Year 5, March 2nd-5th, 2020: When the Schedule Opens Up

Wow! Two cancellations! Rain kept us from going to learn about maple tree tapping demonstration for maple syrup and Keturah's choir was also cancelled. That left me with time to to do school before my chiropractor appointment (which I'm going to be sore from but that ok, I had a lot of kinks to work out) and going out to a meeting about our local libraries. Well, the day got away from me and I don't feel like I "checked out" as much as I normally do! Ah, so this is my "it's 10pm and I just got distracted by email and I haven't started the blog and I have homework to correct and all I want to do is play my video game and watch YouTube!" look. Ok, ok, ok. Tomorrow is a new day. We are home for more time than normal this week. It's going to be ok, I'll catch up tomorrow. Take a deep breath. Blog and videos, I'll read homework tomorrow. No more social media tonight or picture projects or anything. Anyway,...

It was a decent day. Abishai did about 7 or 8 "school" pages. I did make a more concise list of books with questions to ask at booths for convention. That was a very productive use of my time. I showed Abishai which books I will order online for him from Abeka and it's actually only two books! I almost forgot that we don't use Abeka for math anymore. I feel like I'm totally starting over and have forgotten how Kindergarten goes. Eek! I did kind of go into panic mode and think "this is so overwhelming! How do you know what science method to pick for middle school? and should we do geometry or algebra 2 first? and what are my goals for high school writing?" Whoops. I need to take my own advice I tell other home schoolers and chill a bit. It's ok. There's always gaps in education. Although it seems Benaiah doesn't understand economics, even the easy stuff I taught him, so, yup, gaps happen even when you did teach the material. Oi! Keturah didn't have a great day, at least with her interactions with the rest of us, so, she's grounded the rest of the week. She DID however help Abishai learn the household chores because he insisted he wanted to do everyone's chores. So she showed him how to wipe a sink and find all the trash cans. That was BIG. And she responded well when I told her I would pay her to clean the front window blinds. I'm sure there's other blinds she could wash, too. It's such a tedious job and I don't have time for it, but I haven't cleaned any of them since we moved in three years ago. It's time. Is $5 per blind too much? Lol. There's three in the front window, two in her room, and two in the boys' room. I'll check her progress in the morning when it's daylight out again.

Justin, too, was agitated. I needed him to occupy Abishai for 30 minutes, and he yelled at Abishai saying he would only play for 5 minutes because he had work to do. Uh, if you had stayed off your phone and got up earlier, you wouldn't have felt so behind. I guess they did come to a compromise of Abishai playing with Justin's toys in his room while Justin worked. Sigh. Benaiah had a normal day I guess. He's not done yet of course. And I think Jared did, too. I left for this library meeting before Jared got home. But I managed to cook chicken in the instant pot while I was gone to my chiropractor and had just enough time to take out the chicken and put cut up potatoes and cook them up for mashed potatoes before I left again. I didn't have enough time to do them on the stove and watch them and get them mashed up, so the instant pot saved the day today! Yeah! I had planned that on purpose. So, all that went well.

Then I went to this library meeting where our local library system, Indianapolis Public Library, wanted to have these discussions with local community members. It was open to the public, but only a couple of patrons were there. The rest of us had agendas or worked closely with libraries or in human services. But that's ok. It was a great discussion and I learned a ton! I stepped outside my comfort zone and networked! It was actually presented by the CEO of the IPL, which is cool. I do have another name or two that are the more proper channels to go through when it comes to home school stuff, but it was good to hear their perspective on their overall goals and we were all able to contribute some ideas of where the library should go to next. One elderly gentleman wanted things to basically go back to old school ways of bulletin boards and black and white websites. Well, we all listened patiently, but you could tell no one was going to change how they do things because of his preferences. I walked out with a library board member and she said she took notes and so did the communications person on what I said. Our library system is actually very solid. They have a ton of partnerships with local school libraries and are very aware of the need to keep moving along technologically and offering classes of all kinds for careers and learning, etc. They know we lack a lot for homeschoolers, but we are taking steps, like me being there tonight, in communicating with one another and keeping the ball rolling, however slowly. I loved being there. It was scary and thrilling to do that. I AM THE person to communicate between this huge county wide organization and our IAHE organization. So, I'm the one who needs to know what all the library offers and communicate that back to IAHE and home schoolers. I also should be utilizing some of the offerings more. Our library is heading in the right directions. Like looking for ways to partner with immigrant organizations and providing a space for people to be sworn in as citizens. Anyway, I was thoroughly impressed and now I'm armed with information to bring back to my people. Let's do this!

