Year 5, March 13th-15th, 2020: What Kind of World Are We Living In?

Oh wait, isn't that line part of a song from 28 years ago? Let me check that...Hey, Siri, who sang "What kind of world are we living in, where we judge a man by the tone of his skin, it's crazy!" Oh yeah, Michael W. Smith, Change Your World album, 1992, Color Blind. (Psst, I didn't actually look it up! It's my favorite album, so I do actually know most of the words.) Anyway,....

Yeah, Michael W. Smith and every other artist out there has either cancelled their shows (if they are at the end of their tour) or have postponed the start of their tours or will resume them come August. Now I'm left with "I hope they don't reschedule my concert for when I'm gone to Israel in November!" Most have said to just keep the tickets and they will be honored on whatever date they can make work. Oh, and Gary did say that the Israeli airline we would be flying on in November terminated 80% or something of their employees because business is down that much! Eek! But that's November. Back to today. I was thinking more on the impact of what I needed to do at our convention for our family and how I'm still going to accomplish that. I'm going to have to make some phone calls and talk to individual companies about their products. There's another convention in mid April in Cincinnati, aka, our "competition," and if they are still having it, I might take a few friends and go over there for the exhibit hall. I really wanted to see some products in person before I made some major decisions. And the book sale I was going to go to has been moved to May, so after the Cincy convention. Hm,...I am going to wait a couple of weeks and revisit my lists and then make a decision on what I'm doing. I plan to order online and put in the memo "I would have bought this at the IAHE convention if it hadn't been cancelled. Please consider having a booth there again."

Meanwhile, social media was pretty quiet today. I know my IAHE peeps are super busy trying to put together an online convention, but I haven't asked to do anything yet. I did offer on Instagram and on our township's Facebook page to help anyone, free of judgment or expectation to continue homeschooling, with their children's education or babysitting or come borrow books from us, come play with us, etc. I feel like I'm going to be the lonely one over here, lol. I even shared information in a video! Eek! I asked if anybody could guess how many books we have, and I think I'm going to go through and count them all tomorrow. I'm just really curious. The libraries are shutting down at 5pm tomorrow, so I have to go over there and pick up what books that did come in from my ordering session two nights ago. I'm kind of sad because some books were for the week in our history book we just finished and then the next week (I was behind on ordering because we hadn't caught up yet, thus why we took a break from our regular history book).

And I calculated how many "extra" hours I have per week now. 14 hrs. That's it. I'm only officially out of the house 12 hrs a week on average. Isn't that crazy? So while everyone else now has all this time to deep clean their house, I might have a little bit of time to do my few projects, read a chapter or two here and there, etc. I'm glad my routine isn't terribly interrupted, but still. The breakdown: 3 hrs between church and lunch on Sunday morning. 2 hrs on Sunday evening if I'm doing the nursery. 2 hrs on Monday for Keturah's choir. 2 hrs on Wednesdays for Bible study. 2 hrs on Thursday if I have counseling. 3 hrs on Friday for gym day. Of course there's other times I'm running some errands or grocery shopping, so we count those 2 hrs or so, it's 16 hrs. It's just that my work is here. My life is here. My career is here. I could be much more efficient with my time I'm sure, because I do get distracted with my phone a lot. I DID put it down a couple of times today, because I will make double the effort to use time wisely while I get a little bit of extra time with my kids. My kids are going to be even more bored, I'm sure. So, to foster a family bonding atmosphere, I'm requiring one round of a board game before screen time, and that includes me playing with them without my phone in hand. It can be a short or long game. Today, they played Othello because I was in the middle of vacuuming and it was already after 3pm. Normally, I don't let them focus on the time, but it's now a tradition that Justin and his gym day buddies get on at 3pm on Fridays. And he and Keturah both paid a bit more attention this week to their studies. We've had some better discussions with better vocabulary. We won't be taking a break from school because a) there's no where to go, everything's closed, libraries, museums, even the Children's Museum! b) we are in a great place right now and I don't want to interrupt that roll c) they will be bored, really, really bored. Keturah has already picked up more of the extra books for history than has been assigned. I'm not happy that I had to ban her from screen time this week because of lying earlier in the week. She now deserves a bit more grace, so I might relent and let her have it tomorrow. We'll see.

Oh, there was a couple of things on social media today. 1) Home schoolers were asking if we have to still keep 180 days if the public schools decide to be ok with 160 days or whatever. First of all, why would we want to sell our kids short of learning opportunities? Counting days on a calendar takes 1 second. Second, although we don't recommend giving the government more than the law says, we still can go above and beyond for the sake of our kids. I would homeschool 5 out of 7 days all year round if I could get away with it. There's just so much to teach and learn out there, why stop? I always have a hard time knowing when to take a break. Yes, we do need breaks so that our mind can process the things we've learned, I get that. But really? Since when is the minimum ok? Anyway, we are still waiting on an official ruling, but I don't think it's going to affect us. 2) There was a very long discussion on the Creek's Facebook page about how we are cowtowing to the government's laws if we don't meet in person on Sunday. Oh my goodness, thank goodness most people were supportive of the church's decision and offered suggestions and Scripture to prove it was ok. First of all, this is a temporary measure. Second, the new rule states no more than 250 can gather in one place at one time, so that doesn't include most churches. And it doesn't mean we can't meet in homes with our life groups and families. Third, what do you think the disciples did? What do you think people in closed countries do? They have house church, they meet in secret, they don't have elaborate services. They serve each other communion (which doesn't have to be blessed by a church leader). Good grief! I kept saying that the Johnsons will grab whatever crackers and juice are available and have communion WHILE ON VACATION if the church we attend doesn't do it. Ok, yes, we have 3 ordained ministers in our midst, however, no where in Scripture does it say that a minister has to hand it out. I also just read yesterday an article in our magazine, the Christian Standard, about the online campuses of large churches. It wasn't about a purely online church, but brick and mortar church that has a completely online campus service. They were encouraging those churches to still have events and gatherings that would drive people to meet in person with one another. Anyway, so guess what we are doing on Sunday? Meeting with our life group! I'm so stoked! And we are going to have a pitch in afterwards! How cool is that?

