Year 7, April 18th-24th, 2022: I Did A Thing

 Monday - Delay Fishing

- I sat down to start blogging two hours ago. Why the delay? Because homeschoolers need me, that's why! Lol. No, seriously, they need me. They are gearing up to pull their kids up next year and figuring out how to do that, what curriculum to buy, the logistics of it, can they really do this, and well, I felt chatty today. I needed the distraction. A distraction with a topic I can talk about without getting too emotional and can blab about without too much thought. One where I have pretty much memorized my answers. One where I get a lot of positive feedback. And answering newbie homeschoolers' questions is a great place to get that. I can get that pat on the back that, yes, I know something, and they actually want to know it and they came to me for help.  I'm not the one shoving it down their throats and they aren't feeling judged by my unsolicited advice. And I don't have to question whether or not what I'm saying is true or Biblical or going to offend anyone because it is true, Biblical, and won't offend, and really, it's neutral, it's just facts. And I also simply had to catch up on some emails, too. And now, another hour has ticket by. What in the world?!

- It was a better Monday than what I had expected. I was still feeling crummy from the vertigo, but I trudged on. I've had a borderline headache all day but I didn't want to take any medication for either it or the vertigo so I've just put on foot in front of the other and kept moving. We got down with school about 2pm. I took a shower. Jared picked up Justin for me. It's really cold here. In fact, it snowed this morning! The wind is currently howling outside like it's the middle of winter. It's only 33 degrees outside. Say what?! It's the second half of April! In Indiana! Way beyond the perimeters of Winter! Stop making this weary body hurt from your inconsistent weather, Indiana! The weather patterns the last few years have been so whacked out. It's making me miserable. I can't predict how I'm going to feel from day to day. It makes it hard to plan. It's going to hit 80 degrees by Friday? But rain. Ugh. There goes park day again! I can't win.

- And now I've had to tell Jared we can't watch a TV show together because I'm not done with my work. The blog or other things. I got a medical bill in the mail today I need to look at it. Keturah brought me a book that she should have read 6 months ago that I mad her read today because it was due today at the library. She claimed she couldn't read it in a day. Um, yes you can and you just did. Too much phone time, Miss. And now I'm beginning to fade. Sigh. Another day over. Not enough done. Have I enjoyed the day? I'm not sure. 

- We did get one of those expensive meal kit plans things today where I only had to pay for shipping on the first box. Everything look fine and tasted fine. And it was easy to follow the instructions. I just hate being in the kitchen. And then watching everyone scarf down the food in two minutes is just not satisfying to me. Jared said thank you for making dinner, but he didn't even have a burger. He and Abishai got fries from Culver's after Tang Soo Do after watching the adults spar in their class. Sigh. I hate cooking. And I felt sick afterwards anyways because of the eggs in the mayo. And everything called for more oil in the frying pan and lots of salt. I hate salt and grease. Blech. Not my kind of meal. It's not satisfying to me. I want clean tasting. Not saturated in oil and salt. Blech. Oh well. Good first try. I'll try again tomorrow. 

- And the kids finally sort out their little bit of Easter candy I gave them. Oh my goodness, they are all out of sorts because it was staring at them all day. The more you talk about it, the more inclined I am to not give it to you, so go away. Keturah literally came to my desk window and said, "Sugar?!" and tilted her head like she was a monkey or dog. Ok, then go get a funnel and stick it down your throat and shovel it in. Good grief. Sugar isn't everything. It's just candy. It's not even the reason for the season. Quit thinking with your stomach. It's not cute or attractive.

- Ok, saying goodnight here.

What is this?!

It's always fun to come upon a child reading to himself after they just have learned to fluently read. This means they have caught the reading "bug." Mission accomplished, we are now 4 for 4 in the Johnson household.

Abishai Reading on His Own

But this child will not sit still for anything. Even when reading he must be ON THE MOVE!

We started the day with only 15 days of days left on our 180 day school day requirement. Now we are down to 14 more! Woot! Woot!

