The J6 Journey: Year 5, April 10th-12th, 2020: Good Friday, Better Saturday, Sunday Best!

Friday, Covid-19 Day 22 (for us, I've been counting from when Jared started working from home although most of us stopped going out a week before that).

Titles are hard. And we'll see if this one will play out. Sometimes I wait to write a title until all the entries are made on a post. But, it's the weekend, what could go wrong or right? And it's Easter weekend. Earlier today, Friday, it didn't feel like Good Friday. It felt like every other day. Today was one of those, "It's Friday, we put in a good week, we'll just look at couple of things and call it done." I had set myself up with a few goals since I've been off kilter all week. I met some of them. Do school (always). Read Core 52 and listen to Good Friday service. Play my video games. Keep up with email. Uh, take lots of vidoes...eat leftovers and not cook anything new. No dishes or laundry for me today. Uh, what else? Yup. Nada. Ah, I did pick up all the toys. I just can't stand when they are disorganized or someone has picked them up to vacuum but they aren't in the right spots. I laugh when I see people talk about their robot vacuums because my oh my, we could never have one. We don't have enough available floor space even when we do pick up! And it wouldn't be able to go under things because that's where I hide stuff! Nope, vacuum by hand is our jam. My favorite piece, well, it's a tie, the hose and the hose attachment that has the red lint picker upper that you use on furniture to get dog hair. I use it on the rug right next to the trim that the regular brush head can't get. I even used it on my sweatshirt the other day after I brushed the dog and saved on lint roller sticky pads. I still had to use one sticky pad, but that's ok. Anyway, today I had to use the hose on Abishai because he destroyed some packing peanuts (with permission) and created "snow." I'll vacuum over sweeping with a broom any day.

ANYWAY, I think Justin and I especially have gotten to the cabin fever point of all of this. We have a similar personality so we can banter back and forth just fine. And you should have seen Abishai and Socks' reaction when Grandma and Grandpa stopped by. We let them touch each other. But hand sanitizer was at the ready. We're all just getting bored and I haven't felt up to pushing anything because my painful shoulder is wearing me out. It's getting better, but pain doesn't motivate me to do anything but sit in front of a screen. So this week has been more about that than the physical stuff. Benaiah had an early morning shift and then spent a couple of hours over at Ava's. I don't know he was warm enough in 50 degree weather, but they managed. He's been over there multiple times this week. I'm sure he's going to have to find a way to escape our crazies, but I'm still hoping for a more engagement as well. Tonight was not the night because he had to deal with a "stupid" team leader. He only works a short shift tomorrow because he was supposed to be working at church in the afternoon for Easter and he never changed that on his schedule sheet. And after that, he's home for good for 6 weeks. Meanwhile, Justin should mow the backyard tomorrow, but it's still only 50 degrees. It might hit 60 tomorrow, so I might get a walk in.

That was pretty much our day. Just a lot of bumming around. Screen time. Eating. School. Rinse and repeat. Oh and we learned that Justin tasted soap when he was somewhere between 5-7 yrs old. Justin! It's such a thing he would do, too! And Abishai peed his pants twice because he wouldn't step away from a screen. Not good. We are going to have to be more on top of that. Sigh. Ow, my neck hurts still. But I'm loving the space on my desk. Tomorrow I label bookshelves! I'm so excited! Tonight I work on downloading pictures from my Google drive because it synced with the tablet and now there's no room on the tablet. Oi! That's why I couldn't load my videos the other week! So bummed! I think we might need to upgrade our devices one by one because a)apps are bigger and b)our devices are super old and don't have much space. And yes, I will probably buy an iPad. They typically work better with the apps. We'll see.