And it proves that LOCAL IS BEST. In this day of globalization and hiding behind screens, we really forget the impact that local organizations have on our community. And that we, as local people, who actually show up, can have an influence on whatever is at hand. It was a thrill, but now I've exhausted my extrovertism for the week. Time to hide behind my screen and my projects for awhile.

Ah, no good pics yesterday, sorry about that.

And today, well, not many either. Here's the scoop. It was a rough day for me. After posting some controversial stuff on Facebook when I thought I was emotionally ready to handle the discussion that followed (which was ok, no one swore at me or was mean to me or others, it was just a discussion), and a couple of other things, and some not so fun talk among my Howell relatives, I had a nice big cry today. All before 9:30am. It left me mopey for a few hours and then I decided to get outside and start the shed to garage to shed project. I was distracted enough and did enough to feel satisfied with the project and break the mopey cycle. We didn't get enough schoolwork done, but everyone did spend time outside. I also went on a 30 minute/3 lap fast walk around the block. It was almost 50 degrees but the wind was over 20mph. I wasn't dressed appropriately on the first lap, so I grabbed warmer gear for the 2nd and 3rd laps. There were a couple of other people out walking, too. One runner lapped me a couple of time, lol. Hey, it's good to know we are trying to stay healthy in this neighborhood! But because of the wind and my walking posture (and moving things around in the garage and shed a bit), my upper back and shoulders are in a lot of pain and my shins hurt. The knees will start complaining really soon. And this is why I have to keep up the walking and increase it before November/Israel trip. It's the only reason I'm doing it. Well, that sounds bad, but in 12 years of trying to exercise, I finally found my motivation. I'm not going on a trip of a lifetime in the health that I'm in right now. I've failed lately on the fasting for 12 hrs overnight thing because I hate feeling hungry. If I don't eat from dinner (6pm) to bedtime at 1, that's 5 hrs and I'm not hungry until 11pm. Which means 12 hrs is 11am. Yeah, the timing isn't right, is it? So, gotta get back on figuring that out more (no, it doesn't mean to go to sleep any earlier right now, I'm not focusing on changing that routine yet).

After my walk, I made dinner. Jared had come home early because his chiropractic adjustment made his pain go wonky at 3 pm. He couldn't down enough pain killers. Still scares me when he does that. And he was in so much pain, he didn't make it to men's Bible study tonight. But that's ok. I kind of needed him around as moral support and Abishai liked having Daddy home. The middles and I started a BBC dramatized version of Henry V. It as definitely made back in the 70's or something and "remastered" so it's a little cringey. But after a while, I got into it and understood it. Poor kids. I'm making them watch a bunch of these Shakespeare movies. I just want to do him justice this time around. It counts as English lit for Justin and then Keturah will also have a good base for high school later. She seems to track the stories fine, although I want her to read some of the watered down stories, too. Since she is grounded from screen time, she's been asking if there's some history DVD's we need to watch, lol, so I call that a win! Now all is quiet again, ah. I know it wasn't the best beginning of the day, but we managed to turn the ship and be productive anyway, so I feel much better about it. A lot of the time when I'm feeling down and out, it doesn't turn around or I make excuses. But not today. I had victories today. I will copy and paste the Facebook post I wrote after my exchanges with my sister.  But remember, that argument was just the tipping point. I had had some things brewing for a few days before that.

From my Facebook post:

I just want to share truth, not half truths, because I care deeply for people. Not because I’m better than everyone else. Just the opposite. I want people to be better than me. I suck at relationships because I want to get past the relationship building niceties and speak truth. It is the part of my personality, the one that God gave me, that I’ve struggled with and work hardest on. You will never know how hard I’ve worked on it. Why do you think I go to counseling every single week? To reconcile my personality, who I am, to what the world needs me to be so I can have relationships, without totally compromising what God wired me to be. I would love nothing more than to get to a place of being an influencer, a mentor, a sharer of truth. I just always lack the ability to get through the first levels of relationships. Please tell me I’m not alone. Please tell me that I can play nice with others sometimes. Please tell me my efforts are not in vain. I am broken just like everyone else. I don’t speak well. But I do think deeply and compassionately. That’s why my role in the church is in the fancy salt shaker. Or in organizations where others bring the people to the organization and I teach them. I try. I really try. So when others call me judgmental and mean and not compassionate, it hurts so deeply. I’m anything but those things. But my bones cannot stay silent. Truth must be told, even when the world, and even Christians, reject me or the way that I speak truth. I am who I am. God loves me where I’m at, and He is still working on me to become a better bearer of truth. He’s not done with me, but I’m not going to wait until I’m perfect to tell the truth either. Please stop judging my heart and motivations. Judge and give me tips on how to relate better, all the while staying true to who I am. But don’t judge my heart. Thanks.