The snow all melted off course and the pink blooms are all out.

Interesting.

My body hates this inconsistency. I need to live somewhere that the seasons are more consistent again. It needs to be steadily getting warmer and stay that way. None of this up and down in temperatures every week. It's how my body is still in fibro flare mode and my nose is horrendous and my headaches won't go away.

It makes absolutely no sense. Howling winds tonight, at freezing temps, and then 81 on Saturday. My body hates this. It can't cope. Stay warm.

Tuesday - Sunshine

- Well, at least we had sunshine for most of the day. And the temperatures were a little warmer. It took a bit of prompting, but Keturah finished the mowing. She actually didn't get the whole front yard done on Sunday and then it snowed yesterday, so the ground was wet yesterday. She also did the trimming in the backyard today. She needed the battery to recharge so she didn't quite finish the trimming. And then I told her she has to redo all of it starting on Saturday again. She wasn't very happy about that fact. Well, it's spring. It grows quickly. So, we'll see. Maybe not Saturday, but when you literally spread out the mowing job over 4 days, you don't get much of a break until the cycle starts over. Kind of like any job, right? She'll learn. She can get it done all in one day. We have literally nothing to do on Saturdays. Even Justin doesn't have anything at this point in time and could help or can do Grandpa's yard. Soon enough, she can do Grandpa's yard on Friday and our yard on Saturday. We'll see how it goes. But, the first round is in the books. Not sure when Grandpa wants to mow his since they actually didn't mow it on Saturday. Maybe he did it himself. I'll have to talk to him about it.

- We did do school and finished by 12:30 because that's when Kya was dropped off. Kellie had an appointment to go to and Kya wanted to spend the afternoon with Justin anyways, so it worked out just fine. Kya just hung out and then we got Justin together. That left me with plenty of time to work on medical bill fiasco that has now cropped up.

- Oh yes, some bills from last year have decided to rear their ugly heads again. For whatever reason, doctor offices have decided to rerun bills through insurance or who knows what and now they are coming back to me saying we need to pay them. Um, wait a minute, really? Are you sure I actually owe these? What services are they for again? An MRI on Jared's gallbladder?! I paid all of that off. And a residual bill on some moles that were removed for biopsy? Uh, I paid that bill off, too. What in the world?! I want detailed explanations, not just the amounts, please and thanks. I have evidence of payments to these doctors. So I'm not paying one more cent until you tell me why I owe more. Ridiculous! This isn't chump change either. It's $200 each! So, I started getting that sorted out and then checked on some of the other medical paperwork hanging around so that cleared up some desk space.

- I was late figuring out dinner, so we were stuck with frozen (and slightly freezer burnt) pizza and salad. Oh well. Then I went and laid down for a bit and watched some random Fox News videos, oh yeah, that's fun and puts me in a funky mood on top of medical bill moodiness and other triggers for the week. Not fun at all. Keturah had her explosion on Saturday, I'm about to have my own explosion with every one of my buttons being pushed - from church triggers to community/school referendum (taxes) triggers, to medical bills, to my physical health, to Keturah's attitude and Justin's attitude, to everybody needing everything at once. Seriously, go away. I can't hear you. Don't bother me. You don't exist. Hastag not my problem. And yet, even on a small scale, they are my problems. That's the problem! Ugh! Being mad takes up more energy than I want I need it to. Go away madness. I'm tired. I need sleep.