Ok, now I will post my Facebook post from earlier today:

My freckles remind me of my Aunt Katie Chapman, and my dad, and how he thought we all had a little strawberry color in our brown hair. It makes me feel a bit Irish too. I don’t wear make up bc I love the freckles (ok sunspots) on my face for the same reason. I will be wearing my hat and sunscreen more often this year, don’t worry. But sometimes on days and times like these when you are reflecting on the cross that Jesus bore, I’m immediately reminded of my parents being in heaven ready to receive their children and grandchildren. And then I get worried about those in our family who aren’t saved and it breaks my heart. These days I struggle to find faith and joy in that faith, I struggle even wanting to open a Bible or Christian Bible study or inspirational book. And I seem to get knocked down quickly when something pretty low key doesn’t go my way. But, I’m trying. I’m grateful that I still have a young one who doesn’t know all the Sunday school answers yet so I can remind myself what this weekend is about as I teach him. He has the faith of a child. He has said “Mom, I want Jesus to come here to play with him. Jesus died on the cross, Mom. But he’s alive!” If only I could understand that simple faith. But life has left some dark spots on my heart. Sometimes they grow and sometimes they shrink, like a tumor. Some days I am filled with evil and just hate life. Sometimes I can take a step back, repent, and try again to be grateful. When you’ve trained yourself to only see the bad in a situation, it’s really hard to see the good. I wish I could be like the faithful leaders I look up to that spew God directly from their gut to everyone around them. I’m afraid I will never be like that. But I’ll keep praying to shuffle through my healing journey. Benaiah’s schooling and graduation and end of childhood is hard on me because I had certain expectations I had been dreaming of for 18 yrs, educationally, character, etc. And it makes me frustrated and upset because none of it is in my control. “Start with the end in mind” they say. And I did. And this end is not what I had in mind. And I’m not just talking about the last two months. I’m talking about the last 4 1/2 years. It’s a hard season. We all are struggling. You may be struggling with e learning and financial trouble. I’m struggling (still) with the death of many, many dreams. I’m not to the point where I see that God had better things in store for Benaiah’s high school years, so please don’t tell me I need to look for the good. You grieve what you need to grieve, I’ll grieve what I need to grieve. I’m grateful my parents aren’t here on this earth to suffer in fear of the virus and to see the outcome of their first grandchild, educationally. He’s got great friends and a great work ethic, but only sometimes with certain things. It’s been a battle to get here with many struggles we cannot share with others. He’s alive. But I wanted more for him. But I’ve run out of time. I can take what I have learned and let it shape how we bring up the rest. So as I get older, I become more opinionated, because I become more solid in what I believe is right. And because I struggle with God, I struggle with being kind about it. I’m not a nice person and I have to hold my tongue. But when I do, my bones cry out instead. So, forgive these old painful bones, please. I care, therefore I share. My intentions are mostly from a good place. My mode of conveying those intentions are where I struggle. And I’m sure that’s true of most Christians. That’s why we have the cross. I have a hard time putting a ton of emphasis on Easter bc celebrating Easter should be an everyday thing. I don’t like feeling forced into being especially joyful on a certain day. However, it is a good time think and evaluate where I am this year, today, and give grace to myself and to others about where our heads are at. Jacob wrestled with God. God won. I wrestle with God. God has won and will win when I choose to see it that way. I pray I can make that choice moment by moment. Praise be to God for the cross!

The videos aren't loading well, so here's a playlist: Blog Videos April 10-12, 2020

I liked this a lot, even with household interruptions. It seems even if I 'm wearing earbuds that the kids think they can bother me. Sigh.

"Mom, come play Legos with me!" Well, he really just wants the company so I checked email and he sat n my leg.

Daddy went outside to take a phone call and Abishai followed with some big cars and made them zoom down the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he didn't realize how cold it was. They came inside quickly.

Uh oh, it's beginning! Crunch, crunch, crunch!

I knew he would do this! Go for it!

It's snowing!

It's up my nose!

It's a special day for this soon to be Kindergartener! We don't even know if he'll get a chance to go to his old Sunday School room or not. They usually move everybody up to the new grade in June. Eek!

It was a hard package to open.

Careful!

He was excited to flip through it!

We get to use Abeka phonics and reading program for the 4th time! It's been 7 years since I've used it! And this time, you can get the books "unbound" so you don't have to tear out the pages! I got the unbound version of the writing tablet so the pages will lay flat but got the bound version of the Letters and Sounds workbook so I don't lose pages. I know I got the handwriting without tears book from my friend, but I hope to incorporate the two programs together. I know I can also print off or get a writing tablet and do it all myself but....all 4 kids have done these books and it's worked for us. So, it's not broke, so why change it! The worksheets are actually pretty much the same as they were 13 years ago. Yes, I start with manuscript and then go on to cursive.