Why my sudden change of heart today? Well, because it's a new day. The time for fits and complaints are over. Time to dig in and figure out solutions to the things we can't change. See, I just need a little time to let my anger out and then I can be civil and fix it. It's how I process stuff.  So don't be trying to get me to hush in the first 24 hrs of a crisis, ok? Just leave me be. I have to take care of the emotional piece before I can focus on the logical ones. And there's NOTHING wrong with that. NOTHING. If you read about all the major forefathers in the Bible, you will see that it's what they did. Moses: I can't talk, send Aaron. David: Woe is me, woe is me! Ok, now I'll praise you. Job: Why me, God? I didn't do anything wrong. God: Did you make the heavens, Job? No, so quit talking.  Even Jesus: Take this cup from me, but if not, then your will be done.  So, I'm in good company. I turned my mourning into not dancing but determination to be as helpful as I can to our IAHE team, to the community, to my friends, without assumptions and judgment. I'm not cackling over year and saying what this meme says, "Hahaha, now YOU homeschool, and YOU homeshcool, and YOU homeschool!" It's not homeschooling first of all, and it's not something to celebrate. These families are being forced into situations that will be costly financially and some families don't have internet for e-learning, or a car to go get food and paperwork from the school. We want parents to make a well thought out decision to homeschool. So all we can do is to be kind, and offer a hand to reassure parents it's going to be ok. You will survive being with your kids for 3 weeks AND keep their education going. That's the goal, to educate kids. I did tell our teacher friend Ali that if she's missing teaching her Kindergarten students, I have one kindergartener over here that is always asking for attention, lol. He's very willing to do papers because once we fill up that sticker sheet, "We go to Meijer and pick out a prize." Um, maybe not Meijer and there needs to be a dollar limit. Eek! Next time, I will go pick out some prizes and he can pick one from a bucket at home. He's close to filling the page, so we'll go when things die down over the weekend.

Right now, stores everywhere have no toliet paper, no milk and bread, no cleaning supplies. It's really, really weird. This has never happened before in my lifetime. Perhaps our grandparents remember the great depression or something. But for the whole country to literally shut down for 3 full weeks is strange. We would go somewhere, but there's no where to go, nothing is open. They are encouraging us to visit small businesses though, so maybe tomorrow I will check out the new pet store for Socks' dog food. Kroger has it but I'm not going to go there because people will still be hoarding food. Maybe I'll take a drive around next week and see who is out and about. It will be a ghost town, I'm sure. We keep asking why we don't do this for the flu or the other diseases we've had in the last 20 years and no one knows. There are plenty of graphics out there showing that we can slow down the number of people infected at once so that the hospitals aren't overflowing. I even read that doctors are running out of ventilators and they have to choose between someone who has a better chance of surviving whatever is affecting them and someone who isn't. Wow, how do you make that decision? It's literally like a war zone and trying to decide who you can carry back to the trenches. It's all worth it and our children will be saying someday, "Remember when everything shut down for months because of the Covid-19 virus?" Again, our personal routine won't change much. Benaiah will be here sleeping, and I warned him that he needs to engage with us, just like he will when he graduates. He can't spend every waking hour on his screen or with Ava. And for now, Jared can still go to the church building, it's just that large gatherings can't happen. Rooted and Deepen groups will meet, but not as a large group, just in their small groups. All youth programs are cancelled as well. I don't want Jared working from home because then he and I don't get anything done. Most of Gary's travel plans have been cancelled. If a meeting is less than 250 people and within driving distance, he will still try to get there. Otherwise, he, too, is stuck at home! Fun times!

Let's see. Oh yes, Benaiah's school also cancelled so Jared's busy trying to put some homework assignments together in the meantime. I wish it wasn't this way, but the school email was begging parents to not let their kids procrastinate and that some teachers are requiring assignments to be emailed back in BEFORE school resumes. It makes me so sick to think that parents wouldn't be on top of their kids' homework. And where did these irresponsible parents learn it's ok to be lazy or it's ok to procrastinate? The public education system. Yes, I said it. Anyway,....

Ava came over for the evening and I heard lots and lots of cackling coming from the fireside room as they were watching a movie. They had some serious talking outside while they were playing around on the trampoline. Yes, JUMPING on the trampoline, what do you think I meant? I was watching them, don't worry. Plus, Abishai jumped up from the dining room table and said, "I need to check on them." all on his own accord. Lol. Troll.

Now it's time to see what we CAN do this weekend now that are IRS money is in. Jared still can't lift things, but I'm thinking we could go watch the "I Still Believe" movie, go out to eat, and maybe check out the Johnson County ReStore for a fridge for the garage. Or do it sometime next week, whatever. I want to start somewhere. I did finish cleaning the inside of the car today, as well as put away winter gear, and read my chapter in Core 52. Ok, I think I've rambled long enough for today. Life is going to move on. We will look back on this time and probably laugh at how silly we all were. And we are all praying that the economy recovers quickly, and family bonds are strengthened. We can survive! Let's go!