After getting yet more confirmation this weekend about the decision I have to make, I'm still very saddened and upset about it. It's been years in making, too. But I have to be spiritually fed and led in a place where my convictions, which have been thoroughly vetted between God, myself, the Holy Spirit, and discussed with Jared (but perhaps he doesn't always agree with me on), are also upheld. And unfortunately, my current church is not aligning itself in ways that I think it should. I need to part ways with it for at least a little while. I do not feel comfortable or welcomed there. I haven't attended services there with the exception of Easter, since Christmas. I've only listened to them online at home. Everybody talks about how worshiping in person with your home church should be the highlight of your week, but it only became the most anxiety producing hour of my week. I never reconnected well with anyone when we returned from Canada in 2016. My attempts at doing ministry were feeble at best and not championed or within the confines of the new direction the church has taken. We have yet to find a friend group or small group in 6 years. All of my friends attend other churches. It is time for me to try worshiping somewhere else. I told myself I would wait until after Easter. Easter has come and gone now. This is the week I will visit a new church in person I've been watching online for a few weeks. It will be weird. But it is time. It's time for a change. It breaks my heart. But it's time.

My enneagram 6/ADHD self. Although, I only set the alarm IF I know that Jared doesn't have to be up at a certain time and he hasn't set his and IF Mr. Baby Alarm (aka Abishai) isn't home and I have to be up at the crack of dawn. Typically, I don't set my alarm. Usually I'm checking my volume, though, to make sure it's up in case of an emergency phone call because I do keep my volume lower so my games' video ads don't play loud throughout the day.

I don't usually do a drive by, but I do use the maps app on the phone and study the map to find out what the parking situation is, plus what the streets are around the new location in case I miss my turns so I don't freak out in the moment when Siri yells at me to turn this way or that. I also look at business names because I'm better at buildings than street names. I always go prepared.

Someone stole my spot in the read aloud chair because he said he was going to read aloud to me! Wow! He read two stories to me with very little help and then I told him we would count them as his reading for the day. So, he was reading them for pleasure and all on his own initiative! That means we're 4 for 4 in the Johnson household on creating readers! Benaiah isn't much of a reader right now but that's because he's a burnt out student. Give him 5-8 years after he finishes college and maybe he'll get back into it. But he could still pick up a decent sized book and read and understand it no problem. He had absolutely no problem with his literature classes in high school and will fly through them in college. But Abishai is now the voracious reader picking up any book in sight and reading aloud to himself. I told him he can just read silently but he said he likes to read them aloud. I'm fine with that because I like to hear the mumbling reader. And he's comprehending everything, too. He was reading about knights and castles and immediately told me what he was reading about. So, we've got those decoding skills down pat and narration is going well and we are off to the races! I never doubted he would get there. I questioned if I would get there with Keturah but she reads just fine, too. As I tell every homeschool parent, focus on the reading. Once they read well and narrate back to you well, the sky is the limit. Then you can focus on content like history and science. It doesn't matter what age or grade you bring them home. Start with math and reading. Bring them up to grade level on both. Then focus on whatever missing concepts they have on the other things. Nothing else matters. And yes, printed books, not a screen, not even a kindle. Printed material. Lots of picture books, even for the high schoolers. Not comic books, but picture books, something with good illustrations that explains something, like armor or fashion. Again, not a magazine with short articles necessarily because those are written on an 8th grade or lower level and have lots of distractions. Books like Eyewitness or DK or Usborne. Academically challenging and visually appealing with real illustrators. Charlotte Mason type "living" books and historical novels that have actual depth to them, the ones that win real medals. Books, books are weapons, use them.

Wednesday - Saying Good-bye

- It's done. It's over. I wrote a letter to key staff people and forwarded it family members. I am not longer attending the Creek, partnering with her, a member of hers, a volunteer, etc. etc. etc. I read an article from the Christian Standard first thing this morning about how sometimes core members of a church plant leave without even saying anything, or they will stop responding to emails, phone calls, and texts. Well, I had just enough time and clarity of thought to say my peace and hit send before heading out for a very busy day that would keep my mind busy and not stewing and my physically fingers busy and not sitting next to my phone checking my email for responses. I went ahead with it because I had not slept well the night before, and really had been stewing on it all week, going to bed thinking about it, waking up thinking about it, and knew that I had told myself I had to start physically going to New Pal this next Sunday. This was it, I had to show up in a big way. I had to break ties. And this article was the impotence that did it.

