Year 7, April 11th-17th, 2022: Spring Break 2022

 Monday - Work Day

- Jared and I determined that today would be an individual project day. We both have things to work on and want to take advantage of the quiet. I desperately needed to catch up on blog stuff that didn't need Abishai's constant interruptions. Although Jared can be quite good at interrupting as well. But I got it done! The last week's worth of blogs are journaled and published! I'll be checking the backup cd's for the photos/cds here in a bit but I just have to write today's normal entry and I'm finally up to date! It has taken me all day! I get so distracted but even a little bit of email, or a part of a game. I haven't even done all my game routines, or taken a shower, or watched any videos. But I get sleepy sometimes and that doesn't help. Sigh. 

- The only other major thing I finally did was send out the 1st quarter of estimated taxes for Indian income tax. It's not enough work done, but maybe it is. Maybe it does that take that much effort to do my blog routine. Maybe I need to give it up. Maybe I don't. I don't know. Whatever.

- Our counselor canceled on us tomorrow so we have another day to do more of our physical to do list, so I'm relieved and ok that I didn't get as much done today as I had hoped. I'm really tired and needed a nap but it's 5pm. I need to relax, too, and I promised myself I would. But I knew that I couldn't until this blog was caught up. I'll lay down after supper maybe.

- Jared has agreed to do some of the bathroom project! It's a miracle! I could cry! I didn't want to leave the house so he brought me some paint samples! He needed some things for his wood projects, so he went to Home Depot anyway. Sweet! I told him that I didn't want to actually tackle it until I got x, y, and z done this week. He does have to get some papers graded and has a couple of other things to work on. 

- We both didn't want to over schedule and under deliver and we didn't want to push ourselves too hard. Today has felt a little bit like that, too much like a normal day for me. We did schedule in a whole day of traveling somewhere on Friday. And on Wednesday, Justin and I will be doing things to catch him up on school. That leaves Tuesday and Thursday for us to do a bit more of that relaxing bit. We did "sleep in." But Jared had to take Justin to work, so we were sort of awake after that. We are used to our routines. I can't stay in our pjs. And we both tried to earlier. We've anticipated having the house to ourselves, if you catch my drift, but we've gotten pretty good at adulting and taking initiative and using our time wisely, too. It's Monday. Monday is my ultra productive day. It's my work day after my chang of pace rest and do nothing weekend. I had made my list and I needed to tackle it. I set my plan and deadline and I need to make that deadline. I'm too driven. Nope. Scratch that. I'm not TOO driven. I'm just driven. Being a driven person is fine. There's too many lazy people in this country. Well, at least in my household.

- But now, I'm tired. I didn't have my nap. I didn't go rest. And I'll be dragging the rest of the next 7 hrs until bedtime. My eyes hurt from being on the computer, too. I miss having my computer time broken up school work. Oh well. Live and learn.

- Meanwhile, kiddos in NOLA have had their sugar highs and screen times and playground excursions. Abishai got up at 5:45am New Orleans time, 6:45am our time! Nora said she tried to keep him calm by having him bounce on her exercise ball. Everly and Keturah slept in the living room on the couch, so it was wise not to send him out there, lol. Everly would have been nice but Keturah would have swatted him or something. Grandma and Grandpa needed the rest after all that driving. And Shauna wouldn't have been up yet. I'm sure Aaron was getting ready for work. I told them to just Abishai outside to run laps around the backyard like a puppy dog would first thing in the morning. That's what we do. If they told him that, he would have known what I meant. But, it's not my problem, eh? And I don't care how much sugar they feed him because again, not my problem. And if they put him on too much screen time and he acts up because he hasn't been properly exercised? Not my problem. They know better. But will they listen. No. I'm sure they will get tired of his energy and hand over the electronics because that's what they do here. Drives me insane. But, their house, their rules. As long as they have fun I guess. They come home late on Friday night and then they get to detox over Easter weekend with us and I have Daddy's help before we do three more weeks of school. It will be ok.

Already into electronic time, go figure. Sigh. I'm glad he has a blankie fort though. Looks cozy!

Grass makes a great pillow! I think Socks is depressed though. He hasn't eaten much since the kids left.

Where did my kids go? I can't find them! He did sleep for a bit on Keturah's bed and then found Justin when I went to bed.

Man, what did I do wrong?! We've had no growth in our beans! I'll have to start over with green beans or something instead of dry beans for eating. Bummers!

First day of vacation, so first day of their traditional daily ice cream runs! Enjoy!

"Under the Sea" theme for the bathroom (not really, it's actually PEI/general ocean themed) so blueish for the walls, not greenish, is what I told Jared. Let's go see what he picked out for paint swatches for me to look at.

Tuesday - A Very Good Day

- Justin went to work and Jared went to look at houses with Jim. The house they had looked at was actually on just a part of the acreage we thought it was on, so it wasn't the best deal around. So, Jared and Jim went house hunting today to about 10 properties in the span of about 3 hrs pretty much in what I would consider the ghetto and a little bit beyond. Just the rundown areas of the city. There was a couple of properties that were once really, really nice 100 or 150 years ago, but they are really big rehabs now. So, we'll see. So I was the only one home for the morning, which was great. I took a shower in peace and had some to think, sort of. My brain wasn't quite functional, but I took the day slow. 

- I had an emotional day, but I had the space to let it be emotional. I am very, very tired. My eyes still hurt and burn from too much screen yesterday. I stayed off my the laptop all day today. And I tried to not even get on my phone that much. I looked at email a few times to get rid of junk and to do a little bit of gaming here and there, but not as much as I usually do. I wanted to try and take a nap today or sit and do my puzzle and listen to podcasts, but that wasn't in the cards for me again today either. But that's ok, we did something extra special instead.

- After getting a shower in, some Bible listening, lunch, a podcast, and some gaming done, and making sure Justin got home from work, Jared and I went to......both the BLUE working store AND the ORANGE working store to look at PAINT for the BIG BATHROOM, aka the full bath for you regular people. I don't know why I've called it the big bathroom. Oh my goodness, I just realized it's called a full bath/bathroom vs. a half bathroom. Wow. 5 years and I've referred to them as little/big and it's actually half/full. Why hasn't anyone ever corrected me?! Anyway, that's right, after bringing it up on Sunday and thinking that I had screwed things up again because he started giving me the silent treatment, Jared came to me on Monday and said he would go to the working stores and get some paint card samples and pick up some other things for his personal projects. And he did. And then today, I went back with him and talked some more about narrowing down the colors and hues. And we did NOT fight! I thought I was going to fight more with him about it because I had had it in my head to have a darker blue for a long time, but he's actually right and when I stood there and thought more and more and he was being so patient as I was going super slow with everything, it was starting to sink in. The vision of starting to come together more. And we were working out this project TOGETHER. We were being adults, picking out PAINT from the actual colors on the color wall of a hardward store for the FIRST time in our married life. That's right. FIRST time in 20 years! The colors on the walls in the first house we bought, Gary bought and they were from the clearance rack or mishaps or whatever. We didn't paint in Charlottetown. Keturah's color, again, Gary bought. Yup. That's it. 20 years and we've never painted walls together. We've never done a room makeover before. I've never created a fully themed room before. I just always take what I'm given. But, today, we got to adult like never before. And we did it well. So well that I cried. After 5 years of arguing about it, we did it with humility and patience. Ok, we just talked through it. Paint colors and floor trim. But it was a MAJOR achievement!