That book on the right is a life saver! It has the regular version of the play and a modern version that I can better understand. I'm having Justin read the play and then we go over the tidbits of information, summaries, and questions in the other book.  There is also questions and information in the first book. I highly recommend either one if your student is studying Shakespeare!

Lots and lots of info shared by our media team at church. The service will be broadcast from the website at the normal times. I don't know if it's prerecorded but I think so. They just won't stream it until those times. And then the other things have to do with who can meet and what other activities are cancelled.

Just my rant on supporting our tech team.

Bwahahaha, and apparently, Ava loves fruit loops! They made chicken alfredo for their dinner. I just love those two so much!

I posted a lot of things on social media today because I'm already bored, but basically, I realized that yes, my life won't change much this time. Also, we have two ordained ministers, two musicians, one KP worship leader, and 4 KP volunteers among us. I think we can hold church together, lol.

This is Backstreet Boys praying before their show. I know that some of them are genuine Christians. They have never been a "Christian" band, but a band with Christians in it. I knew that and I think some of the members of 'N Sync were also Christians. But to make this prayer circle public like this says a lot. What a witness they have! I still don't approve of some of their dance moves and/or lyrics, but most of the lyrics were from when they were young and they didn't even write the songs most of the time. It's fine, they are bringing joy to people and then sharing their faith on social media. It's all cool.

In case the future us cares about what we did at this moment in time.

Wow! A handwritten note, that was then digitized and sent on social media, but what a unique way to share! They are currently in Canada and so far, their events up there haven't been cancelled. But, I've heard that Canadians are starting to panic, too, even on PEI, buying all the water, milk, bread, and toilet paper. Good grief!

These were gone within 12 hrs. They were good! I'm still doing my gluten test so I had some. I am in less pain overall it seems. That's what I wanted to know; what is my baseline of pain if I eat gluten every day. I might keep going on the trial a little longer. However, I'm finding that none of the crackers and foods with gluten are tasting very good to me. They are kind of bland. I miss my rice crackers or almond flour cookies. It's so weird! I thought I would love having real bread again, but nope, it doesn't taste the same! Donuts do. Yeast donuts. They are one of my favorite foods! Everything else just isn't worth it. If I continue to be ok with gluten after the first few days to a week, I might just stay away from it for a few months and then reintroduce it right before the trip to Israel. That way, I can suffer through the big pain here stateside, and still enjoy the local cuisine over there. Gary said that we can request special diet needs, so I'll do that, too, but come one, I want real Jewish bread! My first time overseas and I want to know what it's really like. So, we'll see!

I'm never buying this movie theater popcorn from Aldi's again. It smells horrible and lingers. But Abishai ate this whole bag of popcorn by himself. I pulled out all the old crackers and said that they have to be eaten or I'm pitching them. I could eat them, and I might try, but they aren't very appealing. Maybe I'll try real pancakes tomorrow. OO! There's those banana chocolate pancake mix ones! I'll make those!

Last night I was furious, although we didn't have official word yet. But we got that official word today. Just as long as I still have the same seat in the same arena and it doesn't happen in November. And I asked if we could add a meet and greet to the tickets for an additional price this time.  Ooooo, Michael's keyboardist, responded to my private message wishing him a happy birthday today! Woot! Woot! I know he has seen me comment on his social medias. I really have become a fan of his, too, because he's got some wicked crazy talent of his own. I don't like messaging people like that, because I don't want them to think I'm obsessed or something and I know they are busy and respond to lots of messages, but Jim didn't have his Facebook page set to where I could wish him a Happy Birthday, so I took a chance. I did get to meet him years and years ago. It's a great guy.

Fun art project we can try. Fold a paper towel in half. Color something on the inside o the "card" you made. Then put the paper towel in a shallow plate or bowl of water and watch your design pop up.  So cool!

I made them play quick game to start off this forced family bonding time.  They didn't really protest. I think, just maybe, they are old enough to understand that we try different things so we can all be better.

 In case you are curious as to the videos I shared on Instagram and Facebook today:
The library is closed! Come borrow our books!
How many books do we own?! Part 1
How many books do we own?! Part 2
We are here to help!

Lovebirds.

Aww, we are so blessed. There are many who don't have this, that want this.

Abishai is the one telling the story and he can name all the characters with ease.

Oh my word! 25 yrs? But it makes sense! I watched Braveheart, my very first rated R movie, while I was recovering at home in my parents room on this teeny tiny 12 inch tv screen from getting some molars pulled because of my mouth being crowded. I just might have to go see it in the theater! How cool! It's 3 hrs though. I forgot about that part. Hm,...I would think they would have an intermission. Anybody want to go with me? Jared won't be able to sit that long. So cool!

