The J6 Journey: Year 5, March 16-19th, 2020: Scary Times

Wow, what a day. My heart is heavy. A cloud of darkness looms. The fear of the unknown is huge. I'm not alone, but I need to face that fear and get past it. All dine in portions of restaurants are closed now. No movies either. No public buildings. Stay home if you can. Maybe for the rest of the school year. Everyone e-learning. Universities are sending kids home. We are under voluntary lockdown. And if people do not obey, it will become mandatory. We are rule followers. So we will follow the rules. But I must get out and get a fridge, get mulch, and get groceries. I need to know that I've been productive in all of this. I haven't waited this long for things not to get done.

Then there's graduation, CIY, even our trip in the fall. Do I even bother with getting passports? There's no more acting like life is normal. It's not. I did just watch a video from the CEO of Kroger and he was optimistic that the supply chain will catch up. They are shortening their hours so that their employees can rest and have a chance to restock the shelves. I am going out tomorrow. I need to see for myself. I need to buy something. Anything. I definitely need dog food. But how much do I buy? 2 months worth I hope. I don't want to go alone. Maybe Keturah will go with me. Jared wants to go to work. He's not quite on the same page as me or worried about the same things. Frustrating but that's typical. I'll pull up my boot straps and press on. If he doesn't like it, then whatever. As far as meeting with our friends, I now have conflicting posts. Some say 50 or less and some say 10 or less. I'm ok with our 5 families plus Gary and Leah getting together for church and Bible study. We all have low contact jobs and/or are already at home and we are following the rules. None of us are sick. "Let us not give up meeting together..." right? We'll see.

It's just so rought. Poor Benaiah even told me to stop talking about it because it was stressing him out. It's his senior year (oh boy, I'm going to cry). This isn't what I had dreamed of for any of my children. This poor child hasn't had a normal life at all. The pressures of being a preacher's grandkid. Having to clean up after his mother gave birth at home. Being in charge of siblings too soon by himself. Challenges before we left PEI. Going to school that has some really rough kids and drama. And now, no prom, no graduation, no graduation open house. All things I've been looking forward to since I was a teen. I couldn't wait to go through it all with my kids. This is going to define his graduating class. Again, I'm sure our small school can easily reschedule. But it won't be on the same timing. It won't be normal. The families went to get the 7 days of homework (3 for this week, then it's spring break, and then 4 days the next week) but were also told to completely clean out the kids' lockers. It hasn't been officially announced but the public schools and Benaiah's school are probably going to shut down completely and finish the year through e-learning. Benaiah is going to hate that. He's convinced he can't learn that way. Well, kid, get over it. I told him he could go to Grandma's house to study. I also told him that just during this crisis, once he catches up on sleep and school, maybe he can help me catch up on things that I needed Jared's help on, like lifting a box or parts of the yard work. I wasn't planning on him doing chores or household tasks even next year when he's just working. The point is to not to rely on him, but maybe this is a blessing in disguise since Jared can't do things. Benaiah seemed to be understanding what I was asking.

I did get angry at the other kids for their whining and complaining about helping today. I was telling them to do more than usual I think and in a very mean tone, so it didn't go over very well. We'll have to work on that one. Our routine still seems a bit lopsided, and it's mostly my fault. I get jealous when I see how other moms like to make messes with their kids or they seem to just sit there and watch their kids play. I don't just sit there and watch kids play. I'm usually on my phone and not just playing a game. I don't want to take the time to play a board game or attempt a craft knowing they aren't that interested. It's not a habit we started a long time ago. I'm also going to be jealous because now these parents will have even more time to clean out their already minimalist and beautiful homes.And I'll still be trying to figure it all out and fit it all in. For this crisis, it's like a game to some families. It's not for me. It means I don't get a break. I don't have time for movie marathons. I want to work on projects by myself. Surely I'm not alone in this. Maybe I will just take spring break next week. Maybe I'll let them watch lots of electronics and not feel guilty about it. I don't know. But I do know that this hard, so very hard. And the children feel it. I'm mentally exhausted. Spiritually and emotionally, too. And my physical body is hurting, so I've pulled back on the amount of gluten I'm eating. I can't keep my eyes open much longer.

Otherwise, it was a normal homeschooling day. A few cleaning chores for me, some shcool for them, so nonsense little 5 yr antics.

Just a few of the posts from today.

I hope we have more fun like this.

I found my Colonial era outfit that my mom made for me!