- I went through all the stages of grief in the first few hours, silently, and it was extremely hard to keep it all stuffed down. I had to try to do some school with Abishai while at ASL. I had to drive to and from ASL. I had to eat something quickly and drive back up to Noblesville to meet with a manager at the ABC Construction Prep Academy (more on that wonderful meeting in a minute). Then I had to get back home, eat something again, make sure Abishai was ready for class, and then take Justin to Qdoba to meet his small group. They were then going over to Goodwill (which is just behind Qdoba) to buy tshirts for each other to wear to Crave on Sunday. Except he won't be at Crave (which they seem to be respecting) so they bought him a tshirt that is actually from Mix/Move (I can't remember now which one it is, whoops!) Meanwhile, I took Keturah with me to Meijer to look for some retail therapy looking for shoes and sandals for her (didn't find any, no sales, no clearance) and misc. food stuff and bathroom stuff we can't get at Aldi. Then we went over to Aldi because it's Wednesday, which is when Aldi gets their new stuff in, and this week, they had their new fan logo gear in stock! Woot! Woot! Justin and Keturah immediately both said that Aldi was being greedy and I had to actually correct them. Aldi actually is responding to what its' fans have been asking for for months! There's a huge cult like following on Facebook and it's quite hilarious actually. So, I treated myself to new pjs and socks with the logo on it. Yes, a grocery store chain logo with bright red, blue and yellow colors. It's so silly but so fun. Anyway, I bought just a few things and still had a nice bill to go with it but made sure I got something for everyone (food wise, I didn't buy dumb stuff, just things like Jared wanted his tortilla chips and Justin needed lunch meat). So I wasn't just retail therapy for myself. And then we picked Justin up and went home. We got home at the same time as Jared and Abishai who had stayed longer at karate to watch the big people do their sparring. 

- Back to my emotions. Yes, it was very emotional day. I got an email response within minutes of my email, probably because it was early in the day. And it was what I expected it to be based on how I have been treated but I was still holding out hope I wouldn't be treated that way.  That brought me to tears but again, I had to stuff it for later. And because I stuffed it, it kept morphing from sadness, to anger, to whatever else, to whatever else. It's a good thing I had a long drive to Noblesville and back. I put on some worship music in the background and just ranted with God. That always helps.  Then I had a beautiful meeting with this guy up at ABC.

- Oh my word, if only my kids could get excited about these opportunities! So many great things! Basically, it's a program from juniors and seniors in high school to yes, get into construction, but it's tracked in such a way that helps them not be so locked into one pathway too soon and waste their time and money. It's incredibly safe and cost effective and takes the utmost beginner who doesn't know how to measure anything to doing their own bathroom in the first year. And it feeds directly into internships and real jobs with real companies with 100% employment right after high school. They already have sooooo many partners. This guy is such a hustler! There are some program mangers that just kind of sit there and say they want to do this or that and then there are the entrepreneurs that actually hustle and get it done and get it done quick! He's actually in charge of the whole region and has a wonderful background with the Chamber of Commerce and/or Dept of Ed and all sorts of stuff so he knows what he doesn't want in the program. He recently became a homeschool dad has well. He needs some coaching about the homeschool community and that's where I come in. And I love it so much! I LOVE LOVE LOVE this kind of enthusiasm! Let me in there! Let's do this! Take ACTION steps! And man, I was so proud of myself for walking in there by myself, and holding a meeting with someone with that kind of background and touch points and being able to hold my own and make suggestions and know what we can and can't do, and act like a real business woman for once. Like my actual expensive business degree is paying off! And I don't have social anxiety for once. And I'm not hiding behind Jared to do all the talking. I can track what someone is saying and remember it enough to follow up. I can take initiative and see the potential of a good partnership. Yes, I did all that! Just a little shy 16 yr old who can barely eek out a pen pal letter to another shy guy can strut into this office and act like she's some kind of big shot. Yup, I did that. 