- Then Jared made me salad to go with some leftover pork steak for dinner. I had an IAHE Zoom mtg to do. While I did that, the boys went out so that Justin could get some driving time in before it got dark, yeah! After they got back, we Facetimed with Keturah and Abishai. Well, Grandpa had them call us while the whole family was helping another family load up a truck because they were moving. It just so happened to be the family whose house we stayed at when we were there the last time. I recognized the built in bookshelves behind Abishai. Sigh. Ok, yeah, people move. I wasn't crazy that my kids were out later in the evening helping people move, but that's kind of what Aaron and Gary do, so whatever. I'm not there to see it or deal with the consequences of tired and cranky children tomorrow so whatever. I did have to deal with an extremely grumpy daughter who literally cut me off mid sentence and I wasn't even allowed to say good bye to. I think she had been roped into helping and didn't advocate for herself about needing quiet time. Keturah had gone to CC co op with the girls all day and then to youth group with Everly and then straight to helping this family move. I would have taken her back to Shauna's house and said no to moving. And I would have kept Abishai from going, too. It was way too close to bedtime and kids need to wind down, not up at that time of night, especially kids like Abishai. Especially my kids with their routines. Especially kids like Keturah that are introverts who have been out extroverting all day. So if she snaps at her grandparents, well, it's their fault, not mine. She'll get disciplined of course. And she won't speak up for herself. Sigh. But she doesn't have to take it out on her own mother and hang up on her. That's totally uncalled for and unfair to me. Sigh.

- Meanwhile, I loved on Socks a little bit today, but my mind was in a whole other space today, so it was hard to slow down and give him the royal treatment. Perhaps tomorrow. Or Justin can tomorrow. He got his special dinner at least. And Abishai and I sang Happy Birthday to him. 12 years old on his Golden birthday. I'll share a bunch of photos down below from when he first got him. We got him the day after Benaiah's 7th birthday party and at first Benaiah thought he was a present for him. Well, we just wanted to wait until after the party because we didn't want a whole crowd around him as Socks got used to us and our house. The Wagars brought him to Gary and Leah's house first because it was the most convenient. So Benaiah thought at first Gary and Leah got Socks for him, when nope, Socks was something Jared and I bought for the kids. So, lots of confusion at first. That's why the first photos are from Gary and Leah's house. Socks grew quickly of course and lightened up even quicker. But he's also been very soft and floofy. Playful but never harmful. Always loved to the moon and back. And today is no exception. Happy birthday, Socks!

The other dog is Baxter, Gary and Leah's last dog.

Keturah was 2, Justin was 4 turning 5, and Benaiah was 8.

My sister came to visit in September I think, so she was 8 months pregnant with Auggie. Yes, Socks grew that fast!

Nevermind that cute puppy, check out that handsome man on the left! Oh that curly hair!!! It's still there if he just let it grow! But it might be a little gray now. But yes, here's our baby puppy at 8 weeks old.

And Socks at 6 weeks old.

And Socks in Canada when we moved in 2012.

And back to today when Uncle Aaron showed Abishai some neat trucks down at the police station where he works!

Jared's been working on correcting homework and test for that class his dad taught two months ago. And the final test he graded today was actually his new office comrade's. So, we took a bet to see how many our freind would get wrong or right. Jared had to eat a coffee bean for every wrong answer. I guessed two wrong. And I was right! The test was an open note test. I would have aced the test because  I take good notes and Gary writes great slides.

Birthday note from the vet's office.

The flowers are blooming! And the weather is warmer!

12th birthday special supper!

You don't usually watch me eat so why are you watching me now?

Tonight's Facetime in a rare moment where both of them sat down and looked straight into the camera. Good times!

Wednesday -Stormy Day

- Jared did put his alarm on, although we don't need it. I seem to still wake up just fine by 8 am every day. And today was ASL, so we don't have to leave until 10:30 and I would have definitely been awake by then because I had gone to bed by 1am. I can't sleep longer than 7 hrs at a time anyways. I just can't. But I'm still so run down and I don't know why. Just really fatigued. I stayed off of the computer again today so my eyes wouldn't hurt. I took my cross stitch to ASL and did only that and listened to a podcast during that hour. While I was home this afternoon and was resting on the couch I played my games and listened to another podcast, so I had some screen time then. But I was up and down at other times during the day.

- Justin and I did go thoroughly through his homework and discussed his future plans for next year and beyond, just like I had planned to today. I didn't want to and neither did he, but I'm trying really hard to stick to my script this week. I had so much more I wanted to accomplish but this fatigue is just so much more than it's ever been so I'm just hitting on the big things that I can. He's going to keep working until the end of May on his regular schoolwork that he got behind in but I'll have his day count end when the others' day counts end the first week of May. And then we narrowed his speech class down to trying an online class through a new middle man type venue I just met last Saturday that will make it way cheaper and hopefully simpler. I didn't go through the whole process of application though, so I'm not sure what I will have to send to them yet. But it's an accelerated 8 week course type deal so I'm not sure he's going to like that quick of a format. The price is good though so if he totally fails, I'm totally ok with it. Baby steps. We talked through the SAT a bit more and if I get him to study more now and over the summer, I'll sign him up for one of the fall dates, which I did look at in his presence so he knows that they are there. I showed him one of the construction/journeymen opportunities in the area, but he didn't seem to like it, so he passed on it. It had a high school program and an adult program so he can still change his mind later. I think as long as I keep him on pace and he continues Algebra II through the summer and he keeps up with the SAT book and I get him to take the SAT right away in the fall so he doesn't forget what he's learned, he will be pretty much done with school. I'd like him to try Physics only because he might find something in there that might pique his interest for a career and then do the consumer math for life skills. And the speech could even be done over the summer or anytime just to get it on the transcript. And if he needs English comp first, then do that first, or whatever. Just getting his feet wet and giving him options. Then after that, he'll need to increase either his working hours or go to college. He's not sitting here doing video games. I'll send him to Ozark myself if I have to. Maybe I should start praying now for him to have clarity of mind this summer at CIY about becoming a youth minister or something. Kya can wait for him. Jared and I did the long distance thing. It's ok. It works. Or he can wait a little bit and work, take more online classes. Anyway, no idleness, especially like he's had this semester. It's not going to fly in this household. He doesn't have to work and go to school like Benaiah but he's not going to sit around here and play 8 hrs of video games either. Nope. Full time work or school and half time work or school. I'll get my little turtle moving, slowly but surely, I'll get him there.

- So, yup, I got done what I set out to do. ASL, Justin homework, made Abishai's bed, rested, listened to podcasts, cross stitch, my video games, blog, and I'm going to finish checking these silly photo cds if it's the last thing I do tonight! Jared's out at our friend's mom's funeral tonight representing us, so I don't feel as much pressure with him sitting there hovering over me, so I'm able to get done when I get done. He went out to eat with another mutual friend and his wife afterwards. I didn't go because of this fatigue and it's pouring rain and I just didn't want to go to a funeral and be with tons of people I don't know. And I haven't seen these other people I do know for years and years. And now that I think about it, some of them that might have shown up, well, it might have been awkward. Yup, I opted out of it and Jared let me. So, here I am, dry, alone, and happy that more home things got done. I'll let Jared to be the extroverted introvert. He's the one finding excuses to leave the house this week and I'm like, nope, just want to stay home and could you please just leave me alone? Thanks. Just stop talking to me about everything, that would be great. Silent treatment would be grand right now. Maybe because I physically feel wonky, I don't know. My legs hurt a ton, my knees are achy, I am so tired all the time, and I'm getting frustrated by it. I just want to sleep, and I thought I would have the time to catch up on sleep AND do some projects. Well, I'm not making a whole lot of progress this week because of having to do dog chores and still getting up when Jared gets up to take Justin, and Jared wants to talk and wants attention, and I'm just like, "Everybody, just leave me alone!" I wanted time to myself at home. Not making 100 trips out to wherever. Vacation is laying on the couch under a blanket with podcast or book and coffee and cross stitch or something, tuning out the world. Go away world! Or having the energy to tackle a project. Well, I have zero energy and it's starting to scare and bother me. I don't know what this will look like for summer vibes either. I need more energy. I can't even muster up enough energy to live a daily life, never mind any extra life. I feel more run down this week and not reenergized. I don't like it. Not at all. Because it means it's not the kids' fault. It means it's something wrong with me. Again. And I don't know how or if I can fix it. And it's depressing. Lord, help me.