Why I have this outfit.

I can't believe it fits! Mom must have made it pretty big. I definitely look like a large bodied woman of that era. I would like Keturah to try it on, too, but we'll see. I did find our colonial times hands on kits, so we'll try those this week and next. My mom made this for me to got to a colonial faire at a private high school in Candia. Fun stuff!

Just like moms of old, kids hiding under the skirt is a thing! The shirt I was wearing went almost to my knees, so it was like an undergarment, don't worry.

Abishai under my skirt.

Oh boy.

"Dump truck"? Bwhahahaha

Our house church!

Jared forgot to take Benaiah's homework to his math teacher (Benaiah couldn't go to the meeting tonight because he had to work). Fun stuff!

Oh my boy and his scribbles. Lol.

Hm,...I wonder what this could be...

That's a nice picture.

Pastor Dan updated us that for the next 3 weeks, we will be doing online church. No groups at church. No youth activities. No serve day. This is awful. All that planning. Ugh. Wow.

Today was better. I tried to be a little looser in my thinking and put my phone down a lot. We had green pancakes, green eggs, and Lucky Charms for breakfast. I did some hands on activities with Keturah. We played outside out front for over an hour. It's going to rain for the next two days, so it took a lot of pushing, but they had fun once they were out. I could have gone for a walk and indeed MANY of our neighbors were out and about. People I've never seen! It was kind of cool! I also saw a couple of people make several laps. Even our new neighbors were out. We all waved and get our distance. We are now under the "groups of no more than 10" rule. And if people don't stick to that, we will have MANDATORY restrictions. I keep trying to think of ways to get out, and then I get scared and just give up. So, no new fridge. No groceries yet. I did do a huge load right before all this happened and we've been eating it all pretty slowly. I am portion controlling most things. I tried making a smoothie with my very expensive pea protein and blech, I just can't stand the taste of pea protein, especially when I know it hurts my stomach. I think I will just make a veggie smoothie with my very crusty freezer burnt pre cooked veggies. I'm trying to think of ways that I personally can eat other proteins and foods so the kids can still have normal amounts. Jared said the grocery store right near us was ok. I'm not sure if he was looking down the right aisles, but I'll trust the system. He did pick up dog food, which we needed. It's not the same brand but it did cost $55 for 28 lbs so hopefully it's just as good as our Blue Buffalo kind that I've loved. I don't know if Pet Valu normally carries that brand or not. But now we have a rewards card, so we'll see. Ok, I just checked and it looks like they do. Kroger and Meijer and Pet Smart all carry it as well. It's my favorite because it's so nutrient dense and Socks actually doesn't like it as much, so he doesn't overeat. We tried a cheaper brand and he ate that like crazy. And you know what? It mostly came out as waste. So, Blue Buffalo for us after this bag that has bison in it!

So, we are good for now. I'm a little calmer and have a counseling appointment tomorrow via online. I did share a couple of articles with family members who aren't listening to reason and still going out. I was upset this morning because if I have to follow the rules then everybody else needs to or this whole thing won't work and my anxiety and time is wasted. I'm sure we will settle into our routine again. I won't say it will be new, but I'm trying to tweak it again. That's what I do, tinker. Like it will rain the next two days, but hopefully we can do some board games or crafting before screen time. And then on the nice days, no screen time until after dinner. The boys waste the best part of the afternoon playing video games because their friends are on, they say. Well, get up earlier, get school done earlier, so you can spend 1-3pm outside and then I'll maybe consider 3-5pm screen time.And yes, lead by example and I did, today. It was soothing and calming not to look at social media too much. I think I will take next week off from school so I can work on projects or do what everybody else is doing, reading and crafting. We'll see. Anyway, it's late. I watched Mark Lee's live on Facebook again. I watched Michael W. Smith's message to everyone. And I'm trying to work on the piles of stuff on my desk. Reading? Not a chance. But I guess I don't have to return anything for awhile still.

Our days are pretty much the same. "Who's turn is it to entertain Abishia?" "Don't say no to me, just DO it! (go outside, do chores, play with Abishai)." "Stop picking fights about the trivial stuff." "Abishai, I'm doing school, stop copying me or leave the room." "And for the everything that is good, GO OUTSIDE!" Oh and this one, "GET OUT OF BED IT'S 10:30am!" Sigh. School gets done. Read alouds are fun. Sometimes Abishai is cute. Lots of boy wrestling. Then me and my phone and what I do have to do for IAHE on it. Fun stuff. Oh, and I forgot that I told them they have to wear day clothes between lunch and dinner. That way they are ready for playtime outside. I suspect I'll get into doing the clothes switch and all that in a few weeks. For now, Let's work on this paper pile besides me that includes 4 books.

