Mass hysteria has turned into EVERYTHING being cancelled. Schools have gone on spring break early and shut down for the next three weeks. Churches are going to online services, including our own, which is the first time in our church's 40 years plus history that something like has happened. Our IAHE convention and all events at the major sporting arenas are cancelled. The governor of Indiana has declared no group greater than 250 people are allowed to meet for the next 3 weeks. Three major events (but minor in the scope of life itself) in my life are cancelled and I'm so frustrated, mad, sad, irate (that word keeps coming up in my crossword puzzles), anxious and basically just angry.
Store shelves are empty of rubbing alcohol, cold medicine, TOILET PAPER, Lysol spray, Purell, cleaning supplies, and the like. People are stealing TOILET PAPER from each other's grocery carts as they stand in line. And no one know who these people are because all of my friends aren't doing it. INSANE.
Let me backtrack, because if you are reading this out of context, you'll have no clue what I'm talking about. A virus, dubbed, Covid-19, a form of the family of corona viruses, became widespread in a province in China and is now traveling the world. It's as deadly as the flu and seems to have spread faster. There is no cure right now, but testing kits are out there for it. Anyone who has tested positive for it and those they have been in contact with, are being automatically quarantined for two weeks. People who were on cruise ships weren't allowed off the boat. Tough luck if you are in another country because now all flights from Europe to the USA have been cancelled. China is now recovering, but it's taken almost two months. The media hyped up this virus and the mob that is our country's people have taken it to the extreme. We have survived dozens of outbreaks before now, why is this one any different? I can't answer that except maybe social media? Doctors are furious about all the misinformation. Surgical masks are being stolen from hospitals by people thinking it will stop them from getting it, and now there's a shortage.
Yes, we need to stop it. Yes, we need to protect the immune compromised, elderly, and children. Quarantine should help based on the math. But why now? And this is where it gets extremely personal.
First of all, these three events I had, a big homeschool book sale, Brickworld (Legos), the IAHE convention, and the Michael W. Smith concert (not cancelled yet as I write that but I'm 99% sure it will be), are all in the next two weeks. And at least the IAHE and Michael W. Smith concert were HUGE to me. Brickworld comes every year. I will have to find another way to get used books if the book sale is cancelled. But let me explain.
First of all, remember, I'm an Enneagram 6 with 5 wing. I was born to fear, panic and be anxious. But I try to use those things for good. Somebody has to ask all the detailed questions and solve the problems. I also have general anxiety and take things far more seriously and deeply than most people I know. So remember that as I write.
The IAHE conference. I don't have any time or finances tied up in that except for sharing on social media. But I have tied myself up emotionally and mentally, praying for Tara, our leader, the board, and other top leaders in our organization. You see, the convention is our bread and butter to sustain our financial needs for the year. None of us are paid for the work we do, but there are office costs, advertising costs, printing the magazine, etc. I don't know the inner workings, but being an accountant, I can guess pretty well. This was our make or break year. Depending on what happens, we may or may not have a convention next year. It's kind of scary. We all know conventions are on their way out of being useful, however, there is a segment of the population that are not online as much or have access to speakers and what not. Our motives and hearts at the IAHE are to be servants of our community. We live to serve them whatever their needs are, Christians and non Christians, homeschoolers of all types. We do whatever it takes to get them the information they need how they need it. And convention is the biggest way we do that. And I feel so bad for Tara and the team and all the time they put into an event like this. Several of us were raw and honest about how we felt when we cancelled the event and/or the venue or governor shut us down. (It all happened so fast between 5-6pm tonight!) Many of us are mad, sad, and curled up in a ball crying. Again, I didn't have to worry about details, but I feel bad for those that do. So I weep for them. And I weep for myself.
I was so excited to be on the front lines at the IAHE convention. I was going to proudly wear my IAHE gold badge and be of service with a smile on my face. THIS is where I belong, THIS is my ministry. THIS is my passion. And yes, it is a position for both Jared and I, however, I run the show on this one. I was going to be so happy that Jared would be "forced" to stay with me and maybe even catch the passion some more. I've been worried about his sciatica pain and how much he would be able to help, too. And you know what, SATAN has gotten in my way. I can talk all day long on social media, but I was longing for some one on one time with people that need help. I said in another post, but I'll say it here. It's not about me being right. I serve, I speak up, because I CARE for you and your children and wants what best for everyone, and that's not always homeschooling. Just last night I asked out of curiosity on Facebook how public school parents are able to share the truth/their convictions/their religion with their children. I'm to the point where I don't care where they attend school, just as long as children are learning the truth from someone. Truth that I believe in of course. Remember, we are all indoctrinated on all kinds of levels and we all view life through a worldview. I love my Bible study ladies and all of them have kids in public schools. I want to help them be successful in influencing their children in sound history, science, and doctrine. That's where my heart is. But convention is where I get my shot in the arm. And we've been working so hard to promote it, post personal videos about it, make it better than ever, get sponsors and speakers and vendors, etc. etc. What a nightmare.