A favorite poem of mine.

Playing putt putt with the family and looking a bit sweaty. And also looking so much older!

Abishai LOVES Aunt Shauna! He actually gets really attached to her when she's around. It's so cute!

He also loves putt putt!

I love Shauna's face!

What a huge banana split!

Putt putt golf! Fun times!

Eating Ice Cream in New Orleans

Picking up a stick pile to help a local non profit.

Standing where the stick pile was! Nice facial expressions!

I started a new growing bean experiment because the dry beans from the pantry just rotted. These are actually green bean seeds I had that are like 10 years old. And this is a more traditional method of doing the experiment. We'll see if I can get some sprouts before Abishai gets back.

My gas mileage this time. Jared's was 18.2 mpg or something like that this week.

Proof that I relaxed this week. I put away the puzzle that was mocking me for the last month on the coffee table. It was 1,000 pieces and the colors were too similar and I didn't have time to work on it. I just wasn't interested.

Jared said that it seemed like overnight these bushes turned from yellow flowers to green leaves and he was right! Cool!

Different bush, but same kind of bush.

I bought him a new set of these things but he says the mesh isn't fine enough. So he rigged up this tone when it broke this morning. I'm glad he did. We've had this one forever and a day and it came from his mom's cupboard. I have no idea how long she had it before that.

Close up of his handiwork.

I encouraged Socks to use Keturah's bed, but he's really been just sleeping in the hallway near us so he can keep an eye on the front door of course.

Major storms coming tonight. Some people canceled their plans, including Justin's small group. I guess it's wise because most of them drive now. But the storm has passed now and it wasn't that bad. Not bad enough for things to be canceled.

Tonight's forecast.

By golly, yes, I AM GOING TO RELAX. SEE. THIS IS ME RELAXING. At least for the next hour it was.

New Orleans weather. Blech. I was checking on it because in those photos, Abishai looked hot and sweaty. They said it was breezy and he said he wasn't hot, but I know him. He will say he's not hot so he doesn't inconvenience anyone when indeed he's burning up. He had long sleeve on in the hot sun. I don't care if there's a breeze. It's still hot. He should have had short sleeves on. I only sent the long sleeves for the travel days. Sigh. But, at least he didn't get sun burnt.

True story.

I washed Keturah and Abishai's sheets yesterday but ran out of time to put Abishai's bed back together, so I did it today. He wanted a plain sheet like Justin's. I think he just didn't connect with the theme he had because he hadn't seen the Lego movie. I think we had asked for Grogu or Lego sheets and Grandpa had found The Lego Movie, which was close, but not quite what Abishai was expecting. So, hopefully he'll be happy with us and being a big boy.

His friends are all sitting up and waiting for him to come back on Friday evening.

And more of his friends. And then the rest of the stuffed animals are on the bed above him.

These guys are the French peas, Phillipe' and Jean-Claude' from Veggietales. Jared and I bought (ok, Jared bought them because he was the one with the money at the time) at the Family Christian bookstore on Washinton St. that used to be next to the Aldis' we got to (now is the the 5 and below store), when we were dating/first engaged. I took Phillipe', the blue one, with me, and Jared took Jean-Claude', the red hat one, with him, to our respective dorm rooms and/or colleges as a token gift to remind ourselves of each other. Yes, we were 20 yrs old and 18 years old at the time. Veggietales were just becoming popular in 1998. And we both enjoyed them. And many Christian college students would watch them to bring comic relief and to take a break from studying. So, these guys are 24 yrs old and still going strong. Eventually we got the rest of the Veggietales crew from the same store, Laura the Carrot, Bob the Tomato, and Larry the Cucumber. I can remember the spinning rack that they were all on, too. Anyway, it cracks me up that we bought plushies for each other because Benaiah and Ava have bought plushies for each other and even Justin and Kya have now bought plushies for each other. They both know the story of these Veggietales pea plushies and our attachment to them, but I think they also didn't use that story to purchase their own plushies. And it also goes hand in hand with the whole sweatshirt exchange thing because we did that, too. Oh our boys, following in our footsteps whether they want to or not. The apples haven't fallen that far from the tree. Cracks me up!

Thursday - 

-Ah! I never sleep in. Nope. Never. And after balling like a baby about how I'm so tired and my eyes hurt and I need sleep so my body can heal, I went to bed at 3am because I'm stupid. Just plain stupid. Just like every other addict of bad habits. Always making the wrong decisions. Always continuing to hurt myself. Making those around me shake their heads in disbelief. Always making myself angry at myself when I'm in my sane moments or suffering the consequences, promising myself I will never do it again. There must be an AA group for self saboteurs or ones that purposefully deprive themselves of sleep so they can use the excuse of "I'm tired" to not do physical labor and let everyone think it's the fibromyalgia that causes it. I know it's the other thing, the ADHD induced FOMO thing, which is legitimate, but it's also a learned behavior that can be unlearned. I know I did go to bed earlier in the week. I know that I know better. And yet, it's stupid. And I loathe being stupid. I've spent my whole life NOT looking stupid. But then I purposefully choose it. I don't get it. And I don't understand why Jared can have grace a lot of the time for me for it. And then I cry more because he gives me grace. Ugh. I don't deserve it. I just don't. But that was last night.

- I woke up alright. Justin went to work. Jared and I had alone time and breakfast. He then worked on more grading (is he really grading anything or just messing around on his computer? I can't really tell!) and I finished my breakfast and tea while checking email and laying down on my couch.

- Then Kellie called me a little after 11 and asked if I was doing anything. I said I was just relaxing and she asked if she could kidnap me in 5 minutes and take me with them to Barnes and Noble. I said, ok, sure. So, Kellie, Kya, Alexander, and I went to Greenwood to Barnes and Noble, Chick Fil A and Marshalls. Cool. It got me off the couch, let Jared alone to work on more grading, and made me feel like I did more than just look at a screen. We oohed and ahhed over the green grass and blue skies and warmer temps. We chatted as we went. I sized up the kid section and shook my head at the junk that was on the shelves among my favorite classics. Of course the junk was turned so the kids could see the bright book covers about witches and magic and other worlds and you could only see the spines of the classics. Yes, there's a bit of magic in the classics. But there's some real world experiences in them, too. Real scenarios, not fake stuff, woke stuff, political bents and the like where kids hate their parents. Most new book series I saw were literally kids with magic powers and they used the powers to solve all their problems. No need for God. No need for parents. No need for thinking. Instant gratification. Witches and spells. Or it was the trash that I honestly read like Babysitters' Club only trashier with no real morals. Blech.

- Then we headed over to the bathroom, of course shielding our eyes from the trashiest of trash covers. Poor Kya and I. Sigh. I did see some names and books I recognized in the Christian and inspirational section like Tim Tebow and Sadie Robertson and Ann Vaskomp. But it doesn't make up for all the trash you have to wade through that is glaring at you at the front door in the foyer about astrology. Sigh. It's not pretty in the real world. Not at all. I miss the Family Christian Bookstore. Sigh. Even the displays of toys and collector items are full of things I don't want to buy my kids. It's just not where I really want to spend my time.

- Going to Chick Fil A and only spending $11 and not having to lug more than 1 drink is such a luxury and feels really weird. My food was ready before Kellie was done ordering, too. Yeah!

