Year 3, July 5th-6th, 2018: And Then There Were 2!

For approximately 48 hrs, we will be caregivers for only 2 kids.  I almost said "parents of 2 kids" but you never cease being a parent, so that doesn't really work.  Anyway, we've had only two kids to worry about where and what and how they were doing from yesterday at about noon to tomorrow about noon.  48 hours of no clickity clack, yell at the screen, munch in the kitchen, pop cans to clean out.....48 hours of no screeching, no "can I watch commericials for toys on Youtube?," no "put on your deodorant," no "I'm hungry, can I have sugar?" Ok, ok, it's not that bad around here.  But it IS much, much more calmer and quieter and that makes a huge difference in my peace of mind.  I always wanted 3-5 kids but I had no idea what that all entailed.  We had a house that spread out and for the most part growing up, and we all did our own thing so we didn't see much of each other, especially in the later years.  But having only 2 kids home vs. 4 kids makes it easier to clean up, less noise, etc.  It's just a fact, and no, I don't miss the kids yet.  Maybe because I can indirectly see what they are up to on social media because their leaders post what's going on throughout the day.  Maybe because I trust the leaders and the camps to make sure everyone is safe and learning.  I don't know, maybe I just like the quiet and God is trying to continuously teach me to just get over it and deal with people.  Whatever it is, it's been 48 hrs of more peace than I have had in a long time.

So, what have we done with that time?  After dropping off Keturah to her KidJam camp, Abishai, Justin, and I went to the library and then home.  Potty training was ok yesterday, but not good at all today.  Potty training, and pushing myself to work on my projects, is what has consumed my life.  That means I work around Abishai and Justin helps me some.  I haven't been feeling the greatest, so I've taken the past two days at a slower pace.  We purposefully stayed home, too.  Justin finished mowing our yard today as well as Grandma and Grandpa's yard because Benaiah doesn't have much time when he gets home tomorrow to do it.  He's also doing all of Keurah's chores because Keturah did his chores when he was gone.  Justin's routine consists of being forced to get up (and mow right after breakfast because it's been steamy hot lately), chores, reading, lunch, reading, screen time, reading, maybe some Lego building, reading, bedtime.  You would think with all that reading time he would be finished with the stack of history books I left for him to read this summer.  Nope.  I had to keep his newest library book on my desk until he finished one of those books.  And he's been rereading picture dictionaries on all subjects.  Granted, our house isn't quite set up for projects right now, but I wish that both he and Keturah would be more creative.  I guess they don't see me be creative either.  I can't wait until I get rid of these brown boxes and feel like I can pull out my art supplies and make something.  There's just too much clutter.

So, my projects are going slowly.  I'm not as motivated as I probably should be so I'm procastinating and only doing the minimum per day.  Most of the time it's because I don't know what to do with this or that thing, so when I find a category and have a plan (like getting rid of most of the old bills from the last 20 years) it makes it easier because the decision has been made.  Pick some criteria as to whether or not this object goes or stays and then get it done.  I've got some plans, but I don't to physically do them.  It's not that physically exhausting either.  I just don't like letting go and regretting it.  I know, I have to get over myself.  And I am.  I have to encourage myself that I am getting my summer goals done, we are still having fun, we have vacation coming up so I have to focus now, and while all this organizing doesn't have a firm deadline, the more I do now, the better quality of life we all have.  Start with the end in mind.  Set measurable goals with deadlines. Be gazelle intense now so you can play later.  And I've done these type of things a million times over.  I cleaned up my parents' 3 bedroom apartment, and then my dad's 2 bedroom apartment.  I cleaned up out Beech Grove house and our Charlottetown house.  I've purged a lot actually if you consider all the things my parents had.  I still have a ways to go, but my brain can only handle so much at a time, especially emotionally.  I find that sometimes I just have to stop for the day because I can't make any more decisions about stuff. Then I'll go find some routine, mundane thing that doesn't require brain power like folding laundry.    I wish I didn't have this hoarding problem.  But I do, and it's a battle I'll have to fight for my whole life because I didn't develop good habits about getting rid of stuff when I was young.  My sisters and brother don't have this issue, so it wasn't environmental.  So, kids, I want you to know that you are more important than these things BECAUSE I don't just focus on them.  I do take you places and teach you and write blogs for you.  And maybe someday when you bring your kids to Grandma's house it will be so much better.  Someday.  But for now, we live and make messes and hopefully make more memories.

I'm scared that I have all these resources at my fingertips for them to use, art supplies, science kits, books, books, books, and more books, and they don't have full access to it.  I can't just walk up to a shelf and say, hey, let's look this up, let's do this experiment and we have the materials right here because there's stuff in front of those shelves.  This is what motivates me.  I've got to give up some summer to do's and get this house where it needs to be so we can utilize it well.  I can do this.  One more week to make major progress on the sunroom before vacation.  They other problem is that things don't belong in here and can't be properly stored without the proper furniture and I've had to wait to purchase them.  Or permanent storage boxes for the baby stuff that's sitting in the fireside room.  I have back up plans of course, like the boxes can go back in the garage, but that clogs that area up again.  Jared has only parked in the garage those couple of times.  Sigh.  I tried.  But it's summer, and the garage is used often for mowers and swim gear and bikes and tools.  We made progress, and now I have to keep moving.  We are almost there, really, we are.  Putting together a home after moving twice in two years is a process.  We have a life outside our home, too.  And that's what's most important.  I just want Benaiah to be able to invite his friends here and to not have his graduation party at the grandparents house because it's less cluttered.  That's two years away.  I think we will be able to make it happen.  I dreamed that we would have a pool table in the basement and the kids would play video games on the TV.  We would host the kids' friends and we would be the place that everyone went to.  Nowadays, they all hang out at church events more than at each other's homes. 

