Year 7, April 25th-May 1st, 2022: Nearing the End of School

 Monday - Super Slow

- The day started off super slow. Well, not really, I had to jump out of bed when I heard the skies open up and realized Socks was still outside! It took three towels to dry him off! Then I was ale to slow down and regroup. But I hadn't eaten a good super the night before and my blood sugars were really low. I was also super anxious about Socks and getting the day and week started. So it was super rough morning and it took awhile to get myself calmed down and then in gear to do school. But, we managed to get it done alright, plus laundry and a load of dishes washed and dried. Abishai will put them away tomorrow. I kidnapped Justin after work and he and I spent the rest of the day at Kelli and Kya's house. Tom was gone on a business trip so it was a quiet evening. 

- I left Keturah at home to feed Abishai and then Jared took him to karate. It wast leftover night. It was good to be out of the house, but now I have to dig into the rest of the week. I ran away, but now I have to be the big girl and tackle the rest of my week. I don't want to. But I have to. I have an IAHE newsletter to put together in two days because I missed my timing again. I have a lot of follow up emails to do. I have to call again to put our names down for Friday's field trip. But then Socks' appointment is on Thursday, so I'm not sure. And I'm already exhausted and just need to sleep. We'll see how the week goes.

Yes, there's always a third way to worry from.

I disagee, I think they can coexist just fine.

It's awesome when the son can be the driver and I can capture the sunset on the drive home.

Ooo, flowers on the tree that Jared planted in the flower bed! Look at how pretty they are!!!

Tuesday - 

- Regular routine

- I was able to get in and out of Kroger easily because the line at the pharmacy was non existent for once. I got Socks some wet canned dog food so he'd eat some more food before surgery is recommended for him. He needs to go into it healthy and strong.

- Dinner was one of those step by step meals that uses lots of oils and individual servings of all the ingredients. It's just too much packaging and I think still too high of a price for ultimately mediocre food because you're using basic ingredients to make basic meals.

- I got a lot done on the IAHE Newsletter. I'm hoping to finish it tomorrow.

- It's always fun to get in the car after a child who is a foot taller than you has used it.

Well, for all of Jared's griping about this or that millionaire, guess who took over his favorite social media platform? Elon Musk now owns Twitter. Have fun with that! Btw, Twitter has been dead for a long time anyway. Good luck!

My article that I wrote for the IAHE blog was finally published today! Eek! That's a lot of email addresses it was sent to! The communications director even managed to find a stock photo that sort of looks like me. Kind of spooky.

Abishai and I just studied today how plants actually move on their own. Leaves always push up through the surface of the soil towards the sun and roots push down through the soil towards the center of the earth. And here's proof. The mulch had covered up this plant somewhat but the leaves pushed it aside on its own. The wind didn't push over the mulch and we didn't move the mulch. The plant did it!

Same here. If we had taken a time lapse of this, we would have seen the plants literally push the mulch asisde. I love watching the time lapse videos of plants grow. It's so fascinating to watch!

Wednesday - Same old Wednesday routine.

- I made Keturah mow the backyard though but it was a nightmare to get it done. The front still needs it. She had to borrow Grandpa's push mower because she claimed ours didn't work. Daddy had to show her it that it did. Now we have to play catch up tomorrow on finishing our lawn and doing all of Grandpa lawn (including trimming) before the rain comes on Friday. The twist is that we have Socks' vet appointment tomorrow, plus Justin works, plus Jared and I are are busy tomorrow night. And we have all day plans on Friday. I hate that mowing has become such a chore because of my kids' work ethic at home. Their attitudes absolutely suck no matter which way you slice it. And no, for the last time, I will not pay for chores to be done in my household. I don't get paid. They won't get paid. End of story, Dave Ramsey. They can learn to earn money elsewhere. The point of work is the end of result of having done a good job working. End of story. You have a nicely mowed lawn. You have a clean kitchen. You had a nice meal to eat. Not everything is tied to money. End of story. I'm not incentivizing my kids that way. Just do the work to do the work. We live here. We keep up the home we live in. All of us. Group effort. And while you mow, I'll clean up the stuck on nasty soup particles in the microwave and the thing that covers over you soup bowl that is supposed to prevent your soup from going overwhere. I work, too, every day. Let's call it even, shall we? You are capable, now go mow.

This is for the people who think dandelions are just problematic weeds:

 

“Hello, I'm a dandelion.

A lot of people call me a weed but I'm a friend and come to help you!

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When you see me, remember that I'm the ONLY one who wants and can grow in that particular spot. Because:

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Either the soil is too compact / hard / stomped and I want to loosen it for you with my roots.

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Or there is too little calcium in the soil - don't worry, I will replenish that for you with the dying of my leaves.

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Or the soil is too acidic. But I will also improve that for you if you give me the chance.

Or a mixture of the above reasons, of course.

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I'm here because your soil needs my help so best you let me grow without disturbing me! When everything is fixed, I will disappear again, I promise!

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Are you trying to remove me prematurely with my root? However meticulous you are, I will return 2x as strong! Just until your soil is improved.

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You can even tell by my growth at which stage my help is at. If my leaves are flat on the ground then I'm far from ready but if they all reach up then I'm already a long way on my way.

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Something completely different is that I am 1 of the first bloomers in spring so I will announce spring / summer for you.

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During the day when it's hot, I open my flowers but in the evening when it cools off I close them again quickly. In fact, if it's not hot enough during the day I won't open them at all!

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My flowers are the first food for insects after hibernation and unlike most other plants, I have pollen AND nectar, not merely one OR the other! And I am generous with them!

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My flowers are even delicious for you people by the way, did you know? I used to be called ′′honey (or gold) of the poor′′ because my flowers are so sweet in e.g. jam, sauce or salad! The internet is full of recipes - check them out.

But wait until the end of May or later before you start picking and even then, don't pick everything yet! The biodiversity and bees will be very grateful!”