 - Marshall's was ok. Still very messy. Kya didn't see anything of interest, as Kellie was looking for clothes for her. Same kind of deal as with Keturah. Clothes for their height and shape are just trashy looking. Shorts are way too short. Crop tops are too short. Both girls don't like frills or flowers or bright colors. They want monochrome, blah, sweats. I don't know what to do with them. I just don't.

- Then Kellie dropped Kya and I back off at my house so Kya could spend the afternoon with Justin. They worked on the puzzle in Justin's room, played Monolopy, went to Gary and Leah's house to get some ice cream out of the freezer because Justin was jealous of all the ice cream that the littles were getting, and just hung out. I laid down on the couch and let Socks up on the couch and snuggle with me for once. I had never let him do that before and it was glorious and reminiscent of when my beagle, Waggle, would sleep with me growing up. And then I just wasted a lot of time reading about nothing and not doing enough on my computer and it's now late and I should have called the kids earlier because they have to get up super early to come home tomorrow and Jared has to go bed soon because he has his men's thing because it's Friday and and and...vacation time over....sigh. At least I could a full day of pretty much not doing a single productive thing besides a few emails and listening to a few podcasts.

- Tomorrow I'll do some chores and then Jared, Justin and I will go do some driving to something fun (Jared hasn't told us what yet) in the afternoon. We'll see!

- Part of me thinks we should have gotten more physical things done, but part of me is really thankful we didn't. We have all summer for those things. We left margin to do nothing. We didn't push. We didn't rush. We listen to our bodies. Well, sort of, I didn't sleep or take naps like I could of. But I got a couple of things done. And we made a major step in the bathroom. So that's not nothing. I touched on everything I wanted to. I just didn't go as deep on everything I wanted to. It's been a good week. I just wish my brain was less tired so I had been more excited through it. 

Enneagram 6's do's and don'ts. This is a don't.

Another day, another bowl of ice cream.

We'll see how this flies. It might be still considered homeschooling wherever MacArthur lives, but it won't fly here. We don't have laws for hybrid schools like that. Co ops meet only 1-2 days per week and the teachers have to be unpaid parents, not paid hired tutors.

A cool way to introduce your elementary kid to your favorite pop culture young adult/adult show.

A shelf of Justin's favorite books. I found some Overwatch and Dune books, too.

I'm not joking. I had to use the zoomed out feature on my phone to capture this huge display of Harry Potter books, toys, spell books, picture books, the works. It's not just the original 8 books. It's the new series of the children of the original characters I think. And, yes, all the fandom and real spells and rules about quidditch. This is just Harry Potter. This isn't the rows and rows of other children's series that are also based on magic and witches and spells.

So, let's suck up a bug so we can study it! Fantastic! Or we could suck up the bug so we can release it outside or at least contain it to throw it away like the one inch black beetle with the pinchy claws I found in the kitchen today. It was at least an inch long. It's not a normal bug to find inside a house either. I was not impressed.

Ooo, that's a twist on the old rock and mineral kit. Nice!

For the fans of the I Spy games!

Perfect for Keturah! Indestructible!

I also saw a lot of CRT/black history stuff mixed in with the classics as well. Black history month was two months ago. Where's white history? White historical figures? White women to look up to like Amelia Earhart? This is a BOARD BOOK for toddlers. Yes, catch them when they are infants. Yup.

Lots of well intentioned authors but still on that CRT/Black history spectrum and on full display without whites being representative as well. Or any other nationality.

This one was great! It's about a teddy bear that was well loved, stuffed in the attic for a bit, forgotten, rediscovered, and given to the daughter to continue loving. So sweet!

Yup, straight up propganda. 1619 project. Woe are you if you are black and your ancestors came from Africa. My ancestors came on a ship, too. Right around 1619 as well. Edward Howell was his name. From someplace in Wales. And my Grandfather Koski came over in a boat in the 1920's from Helsinki, Finland. So, you can just stop it. This is America. This is the melting pot. Not everyone is oppressed. We rise above it. I'm not going to apologize for something I did not do. Perhaps some of my Howell relatives did because they did live all over. How about books on everybody's heritage, hm? But no, we have to talk about only one ancestry, because they won't let it go. I don't buy into this narrative.  No.

But right next to that one above is this one. A classic. Pure, innocent and simple. The way things used to be. All about a snowy We have the book of course. But the plushie is adorable!

I was tempted to buy this. It was only $11. But Jared can pick up for Mother's Day if he wants to.

There were a few good authors on the shelf, like this cool dude here. Man, this guy is one of the best guys to use his platform for the glory of God right now. Right up there with people like Tony Dungy. He does the "Night to Remember" dances for those with Down Syndrome. He played pro Football and Pro Baseball. And he's not afraid to share the gospel and his Faith to his social media channels. An amazing young man.

That's a fun title! And gorgeous photos! Nice coffee table book! And I kept thinking about how vibrant the colors are and that God created each individual species of bird to look like their own kind.  Gorgeous!

Just a peek into what is in our faces at the checkout counter at Barnes and Noble, right in the reach of bored pre teens and teens. It's not even hidden. It disgusts me.

You can write down your thoughts on your mug using the chalk!

These cards are for those of us who like to take the least beaten path. People like me, Uncle Aaron, Justin, and I. Grandpa can't stand detours. Just get from point A to point B as quickly as possible.

Happy birthday, Your Majesty.

Ooooo, look what I found! On display no less. Ryan Smith's new book! Yeah!

And Michael's last book he put out two years ago.

Dog therapy. Weighted blanket. Extra heater. All of this and more! I've never let him do this before.  I wish I had. This is what my Beagle, Waglle used to do with my parents and I when I slept on the bottom bunk. He kept changing positions and snuggling in deeper to get my attention so I would pet him again and again. He's so super spoiled now. But I loved every single minute of it. I'm so going to do it again!

Well, these beans stink and they didn't do that well. Bummers. I failed this experiment. I'll show them to Abishai and then I'll toss them.

I see a few root hairs on the top one.

Grandma had brought supplies for them to bunny decorations today. Abishai got to play with a new Lego set while the girls worked hard on their art projects.

Everly's came out very girly.

Keturah's was very plain Jane.

Abishai didn't get one because there wasn't enough supplies.

Nora made hers gender neutral for now. Ok, then.

Finishing touches.

Grandma got out the big guns! A new Lego set!

Very pretty!

Must be Keturah's bunny.

Suits her personality.

Abishai looked tired, frustrated and mad. I think it's time for them to come home now.

Friday - The Indiana Sand Dunes!

- Oh.....my.....goodness!!!!! When Jared said that he had an idea to take a road trip this week, I totally thought he meant to go hiking somewhere. I had no idea we would be driving 3 hrs north to the Indiana Sand Dunes today!!!!! This has sort of been on my bucket list for the last couple of years because EVERYBODY talks about how it's so much fun and it's a great field trip for the kids and you see it advertised on social media, etc. So, here's how it all went down today.

- Jared had his normal Friday morning breakfast meeting with the guys and then met with Jim and others about flipping houses and contracts and all that. Justin and I got ready for the day, but we weren't sure exactly what to prepare for. We just knew we would be out and to eat a hearty breakfast. I made sure we did all the chores, including the load of laundry (the only one for the whole week!), the only load of dishes out of the dishwasher, the vacuuming, filled water bottles, wore our walking sneakers, had a light jacket with hood, a little snack if need be, had my noon meds, made sure Socks was good for 6 hrs, etc. And then we got in the car and Jared started to drive. And the drove and drove and drove. And drove and drove and drove. I didn't look at his phone because I wanted to be surprised. But I have a good sense of direction and I can read signs so I knew we were going northwest out of the city. Ok, there's plenty of things out that way. I knew it wasn't going to be Turkey Run State Park because he already had said we weren't doing that. But I wasn't sure exactly what else because all the parks with the awesome forests are actually down south, not north. It's pretty flat and boring to the north. And he explained on our drive that there's a lot of limestone and prairie up north.