Anyways, I digress....life is just not what I had dreamed, and that's good in many ways, and not so good in some ways.  I just feel that the kids will be grown before I have my act together, but I want them to know that I tried.  We tried.  We stayed faithful and obedient.  We worked hard.  We asked for help from our peers, youth leaders, and God.  I know my parents did their best.  And I knew that as a teenager.  I pray that God is the one who helps our kids grow up despite our faults and wrong parenting.  It's silly to think that any kid would grow up and not have some baggage, but hopefully, we can make it minimal.  Although at the moment, I feel like I'm not doing a great job.  When they'd rather go spend time at church camp so they can escape their home life, it makes me feel horrible.  I'm not ready for them to launch because I'm not where I want to be in order to give them the best of me.  Thankfully there are others that do step in and fill in the gaps.  And that's why we are here, in Indiana, to heal and grow in a nurturing environment surrounded by friends and family.  I am definitely grateful for that, even when I pine for the sight of the ocean, lupines, red dirt, cruise ships, rolling farmland, historic buildings and the like.  I miss those things very much.  And they were taken away from me so that my kids could have something better because I'm not enough for them.  They need more than I or that environment could have given them.  I know that, and it makes the sting a little less painful.  But it still hurts and going through boxes with memories in it can be painful.  Very, very painful.  And sometimes I just have to stop because I can't handle anymore.....

I love Dove chocolate individually wrapped pieces.  The messages are awesome!  "The magic is in the mess."

"When life isn't gong right, go left."

Our boy is in there somewhere!  Only 104 weeks left before he launches into the world.  It's intimidating.  I'm so glad we have our youth leaders and sponsors and peers looking out for us and the kids.

Abishai set up shop to sell goodies to Justin!  And Justin played along.  Sweet!  These are rare moments of creative play in our house, I don't know why.  We have all the tools to play pretend, but not usually the space to have them off.  But they made it work today!

Hanging out at the office before Keturah signs in before KidJam.

Spinny chair.

The folding stool/hurdle for Abishai to climb up and down on in the race around the couches.

Why yes, the office is our second home.  It's a good thing not many come to visit!

Great use of empty boxes!  What fun!

Peek a boo!

Justin said to make the open end of the boxes face inward so they can be shelf space.  I totally just had a flashback to doing something like this in the basement growing up.  There were boxes everywhere but we had a kitchen set (metal) and we would put an empty box on top of a full box with the open side towards us to make a cupboard and/or a bunk bed for the kids to sleep on.  See, kids don't need a mansion to spread out in and be creative.  What a relief!

All ready to go!  She was up late the night before watching fireworks, but she was the first one up this morning.  If it's important to her, she's up at the crack of dawn.

Getting our steps in from the long walk from Jared's office at the very south of the building to the KP area at the far north of the building.  Sister and brother with the love/hate relationship vibe.

KidJam is like CIY with main sessions in the morning and evening, group activities, sports and free time in the afternoon, devo time, etc.  It's not affiliated with CIY, but rather with the Orange or Think group where KP gets a lot of it's materials. Our kids go to the one at Taylor University.  I've never been there, but it's on the same exit of Indiana Wesleyan University, but you travel about 20-30 minutes in the opposite directions.  Abishai wasn't as excited about the bus this time.  The day was beastly hot until a huge storm came through and the temperatures dropped 15-20 degrees.

Every kid must roll down the ramp at some point in their lives.

Brothers having library time.

Typical game Abishai plays on.

He has full muscle control here.  He didn't swing down, he came down and through very much in control.

So strong.

And right through.

Ta-da!

Typical day of work and play.  Little boy in his underwear, playing with the PlayMobile Keturah decided to give away, but she knew that I would take it out of her trash bag because Abishai still loves it.

So stinkin' true assuming the kids are the squirrels.  I've never been to a rave so I don't know how that compares,.

A little handwritten note from our dentist to Abishai because it was his first appointment with them  How sweet!

Found this treasure today!  Want to learn all the basics in one volume?  You can and this book will help.!

All the subjects from different others.  It was published in 1936,  so I wonder if the core requirements have changed in order to graduate.

My mom would take hours to go through a library sale or a 2nd hand shop finding all kinds of treasures like this.

Seniors being prayed for!

Big helper!  He lasted through about 3 spoons.  But he did get a few in the righ places.  We'll work in it somewhere.

Ready to go play at Grandma's house.  He's packing his blankie in his backpack and carrying that gun.  Protector of the home, that's for sure.  His facial expression says it all.

At KidJam, they went for a swim in the lake! 

It was a gorgeous day, so I'm glad the boys went to Grandma's house for awhile.  Justin mowed and Abishai played outside.  Abishai also was just standing there in Grandma's car and had a pee accident.  He had 3 poop accidents and about 4 or 5 pee accidents.  Oi!  But Daddy can still swing him!

I just brushed the dog and Jared could get out even more hair!

Abishai lifted up the swing and then let it go.  I remember doing that as a child.

See the text string below, but basically I shared this picture of Justin's mowing stripes with the family.  You can't really tell from this angle, but these lines are not even remotely straight.  In fact, Jared commented first, "Looking out, the rows were waving like Lake Superior.  Justin responded with "well, at least it's cut."  Oi!  I was the one who did all the trimming, so the boys didn't have to and now my wrists hurt.  Anyway, enjoy the witty comments down below.

Seriously it's an obsession and I can't literally try to run with a kite without stepping on a tree.  I can we need to have a discussion.

Abishai said this is the computer from which a missile is launched and destroys a house!  Why do boys have to do all these violent things leaving the women to do all the nurturing.  No wonder we are exhausted.

Yup, this is how I can survive all of the above.