 

We hit imaginary double accidents on the highway today. The traffic was backed up for miles but when we got down to where the accidents were supposed to be, nothing. Absolutely nothing. And worse yet, I was so bored, because were were literally crawling, I nearly bumped a pickup truck in front of me. Sigh. I was totally done driving after that. My ADHD was done trying to stay focused.

Wait, where is Keturah?

Oh, there she is. I guess Socks has the bed to himself.

I guess like Gary, Michael W. Smith likes to work in his yard when he's not on the road. I listened to an interview he did with Rebecca St. James a few weeks ago and he said, again, that the Smiths always had the rule that he was never to be out on the road for more than 3-4 days at a time (when he was stateside or rather when the kids were young and in school). There were exceptions to the rule when it was nearly impossible when there world tours or a cruise nowadays that are purposefully longer. He mentioned that they homeschooled the younest two girls for a couple of years so that the four of them could be on the road together a bit long and more often. And he taken the older kids out on the road a bit as well. Actually, some of the other artists do homeschool their kids so they can do that. Skillet's frontman and his wife have done that for years. Luke Smallbone does that but his wife stays home with the majority of the kids and only 1 or 2 of the kids go with him to 3-4 cities at a time. His kids are all super young yet. Rebecca St. James and her younger siblings all were homeschooled so they could all support her when she started to sing nationally at age 16. Luke Smallbone is one of her brothers ;-) Yes, I know way too much about the Contemporary Christian Music scene, I know. At least the 1990's scene. But I'm glad Michael and Debbie still have fun together in the garden out at their farm. They've been married for 40 years now. Crazy times, y'all.

Thursday - Not What I Was Expecting

- Again, I'm over being the manager of the mowing crew. For real, I'm not doing it anymore. If they men want their lawns mowed, they have to be here, in person, or communicate directly with their mowing crew. And if the mowing crew isn't available or no one has to checked the weather and it starts to rain, it's not my fault. I'm over it. I'm tired of being the punching bag. I'm done. I DO NOT CARE. If they want money, it's their business now. I'm done.

- Meanwhile, Socks' appointment. Jared drove Keturah, Abishai, Socks and I to the apppointment. We got the room with the view this time in the corner of the building. That was fun! We saw the woman doctor, Carroll, I think, and that was fine. She was nice, but pretty pointed. I wasn't quite prepared as I thought I was. She called the growth gingival hyperplasia which "refers to a medical conditon in which a dog's gum (gingival) tissue becomes inflamed and enlarged. Enlargement is typically caused by irritation due to dental plaque or other bacterial growth along the gum line. In many cases, this can be prevented with good oral hygiene habits." (thank you google). Because of Socks' heart condition, she said if it was her dog, she wouldn't put him through anesthesia to remove it because it isn't actually hurting his tooth right right now and his gums are fine. And after I just looked at some pictures of other dogs with these growths, I agree. Socks' growth isn't nearly as bad as other dogs' mouths are. His mouth actually looks extremely healthy. I asked her about the little bit of buildup on his teeth and she said it's fine. I might go in there and do a little bit of brushing though to make sure we don't get more off this in the future. It sounds like it can become worse. It's nothing we or didn't do. The reason for removing it would be if it was causing great discomfort, like not allowing him to eat. And to biopsy it, but if we aren't going to do chemo if it is cancer, what's the point of doing a biopsy? That's what upset me I think.

- While my head agreed with not doing a surgery, I had gone in thinking we would and he would be cleaned up and I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. I wouldn't have to look at it and think about if it's cancer or not. I wouldn't have to play the anxiety game. So I traded one worry about Socks being on the operating table for another worry about having to check his mouth every so often and if he's in pain. I guess yes, I'm relieved that my bank account is still intact and I don't have to worry about taking care of his mouth post surgery while I have a super busy week next week. 

- But I was also hit hard with the fact the doctor kept saying "quality of life." Stop putting my dog at death's door, please and thank you. I don't think we're there yet. I think we still have a while to go. Yes, I'm watching him. But everyone around him as been putting him in the grave for 2 years! Can we please just stop this?! Can we just enjoy him as is and pretend it's not going to happen for a long while yet? He's got one growth in his mouth. His legs a bit more wobbly. He's got some skin tags. He drools a bit. So what?! Leave my dog alone. He's fine. He's still happy. He's not wincing. He's still wagging his tail. He's still eating, and pooping, and running, and barking, and getting lots of attention. I'm just done talking about it. I'm not stupid. It is coming. But it's not here yet. I have prepared myself the best I can. But it's not here. He's fine. I'll give him some soft food to make up for the 5 lbs he lost since last September, but his teeth look amazing for his age. His coat does, too. He doesn't look 12 yrs old, ok? Trust me. I watch a ton of TV shows and I've seen other people's dogs. My dog doesn't look like them. I've kept him as healthy and young as I can. He's fine. He's got a long life yet. Leave him alone. Quality of life my foot. 

- We did go ahead and get a regular panel of bloodwork thought to rule out any underlying conditions that would explain the weight loss. I think it's probably because of maybe being a little sore in the mouth the past few weeks though. I guess I should prepare myself for blood counts being off or something. It only cost a little over $100 so I'm fine with that. We've had it done before and it's been a couple of years. I don't mind preventative measures like that. Better to run them and have them in the chart to compare them to in case something else comes up, just like I have them for myself. He was a bugger though and they couldn't find a good way to get past all his fur to get to his jugular vein in his neck. So they did it on his front leg. Lol. They should have started there, silly vet techs. Don't they always start there? I mean, that's how they do it on Bondi Vet when they start an IV at least and I thought that's how we did it back in NH when I was shadowing the vets. I've never heard of trying to get it from the jugular vein. Weird. Oh well. Their problem, not mine. I'm going to be out on a field trip tomorrow, so I hope I'm not in the middle of something when they call me and I hope it's all good news. If it's bad news, like blood counts or something indicating cancer or something, I will probably flip out. We are picking Kya up on the way home, and I will probably end up staying at Kelli's for a few minutes to cry if it's bad news. Who knows. We'll see. Bloodwork is an easy thing to do and the first step in any diagnosis after a physical examination. I don't mind it at all.