I did get some answers, so on the next dry day, I'll trim this guy up and finish the other one.

Late night homework. He attempted to get started on his homework and stay up late. It's the only time it's super quiet in the house. His assignments seem decent for his grade. I doubt he'll go back in 3 weeks time. But we'll see.

It's St. Patrick's Day! I don't always do these, but I wanted to try. I've done green eggs and ham before, too.

Green eggs and pancakes!

Abishai ate them up quickly! And I had some as well because I'm still eating a little bit of gluten, which might be good if we run out of food options.

Oh Keturah, not again. She was over in Benaiah's area and was picking at his sugar stash. And she spilled a whole bag of jelly beans on the floor. Why?! She knows better. She picked them all up but I can't guarantee that they are dog and crumb free. I told Benaiah to feel free to get out a gate again. Ugh!

Abishai made an arena where cars could crash into each other. Too cute!

Justin was actually doing an experiment with Keturah. Which produced tears when Keturah and Justin both came back in. Abishai just wants to play!

One o the things in our Colonial Times hands on kit that I had been saving for a really long time was a real brick of tea like they used to have! We checked to see what part of the bigger brick it was and then I scraped at it for 15 minutes trying to get enough for a cuppa of tea without destroying the image.

Tea!

It's such a process, but that's what the colonists did.

Then I strained it into a another cup a couple of minutes later.

Trying to make a spice ball that the colonists had because they didn't bath very often. It's supposed to be hung up and dry out in 6-8 weeks. I'm afraid it might just rot.

Ready to bloom, just in time for Easter in a few weeks.

More flowers of course. And I don't see any of the weeds and grass I sprayed, so that's good.

Time to get out some bubbles! And some landed in the grass and stayed there for a long time.

Chalk drawings. I said chalk and Abishai got it out immediately.

Yup, the word of the year, "social distancing." Staying home and/or staying 6ft away from others.

Brought out a new jump rope and had a great game of "snake is going to get you." But then we got tired.

Dirty toes.

Look at me, Mom! He wanted me to move his basketball hoop.

His so much bigger, check this out! Up, up, and away!

Great stance! And yes, he got the ball

I moved the car so we could ball and then decided to leave it on for awhile to run the engine. We listened to some music together. I hadn't been in the car in 5 days.

Dancing and having a snack.

Sunroof!

Gas prices are way down but I can't go anywhere. So, do I get gas or not?

Yeah for big brothers!

Justin trying to dump rope, but siblings followed.

It's easier to spin the jump rope than to jump it.

I want to do my own song, Mom. He usually has a song going on in his head. He picked up song with "God is father, Jesus is the son, Holy Spirit, three in one." Totally appropriate for today! He catches onto songs fast!

Oh, another part of our breakfast. They always turn the marshmallows more green around St. Patrick's Day.

Still overwhlemed. Still not coping well. Still trying to figure out my normal life, never mind one with an impending forced quarantine since there are still many who aren't following the rules. Really, why can't I get a handle on myself? I know how to cope. Why am I focused on all kinds of the wrong things (for us)? Sounds like I need that spring break more than the kids. So I'm going to do it. Sure, we could do 5 more days of school or just do math and it still counts, but I know I'm not going to get as far with schoolwork so it doesn't matter either way. Why do I need the break? The kids are doing well. But my house isn't. And I had an aha moment this morning:

Today's aha moment was that the reason we don't get to do the fun things everyone is posting about on social media is because we are wasting at least 1-2 hrs of the day buy sleeping in in the morning and then not having "productive" time in the evening. I should say quality time, not productive. We are still always marking our days around screen time, so that's out. No screen time until after dinner. That poses some challenges because of the devices we have, but, it could just mean we watch a movie together instead. Or, Abishai still has his time during our school time, Keturah does hers on the tablet after dinner, and Justin waits until Abishai goes to bed to do his so that Abishai isn't watching Justin. Or Keturah could have it before dinner, but then she wouldn't go outside when it was light out, so....And why am I stickler about screen time when everyone else is enjoying movie marathons? Because my kids get consistent screen time all the time whereas everyone else is used to being at school and work and sports on the weekdays. We need to get up earlier. Then I can finish school earlier and we can have a couple of hours in the afternoon to do hands on projects or be outside. The kids do finish, but then I'm stuck trying to juggle them and Abishai in our faces and my own projects and by 3 pm I'm already hitting my limits. I have to get up earlier and start in on my projects. And I'm trying. I got a little distracted today. Everyone is doing a Covid-19 routine and I need to tweak ours. Dinner is typically at 6, so dinner prep is at 5. And everyone is starving by then and we have had Bible study and things after that, so I don't want to push dinner because we get involved in a project. Anyway, by biggest takeaway is that I'm not giving us too much schoolwork or chores or whatever to do, but we don't have enough hours because we are being too lazy in the morning after they all get full night's sleep. There's no reason for them to sleep in the morning. And that means I have to work on my sleep, too. Still hard to do. So very hard, but I have to keep trying.

I also exploded this afternoon because I realized I had counseling at 3pm, but my counselor thought it was 3:30 (teletherapy online). And then I didn't know that Bible class was today, I thought it was tomorrow and that was supposed to start at 4, but we didn't know who was going first. Gary and Shauna were slow on the texting replies. So I had to quickly figure it all out and my conselor and I postponed until the evening which helped not put pressure on getting Abishai off of the tablet. I was originally going to use my computer for teletherapy, but used my phone instead and it worked well so I'll keep doing it that way. Point is, rapid fire discussion and decisions lead to me throwing a fit because I can't handle it. The noise, the going from room to room to make decisions, not being ready on time, etc. And then in the middle of Keturah's class, my computer randomly shut off. Oi! So, I didn't prepare dinner. Instead, I took a time out and watched Michael W. Smith do a live session on Instagram for 35 minutes. There was just enough leftovers for everyone and Benaiah and Ava had bought some pizza and let the kids have some. Otherwise, I had it in my head to tell them to eat PB&J (which they don't ever do, fyi, my kids are weird, oh, but I can because I'm still eating gluten this week! Yum!) I'm trying to portion control everything, so no, I'm not making new food today. Get creative on your own.

But as I posted on social media and got some feedback and talked to my counselor, there was a cuople of strategies I'll try. First, let the kids fight. If I'm trying to do something like reading or a project, just let them be. Take away the thing they are fighting over without lecturing and walk on. Also, go to the car to get away if necessary, if it's a bit too cold or rainy. And thankfully, I can read again on the front porch or listen to audio books on a walk. I just need to prioritize these things. And I need to utilize Grandparents. So, I'll talk to them about that. I don't know what that looks like if we are forced to stay in our homes, like what constitutes immediate family or whatever, but we'll see. Everything has changed so rapidly. I think a lot of my issues are just around trying to make the right decisions about going out or staying home, do we have Bible study or do we not. Should I get groceries now or later.I procrastinate because I don't want to do the wrong thing. I need to let that go and forgive myself if I find out it was the wrong move. I did get out my to do lists and looked them over. Hopefully I can put a better routine down on paper tonight, but I already feeling my brain fading away. "I can do it tomorrow" and then I wake up late, lazy myself through breakfast and social media, panic because it's almost lunch time, do school, oh wait, it's dinner time now. Oh wait, I never did ANYTHING to help me better. And on and on it goes. If I choose to blog first, than other things that need my mind don't get done. Yup, it means go to bed earlier. But I don't. And then I regret it. You know the cycle.

I know this post in particular hasn't had a lot of "what did the kids do today" kind of stuff in it. It's hard to remember any cute moments or victories when your head is in a swirl. I haven't even been taking pictures because I'm trying to stay afloat. And if that's all this blog post is talking about, it's truth. It's been a really hard two weeks for everyone. Nothing is really settled. Everybody is anxious. It's scary, the virus, the economic impact, Should we help neighbors or should be not. Go to work or stay home. It's weird. The kids are being normal, I get that. This stress is more of a reflection on who I am and how I cope. They aren't acting any better or worse, it's just in these times, it reminds me of the things that bother me the most about them. Their disobedience, their whininess, and their love of screen time/hatred of outdoor time, which makes me feel guilty that we still haven't conquered these things when we had it going well for us.