Oh PEI, how much I love you and miss you!

Nice message from Joel Smallbone this morning.

I loved seeing the 'boys in their home environments and some of the song felt like they had freshly recorded it and some of it felt a little bit more produced. I was also thinking and hoping that Phil and Peter both got back to Australia/New Zealand or wherever their family might be. I know Phil's family is still in New Zealand, but I'm not sure if Peter's is or not. They sang their "I Believe" song.

I was scrolling through YouTube trying to post the video about the Newsboys when on popped up the Creek Student Ministry channel with a live video. Say what?! I didn't get the message! Well, I had to do some digging on Instagram, but I found out that there's a Fortnite Friday from 1-3pm hosted by Luke Green. Say what!? Justin has always loved playing video games with Luke, so I quickly got him on telling him to finish school later, which he did just fine.

We had the live streaming of the game on YouTube on the tablet. Justin was able to tell them he'd be on in a few minutes. Abishai was confused and wanted his tablet time while Justin played video games.

Justin's name is on top there, then Luke. Sam is Sam Hittle, son of Justin's small group leader Ron. And then a couple of other middle school kids. They didn't all play at once, but took turns. We eventually turned off the livestream so Abishai could have the tablet. But, Justin was able to livestream his view of the game on his YouTube channel through the PS4. Cool!

Justin and a friend, I think Ivan, were dancing on the side of a helicopter that Luke was flying. Justin has a "skin" called Midas, as in that everything he touches turns to gold.

I need a handmade sign that says, "Melinda's Cafe" or "Beth's Cafe" or something to hang on the wall under the coffee and tea cabinet. The milk frother is so quiet! I just used the first setting and let it go until it turned itself off. And it warmed up the milk just enough. It didn't get super hot though. I'm not sure if that's because I'm starting with really cold milk or that my house is cooler, or what. Still,.....

The froth is incredible! I know it's really steamed milk I need for a cafe' mocha, but this works fine because I like whip on the top of my coffee drinks. But I'm nearly out of almond milk. I think we will be making a grocery run on Monday. It's going to be tough to make it that far.

And yes, I have my own stash of goods. I love these cookies and I get them in the small packs so I don't over eat them. And then I have DF chocolate chips, which Keturah thinks is hers so I had to hide the open bag. She is still eating mac and cheese, sour cream, and other dairy products. So no, girlie, you don't get my super expensive chocolate chips. Nope.

Aw, Luke got killed so Ivan or someone is carrying him to med kit. Luke had a great "skin" that suited him well with a beanie and sports outfit.

My freckles that go with my Facebook post above.

Nice, honey, nice. Jared is the one who won't show his face and it says "no selfies."

I didn't want him to eat his crackers near the peanuts, so he scooted the chair closer to me. This chair was my mom's when she was a little girl. It sat by my grandmother's rocking chair (which is in the garage, sigh) for many, many years so we could all rock with Grandma when we went to her house every week. Then my kids have used it at my parents' houses and our houses. Keturah obviously decorated it and I just didn't bother take them off. It's hard to find solid furniture like this that lasts. Can you imagine? I think this might be 65 years old! Oh wow, I just did that math. My mom would have been 70 last November. I can't even picture what she would look like at 70. She died when she was 60. Wow.

It's hard to catch those blue eyes because he's so busy. But this also shows his major cowlick up front. My cowlick is just as bad but on the other side.

You know it's big news when it hits the front page of my email server. Yes, I heard and watched the story unfold yesterday. Breah was a single mom (boy is younger than 5 it looked like), 24 years old, 2 years on the police force. Her dad is/was a Marion County Sheriff and her mom was/is a 911 dispatcher. There was another woman injured as well. Domestic violence. Oh, and it happened at 21st and Franklin Rd, which was the next intersection north of where our condo was. It isn't the best area, and we knew that. So tragic and unnecessary. I heard that the man shot through the house and struck this police officer. I heard it first from a friend who is a Marion County prosecutor. Just awful.