- And then Abishai was a nightmare coming home, loud and obnoxious. And traffic was a nightmare and Jared decided to take all the weird backroads coming home. I would have taken my usual 465 to Shadeland. But he had to take Bindford to 46th St to Shadeland and I think it took 20 minutes extra. It was ridiculous. I just kept my head down playing my video games because his driving drives me nuts. Then I took out my frustrations in all the wrong places and worked up everyone around me. And now I'm exhausted and don't want anyone to talk to me. Just leave alone and let me do my homeschool field trip tomorrow.

- Only our lawn got done, and now it's going to rain through Saturday. So, whatever. Keturah asked for MM's and I said, absolutely not, you yelled at me and argued about mowing again. I don't care if you finished, I don't deserve to be treated like that, ever.

- We didn't quite finish our homework, but we will catch up on Saturday.

- We have to leave BY 8:30am and drive 1 hr for our field trip, so I have to go bed early tonight. Jared gets up early, too. I can't wait to be transported back in time to more than 100 years ago to where Wilbur Wright was born. I want to think about anything else besides what I've thought about today. Thankfully I don't have to pack a lunch for the kids, just food for me. The museum is providing all of that (for a fee, which I gladly paid). I'm so excited to see how they've been putting these events together because they were so excited to start them! It's probably geared for Abishai's age but who knows. The big kids just might learn something. I'm so excited to do a final field trip for the year and with Justin and do something normal in our homeschooling world. The rest of the world can go be stupid and crazy. We are going on a field trip. To the bus! Oh! I finally remember where that's from! The Magic School Bus! The TV show!

- Remember I was trying to figure out why I kept thinking, "To the salon!" and couldn't pinpoint it? Oh, the "to the salon" is from a Barbie tv show clip I would hear over and over again because Keturah kept watching those episodes over and over. Duh! Yes, all that pink Barbie stuff. She would like to deny it, but she can't. She was like 8. It wasn't that long ago she wanted her room in Charlottetown to be all pink so I put this pink translucent slippery tablecloth covering stuff over her bedroom window that made kind of like a shade and it made her room have a pinkish glow. SO, she can't deny she went through a pink phase before she discovered Frozen and went through her Cinderella and Elsa phases. She might not like pink and frills now, but she tolerated them then. And she's definitely not butch. She's not confused about her gender, trust me. She's just not going to have a bright pink diesel cab for her semi truck loads. She's pretty serious about it, and I'm not going to push her dream down. If she's serious, I'll talk her through it. What color do you want it to be? What dog are you taking on the road with you? Are you going to own your cab or just be an employee of a company or be a contractor? A contractor makes more than an employee does, but you to have a lot of money to buy your own cab. She'll need to research all of this when she becomes of age. When we watched "Ice Road Truckers" there was a woman trucker on there hauling stuff with her own cab like the men in the -40 degree temps doing all the work herself. If Keturah wants to do it for awhile and make good money, so be it, then do it. See the country. You can have a family later. Or not. It doesn't change my plans for her and high school classes. It stays relatively the same. Actually, I don't have much plans because we've been through a lot of stuff when we did it with Justin. So, we'll take it year by year. She can't get a CDL licence for a while yet after she gets her regular license. Maybe she'll change her mind. Maybe not. It's a fantastic job. A much needed one. Have fun. You have time to do lots of things later. And it's a quiet job, great for introverts. If she can mow the lawn like the big boys, she can haul trucks like the big boys. Go for it. But first, you need a liberal arts education. No excuses.

- Excuses, excuses, excuses. I hate people who make excuses and do not take any action. They never vote, they never get involved, they never offer an actual suggestion and yet, they sit there like they know it all and complain as the day is long. Don't complain. Get out and there do something. Actually vote for a new school board, because according to the ballots, you guys keep electing the same people, so which is it? Who should I be voting for? Go to a school board meeting. Knock down the gates and get people to change the policy on bullying. Sub more so there's more classrooms being covered. And stop being greedy and wanting bigger homes so our property taxes don't go up in value and our taxes wouldn't be increased to match. Then I might have money to pay for your schools' repairs. As of right now, my school, aka my kitchen, needs repairs, too. It's 50 years old, too. Who's going to pay for my "lab" to be updated? No, I'm not throwing good money after bad. Enough is enough. Say NO to the referendum and vote out the current school board on Tuesday. And go DO something.

That's unreal. Oh my word. Do they not read Scripture?! COMMANDED you, GO AND DO. See, this is exactly what I am talking about! DO something! It's for all of us.

The privilege of having siblings as volunteers is that you get to see the month's memory verse ahead of time. I'm not fond of the NiRV but Abishai wants to memorize the verses as they are said in Sunday School class, so here goes.

Do you spot an oil in the upper right corner between the line and the leaf? Or, is it just a blob of ink? Hm.....

It's hard to deny statements like this when you think about it. Mr. Wayne can be a little bit extreme in his views, however, I want to believe him more and more. His books really do hit home the point that education is the responsibility of the parents and start at birth. He has a whole book that talks about how God has an opinion and he has tons of Scripture to back it up. He's a homeschool dad who I believe was also homeschooled.

I took advantage of the natural light coming in the windows to get a good photo of Socks. There's my handsome boy. Besides the "racing stripes" from how Keturah has brushed him over the last few years, doesn't he look like he's pretty healthy?

For a pyrenees/retriever mix, he's at a nice healthy weight. I think the doctor was concerned at his quick drop in weight. He went from 78 lbs to 73lbs. He was at 73lbs for many years and then jumped to 78lbs last year after we started on his medication and peanut butter routine. Not bad for a 12 yr old puppy doggie. He's panting because he's a bit stressed. His heart condition/arithmia hinders him from getting enough oxygen so then he needs more air quickly. Poor buddy. It doesn't help that Abishai was getting wound up having Daddy there playing with him. Hold on, buddy, I'll get you home and resettled, promise. Oh my puppy doggy. I love you so much!

