Woah, Nellie, slow done! What just happened?! Well, last night (Monday night) was a very rough night for Jared's sciatica pain. He hardly slept. I slept maybe 3 hrs between going to bed later than I should, sleeping on the couch at the other end of the house, and then Jared calling me via cell phone to wake me up to get my attention. He had kindly asked me to sleep on the couch. I had slept in the bed the night before so I knew he was still tossing and turning a lot and needed the space to get comfortable. No big deal. He has never asked me to sleep on the couch before. So at about 3am, he was at wit's end and in so much pain he was in tears. Oh my have I been there a few times. But now the roles were reversed. I was sleepy and could hardly put my thoughts together to help him make a decision. We were throwing out a word "salad" of "ambulance" "ER" "urgent care" "call for help to get him in the van" "wait it out" etc. We eventually decided to wait it out. He was all over the place mentally I think from taking too much pain medication and not eating anything. His head was spinning and his stomach was nauseous. I had carefully saved hyrdocodone from both of Justin's arm surgery 18 months ago and my surgery this past fall just for a time like this. Pain medication is hard to come by because doctors don't want to prescribe it long term. I wouldn't take them unless my neck went as bad as it was 18 months ago, so I guess it's ok that Jared used all of them. I think he said he took 3 or 4 of them within a couple of hours. These are narcotics that you are only supposed to take 1 at the minimum every 4 hrs, but usually 6-8hrs. I was disappointed in myself for not taking them with me to the couch. I was also mad at him for doing that because now he'll need to call the regular doctor for more. Or use up my precious other pain medication, which will now be under my control.
It was very scary for him to be in that kind of state, because he's always sworn off pain medication. He opted to stop taking pain medications early when he broke his arm twice. I was also taken off guard with all of this because I don't know how much I can do to help physically. I'm actually in more pain than usual coming home from vacation. My lower back is super sore and I haven't found a great way to stretch it. Thankfully, I am prepared in that I moved up my chiropractor appointment a week so I go in tomorrow for my monthly adjustment. So we are just two hunched over old people with back pain. With crazy purple minion Abishai bouncing off the walls, Keturah growling at everyone, and Justin not remembering what he's in the middle of doing. Typically when I'm in pain, Jared will pick up the pieces. But with both of us on the down low, it's hard to know what we can or should do next. I wanted to start this week out strong with school and while it's been surprisingly ok, it still feels a bit chaotic. And I feel behind because I'm not available to them to go over stuff and actually teach. And then I lose track of how long they are on electronics because we don't have a great system for that and I don't have the mental energy to try something new. So, it's been hard.
One positive to all of this is that we've learned a bit more about what it's like to be care giver and care receiver. I think Jared now understand more about the mental fatigue of being in acute and chronic pain (although he tried to understand it before and be empathetic). And I understand more of the feelings of helplessness and having to guide decisions and make suggestions but not being listened to. However, I finally convinced him to go see my chiropractor. We do know a chiropractor, but he's way on the westside and no one wants to travel that far when you're in pain. Plus, I don't know about insurance and payment plans and convenience, etc. That chiropractor didn't have an appointment until Thursday but mine could get Jared in today. So, my wish came true. I've been bugging Jared about seeing my chiropractor almost since the beginning of my treatment 18 months ago. Chiropractic care is not a miracle cure, but it's a simple way to start the healing process, get low cost simple x-rays, and is an easy thing to maintain once you get to the once a month stage. It gives me confidence knowing that I'm giving my nerves and spinal cord the best chance possible to send messages, and get some time on a roller bed and someone using a massage wand for a reasonable price. It's my favorite self care. Especially with this particular office, which I've talked about before.