My new best friend. I didn't realize how powerful this little guy is. My other one finally gave out. I miss not having the temperature reading but this little thing is easier to turn on and I actually have to turn it off sometimes because I get too warm. The temps at night are back into the 30's so it gets cold in the sunroom. I like to be toasty.

Abishai needed to do Beniaah's trash, so he took out the recycling parts (yes, he knows what they are!) and decided to stack them. THEN, he asked if he could practice Kung Fu on them. Sure. He had been watching Kung Fu Panda with Daddy earlier.

He set up the cans in different places and then just whacked them down with his hands or feet.

Wowzers, that chili thickened up a lot in the fridge! It's all gone now though.

It was cold, but they managed to get a few minutes out there on the trampoline. Abishai was jumping over Keturah and then Justin. Lots of giggles.

Miah's finally home! Socks told us by barking like crazy! He's so happy to play with Benaiah.

Now the towel is soaked, but he does look cute. And I know, I know, cosmetically, that bathtub looks disgusting. It's clean. It's just stained. As soon as we are done with "shelter in place" we'll be replacing it.

Good night on Good Friday. Sunday is coming soon.

Saturday, Day 23rd

What just happened? I was sailing along today, having fun watching kids interact, the mowing getting done, labeling my bookshelves, reminiscing over old videos from Abishai's birth through 1st year. I went for a walk because it was a perfect temperature, but it was too long I was dragging myself along on the last 1/2 lap. I laid down and felt the pain I had tried to get rid of all week come roaring back. I've ruined it. Three nights sleeping on the couch trying to keep my shoulder in the right place so I wouldn't wake up so stiff. I tried to close my eyes and nap for 15 minutes, which was fine. And then when I got up, my emotions snapped. It was 5:45 and I had thought of something to put together for dinner, but my oh my, I just get so frustrated with the lack of help. No one asked when dinner was or what was for dinner or how they could help. Nope. They were all in their separate rooms expecting it to show up on the table. Again. I'm tired of planning, cooking, and cleaning up meals when no one thanks me. I'm too tired and too sore to think about it. So, I snapped. Physical pain does that to you. It wears you down. Then the emotions of it comes up. And then it's a runaway train to all the hurt you've tried to shove down all week thinking you were processing it, but it comes up like a bad burp and chokes you again and again and again. But then, you are called "distant," "mean spirited," "a bad example to your children" and told you need to apologize. Apologize for what? Screaming when I'm hurting and no one notices and offers help? Afraid to tell anyone what I'm really feeling for fear of being rejected and called a hypocrite? So, I stop. I get my food. I shove something their direction. We eat. Snippets of things we've been wanting to say come out, but we are trying desperately to hold our tongues like we've been taught. Then one leaves, then another. And finally, I finish my food in silence, just wanting to run away and be alone. I don't want to watch the movie "The Passion" and hope that it "wrecks me." Dude, been trying that for years. I just want to go watch all the things my favorite musical artist has been on today that I've ignored so I could be present the rest of the day. I already feel pressured because there's so many seminars and YouTube channels I want to watch and learn from. I get further and further behind. I don't want to watch something I've seen before. I get it. I intellectually understand it. Until I get it emotionally, watching it again isn't going to help.

It wasn't my idea. And I didn't prepare for it, but it was our dog's birthday and I kind of wanted to do something with that. We haven't dyed eggs yet, I have a scavenger hunt I wanted to prepare tonight after watching the blog that would have been much more on the kids' level of thinking than the gruesome "The Passion of Christ." Yes, the 11 yr old and 5 yr old watched it. Abishai was asking some questions as Jared showed him the crucifixion scene last night. But I wasn't ready to lay it all out there for him yet. That's scary stuff. He's 5. (Actually, Jared had him watching a different movie in another room but he didn't bother to tell me nor did I get up to find out because I was trying to let him lead on what he thought was good movie watching). Not much visibly bothers Keturah, so fine, yes, I hope that helps her. But spending our evening watching it when all the 5 yr old was waiting for all day was to play two round of his favorite video game because it was "stay home" aka Saturday instead of "work day" aka Mon-Fri where they only play 1 round? And now I didn't even get to say good night. And I don't want to do resurrection hunt for clues or make resurrection rolls. I want Jared to lead, but he made a huge leap I wasn't ready for nor was I consulted on. And now I'm the bad guy because I just didn't want to watch it. Not exactly how I wanted to end my day.