-By the way, we had some awesome conversations about different fun topics along the way. I'm sure Justin was bored out of his mind. It wasn't what he had in mind for the day. He probably should have brought along some homework or something. And he probably would have rather played video games. But, unlike his siblings, he went along with it without a peep. We tried to engage with him the best we could, well, I talked to him about a couple of things about his future as an extension of Wednesday's conversation, but he wasn't buying into that topic. I didn't bring up any pop culture stuff either. He didn't seem to want to talk. He plugged into his phone listening to music and doing whatever, talking to friends, playing games, and sleeping A TON. Ok, fine, I'll take that, at least you aren't complaining. He only complained when he felt sick because he was very hungry and the wind had started bothering him when we were walking on the beach. And I've learned that when Justin starts to complain, you have to listen and resolve the problem because he's really bad off by then. He was getting a headache, too. So we left and fed him and he felt a bit better. Again, I know it wasn't his plan today, but I'm glad he puts up with things better than his siblings and doesn't ruin the day with his attitude.

- Back to our communication, yes, pleasant topics about what we were seeing like the wind turbines or types of fields and landscapes or cities we were passing through, even the color of bricks on the houses. I brought up a couple of topics from the day before to clarify some photos I had sent him, but nothing too heavy. We also drove in silence so he could concentrate in the heavy traffic. The roads were pretty full most of the day. I know it is the Friday before a holiday, but good grief it shouldn't have been that full at noon. And plenty of construction, too. But, that's why Jared does the driving. We used state roads, and he must have passed at least a dozen cars in the wrong lane because they were barely doing the speed limit. It was nuts. But he's very good and safe about it. It's kind of fun to watch him, too. Road tripping, we've been doing it together since 1999 when we drove 2 hrs one way to Indiana Wesleyan University every other weekend. Two hours to the Marion campus, stay for two weeks, and then two hours back to Indy. And then when he went back to Lincoln the next semester, he would drive on Friday 4 hrs to 465 in Indy, then 2 hrs north to get me, and then 2 hrs south for Friday through Sunday. Then Sunday evening, drive me back to school, for a total of 4 hrs. Then on Monday morning, he would drive the 4 hrs back to Lincoln, Illinois. And he did all of this driving in the F-150 red pick up truck with a manual transmission with no a/c, just a bench seat. Loads of gas and mileage. Just so we could see each other, for the next 18 months until we got married. Oh yes, we were very committed. I don't how we got through it except for AOL Instant Messenger and sometimes a phone call and email. We choose each other and we choose the hardest route imaginable from the beginning I tell ya. Anyway, driving together, that's how we dated. That's how we spent the most time together. I would even lay down on the bench seat if I was tired, illegally, and nap. Those were the days, 23 years ago. And look at us now, still driving around, but with big ones in tow, that are now the age we were back then. Craziness!

- So, I didn't figure out that we were going to the Dunes until I saw a sign for it about 15 minutes from our destination. Eek! I started internally squealing thinking "I think I just guessed it! He took me all the way to the dunes! The water! The beach! Eek! How romantic!" Oh yes! Romantic indeed! He knows I love the water and the beach at anytime of the year. I'm a coldwater and cold beach aka maritime and New England beach goer. Don't take me to the tropics and to Florida in the hot, sticky sun where I have to wear a bathing suit and show my not so pretty bits. Nope. I'd rather have sneakers on with long pants and a lightweight jacket staring out into the ocean or lake and watching the waves lap the beach in the 65 degree temps and windy days like today. Today's weather reminded me of the June 2011 PEI trip when we visited for the first time and I realized just how cold being near the shore is vs being inland by 100 yds. And that PEI doesn't warm up until August. 

- Once we got parked and I put my sneakers on, I literally skipped down to the beach like a little girl. The water! The sand! The skyline! And oh look, it's Chicago in the distance! The waves! The sound! My ocean! Oh wait, not the ocean, it's Lake Michigan. I forgot! But it's big water! And sand! And yes, the wind whipping through my thin jacket and jeans just like on PEI. Oh, take me back to those many moments downtown Charlottetown in the spring and fall when no one is swimming and I'm just walking along the boardwalk. There's no tourists yet. It's just the natives enjoying their Island. Us, who are ready for all the types of weather just getting out in the fresh air, just to hear those waves crashing and rolling. Beaches aren't just for hot weather and bikinis! Give me a cold weather New England North Atlantic beach anytime any season even with all the sea ice! I'll bundle up and go out there! Ah!

- So we held hands the hold way up and down the beach with Justin walking behind us. And I made Jared kiss me, too. Poor Justin. He was so over it by the time we were done. But that's ok. He was a good sport. Both of the guys got to skip rocks into the lake. Jared couldn't stop talking either, he was thoroughly enjoying it with me! It was the best date ever! And it didn't cost anything except time and gas money and a little bit of fast food money. Let's see, on the beach we also saw a couple of seagulls, a few people, the lifeguard station was closed of course. There were signs that you were supposed to have a state park pass, but no one seemed to have their on display so we just hoped we wouldn't get in trouble because we don't have one. On PEI, you only had to have a park pass for a few months of the year, otherwise the park was open to everyone in the off season. I hope that was pretty much the same today, but who knows. Nobody was around policing it. And if they were, we might get a letter in the mail later, and that's ok. A friend of ours pointed out a specific parking lot for Jared to use where we could bypass the gates where they check the passes and it seemed to work just fine. 

- As far as the actual dune goes, the part that we saw was just one big one that wasn't as big or impressive as the ones we saw in Michigan a few years ago or the ones in PEI. But I think the park or the rest of the dunes are maybe more inlaid or laid out in a different way than we saw or were willing to venture today. And that's ok. If what I saw was all of the dunes, I am disappointed because it just wasn't as impressive as what I've experienced. The beach was quiet today, but we tried to imagine how it would be if it was full of beach goers in the summer. Probably jam packed. I wouldn't want to come in the summer on a weekend, and I'm not even even sure about a weekday either. I'm grateful that my kids have experienced dunes before though because now that I know what this one looks like, I'm satisfied that if they don't get up here, they are not missing anything. Abishai needs to go because he doesn't have those same experiences. He would love to run up the hill and slide down with some help. Although Jared did say they had to close some trails because a kid got swallowed up by a hole in the sand that a tree had left because it had fallen and it's roots had taken up their spaces and what not. Anyway, now I've been to the sand dunes and cant mark it off my list!

- I was not prepared to travel 6 hrs in the car today, so I am very sore all over. And Jared is sore from driving. All for a 30 minute walk on a beach with non salty water. But was it worth it? Oh yes it was! It was somewhat spontaneous, he planned it, it was exactly what I needed because I miss the shoreline so much, and it goes right along with what we were talking about in counseling. He won big time! And I pray that I remember today and all the emotions and positive moments when I want to bring up the negative stuff, because today was a HUGE step for us again. Like we didn't argue at all. Huge props to Jared for planning this relatively simple, yet hugely meaningful day!!!

- Meanwhile, we've kept an eye on the kids all day as they were traveling home. They left much later than planned so they are getting home in the next hour or so. At one point, when we were driving home from Lake Michigan, I said, it's a math problem! If Car A is going x speed and has to travel m miles and Car B is going y speed and has to travel n miles, when will Car A and Car B meet up? I love watching how we all travel around. Even Aaron and Shauna and the girls went on a little day trip to a warm beach with friends on the gulf coast. So while we were wearing hoodies and it was very windy and cold up north, they were down south braving the cold waters of the Gulf of Mexico in actual bathing suits. Well, just Nora, but at least they could be in shorts and a t-shirt, right? 