Well, I finally had my mental breakdown of the month. Good grief. Apparently, I wasn't able to "grieve" the cancellation of my events this month properly on Thursday. But mixed in there was the whole Jared's sciatica pain thing. I have talked about it before, but it's kind of scary when the main bread winner is ill. He's my caretaker. What if he never gets better and we're always fighting both of our chronic illnesses? All the daily tasks have been up to me in the last two months, including the kids on weekends. It's pretty scary to me. I mean, I can try to be bold and strong and I get things done. But I can trust (most of the time) that when I hand over things to Jared, he can handle them. He eases my life so much, especially mentally. So to see him in pain like this is very upsetting and disconcerting. I felt very agitated when I woke up this morning because I went to bed upset about it. I then was itching to leave the house. Ger away from it all. Escape. Once I figured out what my problem was and cried about it for a good hour, I was able to voice it to Jared and get the touch time and hug I needed. Yes, I still want to get to the movie, "I Still Believe," so it can get good box office numbers. Grandma showed up just in time and said she was going to the library, so she and Keturah took our library bag and picked up my books for me, which was really the only thing I had to get done today. I still need dog food, but it can wait a day or two. I was going to go to dinner by myself or a coffee shop or a boutique, but obviously that's not neessary either. The deciding factor was mostly getting to talk to Jared for a few minutes, releasing my stress through tears, and it started snowing. I would have been fine, but I had just showered and had wet hair and it's obviously colder out that it has been and I'm not fond of running in and out of stores in that kind of weather. So I/we took a nap instead. I gave myself permission to DO NOTHING PRODUCTIVE today. No declutter projects, no specific reading, no meal prep, no forcing myself to play with the kids.  I'm an introvert and part of my problem was/is I need to get away from them sometimes.

Realizing that I only get out 15 hrs a week and most of the time I have kids in tow kind of freaked me out. I feel stuck, stuck at home because even when I do leave, I still have to triple check homework when I get back. Stuck because I have to teach more one on one right now and can't just take off to the Children's Museum (which is also closed for two weeks). Stuck because I really, really want to just date my husband but he can't even sit through a movie or dinner right now and trying to do it at home is just impossible because we both find other things to do. I want what Benaiah and Ava had. You should have heard them cackling at each other. Not because they were tickling each other, but genuinely finding things funny about a movie or something the other one said that wasn't sarcastic. I was totally jealous. It makes my heart happy and full knowing that their relationship is based on a deep friendship. That they bring happiness to each other that isn't all physical. They can help each other destress in a real way.  They do real life together, not just hang out on the couch. They go shopping for things they need. They help each other on homework and on relationship issues with friends or parents. They are great, responsible kids. Well, almost adults. They are way more mature than their peers are, that's for sure. You know their peers need help when the principal of their school has to begin his email about getting school work done over the next few weeks with, "Don't let your student procrastinate to the last minute." Why do parents need that reminder? Maybe tell the students, but we shouldn't have to remind parents to um, PARENT, their kids. Yes, Benaiah is a procrastinator, and yes, he has actually forgotten to turn things in. But the majority of the time, it gets done. And we plan to make sure he's working on it in between other things.

Which brings me back to my soapbox. The public education system has failed my generation and thus failed my kids' generation. How? Well look at the public hysteria in the stores. People grabbing toilet paper out of each other's cart. We are a society that is ruled by mob mentality. We are sheep following dumb shepherds. No one thinks for themselves because they aren't taught to think for themselves. And the ones who are, got it from their parents. There are some great parents with public schooled kids. But as a whole, our culture is lazy in deed and in thought. So, I blame the public school administration and system for my generation stealing toilet paper and not parenting their kids well. And for not teaching them to covert their coughs and wash their hands. If our society was smarter, we wouldn't have to have all these bans on public gatherings and I wouldn't have had to give up the two major events I was looking forward to that would give me that shot in the arm to keep going at home while my husband is basically on bed rest. And that was the tipping point today.

I'm learning how to cope with being primary caretaker and the new normal of not being able to gather with large groups of people. I have spent the last month promoting the IAHE convention and focusing on Michael W. Smith music which brought back a lot of emotional memories. It's a lot to handle. No, it's not that my child died soon after birth. No, I wasn't diagnosed with cancer.  No, a tornado didn't hit my house. But that's the thing, you don't have a right to tell me if I can grieve over something or not for however long I need to. I try to explain it, but family members don't understand. At least friends will cock their heads and/or nod, but they aren't rude in their comments or "you shouldn't think that way." aka, they aren't judgmental. I am who God made me. God me a 6 with a 5 wing on the Enneagram scale and on my worst days, that means I live in fear. On my best days, I can myself and others prepare for the worst case scenarios in a calm manner. I'm an introvert and internalize alot of emotions.  I'm a deep thinker and I care deeply about not hindering anyone's walk with Jesus, so I internalize all my doubts and fears and emotions until I burst. I'm passionate and loyal and that can serve me well, until it doesn't. Most of the time, I'm good with who I am.  There are positives in all these traits. As we work on in therapy trying to turn the negative phrases to positive ones, I can do that with the essence of who I am. It doesn't mean I can live in fear. It means I can use my anxiety to be prepared and help others think through all the consequences and impacts. I hope you understand.

I'm feeling better now and looking forward to church with our small group tomorrow. I am excited to do house church. It's something that a lot of people do around the world. I'm grateful that our small group has finally formed and just in time. I don't feel as lonely or worried. I was the one who suggested getting together after it was suggested on Facebook.  I think I won't feel as isolated knowing I can see people. One family has to stay home because they are coughing. But it just feels RIGHT. I keep thinking about how Aaron and Shauna had house church for awhile and they sort of still do because they are still small and some sit on couches in their church building at the Gathering. I think of the 1st century house churches. We aren't persecuted, but it feels like a way to relate to those that are persecuted even today. And I'm sure we will still have our Bible studies. Youth groups can't meet, but I don't know if the boys' small groups will meet. Keturah's small group meets at church, so unless they reach out and just meet as their own little thing at a person's house, then she won't have that time. It's just all weird. But I'm glad I finally have some people to go through the weirdness with. People I have real phone numbers for. People that are willing to just do a pitch in after church. It just feels so GOOD and so RIGHT. FINALLY. 8 years in the making it seems.