Friday - Field Trip Day

- First impressions today, and then details tomorrow. (Details didn't happen the next day, or the next. I added photos nearly two weeks later. So, I'm just going to journal a bit with those and call it good.)

- First impressions. The turnout was incredible! I was expecting just a handful of families but we filled up the community room and then some! For just a tiny museum in "nowheresville" Indiana, I was so thrilled for them. Let me back up. We went to the Wilbur Wright Birthplace in Millsville, IN today. Orville was not born here, he was born in Ohio, so the Wrights only lived here for a short time I believe. The museum focused on the Wright brothers and their career as a whole though, so that was awesome. The main museum for them is in Dayton, Ohio, where they really settled and had their bicycle shop and where their main experiments took place, other than Kitty Hawk. And I already knew that, so I was expecting just a hole in the wall type place. But I was very impressed with all that this little place had. From a replica of the Wright brothers' plane that they flew at Kitty Hawk to their shed to the actual birthplace house and shed of course, to the rest of the museum that contained an incredible set up of a mini street that had their printing press, bicycle repair shop, main store, school, dress shop, barber and more, it was quite impressive. It's been there for awhile, and maybe private funds put it together because it is not funded by the national parks or anything like the one in Dayton I think is. All the more reason to go visit it and support it. It also had an old pre-Korean war fighter jet on display. And lots of old tools and artifacts in the house and shed and museum. I mean some things are easy to get a hold of given it's only 100-150 years ago, and it can easily be sourced at auctions here in Indiana, if you are just getting an approximation of what things were like back then. There were a few actual artifacts, too, given by certain families, as well, from the local community. 

- The staff were friendly and the typical down to earth Hoosier hospitality rural locals you know and love. They were down two major staff people and were running their butts off, but they made things happen, God bless them. And of course we homeschoolers did our best to go with the flow for them and did no complaining. There were some teens helping them, so either they had stayed home from school to help today because others were missing or they are homeschooled, too, but they were good kids and did their jobs without complaint or goofing off in between. I just remember talking to someone from there 18-24 months ago when they wanted to start these homeschool days and how excited she was to reach out to the homeschool community. It was awesome to see it come to fruition now and see it grow and grow as the word gets out. And now they provide lunch as part of their fee and it had plenty of food in it with chips and a sandwhich and cookies and a piece of fruit or applesauce, all put together by hand by a 60 something year old. Meanwhile, it was probably her spouse that was the one leading us in a talk about flax seed and we plenty some to take home. And perhaps it was their daughter leading the whole day. Who knows, but in our part of the woods, it's not unheard of things like this to be a family affair. And they even enlisted the local volunteer fire department from two townships to come out and be available to the kids. That was pretty sweet. We didn't go back and get on the trucks, but yeah, I think the event is getting bigger each time.

- We did get to see everything, although, I really wanted to read everything since it's a tiny museum and I could have learned a lot more details. I did learn that the Wrights' dad, Milton, was a bishop of the United Brethren church. So, they had a pulpit on display, as well as a glass stained window that had been donated to the museum that had been part of one of the local churches in the area that Mr. Wright had preached at. And a list of favorite Scriptures. And I guess the older couple are Christians because the guy weaved in some "God created this amazing world" and the gal had us pray before we ate." Love it! Gotta love rural Indiana! I did kind of mutter to myself when coming back into Franklin Township "ewww, suburbia, do I have to come back home to this nasty stuff?" Sigh. I'll always be drawn to the countryside, even if it's "nowheresville." Nowheresville is where life is slow and God is honored. And farmers live. And respect actually happens. I'm done with progressives, let's just say that.

- It was a long drive there and back because the traffic patterns were annoying. Lots of nonsense "construction" zones were no active construction was going on and then trucks not moving out of the passing lane to let others like me pass at higher rates of speed. And then we detoured to get McDonald's on the way home, and gas, and pickup Kya. The kids were way over it by the time we got home, and I was way over listening to them as well. We all had time outs. I just want to be left alone for the next 24 hrs. I have a lot to process right now. Today was my mother's 12th anniversary of going to Heaven. I started the day with the anticipation we would have some fun doing a normal homeschooling thing, going on a field trip, in honor of her. But I always forget that I have to negotiate moody teens and the ADHD 7 yr old and my own expectations of a field trip. And well, it wasn't the worst field trip ever, but after a long week of fighting with the teens, I had had enough with them. I don't want to talk to them. I feel disrespected, dishonored, and that I've ruined my mother's legacy and my legacy is also ruined now that these two are nearly grown. Never mind that I argued with Benaiah and the rest of the family yesterday after I should them a video about the township tax referendum and my opinion about it and of course no one agrees with me that public school is bad. Of course. So, I'm hitting a low point and need a break. My eyes hurt from driving. I feel punched in the gut from all this stress this week over mowing and kids who can't even pretend to be interested on a field trip in order to honor their mom and their grandmother, and then when I literally say I don't want to engage with anyone, I still have to because Jared comes home literally crying in pain because he tweaked his back again. Great. Whatever. It's a good thing we have nothing on the schedule tomorrow and it's supposed to rain so no mowing can get done. But don't talk to me. Literally. Don't expect anything from me. I want to be left alone. Go away. I don't want to be near anyone that disagrees with me in the slightest. I'm tired of being in a fight with everyone about something. I just want to be with MY people. And if you aren't MY people, you can't help me today. 