- Our littles and Grandparents stopped a couple of times, including Culver's for dinner so they could have their daily does of ice cream! Thanks Grandpa! Sugar them up before you send them home, I really appreciate that! I can't wait to see my babies though! I've missed them all week! I truly do miss them! I need to my little chores helpers back. And my giggly little guy. And my loving daughter. Socks really misses her. I miss her.

- And the lawn misses all of us. We have a ton of yardwork to do in both yards. So in between doing Easter things, we need to start on yard work. Gary will want his all the way done, so Justin will go over there and just get it done. Keturah and Abisahi, Jared and I will start on ours and see how far we get. And whatever we don't get done, we'll do the next day until it's all done. And like I said in the beginning, Justin will help out until the spring craziness is done and then Keturah will do more at Grandpa's house and start earning money there. But with Easter, it makes the weekend quite tough to get through it all because we will be attending the 5pm service on Saturday so everyone can serve on Sunday.  But one day at a time.

- The last day of vacation was a blast for Jared and I! I'm not so sure for the others. And now I'm really exhausted and the caffeine is wearing off! Oh no! Jared even bought me an iced mocha coffee with frothy stuff after we bought and eaten dinner at Wendy's so I could have my afternoon caffeine fix without me even asking for it! It was super yummy and super sugary. I've now had way too much sugar and fast food this week. It's time for plain protein and salads for a few weeks. Or not. But yup, it shows that I haven't eaten well. And my oh my I'm going to be sore in the morning. So, we'll see how the weekend goes. We'll just start with one thing and then when we're done with that, move to the next thing. And keep going. We can do this because God did it. Happy Good Friday!

For dinner, Keturah requested they go to Culver's so they could get ice cream! They've had ice cream nearly every day! Ah! Ignore the red circle there, I was just pointing out to Keturah and Grandma that Abishai's seatbelt needed to go in the right slot so that it wasn't across Abishai's neck that like that and obviously on the same side as the seat belt.

I told Justin to have a big breakfast and this is what he came up with. Raisin bread, eggs, and cheese with milk and protein powder!

No selfies with Mom I guess.

Jared doesn't have a choice because he has to keep his eyes on the road.

All the Johnsons were on the move today! Justin, Jared, and I were on our way to the Indiana Sand Dunes on Lake Michigan. Gary, Leah, Abishai, and Keturah were on their way home to Indianapolis from Chalmette, Louisiana. And Aaron, Shauna, Nora, and Everly were driving over to Alabama to meet up with friends to enjoy some beach time on the Gulf. Yeah for a little vacation time! And yeah for iPhones and the Find My Phone app and for at least one person in each family who lets me see where they are so I can keep track of everyone!

Loads of big wind turbines up near Purdue University on the flat plains of northern Indiana. Kind of felt like stepping into the northwestern tip of PEI.

I see water! I see sand! Ah!!!! I'm home! Sort of. It's not ocean water, it's Lake Michigan water. It didn't smell like the ocean either I just realized as I'm typing this. And I only saw/heard two seagulls there. But we did near the waves doing their thing and it was glorious!

Ridges on the sand.

The wind was whipping the waves pretty rough today. White caps, right? Rolling and crashing. I closed my eyes and just listened for a few minutes. Glorious!

Picking up rocks only to chuck them back into the ocean. I hope you don't knock a sea creature head's or something.

Lots of different textures of sand out there today. Sometimes there was more gravel like this. Sometimes it was a layer of soot we think came from t=some of the power/manufacturing plants we saw. I was strange to see. We think a beach comber machine does go trough and clean up some of it, but it still, we've never seen like it before.

Ready, set, chuck it, baby! Jared is pretty good at throwing a skipping stone across the top of water surfaces.

Justin's turn to throw a rock.

Shoreline. Oh how I miss it!

This was where we were going! 3 hr drive!

Water! Sand! Surf! Wind! Sunshine! No bikinis! No salt! No sticky creatures! I'm in heaven!

This is one part of the biggest dune. The angle is deceiving. It does go straight up.

Here's the dune from the left hand side. It's really, really steep here.

Storms are a brewing. Time to leave.

Check out all the different hues of blues and blue greens! It's like the paint racks at the hardware stores. Jared still wants the blue green. I want the gray blue. And that's not land over there. Looks are deceiving! That's still Lake Michigan, too. Jared said the human eye can only look about 4 miles out from land. So that's still water out there, it just looks very dark so we assume it's land but it's not.

Someone is ready to go home. And they named these bathrooms and changing rooms "Comfort Center." We cracked up at the name. Really? We know that you are comforted there but don't go overboard, ok?

Scrubbrush! Just like the ones that are protected on PEI so you can't step on them.

A little red in the face with chapped cheeks from all that cold wind. But oh my does it feel good to be outside like that! So close to what I've experienced on PEI! I loved every minute of it!

We finally made it up to Indiana Dunes State Park! If what I saw was all off the Dunes, it's not all it's cracked up to be. If it was just one dune out of many, then I understand they hyper of it. We'll see what I think after I do some more research on it.

We were so close to Chicago that we actually were in Central Time for a little bit! Fun times!

We stopped for late lunch/early supper on the way home, but there's where the national park is for the Indiana Dunes compared to the cities surrounding it.

Four other Johnsons joined friends at a different beach today in the warmer weather. Nora was the only one that went in the water though. It's not quite summer time yet, is it Nora? Brrr.

I went to sit down in a certain position in the car and sand started spilling out of the cuffs of my pants! It was hilarious! We haven't had sand in our vehicles in 6 years! Again, it was such a glorious feeling for me! Don't worry, I vacuumed it up immediately after we got home.

Whoops! I tilted my leg up and sand started flowing out of my pant leg cuff!

We never have a reason to drive through Valpariso but now we can say we've driven through it. It's often on the news maybe because of sports or Vincennes University that used to be there.

The kids are almost home! The kids are almost home!

We're getting closer!

So much sand never felt so good!

Eeeekkkk!!!! Can't wait to see my babies!!!!

One more hour!

Saturday/Sunday - Settling Back In

- Oh my word. Someone has the grumpiest of grumpies and it ain't me. Wowzers! I thought I had a hard time coming back from vacation. Nope. The other female in the household as a rough time, too. She must have had to hold in all of her frustrations for the week and saved them up to unleash on us yesterday because it showed up big time. In fact, now that I'm typing this, I think that's exactly what happened, despite me telling her and Grandma to make sure she gets some downtime on Wednesday. Tuesday night was when she cut me off and ended the phone call without letting me say good bye and I was pretty upset about it. Grandma didn't think it was a big deal because she seemed to have a fine attitude with everyone else. What others don't understand about introverts and my personality (I don't know about Keturah in particular) is that just because we aren't talking or having an outburst, doesn't mean we aren't seething inside. I am a people pleaser, so at that age and well into my 30's I would hold it in, hold it in, hold it in, until I could get to a safe space or person just so I could look like a good person. And sometimes, that meant I wouldn't say a word. I wouldn't necessarily smile or be all happy and such, but I wouldn't have a meltdown or shout or cry. So everybody thought I was fine. Well, I was not fine. Not at all. Not one bit. But after 2016 and being so broken, I couldn't hold back anymore. I couldn't shove my feelings down anymore. Now I was more normal and let my voice be heard anywhere and at anytime. I could be the "good" girl anymore. And I think that's when a lot of relationships start to really change. And I see that in who Keturah is and how she conducts herself. And I don't want that for her. There is a time to shut up and put up, especially with people you don't know in a situation you can't control. But there ways to cope with those situations and code words you can use with your loved ones that can help them know that you are reaching your max level of being ok with it and need to make an exit. Because when Keturah was put into a situation of being out and about all day Tuesday at CC and then youth group and then helping with a family move, she was way beyond her level of being with people all day. She should have been given the opportunity of staying home after youth group. I knew she would be going out the next day with the family, too, and she needed some downtime. You don't have to serve someone else all the time. This was her spring break. She needed her batteries recharged. If I had known ahead of time of this scenario, I would have talked to Shauna and Shauna would have made sure that Keturah had had that. And if I was there, Keturah and I would have stayed back and not helped. Abishai was fine to be there even if he didn't help much. He, as an extrovert, can handle it. He would be physically tired, but he was already getting up too early anyway, so he was even more tired, he would have just slept in. He wasn't misbehaving from day to day. But Keturah, I could tell, was at her limits every day and no one was looking out for her. And she didn't want to disappoint anyone, so she didn't advocate for herself. 