Oh yeah, one last thing to add to my meltdown this morning. Yes, soon, we will have been back in the states for longer than we were in Canada. That breaks my heart. Those memories are starting to fade as we make new ones here. We were just a blip in the stories of people's lives up there. They got to stay and keep going. I feel like we abandoned them. Especially since, for example, some our churches, youth groups, and colleges are healthier than theirs. I feel like we failed them. I feel like I'm missing out of the best 4 years of my life. And that hurts, a lot, still. And I don't think anyone but me and maybe Jared sees it coming, the anniversary. Yes, I am celebrating, too, how far we've come, the healing that has happened, the reconciliations, the growth. But I wish that I didn't have to heal from experiencing those things.

Sigh. It's been an emotional day. I'm grateful that I did have some space to cry and process. I'm glad that Jared was up a bit more today and didn't wince as much. I'm grateful Justin can make some cookies late at night for tomorrow's pitch in when I'm already settled at my desk and just don't want to do it myself. I'm grateful our tax refund was processed and arrived just before the world shut down. I can't imagine how this shutdown is affecting government processes like tax refunds and how long it will take for people to get theirs. And I'm grateful it won't be snowing tomorrow and maybe Jared will feel good enough to go to the movie with me. I thought about going with a friend because it's a feel good movie, but I really just want my best friend.  And that's all I will focus on tomorrow.  Then I'll dive back into school and home projects again. Tomorrow, I continue to let my brain (and body) rest.

Some homeschooling groups are ok with this meme and some aren't. It is NOT homeshcooling if you are doing e-learning or public school at home. Homeschooling is parent led, not parent administered. However, most homeschoolers agree that we will help our communities if they get stuck at home and can't figure out homework or how to set up a space for it, etc. All under the assumption that these kids will go back to public school. We aren't using this as a time to convert people to homeschooling. That's rude and inconsiderate. We are here to help.

The airforce or whatever sprayed colors of the Italian flag. Italy did not do what we are doing and their hospitals are flooded with patients. They do not have enough ventilators and they are having to decide who lives and who gets to die. It's awful. But quarantining ourselves, we hope to slow the spread enough so that the hospitals can take care of people as they get sick. It make take us longer to recover as a whole but less will die this way.

Man, now that I'm looking back at pictures, I wish I had been happier about the snow today. But I had put away all the winter clothes two days ago. I was ready for spring.

We are all very aware of his age and that he has only 2-5 more years to live. We soak up his love as much as we can. I think he's very happy that we are all at home more often now. And his face is lighter in color, but not the gray white that most people would associate with an older dog. It looks like he's always been white in the face. Jared said he had a good run while he and Abishai were outside. He's definitely got pretty mobile joints still and doesn't wince in pain or limp. He's a bit slower and cautious, but that's it. I'm so very grateful for that because typically dogs of his age and size start having a lot of issues. He has always been 70-75 lbs once he was full size, and I'm pretty proud of that. A lot of dogs are as overweight of their owners. But I choose to feed him expensive food (that sometimes he didn't like so he has never over eaten it), and we don't give him table scraps every day. He needs more exercise but that will come when the kids go outside more. Oh my gentle giant, you are the best dog I've ever known. Perfect in all the ways you should be. We are so blessed that he hasn't cost an arm and a leg, too. Remember, I was going to be a vet, so it was important to me to care for any animal I own the right way and not have fat dogs or ill behaved dogs like my beagles were growing up. Part of that is their breed, but part of that is disciplining the animal. Socks has never torn up shoes or cords. He rarely has an accident or throws up and it's usually right by the back door. He doesn't nip at people. He stops barking when he's told to. He comes back when called. He's just a big love and anyone that comes to see us, loves him. He's the best dog ever.

I hope that they've upped their website output, this could either go really well or really poorly. I know they had to make sure the cables from the main campus to the Shelby St. campus had to be upgraded somehow physically just to do a live stream over there. But to do broadcast a live stream or pre recorded or whatever to potentially 100's of homes? Eek. Praying for the tech team!  And the message which will be on Sola Scriptura! Hehehehe, I know my Lutheran background! The Scripture alone is what we rely on.

I think some of us would choose a Lego set over another treat like ice cream, lol.

When you are skinny and are wearing stretch pants. "Mom, I'm just pretending.  I'm not putting water in these water guns."

Uh oh, what's this?

I hope I see a lot more of this over the next few weeks. I told Benaiah that yes, I'll let him catch up on sleep, but I expect some more healthy interactions between him and his siblings, too. It's good practice for when he's home after graduation (which is 2 months away!)

GROSS! Someone gave Benaiah Fruit Loop inspired pop tarts. Oh my word! The tops look cute, but it's so fake. None of us could really eat it. I'm still doing gluten every day, and might continue through next week, but even I'm not going to waste my gluten calories on it.

Cute design.