However, we are going to pull through and attempt a last minute online convention. We are also encouraging registrants to not ask for a refund but turn their registration money into a donation so we can be supported financially. That's what I would do. I wouldn't ask for a refund. I will ask for a refund to Brickworld. And as long as the concert is just rescheduled where I can get my exact front row seat, I'll be happy there (or with a refund). But non profits need all the help they can get. We were just not set up for this sort of thing, just like our church isn't set up for a full online service or campus. Everybody is scrambling. And I really can't do anything about it but pray. And do something if I'm asked to do it, like make a video or answer emails. I'm trying to keep up with the Facebook pages and help there, because it's what I do best.
Let's see. Oh yeah, the concert. I've been planning and plotting to go to that concert for months. As soon as I realized I couldn't go to the tour in the fall because the venues were too far away, I started praying that a spring leg of the tour would happen. They announced it last December/early January and I was one of the first people to snag front row tickets for Louisville. I was even able to change my mind a few times about which exact seats before I purchased them because all my die hard fan friends were going to the one in Indiana. I couldn't go to Indiana because of the IAHE convention. Now we all can't go and it doesn't matter, right? I paid $90 for that front row seat, but even that doesn't matter. I've been playing through all the Michael W. Smith records having a month of celebrating his legacy and how each record has impacted my life, all throughout March, in anticipation of the concert. Along the way, I have realized over and over how much his music (God working through his music) has helped me, even when I was barely paying attention to that CCM world. It's been a wild ride down memory lane. It was going to be a great lead up to Easter and the 10th anniversary of my mom's death on April 29th. I was ready to go. I had my outfit planned out for the concert and convention. This was it. And now, cancelled.
And here is where my mind likes to go in these situations. I've been really praying all week for these things. And especially today, I've been super anxious. I even wrote on Facebook and Instagram asking for prayer and trying to revoke Satan's misleadings. Well, I guess he did make things clear to our team by shutting down the venue itself. But in general, doubt creeps in and I'm asking, "Why, God? I've prayed hard all day, yes for your will to be done, but what about my will? What about what I want?" And here's the thing, when I pray like that, it's rare that I get what I want. When people teach on prayer and how we are to pray often and always, expecting good things from God, and the one time I actually try it, I get shut down? It makes me feel like the effort isn't worth it, which of course Satan whispering lies to me, but hear me out. It happened when my mother died. I refused to pray much because God was taking her away from us anyway. What was the point? He was choosing not to heal her. I prayed that we would find a way to resolve the issues at the college in Canada and find a way to stay there or have his end date extended until we got residency. That didn't happen. I pray that my son's heart would be softened to hear what I have to say about college finances, and his heart is still hard. I pray for my daughter to turn off a new leaf and stop being critical of everything and to play nice and work hard, and I don't get what I want (she learned to be critical from me). And now this. I pray harder than ever and I still get the "no, I have something better in mind." Well, that may be true, but boy does it hurt so much right now!
And then within minutes we went over to my in laws house for dinner. They always turn everything positive without letting us anxious people sit in our anxiety for a minute or two to process it all. We'll find the silver lining eventually, but let us have our moment, please. I wanted to throw the phone across the room after the announcement was made, almost as badly as I screamed and cried when Jared was terminated from the college in Canada. Yes, that's what this means to me. I want to blame the indoctrination and mob mentally that the schools teach for the mob mentality in the parents and in the streets. My mother in law tells me that not all schools are bad and evil. Well, I think they are, but tolerate it when others talk about them. The indoctrination of our children is true, from pure nationalism, to sexual fluidity, to abortion being ok, to a general consensus that anything goes and that government is there to take care of all your needs. Yes, the agenda of the higher ups in education are out to get us. I do believe that. Anyway, if the dumbing down of America hadn't happened, then people wouldn't be going hysterical right now, people would have common sense and cover their cough and wash their hands, and then we wouldn't have to cancel everything and my life wouldn't be "ruined." I understand most won't understand that logic, but our culture functions under fear and illogical and mob mentality. It drives me crazy! Kids aren't taught to think for themselves and be different. They are just lined up and expected to go to school and get these many credits and graduate after 4 yrs of high school and then shipped off to a liberal college and career track (college is supposed to be more than career training), on to a life of work, kids, sports for kids, big suv's and houses, etc etc etc. Point is, I think differently, I don't understand our culture as it is. And it affects my personal life, so I get mad.