And now the teenager left to go vent to his girlfriend, and he saw me on earbuds when he came home and not willing to talk. I think all our emotions are running higher and we aren't acknowledging them We are stuffing them and keeping busy with projects. Jared and I haven't spoken but a few words together all week. I was mean on Monday and I'll apologize for that, but I was going to do it last night, but wanted to also go through the Good Friday parts of the Resurrection Eggs and the kids headed away from the table before we really done with that. And then, we nearly blew up at each other tonight. So, how can you force an apology when you aren't ready to apologize because you still want to throw everything against the wall still? The trigger was that Benaiah's final high school homework won't be graded and everyone, as long as they turn in the assignments, no matter if they get it right or scribble all over it with memes, gets a free pass to finishing high school. But that was the trigger, not the underlying cause of my emotions this week. The past 4 years have been some of the worst emotionally and spiritual chaotic of my life. I was able to ignore it for awhile when this all started, but I should have known that our experience with this child was going to end this way just as dramatically as he finished junior high. And I'm pissed. I'm mad at God. How can I trust a God that keeps taking the rug out from under my feet? I take an inch forward and fall back two feet. What does Easter really mean in a time like this? I was already struggling with the mostly normal "my child's childhood is ending, all the feels!" stuff. But this? This takes the take. And then the pain of my shoulder this week on top of that. So, no, Easter doesn't really mean to me what it means to everyone else.

So, was it a better Saturday? For awhile. But as usual, it all came crashing down as we were cruising along and/or I was finally feeling better physically and emotionally from earlier in the week. It always does. I'm not allowed to live a little bit up the hill or at the crest of the hill. There's no wide expanse up there. There's not much to lean on and hold me up there. So I tumble down and become injured again. Another day, another broken bone or bruise. Where is the joy of the Lord? Where is the peace that is promised? Where is the hope? In Heaven? I guess I can believe that. But how does one feel it here? These Christian cliches are just cliches to me. They are like resounding gongs in my ears. People talk about them, but they never give me practical steps to finding them that aren't filled with more cliches. I try to listen. I try to let the Holy Spirit whisper to me during church services or music. Occasionally I get a fell good moment. But I never get that "I fully believe with my whole being" moment. What does it mean to trust God after all I've been through? I don't know.

So I'll make resurrection rolls if I'm not too sore in the morning. I'll put the Easter candy in the Easter eggs like I had planned. I'll skip the scavenger hunt because I just don't have that energy tonight. I'll save it with the Easter stuff to do another year. I have to give up something. It's already 10:30. I only accomplished 1 color of my labeling bookshelves. I've done nothing for the dog's 10th birthday. And now I'm too exhausted to put something together and think about lunch tomorrow, unless Benaiah thinks about getting up with us to watch church and then make the enchiladas he said he would make today and then chickened out on when he got home from work at noon. And then he has the gall to tell us we don't know how to follow through or make the other kids obey us. Uh, buddy, some of that responsibility falls on your to set the example, firstborn, just like it did/does for Dad and I (we are both firstborns) and as church leaders. So yeah, we all failed, stop passing the blame.

I have no idea what to expect for tomorrow. Will Benaiah get up and worship with us? Or will we wait and watch at 4:30 instead? Will I get my butt out of my chair now to go find out? Or shall we just keep being passive aggressive because some of us can't handle it when others are upset and they just walk away. Some walk away because they are holding their tongues. And some just don't want to deal with the mess.