- Therefore, when she came home, she was a nightmare. An absolute nightmare. I doubt it would have even been helpful for me to say anything to Gary and Leah because they haven't listened when I've said these things before when I've said them about myself or about Justin. I'll just keeping teaching both Keturah and Justin how to know their boundaries and work within them. And how not to be a bear to me when they've overstepped them. 

- So, Jared and I tried to be gentle with her, although we didn't connect the dots, and yet I still insisted that she start on mowing the lawn as I told her she would be doing before she left on vacation. I knew the grass would be long enough to mow this weekend and I was right. And I didn't want to get into a scenario like we have in years' past where it's too long to handle with a half broken mower. It took us awhile to get her out there, but she eventually caved. We didn't scream at her, but it wasn't a gentle nudge either. Both Jared and I did a little bit of other yardwork. She attempted to do screen time, and I kept threatening to take away her phone. Eventually she started into the mowing just as we were finishing up outside. I didn't take away her phone but she also didn't have much time on it before we had to get ready for church. She managed to get most of the backyard done before church and finished it up afterwards. I think it helped that I didn't tell her she had to get it done within a certain timeframe.  didn't know how much she could physically get done with our time constraints of our day plus her physical ability plus our self propelled mower isn't self propelled anymore, so I didn't want to put that pressure on her. I just wanted her to work steadily on it and see how far we could get done today. And then work steadily on it tomorrow and the next day until it's done.  That's all. Just like school. Effort being the main thing. 

- Oh, that's why she didn't start mowing first thing. She and Abishai had to pick up all the sticks first. There were 3-4 wheelbarrows full of sticks! Jared helped them a ton of it, too! So when I did go out, it was incredibly clean! I was very impressed! I was having a very hard morning physically and I'm grateful Jared could be out there with him and do that so I didn't have to fight them. I can't do the mental battle with them when I'm fighting a mental battle with my own physical pain. And it's been quite a week with that. The walk on the beach was harder than I thought physically, too, and driving 6 hrs in the car.

- Because Jared was busy with the kids, I kind of missed being with him. I told him we can't go back to being ships in the night, but I know it's the season we are in. So let's be "bumper boats" at least and physically touch as we pass each other or say something aloud to each other. And maybe, just maybe have those weekly dates on the weekend? Maybe? We'll see. This week has been excellent for us. I don't want to loose it. Doing things together. The ordinary and the extra. Just at home, the place we love to be. I will never understand why people create a life together, a physical home, and then leave it for work every day and then on the weekends and then for vacations, too. What's the point of having a house then? Not us. Not me. Home is my work, my weekend, my vacation. So that's why I make it the best living space for me with the physical things I love, and lay it out how I need it which is not aesthetically pleasing for everyone (like having everything at my eye level or within my reach), and at the physical temperature I can endure the best. We made a lot of progress this week from talking about and making steps towards painting the big bathroom. We just need to finalize which blue goes on the main walls and he can go back and get the paint. But we decide to step FORWARD with it, so that's MAJOR for us. And doable. And going to the sand dunes, sacrificing gas money, time, physical discomfort for both of us was HUGE as well. We touched a few of our projects but didn't go too deep into any of them and we are very much ok with it because we spent more time together than with our to do lists. And that's what we were most excited for when planning this week. Living and working and playing together. A little bit of this, a little bit of that. Dabbling and slowing down and taking our time. Yet still feeling satisfied that we did something. It was the PERFECT staycation week, ever! If this is what having just one kid feels like or empty nest syndrome or retirement feels like, I'm here for all of it. Now, I'll be busier and I'm good with that. But I know that after this really busy next 3-4 years, comes a more quiet rhythm, I can get through the here and now. By the time Jared turns 50, I think Abishai will be 14, yes, things will be a lot different again. And we will be just fine, in a new phase, and still be together, deeper, and very much in love. It's just a phase, a season. We've just got to hang on and be in the moment, because soon enough, those little Abishai giggles won't be there anymore. He will be too big! He's already too big for us! But still comes into our bed to greet us every morning. Boy we missed him. You can send the grumpy teen girl back to New Orleans. We'll keep the boy who needed his Legos and wrestling time with Daddy. Lol. 

 - After yard work, Jared volunteered at the 3pm Easter service in nursery. Then we joined him at the 5pm service. Only the first floor was open and felt full. I of course didn't recognize anyone but it felt good to go to service with Jared. We held hands for most of the song service parts. Benaiah ended up not playing any special drums because they ran out of channels for in ears! What happened to good old fashioned amps to hear yourself play? Lol. That's fine. I didn't need the distraction anyway. It was a pretty straight forward service with one extra video. Good songs. Great message on Luke 24 which is the Resurrection anyways, well the two guys on the road to Emmaus. Keturah and Justin sat with us. Benaiah still worked behind the scenes. Abishai went to his class. They combined K-1st and Grandma was actually working it! Justin and Abishai looked very handsome in their plaid shirts, but we didn't do the family photo shoot thing because I wasn't feeling up to it. I barely fit into a dress, this time it was my arms, so I just wanted to go home. And it isn't as fun without Benaiah and I didn't want to fight that fight. I just let it go. Keturah had jean shorts on and a yellow shirt. Good enough. I don't have anything planned for a big Easter egg hunt or baskets, so why focus on the big Easter outfit, anyways? It's church. We celebrate a resurrected Jesus every week in a way. But, I kind of sort of wished there was more pomp to it, too. The congregation was very flat. Like there wasn't a lot of people dressed up. And despite the energy on stage, only one person raised their hands, at least from what I could see. As a musician, I just don't know how I could do it from week to week seeing how bored the audience looks. Come on, it's Easter Sunday! Doesn't anybody want to celebrate that fact in this township?! I mean, come on, people! It's the highest day of the Christian's calendar every year! Not Christmas! Where's the effort! Where's the excitement! I did see bunny ears on some of the KP workers. And Easter eggs. And a few "Christ has risen's." But we need some kick in the pants or something. Dullest crowd ever, our congregation. They can get so excited about a football game or over something at the school or politics sometimes, but there's no PASSION for Jesus in the crowed or in WORSHIP. Maybe that's why I don't want to sit by myself with this crowd. I'd rather be at home so I stand out when I want to go crazy in worship. How can I worship with such bums? You have everything going for you and it's like deer in the headlights. Come ON! Where's the FIRE? I mean, a rural church will be similar, but I usually chalk it up to not having the same kind of performance level a megachurch does. Sigh. I guess maybe I should stick out like a sore thumb and be that one that is an example to others that encourages others that worships with their whole body. It's just a bit embarrassing when you're the only one. Oh well, whatever. Next week, I'm trying out New Palestine anyways. So, we'll see.