Just playing with my hair as it was drying. I usually use a small clip instead of a ponytail holder so I don't get a dent in the wrong place. And then when it's mostly dry, it goes up in a regular clip that you see me wear all the time. Just playing around with it to get the wetness off the back of my shirt. I probably could figure out how to do it better. It just felt weird to have the weight of it all on one side. I'm so ready to chop it all off. A little scared, too, so that's why I'm waiting a couple more weeks. We've been encouraged to support local businesses, so I'm still going to go out and do that. Coffee shops, local pet stores instead of the chains, hair dresser, etc.

I did find the kids playing a few more games today. And Keturah is powering through all our library books for school.

Wowzers, the weather said it might cover the grass but not the road. I didn't expect this much.

HUGE flakes! Which means heavy and wet snow because it's just below freezing.

For King and Country were in Canada and Canada also decided to cancel all large events. I was praying them through the border crossing. I'm glad they choose to drive and not use the airports. And they brought their families with them. That's Joel and Luke's mom and dad on the left and Luke's family on the right. Joel and Luke's dad is their tour manager, but their mom doesn't always go with them nor do their families. What fun would it be to ride all the way to New Orleans like this? So neat to see inside the tour bus!

Yup, it covered the grass. And Benaiah went to work.

Abishai was excited to have Daddy join him outside!

Daddy has a weapon.

"Snow Wakanda Forever!"  Abishai is obsessed with the Black Panther movie. He watches it every day, I think all the way through. It's a great movie. Great acting, great set, great plot. Great showmanship of what a nearly all African American cast can do. So, I don't mind if Abishai watches it.

Gotta check on the trees.

Ready, set, run!

Jumping up and down and the snow making some interesting noises.

Our friend said her cookies didn't turn out well, and Leah said she would get out the frozen ones that are part of Gary's stash (which he is going to need if he's going to survive being locked down at home). So, I asked Justin if he could whip up a dessert. It's a good thing we have easy things like these cookies! He started at 8:30pm and I don't have any energy to do it or clean up. So he did! I didn't know if he could soften the butter right or scoop them on the trays right, but he did. I have to go look at them in a little bit, but I'm glad he's learned how to do something!

Yeah! We all LOVED doing house church! Let's see....First of all, I'm so glad that we have natural leaders in our group, i.e. we are not the only ones making decisions or hosting or figuring stuff out like what device to use, etc. That is so helpful to our personalities. Jim and Adrienne hosted and they had already tested out the live stream with the first service, so they weren't scrambling. Also, they aren't last minute people either, not really anyway. We were all set 5-10 minute before the start of service. The kids sat in one room, and as far as I know they were quiet, and we adults (and Abishai) in the other. Except for some talking during the intro video we've all seen a million times, we all treated it like church. Everyone was dressed as normal, quiet as normal, worshipping as normal (loud and proud?) etc. Abishai was the cutest. We had him paying attention during the singing, well, he did play with some cars for part of it, but then he got close to Jared and started to sing. Now, these were adult worship songs he's never heard before. He caught onto the words and tune quickly. He even asked us, "Mom, can you teach me this song?" He can't read, but the words were on the screen. I had a flashback to when families worshiped together at Cornwall Christian Church and then we would split off adults and kids for teaching time. We brought Abishai to church I think when he was 9 days old and ongoing. So he sang with us for those first 16 months or so of his life. Benaiah was sometimes singing, but then I found out that he was texting Matt McConnell off and on. Goober. Once a techie, always a techie. I will put it here, but I'm not posting this on social media. The service was only sort of live. Each element was videotaped beforehand. No one was actually live on stage at church at say 9:21am this morning. The tech team was there of course sending out the signal. But everything was prerecorded. It didn't seem like it though. Transitions were very smooth. They had all cameras firing during the worship time which was more of a stripped down acoustic set. They had words and closed captioning on for everyone. I made a big deal on social media that it was the first time that Indian Creek Christian Church had live streamed a whole service before. And, it's still true in a way because the video signal was coming from our church's address. They shared it on their video platform website through our website (Vimeo or whatever they are using now) and again on Facebook live. It did say "live" on both platforms because the signal was live. I think they made a wise choice to do everything once, record it, and then play it 3 times. That way they weren't fiddling with different things during it. Maybe it would use less bandwidth that way as well. I don't know. But it all went so smoothly. Great message on our relationship with the Bible by Emerson Kennedy, too.

We did share communion together, Gary prayed. It was us, the Smiths, Jeremy and Debi, and Gary and Leah. Then we shared a meal together. We even talked about doing a themed pitch in next week. I think the social media posts stated, "We will be live streaming services STARTING on March 15th." So that tells me that we will all assume that this is the new norm until someone says otherwise. I know that there were 800 households logged on during the first hour and 600 households during the second hour. That's incredible! And I saw many of my close friends posting pictures of their gatherings with their families and a few friends. I think that today was a "success" in the life of our particular church. We've had the capability for awhile because we live stream the sermon, but we don't want congregants to stop meeting in person, so we've been hesitant to implement it, as we usually are on most things church. We aren't early adopters but we aren't last of the adopters either. We are cautious and careful. Lunch was great, good conversations, and then we all went home.