- And I did that after making one of the biggest decisions of my life just hours earlier because a leadership team refused to listen to my suggestions, gave me vague feedback, wouldn't allow me to be helpful, and wasn't interested in working with me. I'm the same me. Same personality. Two different responses. I will go and work with people that are open to what I can give share with them. I have the same mannerisms and professionalism and abilities. It's just two different environments and reactions. I have finally come into my own. I've finally grown up into my confident womanhood with my head held high enough to see straight ahead using the skills that God and I have developed and practiced to further His Kingdom. God shuts doors and He opens them. And it's very obvious when they are slammed shut and when they are so wide open two people can fit through them. I have the Holy Spirit helping me discern which is which. 

- So after that meeting, I felt much more at peace. And then when Jared and I talked later, everything went well, too. God has been working between us, too. When we started going down our usual paths of disagreement, we both immediately stopped mid sentence and said, nope, not going there. nope. Not worth it. We've had these circular arguments before. That's not the purpose of this moment at 11pm. We know it will be a few more weeks of resettling again and playing out the ramifications of today (other family member's reactions in particular being a concern). There's nothing more the two of us need to talk about it. It had already been decided upon. We needed sleep. 

Thursday - Aftermath

- Except, I didn't sleep. (I'm writing all of this the next day). I didn't go to bed until 4am. When Jared's alarm went off, or even before it went off, I had already woken up and I felt like I hadn't even fallen asleep yet because I had still been moving around so much. I wasn't tired at 4am. I had had a McD's iced coffee drink at 4pm and the effects must have lasted quite awhile as I just binge watched my TV show until 4am. Again, maybe I was just enjoying the peace and quiet and not focusing on anything in particular. And when I got in bed I wasn't even really ready. But, maybe I was. I did have a hard time getting up and it took Abishai multiple check ins before I stayed awake long enough to sit up. And then I had such an ADHD morning and Abishai was all over that it took until nearly noon to get us to both sit still long enough to start school. We got yesterday's work finished and finished history for the week. 

- We were supposed to have haircuts today but her previous client's color correction was taking longer than expected so we moved it to tomorrow night. However, I found out that Gary was going to sneak Justin off to a barbar shop tomorrow. Um, no, Justin, stand your ground. Until Justin wants to pay for his own haircuts and be permanently in charge of them, I'm in charge and I have the boys on a regular schedule. I always reschedule the next appointment at the previous appointment. I've been much more diligent about it. And if Justin goes to a barber,with Grandpa, they are going to cut it all off! You can't trust Grandpa and haircuts! Besides, Grandpa is preaching this weekend on Sabbath (yes, kind of funny coming from the man that barely rests) and he barely has time for Bible class never mind getting Justin a haircut. And you're my child, he can't sneak you away to do anything. Sigh. The battle of the scissors continues.

 - So I rested this afternoon instead. Then it was off to tang so do and men's Bible study for Jared as normal. Now I'm feeling the effects of being tired. Tomorrow is going to be nice and warm, nearing 80 degrees and hopefully dry enough for park day, so we hope to go! I'm glad it's only 15 minutes away since we have to get home and high tail it off to the hair dresser's by 5. And then there's Keturah who won't get her hair cut until she's 16. So Grandpa and Grandma have to wait 2 more years for her to change anything. There's so many bigger fish to fry. And I've got to go fry them. 

- Lots to catch up on this weekend, paperwork, mulch, other yardwork, ugh. Fun times! But first, social life at the park!

It's most definitely an Aldi thing! Fans asked for logo gear and Aldi obliged!

Some positive news for once!

The temps have been cold, but spring has sprung!

I got my gear!

It was Queen Elizabeth's actual birthday 96th today! And it was my Aunt Mimi's 87th birthday! I didn't realize they shared the same birthday. And they look a little bit alike, too. Here is the Queen with some of her prized ponies. The photo was taken this week and officially released to the press. Isn't she still so lovely?