Now onto pics for the day.

Oh, and a mini motor bike and a wheelbarrow full of wood, etc.

The point is, the floor is now CLEAN and some surfaces, too, of sawdust! Back to business!

50 degrees, 20 mph wind, but I did it. I'll be sore tomorrow.

Abishai said this looks like the dessert vehicle with the droids that are sold to Luke and his uncle on Star Wars , Episode IV. If Bethany, lilsipper, only knew! Lol! Too cute!

Uh, I find a pretty brand new mattress in the shed! Ok, it is dusty from the barn it was in for a year, and I have no idea if any critters got into it, but hey, if Benaiah can use it, it would save us money!

I didn't want to restack them and Justin had been outside at the time. I had to text him to get him to come back outside and fix them.

Abishai thought these made a nice playground.

Benaiah was home for a bit because he had a later start time to shift. He did get called in early because someone else called off, though. Just a little brotherly love time.

I've seen this before I think.

 

I couldn't find the picture I saw on my timehop yesterday, but here's some from 5 years ago showing off the kids' love for their littlest brother.

Abishai giggled pretty quickly. Always a happy baby.

Before Abishai. The first time going into Canada! June 3rd, 2012. 8 years ago I was packing for the biggest move of my life. And in a few months, we've been back in Indy for as long as we were away. That's sad. I wish our stay in Canada was longer. I had lots of plans. And I miss it. But we have our Canadian baby an that what counts.

We woke up Wednesday exhausted because Jared hardly slept from he was in again from his sciatica. He had a "bad" chiropractic adjustment on Tuesday, and came home early from work because of it. He even skipped Bible study. He thinks he didn't relax enough during the adjustment and it caused a muscle spasm. So today, he went back to the chiropractor to get adjusted again. He was in such bad pain that I had to drive him there an back. I also took him later to a friend's clinic and he gave him some muscle relaxers and steroids. The second adjustment helped just enough that he was able to pick up Justin from small group and pick up his prescriptions at Kroger (they were cheap! yes!) while I was at Bible study. We are hopeful that he can go back to school and work tomorrow. Meanwhile, all of that running around meant I wasn't home much and didn't get to do much homeschooling. We'll be hitting the books much harder tomorrow, and Justin said, "We hit the books hard every day." Ok, that's true, THEY do, but time with me to go over things doesn't always go as planned.

But Jared and I had some unexpected time again and it was like a date! Just doing life together. That's all we want to do. Just like Benaiah and Ava going to Meijer to get whatever. I miss doing life like that. It's a good indication of what life without kids will be like again someday. And yes, we left kids at home to do their schoolwork and screen time (we were home in between appointments). It made the day more than tolerable because we were together. We haven't had time alone in a long long time. I can see how couples grow apart during the years their kids are growing up. Super, super busy time! But I think we will be just fine. Just knowing we can take care of each other in turn is helpful. And in being the helpmate today, I realize just how important it is to listen to the other person's detailed explanations of pain and what they've done for it, etc. I'm sure my talks about my health are just as boring and Jared feels helpless like I did today. I do embrace the thrill of crisis mode because I feel like I get to do something and I'm useful and helpful.

Bible study was fine. The chapter was good, but we didn't stay on the parts I found were interesting. Which is fine, everybody needs to get something different out of the chapter. And I was mentally checking out about 8pm anyway. I'm exhausted, too. At least I got Abishai's jacket zipper fixed, some misc picked up from the dollar store, a run to the library, and a package dropped off for Jared/e2 that he couldn't do yesterday. Yes, I finally felt useful after listening to my husband's grunts and cries in pain. As I shared the other day, I have pure motivations. I serve, I teach, I work, because I love and I care. That's it. So I got to serve my man today instead of my kids and it filled the trifecta of hormones that I read about in this week's chapter (chapter 9 on happiness) in our Core 52 book.