Abishai and the rest of the extroverts got their people fill for the day at least. It's clear, but cold outside, so I'm not pushing the outside playtime today. We are all napping/on devices. I'm just feeling very lazy and unmotivated and tired. I'll need to hunker down and pick something off my list tomorrow after we do school. Again, when there are no set deadlines, I don't feel like I need to stay on top of things as much. I can let things slide a bit because I do have time the next day. So, I'm taking Jared to the movies. He was able to sit with less plan yesterday as long as he stretched in between and he was able to sit and stand today and still have conversations. Now, I'm taking him to "I Still Believe" which is a romantic inspirational movie. I just want to a) get out of the house b) support this movie and c) date my spouse and d) no one else will go with me in my family. I have bought tickets for movies that I want to do well and not physically gone before. But, I figure, things might shut down more, so we might as well go now. He whined and rolled his eyes, so that means he's in good spirits and ok with it. Benaiah asked if Ava could come over and said, look, bud, I'm home all week and she can come over during the day any day I'm home. I'm not going to deny Daddy and me for you in this circumstance, because I know you'll get more time another day. Ava's mom wouldn't let her go to a restaurant with him.  I want to support local businesses. So maybe Jared and I can do lunch sometime this week. We aren't sick and no one around us has been sick. Ok, we had a head cold. No one has had the flu or the coughing/fever that indicates possible coronavirus near us yet. We know how to wash our hands. So, we will go out from time to time, carefully. I have a refridgerator to buy and workbench to build. Mulch needs delivered. Until the governor shuts down all operations, I'm going to continue my life.  We can go mid week and purchase groceries once the stores have had time to restock. A friend said our 24/7 Walmart has changed it's hours to a more normal time like 8am-11pm so they can restock shelves without the crush of people. A store on PEI just said that they are opening a bit early so that the seniors can come in to a freshly restocked store that has been thoroughly cleaned before the general public spreads germs. If any and all people would be considerate like this, it would go a long way.

As I was telling my friend, the culture around us is very narrow focused because they don't think beyond their nuclear family. They don't go to church or to a church that focuses on global missions. They don't see the plight and the way the rest of the world works. We have the advantage to have that perspective through our mission partners and by learning world history and keeping up with current events. We know where the persecuted are. We know personally know missionaries that are in house churches. As leadership, we know what the culture is with church leaders and churches in general. Most churches did still meet today because they are smaller than 250 people. Our church is not normal. We are seen as normal because it's what the social media sees, the bigger the supposedly the better. It's not always the case. Churches on PEI can have an even greater impact in their area because they are small and not intimidating. House churches have been and are the norm. They are mentioned in the Bible because that's how the church started. So, it just feels RIGHT to do this. And we were all in agreement. It's good to get out of our comfort zone and it's good to be among people who do embrace a change like this that came with no warning. So many of us embraced it today, and it makes me great joy. So many people dispel the myths and negativity on our church's Facebook page. Our leaders know that we love them and appreciate them, and that they are looking out for us. That is amazing! And God honoring! And, just wow, oh wow. Something I want to praise and cling to because of all the grumblings I personally see, and read about, and engage in myself. Seek to understand a change and the reasoning behind it, and then get behind it.

Phew, what a day so far. I hope the movie is great (I'm sure it will be from my romantic girly self). It should be because it's from same company that did the other Christian music artist movie. Christian movies have come a long, long way from their cheesy selves. I think Hallmark movies are cheesier now, lol. Time to go support them!

I feel a bit like Leah now. She does meat and cheese trays sometimes. I'm so out of practice of bringing food to a group.  And even then, I used to be the brownies or cookies girl.

So professional!

Look at these people! They are my favs!

This is why America is doing this. And I agree. But hoarding food is not nice. Did you know that manufacturers are still producing goods? And that trucks get to stores every 1-3 days? Unless I hear otherwise, there will be food on the shelves in a day or two.

LOVE LOVE LOVE this analogy!  That why firemen make trenches in a forest fire, too.

I hope he doesn't cringe too much.

Poor Justin thought the batter was too thick (it's all those pancakes he makes!) so he added milk. And then he didn't use a small scoop. I think it was supposed to make two dozen cookies. He also forgot to spray the pans. "But they say non stick, mom!" Um, non stick pans are never truly non stick. Oh well, they aren't burnt and they taste great!

Oh Justin.....and he headed to bed, so I had tot pick up the mess.

Whoops!

They don't look pretty but they taste great! (week 2 of my "trying out gluten" thing).

Abishai patiently waiting for everyone else to get up. He's always the first one up on days where the men don't have to go anywhere. I love his little nest.

Keturah helped make the meat look pretty.  Daddy and Grandma complimented her.

Hilarious! It's like on PEI when babies are conceived in wintertime and therefore, everyone's birthday is in September-November.

"Driving" us to church! Aka, Smith's live across the street from Grandma's house, which is one street over.

Fellowship before church. And look who's here! It takes a pandemic to keep Gary home, but we'll take it!

Pre service announcements.

Kiddos ready to go.

Aww, our middle schoolers and young teens.

Keeping quiet during song time.

Worship time!

Abishai wanted to try singing, too. They actually had a worship time on the Parent Cue app or something, but we didn't utilize it. It's meant more for Abishai's crowd anyway.

Breaking bread together!

Yup.

Hopefully finding a fridge to go in this space this week. They are on Facebook marketplace at this resale shop, so I hope it's not shady. However, they do deliver, so that will be helpful. There's a guarantee as well. If I can get this space and a path cleared up, then hopefully they can bring it all the way into the garage. We don't need a fancy install, I can plug it in. It's going to be an under $200 old style freezer on top fridge, so not huge but wide and deep enough for bigger pizza boxes and containers like my veggie tray. We have a side by side which is pretty deep, but doesn't fit casserole dishes well. I have some stuff to move around though. But Benaiah is home during the day, maybe I can get him to do some moving around of those boards or something. I don't know, we'll see.