Jared walked into the chiropractor's office still unsure if it was right avenue to go right now with a huge grimace and defeated look on his face. He walked out of the office a tiny bit better with peace and hopefulness that we can work this plan for now. Muscles have memory, so at this stage, the alignment will come undone in a matter of hours. We both know that. But the care that Dr. Wolf and his team show to each and every one of their patients is so comforting. Their office has a sense of peace in it. And how they gently and tenderly listen to and care for their elderly patients is so sweet and endearing. And they treated us the same, that we know what we are talking about and that we can understand a lot, like knowing that it's a long treatment plan. I'm sure there are other options like surgeries, injections, and the like, but the least invasive and least expensive (in the long run) plan is what I like best. Unfortunately, Dr. Wolf does not take our insurance, but his cash pay option is very appropriate and doable. But this is just going to tack onto our already overwhelming stack of medical bills. We'll put it on another payment plan and hope and pray for an intervention with monies. Our wise friend, who also happens to be Dr.Wolf's receptionist (and works through the insurance issues), said today to pray that the next big bump in the road doesn't happen until this one is taken care of. The finances will come in for this one, will save up a bit more, and then something will break down, but at least we won't have to go into debt for it because we had an emergency fund. We don't like being at zero, but at least it's not negative. Well, ours is negative technically at the moment, but I can't imagine how much worse it would feel if it was on top of school loans, car loans, credit cards, etc. It's a lesson Benaiah needs to learn about his savings account and truck repairs.
He asked if he could leave the truck at he repair shop until next pay day just in case something else comes up and just because he didn't want to empty out both his savings and checking accounts. Um, no, that's not how it's done. He wasn't going to be at absolute zero, but dangerously low. This is why you have a savings account, son, welcome to adulthood. And then I ratted him out to Grandpa who happened to have lunch with him today (I didn't know that beforehand) and Grandpa obviously talked to him about it because Benaiah texted me later basically yelling at me about his stress level and why does he have to work so much to afford this and that, etc. etc. Well, sorry, that's life.
But his life DID get better a few hours later when he got a phone call from Ozark Christian College saying that he had been officially accepted and he qualified for a $3,000 scholarship based on his CURRENT grades and test grades. Sweet! I didn't doubt his acceptance because what school isn't desperate for students right now, but the higher scholarship was a bit of a surprise. He might feel thrilled or relieved, I'm not sure. I'm relieved. At least we have a starting point with all of that. It's like taking Jared to the chiropractor, you have to start somewhere. And if it's the wrong doctor or if it's not exactly what you wanted, that's ok, you can switch, you can keep pursuing, you can learn from your mistake and move on. It's not a waste, but a process of elimination and a learning curve. I get paralyzed in the decision making process. So I've been trying to convince myself that imperfect decisions are ok, at least it's a decision. No need to feel embarrassed or wasteful with what God has given to us. Wise people learn from their mistakes, fools repeat them. And I'm the biggest fool when it comes to bedtime, so I'll finish this up while the kids are over at Grandpa's taking down Christmas decorations and Jared is at Jim's house for the men's Bible study.
Jared was able to go to work today for a few hours, and even drive to Greenwood to pick up some books for the men tonight. Some of the physical pain is exacerbated by the mental anguish, so when Jared saw some hope in the situation at the chiropractor's, I think it gave him confidence to carefully push through and be able to lessen the panic. The fear of the unknown is much more scary than the diagnosis in my opinion. So I'm glad he made it to his men's group and to work for a little bit this afternoon. Hopefully he isn't set back tonight after being upright the rest of the day, but we both have appointments with Dr. Wolf tomorrow. I'm ready to work the plan and move from the last few weeks of pain for both of us.
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| Numbers are down, once again, because people are scared or busy, so we are heavily promoting the two big homeschool events for the year for our state, the Homeschool Day at the Capital next Monday and convention in March. If we don't show up, legislators don't know we exist. If teachers can show up in droves, so can we. Let's go! We won't be doing tours or activities this year, and we'll leave a little early because Keturah has choir, but we must be present. We must protect our freedoms. And our legislators LOVE seeing us! Seriously! They want to know that their constituents care about what they are doing and they want to know they are appreciated, too. Let's go! |
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| Ah, so, there's this ongoing thread on the NextDoor App/Website about these signs. Well, someone is obviously an anti Christian or angry at the church or life or something because wow, oh wow, the thread turned into something entirely different than what these signs are about. I have willingly answered and clarified some of the issues, and so have other Creek members that are very more articulate than I so hopefully most people have understand the meaning behind these signs and the church in general. I'm just not used to hearing opposition about Indian Creek! Usually we only hear great things from the community about us. Eye opening for sure when you live in your Christian bubble 99% of the time. People can be so mean and rude! And I guess I'm still a bit naive. |
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| So this happened! |
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| Just an almost 5 year old, delaying putting real (day) clothes on, by sitting in a box on the couch eating a cucumber. This is my life. And the boxes are now a permanent fixture (at least for now, but when they get severely damaged I'll replace them with something else) on the couch because Socks keeps leaving foot wide puddles of drool on the cushions and I'm afraid he's going to stain them. Sorry bud, I don't want the dog hair on there anyway. We have to stop this. He can still take his naps on Benaiah's room, out of the way, in a quiet place, when he needs to. I guess at night, he would be more uncomfortable because he's on the floor. Poor Socks. We try to treat him well, but sometimes we have to make hard decisions. We don't have a dog bed for him because it would be ginormous and we are short on floor space. Maybe someday if he develops painful joints or something. Anyway, cute baby in a box though. |
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| Now THAT'S the kind of sounds I want to hear. Jared playing, laughing, and making sounds with Abishai. That's been missing in our home since driving back from NOLA last Thursday. |
See, this is why I don't like to skip writing the blog! I can't remember what happened yesterday! Let's see. Wednesday. School. Appointment at chiropractor's for Jared and me. School and work for Jared. School and leadership and small group for Benaiah. Small group for Justin. Benaiah paid for and picked up his truck (after we told him that no, he can't just leave it there until next paycheck). And I had my first Bible study with the ladies that are the spouses to the men that Jared meets with on Tuesday nights (and apparently Friday mornings with a lot of other men, too). Yup. Oh, I showered. That happened, lol.