Trifecta: pg 61
Oxytocin: comfort, safety, trust; physical touch is important in this one
Dopamine: adventure, activity, creative energy; drives productivity, travel adventure, things like solving a problem or learning something new
Serotonin: respect; someone asks your opinion, treats you with respect, applauds your performance

You can probably tell which ones I'm good at and which ones I'm not. I do understand and get oxytocin from hubby. I do love, love, love it when I come up with the perfect solution and I'm a cautious adventurer and sometimes try new things. But serotonin, well, that's why I take cymbalta. THIS is where I'm always lacking, and it's because of my personality or I didn't get enough of it in childhood or I just don't know why. But this is exactly what I've been struggling with. I want to HELP people. I want to be treated like I know what I'm talking about. I want to be told, "Well done, good and faithful servant." and Jared has even used the word performance with me before, as in, "It's not about your performance. Stop focusing on your performance. I don't care if you perform well on (making dinner, cleaning house, etc. and he says all of this with lots of love.)" Yup, I feel the worst when my advice isn't considered or I don't deliver on my promises or everything isn't perfect. It totally makes sense.

The other part of the chapter I thought corelated with these three, but the jump was a little hard for me. Oxytocin: focus on surrounding yourself with health relationships. Yes, I get it, but sometimes that's not possible. Dopamine: mediate on God and his Word (not sure how this one relates). Serotonin: serve others and gain significance. The sections were titled "Science of Happiness" and "Scripture of Happiness." They related, but not strongly. I got more out of the Science part than the Scripture part, maybe because of the churchy words. I don't know. Or maybe the Science validates my feelings and the Scripture part is focusing on something I have to do. Although, one of the main points is that if you do the three Scripture parts and make them habits than you'll be closer to have little drips of happiness more often. I don't know. It's not what I was taught growing up that "Happiness has to do with circumstances and things and joy has to do with knowing God is God and can be praised in all circumstances." That comparison still makes more sense to me than this chapter on "Does God want me to be happy?" I still wouldn't use the word "happy" but "joy" instead. Pursue joy sounds better than pursue happiness. I did like the part that Circumstances are 10%, choice is 40% and genetics are 50% when it comes to what attributes to your happiness. You can't control genetics and circumstances, just your choices. Got it. And makes sense. Genetics and personality plays a bigger part in happiness/joy than people realize. I'm not perky. I don't "play" with exuberance. I'm nearly always purposeful and serious. Always have been. So when I seek joy, it's more like seeing peace with a smile on my face. I don't need to "jump for joy" to be joy filled. In fact, I think the only time I've jumped with joy is at a concert when I was a teen and young adult. Those days are long gone. I'll bounce a little and sing with all my might, but there will be no jumping. It hurts too much, lol. And the audience behind me don't really appreciate it either. (although I did warn them this time ;-) So that's what I got. Not much and a lot of confusion as to where the conversation went this evening.

Instead, let's finish with something I thought Abishai said. I thought he said "I have crap gas." when he was playing on the trampoline with Justin. Which to me, makes totally sense! Except, I'm not sure where he would have picked up "crap" and associated with stinky farts. I had to have Justin clarify for me what they were playing. Apparently Justin was a turtle and Abishai was a CRAB, so Abishai had CRAB gas. Oh my word! It's funnier to have a 5 yr old say "crap gas" but now it makes more sense and is much more appropriate. Although, Abishai loves to fart on command and loves to see all our reactions. His gas has been pretty raunchy as of late. Anyway, kids, boys especially. Good grief! At least they could spend some time outside the last few days and run off all that steam!

I totally am this. I'm not joking. This is me. I wish I was the one they call in the middle of the night or just because. I'm just not. But I think of what they've said to me directly or in a group setting and ponder what happened when they went to go do that thing, or what do they really think about this or that, or why would they say that? Or, I'll pray for them as they cross my mind. Or just wonder what they are up to at this very moment. Totally me.

Our pair of ducks are back! I should say Gary and Leah's pair of ducks! I found them on my walk today!