I was humbled to watch a vlog today where after 7 years of infertility, they were finally having a great pregnancy, are at 25 or so weeks, and found out that the baby has the same heart defect that the father had. They are well aware of what the next steps will look like. And it's scary. Or when I heard my friend lost her job in accounts payable because she worked for a restaurant equipment business and of course they are low on work right now with most restaurants being closed. These things do make me thankful for what I have, and guilty that I'm such a whiner. But someone that I look up to said I'm not any more a whiner than others and it's ok. There's no right way to act right now. My mantra is to stay off of social media right now. I'm done. I know what I need to know about the virus and it's spread. We have to stay home. We are not the families who are just coming home from work and public school. We aren't other homeschooling families. We aren't young families with very bored preschoolers. Our family members are hunkering down (finally, some with lots of convincing), too. I don't need to see things happening in NH or NOLA. I don't need to see people still trying to pretend it's a vacation or calling e-learning/vsp as homeschooling. I just need to shut it all off. Make a grocery run maybe by the weekend. And I need a break to use my school hours for my projects. I WANT to feel free to read and crosstitch or do nothing. And that's hard to do with school looming over my head. Time for a break.

Not a lot of feedback on this one. But I think I'm just watching the wrong Instagrams.

Cute, Michael W.

Abishai wanted a double stack of pickles. I said we needed to ration them out. We don't have another job. He wants understanding what I was saying so I gave him the extra pickles. Then I gave him the extra bread he wanted and made him eat it before having some chocolate. Gotta ration and have zero waste!

Abishai wanted a sandwhich but he ended up eating everything separately as usual.

I love getting books that are part of the schools' libraries. We have such an excellent library system here! We actually looked into sending Benaiah here and it's a great school. But I recognize that name, Blake Jackson. I think he's a son or nephew of the Jackson that Jared worked for. Sweet!

Great book, too.

35 minutes of snippets of songs from 2/3 of his albums. He was taking requests and some times he didn't remember the lyrics! And he had a few false starts on what key he was in or how the song went. Cracks me up! 35 years and 35 albums, could you remember them all. Got to just sit and stare at those fingers flying over the keyboard and remembering why it's so hard to play his songs. And then I always feel so incompetent in my piano playing. Sigh. He will be doing a worship service live type of thing over the weekend he said. He's at his home keyboard here. It was very calming to just sit in the chair and not play a game on my phone (because it was occupied) and not be doing something else. To hear his voice and hear the songs I love. None of the songs stood out to me or focused on healing or being calm or anything, but just the warmth of knowing the songs and seeing how he was going to bring the snippet to life warmed my heart for a bit. And thinking, I have a front row ticket for the concert but I still won't be sitting this close to see his fingers and wrinkles, etc. lol. I also thought about how all the artists get to rest their voices for a bit while they can't do full on concerts. That's going to be healing for all of them. Sandi Patty has the coronavirus though. Bummers. My friends the Fosters won't be happy about that. I'm not happy but I'm not her fan either.

For sure this is a great reminder for during a crisis and every day as homeschoolers. Why do I think I need to ramp up what we do just because now I have everybody else to compare to? Time to turn off the social media.

I said get eggs and milk. He thinks olive oil is "essential." Bwahahaha. It is for him because he uses it in a ton of things and yes we were running out. It's fine.

I added a new "job" to my list of IAHE responsiblities and that is to help moderate the IAHE Used Curriculum Facebook page. We have an excellent social media team already with VERY clear instructions and rules. One of our rules for this particular group is that it has to be curriculum or deemed very educational. Unfortunately, this particular one doesn't fit the bill. It's not art theory or about any artists. It's not even all drawing books either. It was deleted. We also don't want parenting books or too many mainstream novels. It's a hard call sometimes, but I'm learning the ropes. There's only a bit of activity over there. I've been part of the group for a couple of years, so I'm familiar with the regular posters. I also have to approve people entering the group. I'm glad I can be useful!

Oh how I miss listening to the no nonsense Dave Ramsey on his podcast. Although I knew some principles going into marriage and learning on the fly from the Johnsons, listening to Dave Ramsey and reading his book helped to solidify my ideas on finances. I would listen to him on the way home from Crescent Project on 86th St. down to 56th St to pick up the boys and then onto home in the late afternoon. This clip was where he was talking about pausing on the baby steps (pay off debt, have an emergency fund, pay off mortgage, fund retirement, then fund college) and don't do anything drastic that you aren't forced to do like sell a home or sell your investments. Oh, he was saying don't overcorrect in this market. When you overcorrect when you are almost in an accident, you can cause a wreck on the other side of you, too. Anyway, he's awesome. I know he's a Christian, too, and some of my favorite advice was that it was ok to not pay off debt faster if you are juggling spending time with your kids, i.e. Dad doesn't have to work 80 hrs a week. Maybe 60, but there's a time and place for everything. And, don't sell the house if you don't need to after a loved one dies. Take your time.