Wow, I just got distracted for a solid 30 minutes, what was I saying? Oh yeah, give this anxiety ridden girl a little while to have her hissy fit and then calm down, buckle down, and find the solution, because this girl is all about a crisis and finding solutions. I just told my counselor today how I was proud of myself for sliding into the caretaker role when Jared came home from Christmas in New Orleans with his debilitating sciatica pain. I got mad for a hot second, but then mostly sad, and I've been able to not be bitter at all about his inability to even take care of the kids right now. And that's all because I'm good in a crisis. It's when I have time to hesitate that I do hesitate and find excuses. I've been accused of liking drama and/or creating it. That's probably true. It's where I feel most helpful and useful. So, whatever people need, a tutor, a babysitter, a playdate, a video for an online homeschool convention, emails, give it to me, I'll get it done. I'll gladly ignore these declutter projects that in the long run don't matter. I just come up with them in my spare time to yes, make things easier for me I guess, but to fill my time and make myself feel like I'm doing something with my life when I'm home all day. Which of course, teaching your kids is your job, and is more important than any housework. So, here I am, ready and able. Our days aren't going to look any different. We'll probably get bored, too, so let's do this together! Except we aren't supposed to gather in large groups, hm,...whatever. I'm a rebel. I will venture out when I need to. Let's do this!
See, I'm already calming down. I've already looked up the convention in Cincinnati that we advise not to go to and come to our convention instead. I don't need the speakers but I need to look at curriculum. When I do buy curriculum, hopefully online from the vendors who were coming to convention, I plan to put in the memo that I would have bought it at our convention, whether or not I was going to get a discount. I had questions for vendors, too. I can find plenty of workshop material online, I just probably won't take the time to listen with all the distractions at home. We'll have to do some "at home" dates some of these evenings. I don't know if we will continue our Bible studies or not. Jared said the men are still meeting for coffee on Friday morning, but not at Panera bread, so maybe someone's home? Gym day is now cancelled, which in my case is good because today became a nightmare trying to get school in and follow everything online. Oh, I know I can put down the phone. I choose not to. I want to be part of the conversation at all times. FOMO at it's best. I even hushed the kids away as it was all unfolding. I will have to make it up to them tomorrow. Maybe we'll get some extra sleep. Maybe I'll catch up on my YouTube vidoes. Maybe I'll actually read a book or play a board game. Ah, maybe I will force us all to play a board game together before screen time, myself included. And on the nice days, outside we will go. Parks are probably not an option either. Sigh. We'll figure it out.
Ok, it's 10pm. I've lost my train of thought. I've thought too much today. I'm done. It's been a weird day. And it's going to be a weird 3 weeks. I'm sure I will get mad again when I overthink it all when I head to bed. But for now, we are home indefinitely. So be it.
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| Thanks Jim, I hope to see you on tour! Actually, he's seen all my comments. Especially about how I love POP music. He's in charge of the keyboards. He's only bringing like 6 or 8 of them on tour. |
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| Before all the madness today, playing my crossword game, I got a clue about NH! I've also had a few words relating to past history lessons, too. |
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| I know he just wants cuddles, especially since I've been out running errands and I went to counseling. I hated to push him away soon after this, but I wnated to address what was going on in our city and on social media. |
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| This was happening in real time. |
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| Not at Pastor Dan's announcement about services being online this weekend (first time in the history of Indian Creek Christian Church) but this what I wrote below and IAHE convention and concerts and other events being cancelled. |
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| Satan had his turn today, but tomorrow, we are going to learn and play and figure it out. |
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| Oh goodness, check this out! The only thing about the massive amounts of cancellations on my email's main page was an article about concerts! And guess who they interview? John Cooper of Skillet, as well as big wigs like Third Eye Blind! Go Skillet! |
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| Basically, John won't stop being friendly and hugging people and sharing the love of Christ. He and the band will finish up their current tour soon, but a lot of bands are just starting up their spring tours. Matthew West, Mandisa and TobyMac, Michael W. Smith, even Jeremy Camp, whose movie about his story comes out this weekend. If the movie theaters don't close and one of the kids are up to it or Jared, maybe I'll go. All the other music artists are promoting it as well. His lost his first wife to cancer soon after they married and then he wrote "I Still Believe" which is the title of the movie. His songs are very well liked, I just haven't gotten into his music much. He was supposed to do a show here this weekend, but it got canceled. I guess that's how to goes. I'm just glad a Christian band got to be in a major article! |
The End
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