Well, the movie didn't happen because my husband is a paranoid. But we drove around east of Franklin Township for 2 hrs talking instead. Good enough compromise. The point was to get out of the house before we are stuck and to have a date. I call it a win. And the movie did well  for box numbers on Friday, so I'm ok with that. However, we just got word that CDC has reduced the number of people who can gather at one time to 50 people and for the next 8 weeks! That bumps into Benaiah's graduation. That means that school's around here basically won't be going back to school at all. That means I'm stuck at home with no escape. Resaturants and bars will start to close this week. Benaiah said that the dining room at Chick Fil A will close by the end of this week, so drive thru only. Now I do need that second fridge and more groceries and two bags of dog food. Praise God our IRS refund is in the bank so we don't have to worry about money. But so many people will be left devastated. I'll be fine tomorrow, but tonight, I'm all revved up again. I thought I was finally able to breathe again after our two hour driving tour. Nope. It feels like we are heading towards what our grandparents went through during WWII. Ok, it won't last for years, but it's scary to think of real food shortages, ok? We've never seen this before. I've never been in a household that is so poor to not have food in it. I don't know what real hunger looks like. And don't get me started on being locked in at home with my kids.

Yes, I'm home with them already all the time so I should be more used to this. But think about how you get tired of your kids by the end of summer. Now multiple that 6x and that's how homeschooling parents can feel. We long for our mom breaks of Mom's Night Out and playdates, ok? Even us introverts. I think we will stay safe to do our Bible study and home church stuff, so maybe playdates in the neighborhood. But they are urging people to NOT pretend this is vacation and NOT to arrange playdates with everybody. I also don't like being told what to do. Right now, it's not a law, it's a recommendation. But we are rule followers, so we will do it regardless. I don't like that. I'm a free bird. That's why we homeschool and I don't work outside the home. Even following Benaiah's school calendar can be a chore. This also is getting scary close to CIY stuff as well. I get so worked up about these things. I think of the economic impact on everyone. But I mostly think about my kids' boredom and how I still won't have more free time so don't think I can get all the DIY projects done or books read. I'll be breaking up even more fights between siblings. Thank goodness spring is coming. I will walk around the block. I will make them go outside. And until I get my stamina up and sleep better, I won't be doing all those fun craft and board games and movie marathons you guys will do. We have school to do. I have to spend my energy on cleaning up, not making more messes. Oh, and the library will stay closed! Now THAT is tragic, especially for those who don't have a library in their house!

Ugh, I just want to cry all over again, like I did yesterday. So many first world problems. Yes, I know we are doing the right thing, but it's so weird, and so new, and introverts with anxiety, Enneagram 6's don't know how to emotionally handle anything for the first 48 hrs. I just have this sense of dread and unrest. And I don't need to see it from other people in order to feel it myself. I'm a worst case scenario thinker. Then I can properly prepare. Then I fell better. Then I can think rationally again. FEAR is my number #1 enemy and why I take medication. God and I will always be working on it. I'm ok with it being my struggle. And you know I will always work towards bettering myself. So fear came out of his box again. Now I have to find a way to put it back in that box. Time to make the plan and work the plan. Tomorrow, I go to the resale place and pick out a fridge and get it delivered. Then I come home and move things around in the garage so there's room. Then I'll order the mulch. Then once the fridge is delivered, I will go to the grocery store mid week, praying that people don't panic between now and then. I'll probably get dog food tomorrow though. Then I will catch up on school work on Tuesday or whenever. Gotta make those lists. Gotta get enough sleep so I'm motivated to tackle those lists.

But for now, I'll distract myself with some YouTube videos because I'm two weeks behind. Perhaps Jared and I can go for a Sunday drive next week. Oh my goodness, I can take those Marriage Journal questions with me next time! Bingo! Problem solved! That's all I want. Time with my guy. We need to TALK. Not eat and spend money. Once the doctor approves, we can go on walks, too. But we have to leave the house for these things. Life is too distracting at home. And we don't want to talk past 9pm. Ah, this makes me feel a bit better after my frustration yesterday. I think I already said it, but I was happy to see Jared being more social today. He was hurting, but like me, he can tolerate some social activity. That's all I need to see. Some improvement, some hope. Then I can be patient with all the rest. The fear of the unknown is real, you guys. It really is. But we can name it and claim it and tell Satan to leave.

Also, I'm glad to have my new sisters. Our small group formed at exactly the right time. I have never been so excited to be able to text a group of women, share a meal together, do a Bible study together, watch our husbands grow close together. Oh my word, it's all by God's hands. I think this is it. I think for this age and stage we finally have found our friends. And that's a huge relief. It was scary to open up, but it's also been pretty easy as well. Some weeks I feel frustrated, but other weeks I find invigorating, just like a relationship usually is. I love how Emerson Kennedy started the sermon out with how our relationship with the Bible is. Is out relationship with the Bible like we are 1) in love, 2) never met 3) on again, off again 4) having second thoughts 5) not interested. It's a good reminder, too that relationships are not linear, they go up and down. There are fits and starts. I need to remain faithful and hang in there with God and with our new friends. It's helpful that I'm not the lone leader or initiator. They ask me how I'm doing and vice versa. That eases my anxiety and hard work of keeping a relationship alive. Sigh. Yeah. It's going to be ok. Just as long as I can stick with seeing these people, I think I'll be ok.

The End