Whoops. See, I got into a project, stopped to rest, and 2 hrs flew by! Eeek! But I'm proud of myself for getting it done. I'm actually feeling less anxiety now because Jared and Gary were sent home from the church. They don't want any extra people there, and even the church's office was empty. I'm guessing only the creative arts team will go in to get everything video tape for Sunday. And while I haven't thought about it as a bad thing, I'm glad Jared is at home now. The kids tend to behave better and I am calmer and feel safer. I know Jared doesn't work well from home, so I'm glad he got a few days in at the office to keep going. But now I had to figure out where to set him up. I had no time to prep before he got home. He just showed up at 3pm with a lot of stuff like his extra computer monitor. Thankfully, after dinner, I had enough energy and time to tackle MY crafting desk in our bedroom. Why it took a virus and Jared coming home to finally deal with a few things in there, I don't know. I didn't focus on deciding what to keep and what to give away, and that's probably what was holding me back from that project in the first place. I wanted to sort as I dumped things from one box to the storage cubes. Thankfully, I actually have plenty of room for what's currently in there as scrapbooking and handicraft supplies. I wouldn't get rid of my scrapbooking rolling bags anyway because those were my "gifts" for hitting certain sales amounts in the beginning of my Creative Memories business. I actually earned them by buying too much inventory and regretted it later. Oh well. I have NOT done that with Lilla Rose. I learned my lesson. But I love the totes and they've stood up well. It keeps most of my supplies organized because I have the smaller organizers inside as well. I just need to separate out all the extra stuff that was on the table in the basement in Beech Grove. Yeah. I haven't scrapbooked in 10 years probably. I know, I know, get rid of the majority of it because I probably won't go backwards in time and make it all up again. But I do have Keturah's baby book to finish, and I may or may not do one for Abishai. I do have a family one that needed finished as well. So, we'll see. Today was no the day for sorting. After I emptied one permanent storage tote of the scrapbooking supplies. I put the contents of a cardboard box into it that was full of knick knacks. Again, I didn't really sort through those either. Today is not the day to make emotional decisions. I had plenty of room and added in knick knocks from the top of my desk that I had wanted to store away as well. I have little things I bought that excited me at the time, like from the Arrow TV show, that doesn't hold as much interest to me anymore. But I don't want to get rid of that memory in the physical object yet. Well, to be honest, I probably wouldn't get rid of them ever, but, if they are in a tote, it doesn't bother me as much. I have several of these totes from my childhood to now. I did pull out a few things to display, too. Anyway, it's not perfect, but it will be a quiet space for Jared to use FOR NOW. It's still my desk for the long term. But this is not the season.

Wow, all that to explain that. But I feel better because I did that and I read for 15 minutes today. And I talked to my counselor yesterday. And it was a decent day today, although we got up super late again. Ugh! And late bedtimes for everyone, too! Come on! (I'm getting up to get Justin off the TV). And then, I'm distracting making sure Jared was settled in his new "office." Maybe I feel better because I did something to help. I don't know. It's late. I want to watch my TV show. Let's go ahead and wrap this up.

We managed to stay off of electronics all day. And maybe that just helped my stress level a bunch, not worrying about getting people on and off the screen. They did all have some time after dinner while I worked on my project. That was fine by me. Abishai watched shows with Jared, Keturah had the tablet, and Justin had some time after Abishai. I might let Justin have his normal 3pm time tomorrow but we'll see. I know that I've done more reading aloud this week, and I have liked that. We've gotten through much more material than usual. We will take a break from Mom work next week so I can tackle more projects and feel like I can relax like many others. Although I did realize today, that some people are trying to manage work and e-learning for their kids at the same time. It's the normal stay at home moms that are posting all the fun stuff. So while I don't want my friend to suffer like I do, I'm a little bit comforted from the fact I'm not the only one. I think it's because my counselor has had to the balancing act as well. And I've heard of more stories about the e-learning not going well, or assignments are not posted in time or teachers aren't available and the kids need the in class instruction and feedback for things like math. I get it. But parents, you're going to have to stand in for the teacher and teach it. Sorry. It definitely puts things into perspective for me when Gov. Holcomb shuts down in person schooling until the end of April and everyone starts asking "so when do the 20 day waivers count? Before or after spring break? During spring break? Will the kids get back in the classroom? Will they move on to the next grade? How will the parents/teachers decide that?" etc. etc. I have the same questions, but I'm the only one who is making the decision. I don't have to rely on anyone else. Remember, I'm not much of a team player. Give me the task and I'll do it. I make my own deadlines and then postpone them. I change the curriculum halfway through the semester. Maybe I just like being in control, lol. But I have a new perspective today.