Sweet numbers.

Amen.

Oh man, I've done this so many times over the years!

On the way over to Tang Soo Do tonight I looked over the roundabout as we approached Beech Grove and noticed the sky was bare and the big Beech Grove

Oo, Mr. Nathan brought out when of the breakable board things! Nice!

Talk about logo gear, even Abishai gets it! He has wanted a logo tshirt from BG Tang Soo Do since starting in Grasshoppers a year ago. So we finally got him one. He's super proud of it!

Abishai is so proud to have his t-shirt that he put it on a hanger to keep it nice! It's just a t-shirt! Lol!

Anybody need this? I just love how it says, "Yellow Stripey Things," lol!

One of the most beautiful, stoic, grandmotherly ladies I've ever seen. I just love all her outfits and hats and her pearls and simple makeup and her smile. Happy 96th birthday, Queen Elizabeth! So sweet!

I totally forgot a certain somebody was preaching this weekend. Whoops. My bad. And on the topic of Sabbath of all things. Well, I'll listen to it at some point because I'd really like to know what he's learned and how he's applied it because we, as the extended family, haven't quite reaped it's benefits yet.

Friday - Our First Park Day of the Season

- We finally made it to park day! And it was a gorgeous day to do so! Warm, breezy, and loads of kids! Lots of boys for Abishai to play with! He didn't want to leave either. Even Wolf Wagar showed up from the neighborhood across the street because we were at the New Pal park. I got to catch up with a couple of friends I hadn't seen in a few weeks, and that was helpful.

- We spent the morning doing schoolwork and chores so we could go to park day and not think about it. After park day, we brought Kya home, but first, we needed to go get those haircuts done. We got there very early because I had picked a very not congested route through Franklin Township, go me! Easy, peasy. The boys got their hairs cut, and we got home in time to eat lasagna that Keturah had gotten in the oven for us. I only had pasta for dinner, but that's fine.

- The temps were all over the place today, and even in the house because Jared and I had another thermostat war. But, it was all in good fun, too. And then, we might be buying a pool off of someone, so we had fun talking through that decision as well. But boy do we have a lot to do this weekend. No rest for the weary. So early to bed to get some sleep before tackling it tomorrow.

Baby face!

They weren't much different tasting than the white bread Aldi makes, but it's a fun shape.

I finally threw away the beans that didn't grow. I failed this science experiment.

Some of the socks I bought at Aldi this week.

Bwahahaha!

Aldi Logo gear!

Exactly my thoughts all the time every day.

I totally have that look on my face a lot I guess.

No people allowed. This is my safe zone.

I had to look up the word "entropy" it means chaos.

The robins were out picking small branches from our wood pile!

Oh the dandelions fields reminds of spring on PEI. We used to have a whole day of festivities dedicated to dandelions.

Part of our motley crew strutting across the dandelion field like they own the place.

Lots and lots of playing on the slide because Abishai wanted to get away from another kid. But now he knows how it feels when someone else is pursuing you constantly.

Haircut vibes. He got a blowout, too.

Red alert! We have an injury! Keturah was using her inline skates and fell and scraped up her kneed and upper thigh. No worries, it's just a surface level scrape. I'm more concerned about the immediate road rash she got that has raised up this whole area like she's sensitive to something. She'll be fine, I'm sure.

Saturday - Spring Yard Work

- Why is it that my kids think they are going to get out of yard work? They should know better now? Justin laid in bed until noon! We started waking everybody up at 8am. He literally said, at noon, that his brain wasn't working yet. Um, you're brain works just fine, especially if you've been awake for at least 3 hrs. You just don't want to get up and make your brain work for yard work. Sigh. Get it in gear. Every family should have a family spring yard work day. It should never just fall on a dad to do the yard work. It's not fair at all. Same with mom's work inside. Justin was like, "I never get a chance to rest." Um, yes you do. Every day that you are doing screen time for 2 hrs in the afternoon, and then you're on from 7pm to 1am every evening. Yes, you have plenty of time. You have plenty of downtime, plus you don't have to think of the million and one things that a parent does. So, buck up, and get outside. 