- My family is literally never there for me when I need them. And never supportive of who I am and what I believe. Because, if you are a Christian, you would at least consider, that my opinion could be right. You would be open to thinking for a moment and actually compare it to Scripture. But you aren't. I get upset at Christians, who believe in the Bible, that think that public school is ok for their children. It is not. There is only one option for Bible believing Christians, and that's to pull them out of the den of wolves. ONE option at this point. I'm not talking to the families that are broken, to the parents that are drug addicts, to the kids that are in unsafe environments. My niece and nephew live with an unsafe mother. They can't be homeschooled. I'm not talking about heathens. I'm talking about Christians. Christian parents in Franklin Township that are working two jobs because they decided they needed a $400,000 home. I'm talking to people that go to Indian Creek that should know better about finances. I'm talking about the staff and their kids. I'm talking about all the people we know personally. God fearing people trying to raise their children right. How can they send their kids to the wolves every other day of the week? But then I turn my head and my children are misbehaving and are disrespectful towards me and it makes me the worst hypocrite in the world and it's so embarrassing how they've turned out. I don't get it. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Oh wait, my children only treat ME this way. They are saints for everyone else. I'm just beat up. I've been bullied every day. I haven't seen my support system in weeks apart from Kelly. And now Jared's made an appointment this coming Friday and screwed up my entire plan. I have to go to appointment because he won't ask the right questions. And even if he did, he won't interrupt the answers right or tell me exactly what the doctor said. And I've been dying to know from his surgeon if he can freaking go to the chiropractor and other therapies and can he do some exercises for his core or not. He should have known better not to make it on Friday and should have known I would want to go with him. But no one thinks of my schedule or that I would want to go. No one thinks of me. Everyone is selfish. So selfish. I'm always thinking about other people, what they would think if I did this or that. Why can't they think about me, how I would feel if they did this or that? Nope, just walk all over me, day or night. As Jared says, 'No one cares about you. The world doesn't revolve around you. No one's thinking about how to piss you off." Well, I wish they would. Known, valued, and loved. It would be grand. The only people who seem to care are other homeschoolers who need advice. So, I go to where I'm needed. Even if it's just advice that works in theory and didn't quite work out in real life for us. Even if we're the family with grumbling teens who fight at a field trip and a crumbling 7r yr old having a meltdown in the middle of a museum. Ugh, why can't we just do something without fussing in front of a crowd? Just shut up you 3! Just shut up for once! Everybody else's kids are silent in public! They all look shy and stunned! Maybe my kids are too socialized or something. They are too comfortable being out and about. Who knows. But it's embarrassing. Sigh. It's not worth it anymore. Not worth it. Why do I bother? Why? Next year, it's only Abishai and I and we are starting over. And I'm training him how do museums well. How to read signs. How to slow down. How to look at artifacts. No more rushing through. I'm so over this. This stops now.

- Silence, solitude, and Sabbath tomorrow, even if Jared has grading to do, I don't care. I didn't get to properly grieve my mother today. But inside, my body knew what day it was. Tomorrow, I want to be left alone. Because I have more than her to grieve.

Well, how about that. You go out to a rural area and the locals make a quilt for historical landmark. Probably was sold at an auction or something to raise money. Very nice!

Awesome!

I had to text Jared to ask him what this was. He said he was pre-Korean war something or other. I thought Abishai would be more impressed. He wasn't. He's not into old airplanes like Jared is, but he loves the really fast sports cars.

We learned all about flax and how it was grown in Indiana before corn and soy became the more popular crops. Then we got to plant some to take home. The Wright brothers would have had some on their farm and possibly used fabric made from flax on their airplane wings.

The advantages of being the tall big brother who can do the activity just over your head, lol.

Planting the flax seeds.

Keturah did it, too.

Their entrance fee for the day including a guided tour, the activity, and a handmade lunch with lots of yummy food for $9 or something like that. Pretty cheap if you ask me.

The Kokomo Opalescent Glass Company is still in operation today and a well known field trip among homeschoolers. But how said that Wilbur didn't get to see the dedication. At least they believed in not having the church in debt though!

Nice!

Probably saved when the church was torn down or something, which is common in these parts. Or the churches are repurposed or windows are upgraded to be more efficient.

I tried to show this to Abishai but he wasn't interested. Lots of the kids on the field trip were this age.

I loved how the top of the museum flowed down into this display. And then down around this full scale model, you walk to the left into the street in Dayton, Ohio where their bike shop is (it's the more official museum for the Wright brothers) and after that you walk back into the community room. Immediately after this ramp though, you walk into the camp at Kitty Hawk (see photo below). This whole set up was done by volunteers and donations. It's pretty neat. This same model is on display at the Science and Technology Museum in Chicago.

Small model of the house, outhouse, smokehouse and barn as well as the Wright brothers' plane when they lived here on this property.

The Wright brothers not only invented the airplane but improved on other inventions like the printing press and bicycles. Here is their print shop.

I spy with my little eye, my little guy!

Here is part of the Wright brothers' bicycle shop.

I love the 3D way they put vintage tools and desks and things with 2D cut out people.

Mom, are we done yet? No, I have to take a quick pic of you in front of the sample of what school was like. See, it was definitely different 100 years ago.

General store with old crank washing machine checkers made out of an old dried out corn on the cob cut into medallions.

Gorgeous loom!

Kitchen

Not sure if this was supposed to be a downstairs bedroom or not, but fine example of what was available 100 years ago.

Now that's a nice price for a haircut and a shave!

Description is below.

There was more to each side and it probably wasn't this wide, but this was the example of what the encampment was like at Kitty Hawk. The guys I guess slept in loft beds. I have no idea how because there were no railings. Abishai said he wouldn't sleep up there like that. And he even mentioned that he was going to sleep on a bottom bunk at Camp Allendale this year because he never gets to at home. The ladder I guess comes down to help them go up.

Nice gas mileage thanks to lots of highway driving.

A great way to find some of the states, bwahahaha!

This is expensive but saving my butt right now. Looks yummy! We picked up Kya on the way home from our field trip and even she ate some.

Very detailed instructions on these meal kits, which is helpful. Well, if you don't know how to dice vegetables, you'll have to look that up yourselves.

This is what drives me insane. No room for margin. I know this is what most people's schedule looks like, but it's not how I live my life normally. Gary's sermons have been on simplicity and Sabbath, both of which he struggles with, and both of which I've struggled with, but I've also somewhat conquered in the last couple of years. So to go back and have these kinds of days creep up on me, it's frustrating.

Expectations vs. reality usually come out pretty close.