At Jared's second chiropractor appointment, Dr. Wolf went over Jared's x-rays and explained the situation in detail. Similar situation to mine with degeneration and curves in the wrong places, easily put back with the 10 week program and monthly adjustments. Nothing major with the discs, but Jared has a couple of bone spurs on the vertebrae from ignoring me the last 20 years about getting adjusted. No, most people will get them. I guess the body tells calcium deposits to start forming when things aren't in the right places. It did make sense to me during the visit. I just can't articulate it as well. Again, we left that appointment with peace and hope that we made the right choice. It's now Thursday and Jared had his third adjustment today. It's going to take him along while still, but the pain is lessening bit by bit. On my Facebook post about it on Monday, there were many that were concerned because they were told by their back surgeons or neurosurgeons or whatever that chiropractic care was a big no no. I have no idea why. When the chiropractor can show through visual aids and x rays how the spine works, why not go for the easier, less invasive, less expensive route first? And based on a physical therapist's YouTube channel I watch with some testimonials about how surgeries made their clients worse, not better, and how there is a percentage of clients where it doesn't work, while go to all that trouble? I'm sure if we need to go that route, we will, but that's not how I operate at least. There's such a disconnect and bias between surgeons and the medical field vs. "alternative" medicines and therapies. There's a huge difference between physical therapists even. I trust Dr. Wolf, and his son seems just as trustworthy, (probably because Dr. Wolf is a Christian of some sort, he even mentioned God during Jared's appointment). I also got adjusted and feel so much better. I had these two huge sore spots on my lower back right near either side of the spine that weren't going away. But I feel SO MUCH BETTER today. I knew that I would be really out of whack from sleeping in somebody else's bed and being twisted weird trying to sleep on the car ride, and I was right. Same number of vertebrae as always were out of place but it just hurt differently. I'm a happy camper again. Oh, and my massive headache is gone, too! You just need to make sure that that spinal cord and major nerves have as much space as they need to send the right signals. And that's done by making sure the body is in alignment.
Oh, one last tidbit, Jared's left leg is 1/2 inch shorter than his right! So Dr. Wolf is able to get him a shoe insert that will help with that. Now, I don't know if that means he'll have to stop wearing toe shoes. He and Dr. Wolf can discuss that. But praise God it's just an insert and not special shoes! And that Dr. Wolf can provide that! Ah, God has worked it all out. Now, if we could just decide on how to handle this financially, we'll be all set. I did figure out some options, but I need to do our taxes first before I pull the money from a different account. And I've accepted the fact that between last year's medical debit and this year's soon to be medical debt, it's very likely that we won't get everything paid off until 2022. Jared's not worried about this kind of debt, or as obsessed as I am about not having as much financial progress as others, so that has given me a chance to relax and breathe a bit. It's just medical debt. We didn't decide to make a purchase to put us in it. They really aren't elective surgeries.We've got a decent insurance plan, with a fairly big deductible. We haven't had these kind of payments in a really long time, if at all. My parents did. But that's another story. It will work out and I need to be patient and not feel guilty if I still buy nice things when we have this outstanding debt. Nice things like tickets to the Monster Jam truck rally or entrance into a museum. Yup, it's ok. It's just money. We need our health. Breathe.