- We got a book at Indian Creek about the new sermon serious on Rhythms, which is extensive on the Rhythms that goes with Rooted. I feel like we are a baby congregation going through the basics again. I need meat. They need the baby food and to grow together. I'm bored out of my mind. Bored to tears. If there were other things available, like Bible studies or classes for the Biblically mature, that would be awesome, but there isn't. It's like they want everyone to be on the same page and uniformity is the rule. That's why so many mature believers have left. I don't want to just be a mentor to others. I've always been that. I need some mentors, too. Nah, it's still not what I want to commit, too. Oh yeah, they want all the small groups to use this book, too. Whatever happened to small groups being autonomous? Again, I understand having the same general theological background, but I don't like being backed into a corner like this and 4,000 going through the exact same material all the time. It's like the public school and indoctrination. Or the Catholic church. I mean the questions are vague enough to allow for groups to go into it however they need to, but having that much vagueness also doesn't allow for in depth actual Bible study unless you have a Bible scholar among you. I want a Bible study group. Not a small group. Let's study the Bible in depth, not the surface level feel good how does it apply to my current situation stuff. I want the actual academic level stuff and I want others to know it, too. I don't want to go to seminar for it. Again, I want meat, not spiritual milk. I need something different than the current congregation needs or wants. They attract the young family that is unchurched or something. Or their parents didn't have the knowledge to speak into their lives with actual factual Bible knowledge so they are at a loss, like many of my friends who say they went to church but know nothing about the Bible. Ok, fine, maybe. But that's not what I need. Jared can tolerate that. I can't. I need more scholarly study. So, no, I don't like the how the spiritual direction of Indian Creek is following the cultural direction of the public education, creating robots and uniformity. There's no room for personality. Not at a bird's eye view. It's not malicious. It just doesn't sit well with me. I want independence. And the small group covenant even has a statement saying that the members agree to report any child abuse that comes to light in their discussions. Um, why does this even need to be said? What business does Indiana code have in being quoted in a Bible study booklet in the church? Um, no. Just no. This does not need to be said. What legality are we are trying to cover here? What governmental body are we kowtowing to now? It's a freakin' small group! Friends! And friends don't rat out friends! And you certainly don't need a covenantal relationship for a Bible study and certainly don't need to add this kind of serious language to it either. It's all too much. I feel like I could never fully participate in anything at Indian Creek anymore because of all these rules, even if I never signed anything, because I would be such a heel for never signing anything. No, too much legality has entered that church. And it is all voluntary to do, and I guess no one checks up on you. Jared has gotten away with doing nursery without signing the one for partnership with the church. But what if we joined a small group and everybody signed it and I didn't? I would have to defend myself. Would people call me judgmental like my last group of "friends?" It would depend on the people. If it was a random selection of people from the general population, it's very likely they would. If it was some of our old friends, maybe not. I just can't go along with this rhetoric. I don't know from where all this is coming from, but every time I see something new come out, it makes me take a step away from Indian Creek, not a step towards Indian Creek. I really wish it was the opposite. But it's not. Everything goes against my convictions. Long standing convictions that I've already vetted with God for 20 years. Wow, I didn't think it was bothering me this much since I first saw it this morning (Sunday), but I guess it does. I was trying to not let it bother me, but it ticked me off again. It would have directly negatively affected us. And I think it will have some negative consequences on small groups in the future. I'm not ok with this. I'm sorry, this governmental oversights into parental rights should not be part of the church. EVER. Schools, whatever, it's part of the public domain. But churches? Not on my watch. This is wrong. Where is the precedence for this? I can't. I just can't. I will continue on my journey to walk away from Indian Creek. I'm sorry. I have to break ties. I can't continue down the path they are on. They are walking down the road to become progressive and woke. It might not seem like it now and it might be 20 years from now, but mark my words, it will become that way. And I don't have the strength to fight it. I have to get out while I can. And my children will be out before it's too bad. Hopefully they will move on or see it, too. And someday Jared will see it as well. I cannot stay. I want to worship with my husband. But it cannot be there. It cannot be with those people. I have other battles to fight. Someone else will have to tell the elders it's the wrong path to take. I'm afraid they won't listen to me. I don't have that kind of ability. It's too big, and too strong for me. I will just leave. They won't miss me. I'm going to just walk away and go where I am loved and wanted and spiritual fed and can worship where I feel comfortable worshiping. And pray, that someday, my family follows me.

- On Sunday, more of the same. The kids and Jared volunteered. I developed nasty vertigo that required medication, so I was pretty out of it for most of the day. I made it over to Gary and Leah's for dinner. Karl, our friend was there. Benaiah lectured me about how to handle Justin. ok fine. I just wanted to get home to take a nap. I asked if the kids behaved on vacation, and of course got a glowing report of yes, they were great! Whatever, like you would say anything negative. My kids aren't perfect, so don't tell me they are. Dinner was mostly perfect. So was my 3 hr nap. The vertigo feels better, but the headache is bad. I feel like it's all there but the medication is helping me stay focused so I can type for a long while. I had coffee and animal crackers for dinner. Keturah finished mowing the back and started on the front. Abishai had screen time and Daddy time. Justin had lots of screen time. Back into our regular routine. Sigh.

- Hopefully I'll be much better on Monday because I need to shower and take care of some emails. I'll try to sleep eralier tonight since I can't stare at the screen as long and I've already been on a long time. We'll see. At least the kids are safe, warm, and back in my care, the one who knows them the best and can protect them. I have to deal with their grumpiness, but at least they feel safe enough to be their true selves around me. I can definitely count that as a plus! There's absolutely zero tolerance of hiding emotions around here. Out with it! Tell us! Deal with it, right here and now.  No bottling it up. We are going to be emotionally healthy, with healthy boundaries, and ways to cope. No sweeping it under the rug. We can deal with them wisely given most circumstances. Diffuse the ticking time bomb! No more explosions! "I feel mad....because you didn't tell me that mowing the lawn was going to happen right when I got home. Well, I did say it multiple times, you just didn't want to hear me. So now go and do. 

Yeah! The kids are home! Socks was so excited he had to be held back!

Abishai tackled Socks and then Socks followed Keturah inside!

Pet me! Pet me! Pet me!

More! More! More!

Daddy was trying to kill off the mushrooms on the old stump plus the vine that keeps regrowing there in the corner. FYI, Abishai is standing behind some chicken wire that is surrounding a sapling. He is NOT wearing striped pants or something, lol.

Keturah mowed the whole backyard and part of the front this weekend by herself with the self propelled mowed that no long has a working self propelled component. She work that part at the end of last year. Whoops. Just was supposed to get out and do the weed whacking for her, but didn't. He did spend some time over at Grandpa's house doing the mulching on Saturday. Eventually Keturah will do both sets of yard work like Benaiah and Justin used to do. Justin should ask for more hours at his work if he wants to earn more money. But Grandpa pays higher hourly wages, lol.

#truth

Pretty much the extent of our Easter baskets this year. Grandma and Shauna did some Easter egg hunting with the littles in New Orleans but didn't put candy in them. I had sent down some egg coloring kits with them but they didn't use them. Grandma only had time to make Easter dinner today and I don't blame here. I had bought these a while back and Justin remembered them, so here they are again.

I bought these a couple of weeks ago. It's a good thing I think of things while I'm out by myself. And that's all the tired old Easter bunny had for the kids this year.

I'm guessing that's for the whole welcome and that includes kids that were counted twice, like Abishai, because of volunteers being in service and/or serving more than once like us. But point is, that's a lot!

Awww, Abishai pulled out the rocking horse today. It's rare that it's pulled these days. So I took a couple of pics. He's almost too big for it now! Last baby to use it for a long, long time! I hope Grandpa doesn't put it in the attic any time soon though to wait for the next generation.

The End