- We ended up doing some things in the morning, and then they worked a bit at Grandpa's house, came home and had screen time, and then we did the mulching after dinner. I'm going to be so stiff for the next 4 days. That's the part these young 'uns don't get either. They might be a little extra tired, but they don't know how much pain Jared and I will be in for the next week. Yes, my parents NEVER had to ask me take care of the yard, I just did it! I took over and I did it. Because my dad had his car accident at that point and had a pinched nerve in his neck and drove up to 2 hrs one way to work and would come home so sore and couldn't do much else. He would do go to the chiropractor once a week and he would use a heat wrap on his car rides to and from work. I knew he was hurting. Plus I was home. So I just did it. And I was home in the afternoon during dinner time, so I would cook dinner. And I got up at 6am at walked the dogs. Without complaining. Because I loved my parents and it's just what I could do to help out. No money involved. It was something to do. Kept my hands busy. And my mom was hurting, too, with her back and restless legs, and she was busy. Sigh. So I don't understand why my kids don't have any compassion towards Jared and I. It came naturally to me. So I don't know how to teach it to them.

- We led by example today, too. I crawled around weeding and loosening the old mulch. And then I spread the new mulch around, too. That was after I got Abishai's Ninja Star from behind the piano. Which led me to vacuum as much dust and go hair as I could from behind there, which led me to vacuum the hallway better and then the bathroom. Then I went outside. While I was loosening the mulch, I noticed more leaf debris than I had seen before. Oh, Jared might have gotten some leaf stuff out of the gutters. Oh wait, maybe I should send Justin up there first, to finish the job before I put new mulch down and it gets on the new mulch. Ok, sorry we hurried up and did that. Then it was Grandpa house. Keturah had already sneaked over there with the dog and only told Abishai. Um, that's not how it goes. Inform us parents, silly goose. Anyway, it all worked out.

- Jared napped and I pretended to nap and really needed one, but scrolled away the afternoon on my phone. oof. Then the flower bed was mulched, as well as the bamboo, and several trees. We got through Abishai's bath and Justin's shower and then Jared said the water pressure tank was leaking. Crap. Crap. Crap. I desperately needed a shower. This messes everything up. Now I have to take one at Gary and Leah's in the morning which means I won't have time to get it together to go the New Pal church in person. Grrrr....Keturah and Jared went over to Gary and Leah's this evening to get their showers done. Thank goodness we have relatives that live nearby. And thank goodness we didn't desperately need laundry or dishwasher done. Frustrating. I didn't want to put it off another week. But I guess it will have to wait. 

- I'm exhausted and I'm going to be so stiff tomorrow. It got very warm today, over 80 degrees but I had to put a heating pad on my heating back tonight. We put the a/c on for a little bit but now we are running the house fan. I'm sure my sinuses will be glad  we did and I'll have vertigo again. Sigh. Oh, and I have had a hangover headache all day because my poor decisions last night. And it's never gone away today, sitting outside in the sun didn't help, and now being exhausted. Sigh. Here's a couple of things from today.

Check it out! One of Jared's favorites books and author is in my crossword puzzle!

Ew!!! Thank goodness it's just dry dust and dog hair. Really, it's not a big deal. And it's only one piece of paper. I was expecting a lot more toys back here. I vacuumed as far as I could without pulling the piano itself out. I already had to move the piano books off of the little bookcase and move the bookcase by myself, so I was not going to get into it further. I did get out Abishai's Ninja Star that he accidentally threw back here that was the impetus for this little project.

Jeremiah and Isaiah, yup, spoke and spoke basically into the air and nobody listened. It must have been so demoralizing. Especially in front of their wives and children.

Sunday - Sabbath/Shabbatt

- I stayed home. Again. Because I didn't get to shower. And I didn't get to sleep

New life, nice catch, hubby!