I did take something back to the store and used some of that money to buy milk and bananas. I did resist buying Valentine's day candy. And the pharmacist and I made sure we got the price on my expensive Cymbalta. So, hey, I'm trying. but it does frustrate me when Benaiah follows in my footsteps and still spends so much on pleasure instead of saving for the future. I wish I could be a better example to him. We financed my wedding ring and Jared had a $9,000 loan on a truck when we were getting married. And I had my (smallish) school loans. But we diligently paid those off. And haven't had any other big debt like that besides store credit cards I try to diligently pay off every month (typically the day after I buy the thing), no car loans, just the mortgage. All on one salary. So yes, I think we learned our lessons and tried to stay out of debt while not feeling we have to count every single penny 10 times. But I would have done some things differently in the beginning. We bought into the lies that our culture tells our kids that debt is ok, you can have what you want now, you don't need a down payment on a house, you don't have to work more than 40 hrs a week, etc. And Benaiah has bought into some of that, despite Grandpa and us teaching him otherwise (Grandpa being the better example than us of course.) Anyway, it's been a bit of a struggle this week with Benaiah, but I had to just let it go so I could focus on Jared.
Ok, wow, that was a bit. Let's change subjects. Bible study went really well. All the ladies said how much they have appreciated what the guys have been doing because they are all changing so much! They also told me that their guys call Jared an encyclopedia, because well, he is. I just hope they don't hold me to the same standard! I was dubbed the "leader" because of my background. I've been in many Bible studies and small groups over my whole life. I have some Bible knowledge and history knowledge. Although one of the ladies has similar knowledge and can article it better than I can because she grew up in the Lutheran church where you had to memorize the theology well in order to join the church. Actually, she has an outgoing personality and she's a talker, and I have to keep an open mind about her, because it's just a personality I don't always click with depending on their attitude. But I'm trying to because the biggest thing about this whole thing to me is that has come together naturally, or what we like to say in our millennial speak "organically." No one forced us together. We didn't go through Rooted together. We didn't join an already formed group. And I was upfront and said I can't be the organizer. You pick the time and day and initiate enthusiasm and keep it going. I'll just bring my knowledge and keep us on task. And so far, it's already working! Now, initially I was looking for a group that I would learn from, not where I would "teach" and share but I'm trying to keep an open mind that having to share what I know, will force me to become articulate in what I understand and I will have to do some research when questions are asked that I don't have a ready answer for. I just have to do some work. We had a great discussion on and off topic, which I expected. We are using the same book the guys have been using and that Gary is going to use with Benaiah and Justin, the Core 52, so now all of us can discuss it together! One funny thing that happened was when the one knowledgeable lady and I were bouncing back and forth about the church history we know and the other two ladies were just looking at us and trying to keep up but not really keeping up. I think this one lady, that I wasn't sure I was going to like, will finally be an outlet for all the things I've been learning in the kids' history and beyond! I just have to keep an open mind! So, it was a great study and I love that 3 of us are in the same neighborhood. The 4th gal lives 25 minutes away, but she teaches 10 minutes the opposite direction, so our hostess' house is on the way home for her. She'll just stay late to do her planning, come to study, and then go home for the night. I told her I understand the commuting thing since gym day is out near her and I appreciate when others can come to me instead of me going to them. And we all go to the Creek, so that's easy enough. I don't have to give my whole background story, just a few bits and pieces. All in all, a good evening.
Thursday was my counseling appointment, another chiro appointment for Jared (and school and work), school for everyone, read alouds with Keturah, leftover chicken tacos for supper, and piano lesson canceled. Oh, and I made a stop at the grocery store and got gas. Pretty straight forward. Abishai didn't want to go to bed as early as Jared needed to, but we finally got him settled down. It was way early, so Abishai went be awake earlier than normal, so we'll see. Jared might have slept 30 minutes in total last night, so he's exhausted. Benaiah had work again tonight, but he'll take Ava out tomorrow night for date night and her birthday. He works again on Friday morning and then Saturday night as usual. I worked on a lot of IAHE stuff, trying to get things updated, promoted, and communicated with two events next week and then convention coming up. There's also a flurry of new homeschoolers I have to answer right away and then log. My list is getting done, but I'm not getting much of a break between things. It's going to feel overwhelming at times, and when relationships are stressed, ugh, yeah, this boy's senior year is not going according to plan. The year of "lasts" hasn't happened quite like I wanted them to. Or "firsts" when it comes to helping him with his future. Too many tabs open! Ok, that's enough of that. I've done enough for today. Tomorrow is gym day and maybe start those taxes so we can see if we'll get a refund and then decide on how else we are going to pay for things. One step in the process at a time.