Saturday/Sunday - Silence and Solitude

- I spent the day in Silence and Solitude. Ok, not total Silence or Solitude, but I purposefully didn't speak to my family members for most of the day. Because only negativity has been coming out of my mouth. I figured, the less that came out of my mouth, the better. I did text the kids a few things. And those were commands/demands. And I could have done less of that. But that was WAY less than I would have if I had spoken and lectured at them. And of course, I really can't have complete solitude either. I have in a household of 5 people and a dog. But I basically didn't do anything with anyone. I ate alone, I took a shower, I did laundry alone, I rested alone, I listened to a podcast, etc. While it wasn't what I really wanted to to be, a day of Sabbath rest like cross stitching and stuff, it was a day of resetting the house and letting my brain rest from heavy topics. I tried to stay clear from internet cruising, too. I had done enough fighting on there as well. That was part of the Solitude as well. Shutting everybody out. I had slept on the sofa because I honestly didn't want to be near anyone who disagreed with me on any topic. And of course Jared and I still disagree on certain topics. I just wanted to be left alone. Completely alone. He didn't understand at first, but then I explained it to him as I started to talk later in the day. We are all good now. Some of what I wrote yesterday is what I told him today.

- It was a bit frustrating for me today though, because I had to watch my children not take advantage of the gorgeous weather and mow Grandpa's yard. They could have had it done in a heartbeat. But they decided to lazy out of it. I got them to barely take a shower. Oh wait, Justin didn't shower until Sunday morning even. And I found on Sunday (I didn't even blog on Saturday because I Sabbathed) that Grandma mowed the front yard! Ugh! How am I supposed to teach these kids, Grandma!!!!! And then Grandma got a sinus infection from mowing! And my kids don't feel the least bit upset by Grandma's predicament and they won't be yelled at by Grandpa now. Ugh! Stop undermining the plan!!!!! These kids won't learn if you do it for them!!!!! They didn't even say thank you to Grandma either b/c a) I didn't think to tell them to say thank you and b) even if I had, I probably would have still been too mad to make them. Anyway, I held back on Saturday, and let them dwaddle. And when Keturah didn't obey, I simply took away her phone, without lecturing. Actually, she was supposed to put it on my desk herself and she still had it with her 2 hrs later, so she was grounded the rest of the day. All of this is not helping my "I'm a hypocrite" complex that I have. Disobedience was not going to be tolerated, so I also turned off the wifi on her and Justin to get them moving. Unfortunately, they both had data turned on on their phones, so turning off wifi didn't interrupt what they were doing! Ugh! I can't win! I give up!

- Jared worked in the yard for a good part of the day, and then rested before he made dinner. We did sit down to dinner, but still didn't really talk about our field trip. Sigh. And then of course we don't sit together on Sunday either. And Benaiah hogged the conversation again at Sunday dinner, which I did go to. I didn't say much because I didn't want to get into trouble or start a fight. I could have though. So many things I wanted to argue about. I just did it via text instead. But the other kids didn't get to talk. And Grandpa really couldn't hear well because of her sinus infection. Grandpa called in for 5 minutes on his drive from the church he was at to a lunch meeting. And that was that. Such lively dinners we have. Sigh. I need help with my conversational skills, that's for sure.

- So on Saturday, kids were lazy, had screen time, Jared worked on the yard, I worked on the inside, Abishai wandered, the end. Sunday was Sunday.

- Everybody else went to Indian Creek. Gary was somewhere else.

- And I went to my first in person worship service since Christmas and Easter. And I went to New Palestine Bible Church for the first time. I was very, very nervous and could barely eat my breakfast. I thought I was going to be late but I was just on time. I was a bit disoriented. And these people are super friendly so as soon as I stepped in the door after the door person greeted me, another person handed me a bulletin! And then I got to the door of the sanctuary and looking quite lost, so Pastor Brett himself asked if I was looking for someone and I barely eeked out, "Kellie?" "and, um, Tom?" like I couldn't remember there names! And then I don't know what Tom looks like that well, and Kellie had gone to get name tags for the grandkids, so I was hoping it was the right person I was being sat next to and phew, it was. And it took another couple of minutes of shuffling before everyone was settled down. And Tom actually asked me point blank how Leah and Gary were handling my departure. Um, wow, ok, I didn't know Kellie had told him, that's fine, I'll be my honest self, and say, we really haven't talked much about it yet. And all of this happened in like 5 minutes time. My head was swirling. Hold on, hold on, new building (well, new part of the building and it was full of people I don't know), tall people (so remember to look up and make eye contact), remember to say, "yes I'm new" but don't tell your whole story, all while scanning the whole room and taking it all in and looking for all my friends. Wowzers, so much to do all at once! Phew! It took the first two songs for my heartbeat to stop racing. I was totally not ready for all that! Now, I knew they were super friendly. I should have been prepared, but I was hoping to be a little more incognito. Nope, not these people. They see "red alert, new person, must help them." and they come running. No, literally, on the way out, the secretary chased me down to put my name on the attendance sheet. Yes, they literally take attendance by name. I haven't done that in YEARS and YEARS. Talk about being KNOWN and keeping track of people. I mean I know you can only do that in a small church, but not all small churches do that either. And THEN, an IAHE friend who just stepped down out of IAHE came over to say hi as well. I had no idea that they lived in this area. And the preacher of the day came over to Kellie after service and also said hi and tried to put two and two together, but it's ok if he doesn't remember because Pastor Rex has 5 kids and had a whirlwind of busy schedules with traveling for another speech tournament (he's a homeschool dad) so yup, it's ok. And I also saw Alexanders, and Molly's husband (she was probably helping with the kids), and the single mom with 4 kids who I guess I can say used to go to Indian Creek but I've seen hanging out with our homeschool community and goes to one of the co ops (that was a surprise), and I think I also saw what was my Young Living way higher up leader there as well (she has like 10 kids and homeschools too). All I know is that for every adult there, there was like 5 kids running around. And this church has like 150 people in it including the kids. It was mayhem. 