So the mowing got done. I figured out some photo problems on google photos, and now, I don't know what I want to do. I feel a cool breeze coming in from the window which means the wind is whipping up again. I had to take more pain medication, so I'm not feeling my shoulder right now, but I am feeling a sore butt from sititng in this chair for most of the day. My brain is all scattered and now I can't think of any cute moments. I just want to cry myself to sleep. Perhaps that's what the disciples felt. But unlike the disciples, I won't see the resurrected Jesus tomorrow. I just have to believe it happened. It will be just another Easter service with quiet moments and big anthems. Another week of communion. No need to worry about what to wear because we aren't going anywhere. And if I'm too tired to care, no one else will. I'm surrounded by lazy people who don't initiate anything. I have the ideas, but lack the strength. They lack the motivation and don't enjoy these sort of things if they have to do the work. So, why try? Or have I given up too easily? I've been trying to have "fun" with the kids for 18 years. It's not all it's cracked up to be or memorable. Oh yeah, I put on my to do list "play Clue with the kids." That didn't happen, again. But I got a shower. First one in 5 days. You're welcome. Or not, because no one want to be around an angry mother. Pain sucks. Life shouldn't but it sucks. Tell me again how Jesus makes our earthly life better? Cuz I need a refresher with real tips and tricks. Thanks.

Pics and vids tomorrow.

The Saturday mini concerts are nice. This one had some obviously recorded songs and the same Waymaker clips were used in several interviews over the weekend.

Just loving life with his best friend as always.

I showed Abishai how my new selfie remote for me phone worked. He loved it!

He's been taking selfies since he was a few months old!

I turned off the remote and he reached for the camrea and took another picture. Troll!

This is how it works, Daddy!

Cute stuff!

Kung Fu training he set up for himself, annoying Keturah to death because she was still in bed.

I finished my shower by 9:30? What?! Ok, onward with my day then!

Sniping Justin.

Baby toes on my desk.

The older kids think it's a hoot when he wears their sweatshirts.

Ssshhh, a pair of robins have built a nest outside the boys' window! We can see it well from there and from my desk in the sunroom. Thank goodness it's not in the part of the yard that's used a lot. I can't wait to watch the action!

I screenshotted these derp faces as I was going through old photos. What a dork!

Beniaah from about 6 years ago. He still makes this face!

Showing Keturah the selfie remote.

I had my own Uber Eats driver today. I tipped him well. Last shift for 6 weeks! And the cherry coke and waffle fries were heavenly! The other kids fought over the nuggets of course.

A little fast food action here!

No more work for 6 weeks! He's home! He only worked a short shift because he was supposed to be going to church for Easter services, but never changed his availability.

Trampoline, again, no matter how cold it is.

Stay there! Daddy has the ride on lawnmower!

Our little Yoda.

He's got his guys set up all ready for battle. He was upset when he had do laundry.

Both lawn mowers were going, so I made he stayed safe on the trampoline.

Make to the grind of mowing.

A little help with the new "toy."

Justin is supposed to learn how to drive the ride on mower (it belongs to Gary). Lawn mowing will never be the same.

Time to label some bookshelves! I was only able to do one category, which leaves me frustrated. but I had more pressing matters at hand. I'm finally going to be a real librarian!

I spent a good portion of the morning figuring out these downloads and if they were taking up space on the tablet. The tablet is still full, so I don't know. I left most of the 2014-2015 baby videos on my google picture drive for easy access. I know I've backed them several times now. But I still have to go through each cd to make sure things open up properly. Abishai joined me and enj0ying watching his baby self move around and squeak. What a trip down memory lane.

Abishai and I walked around the block and picked up crescent rolls from a friend for resurrection rolls Daddy was bringing the mowers back to Grandpa's house at the same time. But Abishai was scared of being towed, so we didn't.

Nice way to bring up two mowers at the same time.

Mr. Extrovert is just happy to get out of the house and sit on Grandpa's porch. He rode his bike barefoot and had me carry his shoes just in case.

Came home to find Justin starting a new project - clean out that awful weed that threatens many other plants we want to keep.

More trampoline, as always.

"I can't get my work to look like the drawing pad says! Well, it takes a lot of time and patience.

I went around the block again to finish my walking. I wish All this walking and such doesn't hurt my shoulder more. On more night on the couch.