And I let the kids fight their own battles. I didn't correct every little bad behavior and ignored it, i.e. I didn't respond when Keturah said nasty things to me. She can have the final word, I'm walking away.

We need to make some firm decisions on how we will proceed with this. Leah wanted to get together for Gary's birthday, but I don't know much social distancing they really have done. Jared said there were a couple of groups of people in their office for meetings this week, and they came from further away. Ugh. And Leah showed up at my door with the Nook I asked her about, but did she just come from her house or was she out and about? I told Jared that I'm an all or nothing kind of decision. We can't let the adults get together and not the kids. So I can we will cut off all other people. I don't know if I need Gary and Leah's help or not for the next month or so, and it would be nice for kids to go over there, but if they are still going out and meeting with individuals until it is completely banned, I'm not sure. Where do I draw the line? I wish we would just have the complete ban and be over with it. I'm confident that the grocery stores will remain open and the supply chain will be fine. By now, everyone should have their stash. We still don't need food yet. And yes, I will go with Jared to the store with no kids. That's it. No other stores. No drive thrus. No parks. Nada. Ugh. I don't know. Maybe we should just go and have dinner and then call it quits. At least I would be able to find out how much they are going out and what they are thinking. "Stay home more" does not equal "not going out at all except for groceries." You don't obey the recommendations, you aren't helping the process. Anyway, there's that. I don't know.

But Jared is home permanently. And that feels perfect. What a relief. I have someone to talk to. I have help with the kids. He has work to do and I fully plan on locking him in the bedroom, but just having him there is a comfort. And tomorrow is Friday, so Saturday is coming. I'm sure Jared will try to pick at whatever he didn't finish during the week over the weekends, but he'll play with Abishai as usual, too. Home. Keeping them home. Now, if only Chick Fil A would fully close so Benaiah would be home. It's super busy all the time right now. But maybe a lockdown would change that. I know medical personnel still need lunch. I just don't understand how getting take out is still ok. It's less risky than sitting in the dining room, but it's still human interaction. And if it's ok today but not tomorrow, what's the difference? Maybe they were hoping more people would obey the recommendations. But of course, they aren't. And I don't like being disobedient. So I've made up my mind to stay home. No friends. No playdates. No parks. No drive thrus. Only the grocery store. No grocery pick up. It's way backed up anyway. And I need to pick and choose according to what's on the shelf. I'm doing all of this for the ones who are at risk. I'm not really at risk. Jared and the kids would possibly be ok. I'm doing it for the grandmas and grandpas and the immune compromised. Doing my part, like a good little Christian girl should. And that's ok.

Tomorrow is a new day. It will feel like Saturday. But on a Friday. Boundaries and routines will be established. Just Jared, me, and the kids. I love that. It's the hemming and hawing over decisions that I don't like.

I had let Keturah make a scrapbooking page one day with some extra photos, so I found them when I was putting away my scrapbooking stuff. It's Rebecca St. James with her brothers before they became For King and Country. Aw.

He's bored at home. So, he's posting on Instagram often. For an old guy, he's pretty tech savvy (and he has some help sometimes, too as I noticed yesterday when his Instagram Live turned off). He played "The Giving" from the Freedom record, one of his and my favorites. I'm kind of liking these mini concerts where I can stare at his fingers flying over the keys, even closer than my front row tickets.

Imagine if it's 100% less exposure.

Round and round he went.

Abishai used his RC car to push his bike!

Playing while I read. He was upset that he didn't have one more left to cover the last peg. So he rearranged his whole design.

Awww, this sounds great!

Monkey on his jungle gym.

His new design.

Abishai was so excited to help Daddy put away his food when he got home. He kept running back and forth telling me what he was putting away. And he put it away well.

Found this today. It's a print of a lecture my great grandfather Glen Hayden wrote about music. He was a professor and I think head of the music department during the 1950's.