- Anyway, I knew what to expect overall with the service after watching it the last month. But I wasn't expecting myself to feel so painfully awkward of being out in public with new people. I honestly have been sheltering too much and it shows. My social skills are at an all time low. I thought it was bad in college. Well, I guess I can't say it's worse than college because I'm more mature than that, however, it's close. At least in a setting like this where I know some people, and I'm going to be back and I'm going to have to make relationships with these people. It's easy to have a booth at an event because it's usually strangers and you'll never have to see them again. So if you mess up, oh well. It's much scarier when you are trying to impress people you'll see again. So, we'll see how it goes next week. It will be much better. It's always that first time for me. I'll try to be a tad earlier. Say hi to others that I do know. Maybe meet one or two people I don't know and so forth. And because it's a small church, I'll be able to make the rounds quickly and then I'll feel at home.

- As far as today's sermon, Pastor Rex preached today. Yes, they do say say Pastor Rex and Pastor Brett and Jared was wondering why I would say it for them and not Indian Creek people. There's no distinction for me. I'm going with the church culture in both cases. At my congregational church in Candia, we called the pastor Pastor David. At Manchester Christian Church, we called the pastor Mr. Reynolds or Frank. Or the youth guy, Tony, or the youth gal, Linda. At Indian Creek, most people call Gary, Gary. Some call him Pastor Gary. Some people call Dan, Pastor Dan. I say Pastor Dan sometimes to distinguish him from our other friend Dan who comes to do repairs on the house. So it has nothing to do with denomination of church or more respect or less or terms of endearment. Although, Pastor David is/was very dear to me. He's still living and I have him on my Facebook. He was my pastor when I got baptized and he baptized me and my mom. And I loved his family and he always reminded me of a shepherd because his family owned sheep and I connected that to King David's childhood of being a shepherd and that's why I got hooked on King David as being my favorite Bible character and then as I started to learn all of David's story and all his flaws, I fell more in love with King David and on and on and on. Anyway, Pastor David and Sunday Clark (who was my 4th grade Sunday School teacher, who was also very instrumental in bringing me to Christ). No joke, that's her first name. Anyway, back to today.

- Today's sermon was on Raising Godly Families. Not only is Pastor Rex a homeschooling dad of 5, and part time youth minister, he's also an elder at NPCC, and has a full time job I think in software engineering. He is a Christian apologist and has written a 500 page book about it as well. So, all of the boxes have been checkmarked on my list of what I look for in someone I'm going to listen to. And of course I nodded my head "yes" all the way through the sermon, as I have done in a lot of the weeks previously. Of course, I also sat there and thought, is the Sunday morning pulpit the right place for this or that. And yes, in the way that Pastor Rex presented it, absolutely yes. He did such a wonderful job putting all the thoughts together that he and I believe in and presenting in a relatable way for all. I could have easily tacked on the "and because of this, this, and this, this is why we homeschool," piece of it, and I'm sure he might, too, I don't know if he would or not, but what he said was Biblical in how I understand and what I want to be preached on a Sunday morning because I don't know of any other time that Christians are able to hear it. He touched on the hot topics just by saying their names and providing Scriptures that prove that they are sinful, which Indian Creek won't even say in a negative way, if they say them at all, abortion, sexual perversion and school agenda, witches in children's books, socialism, Christian worldview, when kids lose respect for authority (age 10-12, not college age), the communist manifesto was mentioned, all the buzzwords said loudly and boldly. No wishy washy boiled down "ooo, let's not offend anyone because we don't know what their political affiliation is" feeling. Straight up Christians believe this, because Scripture says this. There was no bashing of anyone. He simply stated we need to raise Godly families and did you know BLM was created by two lesbian women? and their agenda is.....control..... Some things that maybe others in my circles would say would be conspiracies but aren't. It was refreshing, and what I want to hear and know that my elders are fired up about. That are willing to take a stand on. No, not go downtown and protest, but hold true to the faith on by boldly proclaiming from the pulpit, not just in private conversations. Truth should be preached from the pulpit, not just hinting at the truth. It should be loud and overtly clear for everyone in the back. Don't leave us guessing. I can guess what the elders at Indian Creek believe but then again, I don't really know. And I can't follow staff and leaders that I don't really know what their personal beliefs are. Sorry.

- I also think that these conversations cannot be saved just for small group time because they don't happen during small group time. How do I know? Because I tried to bring them up and I was called judgmental for it. And the questions that are put out every week don't bring the group to a place that is deep enough to really discuss them. Everybody just agrees to disagree and no one wants to play apologist and argue with their friends. No one is bold enough to hold a political line in person. So when does it actually talked about? It doesn't. And our generation is lukewarm. So lukewarm. And I got tired of that. I want to be fed and led by these guys over here at NPBC where they are eager to greet you and eager to share Scripture and boldly share truth about what God's word says even if it's not popular with the masses. It's not political. It's just truth. God hates divorce. God hates death (abortion, suicide, including assisted suicide at the end of life). God made man and woman and marriage, there is nothing else. God told us to teach our children and not feed them to the wolves. God told us in the OT to have nothing to do with magic and sorcery. God told us not to be greedy and want big houses needing two incomes when one income and a smaller house will do and then we can homeschool our children. Of course truth about Creation, evolution, etc. Truth about history, including church history. Truth about doing good works and not lying or being in a place that lies to others (like big pharma or being a nurse or a teacher unless you really can hold your ground). 