Wednesday
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| Alrighty! It's finally winter! At least for the next few days until rain comes again. This is the morning temp before I put on my heater for the day. |
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| Another day of making up stories. This time, the family is moving to new home! |
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| This is what happens when you don't check your pockets. I never check pockets and in over 20 years of doing laundry, we have had very little issues. Well, I guess I'll be calling one of the secretaries to get her a new one. The inside paper folded in on itself somehow so now Keturah only has half of a face. We all had a good laugh about it. |
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| Ah, winter! |
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| Time for winter socks! I actually haven't felt like wearing my boots this year, just "I'll just wing it" in the cold. Don't know if that's affecting my fibro or not, but whatever. I've just been getting so hot when I'm in buildings that I almost forget to wear my jacket, too. Shauna have me these boot socks (I think you can fold them over the tops of boots, too) because she has even less reason to own them, lol. They were comfy and went all the way up over my knee! I did fold them down though a bit. But I also find that if I wear knee high socks all day, my legs get itchy. |
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| I was commenting on someone's post about listening to a song off this album, so I looked it up because the music video they shared had Michael W. Smith with the longer haircut. It was back in 2010. And when I was on Amazon I saw this review. "Somewhat edgy compared to his other albums." Which other albums are you referring to? The pre worship album days or the post worship album days? There's definitely two segments of the fan population, those that knew Michael's music in the '80's and '90's and his true pop style and then he went all soft and joined the worship movement (I'm not a huge fan of those albums because EVERY Christian artist was making a worship album then and Michael was mostly just covering other people's songs). A lot of fans joined us other fans then. A lot of the songs after the worship era days were not as "edgy," although I could usually find 1 or 2 that I liked a lot on each album. So, what kind of artist do you think Michael is? It depends on the decade you are talking about. |
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| Not quite what he said. I had the big pot of chili out and he said, "I'm going to eat you chili!" and then when I was transferring it to a new smaller bowl he said, "Goodbye, chili, you are going to a beautiful place (aka the fridge)." Abishai was talking directly to the chili! Cracked me up! Oh, I guess I had prompted him a bit when I said, "Say goodbye to the chili." I think that's what happened, either way, it was cute! |
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| Gotta love it when I find snippets of info in online or print magazines about organizations I know! |
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| SNHU is the Southern New Hampshire University Arena. I don't remember if that's the same place they do their Easter service or not. MCC has something like 5 campuses now, about 5,000 regular attendees (same size as ICCC), so they like to do these big services that brings everyone together. Way to go, MCC!! |
Thursday
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| Aww, it's her birthday! But, I didn't see anything from Benaiah or her on social media. Granted they can't have phones in school but I would have thought they would have quickly put something out there first thing in the morning. Oh well, I did! Happy Birthday, sweet girl! |
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| I'm super, super busy, but just in case I forget to take a picture of my pantry before my organizational makeover, here it is. I'm mostly redoing the left side in a way that I can fit in the big machines I have, the deep fryer, waffle maker, insta pot, standing mixer, indoor grill, etc. on the shelves, so I'm going to doing something different with the spices, baking stuff, and Benaiah's junk (and the floor stuff). I have my containers, but it's going to take some long hours and I actually have to put away Christmas stuff first. I can't wait to get in there and organize! I knew this wasn't going to be the final product when we moved in 2 yrs ago. Don't worry, I'm going to spread the machines out on different shelves so there's not to much weight on each one. I already have one support on the right side that needs help. I love that it's a "walk in" little corner pantry. Makes me feel like I have an updated house because it's the only "walk in" room I've ever had. All my closets have been very old school. |
Pantry Before Makeover
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| He didn't want his picture taken, but he wanted to be the cop that got the bad guy (Justin). He finally took the badge off his new Hot Wheels police station (it's supposed to come off). Good cop or bad cop? (reference to the Lego movie). |
The End
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