Oh my word. Another 3 laps and 1.6 miles but I'm hurting like crazy. It's mostly my lower back right below my waist. Those are the muscles that became weak and compensated for when I was pregnant and from my bad posture. My legs are normal workout sore and I don't feel the soreness unless I'm moving around. But the back is a constant ache. I think I'll take a break from walking tomorrow, which I hate to do because it will be nice out again. I did this walk in the opposite direction (to the right) and with traffic, which I know is a big no no but if I don't alternate, I will hurt unevenly. That's why it drives me nuts at ice or roller skating rinks. I don't like pushing off with the same foot all the time! It makes one foot/shin hurt more than the other. So, I'm going to alternate in my very quiet, no one really cares, neighborhood.

Youth group is very dangerous for Justin, just sayin'! Or rather his friends are quite dangerous. From a bruised elbow in Canada, to breaking his arm fallnig into a gaga ball pit at church two years ago, to smashing his finger (which still hurts a lot) last Friday at gym day, and now WELTS on his back and arm from boys pelting him with ping pong balls at small group, I'm not sure going to youth group is a good idea for him! There weren't any leaders at small group tonight, so the boys just hung out and goofed one. One kid in particular is the "class clown," Brandon, and he contributed to this. Oh well, as long as Justin doesn't feel picked on or upset. Although, being the nice guy that he is, Justin does seem to be the butt end of things. (or however you say it). They also played a game that was slightly inappropriate (using swear words in the answers?) and Justin felt like he couldn't change their minds so he played along. Well, that's not good and we had to talk about it. I don't care about the welts. Boys are boys, girls are girls. War wounds. So be it.

Bwahahahaha, I was looking for the product below and found this! It's the Avengers at the Last Supper of Jesus!

Yes, way! The Last Supper in "Lego" form! Jim bought it! Hilarious! He found it when he was buying the brick Bibles (Bible stories that have scenes using Lego pieces) for Derrick. I hope he makes it and then shows Gary! Love it!

blah blah blah

Oh so true! I still can't believe people use this excuse anymore. Actually, I've never had anyone ask me about it before. But then again, it's because we are out in public often.

Typical Sunday School kid dipping his goldfish in water and then eating it.

Eww!!

Gotta love these! The kids were able to read it with me!

I made an executive decision to do the mulch this weekend. Except, I forgot we have things on Sunday. Whoops! I guess we'll work extra hard on Saturday on it because it's going to rain all next week. I just don't want more weeds popping up with the warm temperatures and rain. The flowers are already starting to grow.

I couldn't walk today because I was too tired and sore, but I got outside for a few minutes pulling weeds and enjoying the sunshine.

Little guy, yes in the same pjs as yesterday because he can, heading off for a mission. He's already mastered the pedals and can show me how he can stop himself using the pedal break and the hand break. Hopefully one of us can work with him on going down the driveway at his pace. But for now, he uses the sidewalk and in front of the cars to practice.

There goes "Echo" the clone wars storm trooper! Going to a mission!

I still can't believe it finally fits him! I'm so glad we brought it here from Canada. It was given to us from someone there. It wasn't a hand me down from our own kids. Perfect size! And then he goes into the garage and parks it in front of the step leading into the house, which frankly, is annoying because I'm tripping over it as I go into the garage to do laundry. But, at least he knows to put it away.

Ah, yes, I need to do that.

I guess we had a little sprinkle this evening. Gorgeous sunset, too. I was busy trying to keep poor Jared company in all his pain. Steroids haven't kicked in much yet. He was looking for a pain reliever. Sorry, honey, that's not what they are for. He was also given a muscle relaxer and he's not sure if that's going to help either. I wonder if gabapentin, the stuff I take for restless legs, might help. I'll ask him to ask the doctor about it. Although I do get breakthough nerve pain all the time despite upping the dosage in the winter.  Who knows. But no doctor wants to prescribe narcotics these days. Sigh.

This is fun. I'm a conversation starter and now a VISUAL STORYTELLER on the Michael W. Smith Friends Online Facebook group. Bwahahahah, duh! Of course I am! That's what I"m doing now!

Yeah! Little guy's magazine subscription from Uncle Aaron and Aunt Shauna came in! He can't wait to read it with us! It's Clubhouse Jr. from Focus on the Family. I've seen s a couple of those before and they are pretty fun. And he's still loving that squishamal dinosaur from Kroger. Yes, it's another stuffed animal friend, but this kid loves his stuffed animal friends!

The End