in our room in the first place. Back out to the garage it goes. You've encroached on my desk and craft space long enough. I can't even properly clean or get into my sweaters. The desk will move to Justin's room and the flip table will go the garage first thing in the morning. I'm over it. I cleaned up my part of the garage. Oh, and his tools will go back to where they need to go too. They've sat for 6 months on the floor. I'm done with those, too. I put away the winter jackets and snow pants into the regular closet from the back door, but then I was reminded I need to do the full winter/summer switch and then the winter/summer regular clothes, which requires a lot of work getting stuff down and so forth. I guess I'll add that to my spring break list. I've already have to prepare books for the last few weeks of school. Sigh.

So tired. So, so tired. More than a lot of people I know. A tiredness I've never recovered from, nor will ever recover from. And yet, I sit here, unnoticed by all. And ridiculed for going to bed late because I just want some me time to think about somebody else's problems and not my own. Yeah, I'm done. I need a new post. Tomorrow is a new day.

Have you ever eaten a purple sweet potato? It's not as sweet as a regular one, and has more of that earthy taste to it, but it's still a sweet potato and not as heavy feeling as a regular potato. I'm actually really tired of regular potatoes and rice. I'll eat pasta all day long, any kind, from black bean pasta to rice pasta, but I'm not into the rice and potato as much. Oat-anything I'll do most of the time. I had fresh parsley still for the chicken and the Alid version of PEI vegetables.  #eattherainbow

Abishai and I did make Jell-O eggs this morning, berry blue, but I didn't add in enough water and they were very, very thick and didn't come all the way up the shell.

Uno! And Keturah has taught Abishai how to play, "Spot It!" I bet Abishai will beat the cousins at that game when he sees them again.

Apparently I still have Benaiah's Planning Center calendar linked to mine. But when I went to Planning Center and pulled it up, I couldn't find his log in information. I know that if I'm technically logged into Justin's side, I'll still get mine or Keturah's stuff put on my phone calendar, so I'm guessing that's what happened. Benaiah was not please at all about it. Um, well, since you're so secretive about it, it's kind of nice knowing that you area playing KEYBOARDS at the HIGH SCHOOL RETREAT next week. Thanks for telling me! Grrrrr, young adults who think that parents don't need to know anything about them anymore. Whatever. I just wish I didn't have to drive Justin down to the retreat and/or have Jared do that and the other one take Abishai to class. I don't mind making the schedule but then I have to go and do the schedule and it's exhausting. But Benaiah will probably leave at 3pm and that's too early for him to take Justin with him. It's less than an hour away. Stupid Covid where they can't ride in vans together and meet at the church first. Sigh.

 

The End