Apparently I'm allergic to mulch. Itchy! It's a good thing I keep old things like prescription steroid anti itch cream, it was pretty cleared up by the morning (this was late last night.

Yes, it's hard to tell the difference between my brown spots and hives, I get it. But trust me, it was pretty bad for me. Most of my skin was pink, too. Not bad enough to go to urgent care or anything, but definitely needed that steroid cream. I had used my bare hands to move the mulch around. Dumb move.

A bit on on this arm, too. Ugh.

Love him, or hate him, he's still right.

That's why it's important to consider a verse in context. Always look around a verse to see what else the author is referencing. Remember, verse chapters and numbers were added much, much later, like at least 1000 years after Christ. God kneels down, and then He looks up. That's amazing!

The local chat group had a poster that was literally yelling at our community for not keeping the dandelions at bay. You all know that dandelions sprout up over night. And no one can get rid of them quickly if they are busy, or elderly, or physically ill. Besides, look at how beautiful this looks. Who cares if you get rid of it? Purple and yellow together. Wildflowers. Leave them alone. It's my yard. And stop yelling at neighbors. Not everyone wants to use chemicals and have a perfectly even and green manicured lawn. It costs money and time. There's bigger things to worry about. Sigh.

God's beauty.

See how gorgeous this is when you get down on the micro level?

God made this and cares about this. Who are we to judge it? Sheesh.

Look at how big this boy is?! It seems like he's grown 3 inches overnight! With that short haircut, skinny jeans, long arms and legs, wowzers. Abishai is now a little over 7 years old and almost done with 1st grade. How can that be?! He barely fits in this plastic tire swing. He can swing on his own but still wants Daddy to push him. So big!

I won't enlarge this photo, but yes, I'm still going to put this here. I discovered a huge growth next to Socks' big tooth on the left side of his mouth. It's soft to the touch but not pus filled I don't think. It could be a growth, or it could just be an infection. Either way, we could be looking at at least draining it, but more than likely, I'm thinking it will be surgery to remove it and/or the tooth. I'm deathly afraid of this. The actual surgery part would be fine. It could be infection, a benign tumor or cancerous. But what I am afraid of is the anesthesia and Socks' heart condition. I watch vet videos every single day and a lot of them are of surgical procedures of all kinds. And their biggest concern usually is the anesthesia. Usually it's the small, old, and frail/unhealthy dogs they are most concerned about. However, it happens to any breed, size, and health condition of dog or any animal on the show for any procedure. I am concerned a little bit about cost. We do have funds to cover this right now, though. I was thinking of getting Socks checked out again anyway because he's been panting more which means his heart is working harder. And he could always have his bloodwork checked. And again, it's a simple procedure to have it drained or removed and should be resolved easily. Jared should be ok with the cost for that. He would not be ok with a more invasive surgery with continuing interventions that would cost $1,000's. If it's cancer and it requires chemo, then it would probably be the end for us. Socks still isn't suffering otherwise, so I'm not willing to take away his life yet. I can't. I can't play God yet. But that's why I'm so scared to make even this decision to put him under for surgery. Because if his heart can't take it and he dies on the surgery table, I will blame myself for causing it, although it's not my fault. I just know it will take a long time for me to get over it. I have been very emotional this week as it is, including issues yesterday with the water tank, so I didn't need this to happen this afternoon. I check Socks' mouth fairly often for things like this. So I'm not sure how this could have happened so quickly. This is why I think he hasn't been eating as much the last two weeks. But really, it hasn't been more than like two weeks. I'm so careful to check. I'm just not ready to deal with something like this. Not now. Just not now. It's a good thing we have a light week this week, but still, I'm physically, emotionally, and mentally weak right now. I'm very scared. I have to talk myself off the ledge. And there goes our IRS refund. Dog medical bills. Possible water tank issues. Pool for the kids. And end scene. No more refund. Sigh.