- Truth. That's all I care about. Truth over relationships with people. That's a bit of a problem, yes. That's why Jared and I are in counseling, which we will get back to next week. I realized it again when I listened to Jared talk to Benaiah. They were talking about motorcycles. I really don't care about talking about motorcycles. I really didn't care about talking to Benaiah about the ins and outs of what his next classes were going to be or his next trips are going to be (maybe because I'm jealous). Or maybe I don't care because his plans change so much and I can't keep up. I also have a lot going on this week. But it has a lot more to do with me caring that everybody knows the truth first and foremost. The rest of it is just water under the bridge. And until I get everybody on my side, nothing else matters. And that's not healthy. I get it. So I said to myself, it's ok. I'll figure out with Jared how to better relate to each other on these topics, how to put them aside or to talk about other things, how to not be obsessed with them, how to have a relationship beyond just these things, and it will trickle down to all the rest of my relationships. And this is why attending church somewhere else is a good thing. I can rest my brain from constantly combating the fight or flight feelings, focus on just worshiping normally, while I focus on just one main relationship. Meanwhile, I still won't stop sharing the truth boldly because it's what I do. And if it's not done to the standard that the world wants, that's fine. And if people require a relationship first, that's fine. Others share without having a relationship first. Prophets in the OT didn't have relationships with their people first. I will just keep speaking truth because I can't help it. And I'm beginning to think that there's a reason for that. Why am I trying to suppress something like this? Why am I trying to suppress something that God has given me to say? If it's something I believe in, that God and I have worked on and thoroughly vetted through Scripture, why do I need to keep my "opinion" to myself? If I believe it is truth, then it's not an opinion, it's truth. Creation isn't an opinion, it's truth. Jesus rising from the dead isn't an opinion, it's truth. Abortion being wrong isn't an opinion, it's truth. So why hide it? Why soften it so much that it looks like an opinion? I'm not wearing a street sign with those awful pictures of aborted babies. I think that's not nice to the poor mothers going into abortion clinics. I'm not going to yell at them. But I'm going to support life centers. And mobile clinics with ultrasound machines. And spread videos where people's hearts are changed instantly. I'm not going to hide it. I'm going to vote for pro life and pro family people. It's a hill I die on. I will cheer every time an abortion ban bill gets passed. Every single time. And I will share that at times, I did feel like it would have been easier for my parents to die sooner so they wouldn't have had to suffer so much. But there's no way we should play God like that. And I think my mother had way too much morphine and that ultimately slowed her organs down and caused her death after she was taken off the life support machines. It was awful to watch. I know what it's like. And I wished for the same for Grandma Cook at times. But again, it's not our call. It's God's call, each and every time. If I had a child with a birth defect in the womb, I would carry it as long as I could. I would go through labor and let it live as long it could. I would give it a chance. I would risk my life for a child in the womb. I would put off chemo. And I would not do IVF. Because it's all in God's control. 

- Anyway, I need to stop analyzing it and just make it my new normal. And it will be. I have some more work to do and a few people to talk to explain things, but I think that will come out in dribbles here and there. This week is absolutely nuts and I'm starting out with low energy again. Praise God for a man who can go pick up the kids from their youth groups so I can get this blog done. I've got to put in a few hours for school as it is technically our last week, but I might finish up things next week because we won't be doing anything on Thursday and Friday. I'll do a little bit more here to prepare for Friday night's homeschool high school panel. Otherwise, I don't think I need to do any other preparing other than to rest up for the 2nd half of the week. Sigh. Yikes! Here I go a-printing! After a bit of photos and journaling, because oops, I forgot I have to journal Friday's as well. Phew!

Good to know, and of course citronella plants, too, for mosquitos.

Another Saturday, another Lego build because Abishai accidentally saw it in Daddy's closet.

Oh, come on! It's nice outside! Take it outside! I think Abishai likes to play soccer inside so he doesn't have to chase the ball. But this is why we have a yard and we mow the yard. Take it outside!

Daddy's face! Hahahahaha!

Also, stop making my hard to clean plaster walls dirty with your dirty feet!

Swing me, Daddy!

Again, this Aldi Aloe plant is massive. Needs a new pot, again, but is this stool strong enough? I don't have room for a bigger thing back there to hold it up! But I'll have to take care of it in a couple of weeks because I don't have time this next week.

I happened upon this on YouTube shorts or something, but it's genius! Put the dog hair in suet feeders! Then the birds can get to it as they want it! This lady says the birds really, really like it, too. And then the neighbors don't have to worry about it flying into their yards.

Spring shedding season when we forget to vacuum. I had Keturah brush him some more, too.

When kids forget to read their library books and play on their phones instead. Sigh.

The top paragraph comes after the second paragraph. So Jared is agreeing with the top paragraph. Now, have we discussed our weights. Yes. And a lot of the time, it's not appropriate to do so. I know my bad habits. He knows his. And we both know now that when we do bring it up or share something about our own health issues, it's because we are sharing because we want our spouse to know and we want the support. I know I won't lose weight without taking on a drastic diet or getting really sick like I did with Covid. And I'm ok with that for now. He's ok with that for now. He knows where he likes to be. And I honestly think he could muscle up and weigh more because I didn't marry a skinny dude and he feels bony to me. I miss the pudge. But we both know what healthy means and THAT's what counts for both of us. There's never been any pressure to look a certain way. For either of us. We didn't build our relationship on it. Ever. We want to live a long life together. That's all. But I can't take nagging. I can't take the constant reminders about my bedtime. But if it's only that one, I let it slide. The rest of it is mine to deal with. Because how we handle our health issues can be a point of contention and we try to stay away from our personal opinions about it. Until this Friday when he goes back to Dr. Cole, his back surgeon, and I grill the Doctor about what Jared can and cannot do. Then we'll see if fight about it again. Just kidding. Well, we'll talk about it. But hopefully Jared can exercise or something or get some other treatments because his back has been in a lot of pain.

I don't have time to write a long caption so I won't.

Someone's mad about life. But he's also cute.

Well, I guess this was the last official night of Middle School small groups for Indian Creek. I didn't realize that they wrapped up tonight. They are off next week for Mother's Day and then there's an intro night to Crave, and then a Celebration night for everyone and then they are off for the summer. (Don't get me started on how much I disagree with how many times they don't meet throughout the year). And I guess at least one of the leaders isn't moving on with them. So, um, they all look so grown up! And Keturah is so short! Like super short! Poor girl! Just like her poor mother! 8th grade down, now onto 9th grader! High school freshman! Class of 2026!

You know you're in a house full of Star Wars fanatics when you do a double take because you think this is an ad for a piece of jewelry of R2-D2's head! Clearly it's NOT its' head! I'm losing it!