I was fascinated by this! I'm sure we can figure out a way to attempt to make them. The egg spins while you decorate it,

Sunday, Day 24
It's been an emotionally charged weekend for me, but after Benaiah and I both vented to each other and to our significant others, we are still talking, still moving forward. I honestly, don't mind if he yells at me. I want to hear him vent. I've said that before. He's a smart kid. He annoys me like any other person. But he's not stupid. He cares. It makes me sad when we don't see eye to eye. But his thoughts and words are respectful. Yelling doesn't bother me. Emotion doesn't bother me. Taking a drive afterwards makes me say a little prayer for safety. But if he needs to be alone or go to Ava's and vent to her, so be it. He's been sitting in his truck on the phone with Ava often and we are leaving him alone. In a house full of people, he needs quiet space, too. He actually drove the only place he knew he could, Kroger. He did spend more money on some food, and that's ok. I'm not there to make sure he's practicing all the things of social distancing and gloves and such, but I've got to let that go a bit. He's been consistently wiping things down when he gets home. He teases and gets annoyed when we remind him, but he cares. His words maybe seem harsh, his voice may be yelled, but just like me, it comes from a place of deep conviction, a heart for justice, and of deep concern for others. I try not to bring my frustrations with his school up with him. It's my frustrations, it's my problems, my dreams. I'm glad he shared with us today.

And I knew today wouldn't be a perfect happy Easter Sunday. I was still coming out of a moody day yesterday. I never really know what kind of mood Benaiah will be in or what he is willing to do and participate in. I actually got to tick mark everything I thought of doing today. A simple "hunt" for a couple of eggs with candy in them. A longer scavenger hunt that was very last minute, but we made do. (Sorry, Laura, from Heavenly Homemakers, it was a bit odd and I didn't know how to really change it). We did that in the afternoon. And then we didn't get to make our Resurrection Rolls until after 7pm. But you know what? No one needs to do all the Easter things between 7-9am on Sunday morning when 5/6 of you don't want to get up. We managed to watch service together. Some were a tad more into it than others. We tend to be a non expressive type of group and don't sing loud. The service had a couple of unique elements that were ok. They were newer digital techniques that our worship team haven't used before, so let's just say there is room for improvement. They were brave to try new things. We are just a family that understands and can see and critiques any flaws and triumphs in producing a service. And if we can only not sing "Waymaker" for a few Sundays, I would appreciate it. After hearing Michael W. Smith sing it over and over for different interviews and online services all weekend, it's getting heavy air time over here. What was that song last year that even Justin Beiber sang? Reckless Love. Yup. Same thing. Stop before it gets annoying! Lol.

Anyway, we are nearing the end of our food stash, so meals are hodge podge. We don't care for fancy Easter dinner anyway. Gary and Leah made a turkey dinner for themselves. We actually got on Zoom with NOLA and them to have "Sunday dinner" together. Can I just say, I HATE video chats with more than 3 people? You have to take extra care to speak loud enough and clearly enough and take turns without talking over each other. And I don't know if I ever noticed this when we used to Skype with Gary and Leah every Sunday while we lived in Canada, but if Gary or Leah don't want to get into a topic, particularly ones I bring up where there's a potential for disagreement, they change the subject. So, at first, I refused to be in the video. I just listened in from a distance in case something was said I needed to correct later. But then I did have things to say I guess. One question Gary asked was what lessons are we all learning from this and I told him my honest answer: not much. It's not changing our perspective on the world. I might keep wearing gloves to the grocery store, but it's not changing our lifestyle that much. It's a big change for Jared to block out the noise and work from home. But my routine hasn't changed. My view of "don't go out until you really have to" hasn't changed. I wasn't getting together that often with me friends. My friendships and communication still is through typed words and online anyways. Our schedule wasn't full to the brim with trips and activities. We've already learned how to stretch food, portion size, make do, do without, etc. I can homestead with the best of them. So no, I'm not learning anything. Ok, maybe I'm learning that people are more stupid than I thought. I have thought about things more like what is "essential." But we operate like that anyway. We don't get projects done right away. We don't immediately go buy a new pair of pants because one pair ripped. It's just not our thing. And Benaiah was going to transition to being home more soon anyway so we knew and had already started talking about what that would look like. Once we had settled in after wave of decisions, we have just kept on, keeping on. We haven't done Zoom class for choir or playdates online with kids from gym days. We've talked about a Zoom chat for Mom's Night Out, but I don't always feel I need that. We don't spend differently. Our year doesn't revolve around sports for kids or adults. All our church stuff is different, but now online where the kids are anyways. We like staying home. So no, it's all good here. We don't feel that cooped up or stressed. In fact, in some ways, I'm much less stressed. Me blowing up occasionally is not about being home more or a fear of the virus itself. I stress about others stupidity and just Benaiah's end of childhood in general, which I would have done anyway. No, instead, we've gotten a ton of housework done and that feels amazing! Anyway, Leah piped in, "Everybody learns something." Ok, if that's true, then we've learned that we've been prepared mentally all along for things like this. We have mos of our ducks in a row. We've learned we've been right all along, as much as I don't like having ok things and want prettier things, we've done it "right." Judgmental? Probably. High and mighty? Maybe.

Anyway, video chatting drives me insane! That's why I haven't initiated it with anyone, not even my siblings. We are hermits and I just said an hour ago, "Ok, I'm done, I've been with you guys all day. Scat. I'm done socializing." Lol. I know people are struggling, especially the extroverts. But we aren't, and that's ok, too.

So, it was a somberish, low key, screen filled day. Gary asked if we had played any board games, and once again I had to say, disappointingly, that I've tried and tried to get people to play, but my family doesn't do board games with each other. It's an introvert thing. It's a pre teen/teen thing. And since we as parents don't play, the kids don't have that example. We aren't game night people. We are movie and video game people. Which makes it very hard to relate to the Johnson side of our family who barely watch movies and TV shows and play mostly card games and a handful of board games and do puzzles. So, Jared attempted to solve the problem by telling Keturah and Justin to go make a certain 300 puzzle and he played Abishia's way of playing Clue with him. Well, Keturah started the puzzle, but Justin refused to help because it's a puzzle he's tried before and hates. Jared and Abishai played for like 10 minutes. I think it's because we are introverts. We'd rather spend time alone doing our own thing than together. It's sad, but true. Movies and video games it is. Can you bond in the same way over them? Surely we can.

We managed to make a poor man's supper and did the resurrection rolls. Everybdy had enough screen time between 1 hr for church, 2 hrs with grandparents and 2 hrs on their own stuff. I managed to finish a bit of photo syncing and work, but now I'm a bit behind on the blog and the bookshelves aren't labeled. Sigh. I'm so tired and I don't want to load and journal pics but if I don't, I'll get even further behind, so here goes:

A Minimalist Easter? Yup. The PB egg couldn't fit in the bigger sized eggs. So, eat your pb egg and go find the one that matches it.

We made these last year at a Eater Egg hunt. Jesus goes up and down through a slot in the back.

Our "ham" dinner. I guess I didn't think too far ahead, although I knew we might not go to the store before Easter. Oh well. Big dinners are Leah's thing. I'm fine with whatever.

See, it doesn't fit!

We didn't make it complicated. A quick grab and go.

Socks turned 10 today! I didn't do anything to really celebrate him because again, I just didn't think ahead that much. I'll get him a treat at the store when we go this week.

Ready for church with his snacks al laid out, his friends to keep him company, his water bottle and special Easter egg.

Benaiah did join us for once, but at the last possible second still in his pjs.

Awww, he asked to do big people worship and refuses to watch Ollie and do the kid songs. He likes to be with us. And at our church in PEI, the kids stayed upstairs for the worship time. So, naturally, when he came long, he stayed with us during that time. I love that he's asking for it and copying them.

Time for a snack!

When did the boys get such big feet? Ok, they aren't as big as a lot of their friends, but they are big for our family.

Trying to figure out video chatting with Grandma and Grandpa and Aaron, Shauna, Everly, and Nora. We haven't done this before so we weren't sure where to set it all up. Jared's computer was having a hard time picking up our voices unless we were right on it. We had the perfect set up in Charlottetown when we used to Skype them every week.

A little bit of show and tell.

"I just want to get the other guys with these weapons!"

Keturah started the puzzle, but Justin refused to help like Daddy told him, too. Oh, Keturah is using the cover for the costume box to do the puzzle on. Why have we not thought about using it before? Genius! Jared suggested it.

Well, that's different!

The treats after the scavenger hunt. Not much, but hopefully I can find some more on clearance this week. I like to keep some one hand at all times. We make it last.