Year 6, June 14th-17th, 2021: Jared's Back Surgery and Recovery

 It is finally done. Jared finally had back surgery to remove yes, a herniated disc situation and some bone spur and stuff that was pressing on his sciatica nerve. Basically, the doctor cleaned out the area that was causing him the pain. He said, even through the pain medication, that he could move without feeling like things were pinching back there in his lower spine. Yeah! So, I hope this is the miracle he wants and I need so I can get back to focusing on my own pain because boy oh boy, I'm about to lose it folks. I'm in so much pain myself, afraid to take pain medication for one reason or another, and I don't know why this thing or that thing is acting up and I don't want to add anything else to my routine that I'm about to scream and start over with it all. Now back to Jared. We were still not really talking except to argue on the way over this morning. We left on time and all that. Gary, Leah, and Benaiah came over to pray with Jared but didn't ask me to come pray with them or wait for me while I was in the bathroom. That didn't sit well with me of course. Grumble grumble. I had said I probably wasn't going to be ready, but still, they could have asked again when they got here.

Pre-op was fine, but we had to wait awhile. The surgeon was behind a bit, and then a bit more. Finally, he texted Gary via personal numbers (because apparently they go to the same small group) that he would start working on Jared by 12:30pm and then Gary texted us. Ok, then. Gotta love the personal touch. I wish I had doctors that Gary personally knows work on me, but I don't get to be so lucky. The surgery lasted about 30-45 minutes. The recovery though lasted the next two hours as usual. Jared did a better job of staying awake though. He did want me to hold his hand when he woke up and I guess all was forgiven by that point. Finally, we could move on. I hate anxiety. I hate being complicated. I hate being me some of the time. And I'm so tired of trying to explain that to others. It's exhausting being me and explaining me.

During the surgery, I tried to listen to a video using the hospital's wifi but it censored me! I had been using the hospital's wifi to watch other things, play all my video games, read email, etc., but it wouldn't load this one website called Doctors and Science Under Fire. Why? Because it happened to be a website that talks about informed consent about vaccines and about a pediatrician whose license was pulled because he published a study that was done by an independent firm that found some surprising statistics about the kids in his clinic between those who were totally unvaccinated and those that were partly or fully vaccinated.  So, somewhere on the website there was some keywords that the hospital technology picked up on and totally blocked me from watching it! I had to use my own personal data to watch it! It was crazy! I have never seen that happen on my own device in my own personal listening and viewing before! Censorship! Imagine! I also saw in real life and then in an article as well as on this show, again, how if you are vaccinated, you don't have to wear the mask, but if you are not, you still have to wear the mask. Oh, and I've seen the "get vaccinated and you'll be eligible for a lottery" or something or other signs as well. So while I'm sitting there, letting my husband get worked on and benefiting from the fruits of millennia of medical science, it's still evolving and I'm learning about aluminum in vaccines and why we shouldn't be using any tylenol whatsoever (and he's got a month worth of norco on hand, great) and contemplating how I should handle any other vaccinations that are thrown our way for the rest of the children's childhood. Fun stuff! 

Meanwhile, at home, Grandma made sure the kids stayed off of the screens and Abishai spent a lot of time outside. He was very tired by the time we got home around 3pm. When they were playing on the swings, Grandma heard a pop, pop, pop, like firecrackers, looked over, and saw a huge part of the pear tree in the neighbor's yard to the north fall down! So much came down, that the twin brothers went over, took one look at it, and decided to just cut the rest of it down. They spent the rest of the day on that project but had it all cleaned up. Those poor hard working brothers and step dad, Mr. Floyd. I told Grandma to send Abishai over there with popsicles and have Justin offer his muscles and Jared's saw to help them. It was hot out, but there was also a nice breeze, thank goodness. But still. Not something you want to do. We aren't sure if they had the day off or their step dad called them home from work, but they got right on it. Abishai at one point said that they need a semi truck to haul all of it away because it wasn't fitting in the bed of the pick up truck. Grandma said they did their best to make it fit and safely, too. I'm sure they did. They are very responsible people for sure. I just feel so bad because they've lost quite a lot of trees over there. Maybe we can gift them a tree or two, lol.

Grandma was just about ready to head out when we got home. Jared thought we should stop for gas on the way home and I'm like, I want to go home, I'll get that later, you're loopy. Plus they wouldn't have his medication at the pharmacy ready yet. In fact, when I went at 7pm they didn't have it ready. The pharmacy tech, who recognized me from a far, I didn't even have to give him Jared's birthdate this time, said he's been working 60 hrs a week for a month, poor thing. I think next time I go in there, I'm going to go over to the floral department and buy a candy bouquet for the pharmacy department. They are such hardworking people and it's never their fault when something gets backordered or it's not ready or they can't fill it yet. There's so many rules and regulations and stipulations. I just feel so bad for them. And we've seen them so much lately this spring. They need a token of our gratitude for sure. So, I will try to remember that later in the week when I order my other meds that I wasn't allowed to refill yet.

Jared thought he had two prescriptions but yes, indeed, he hadn't listened well when the nurse explained the discharge instructions. It was just the norco. They injected him with a local analgesic that will wear off after 4 days, similar to the lydocaine they give you for dental work that wears off in 6 hrs, but this wears off in 4 hours. It's a local injection, but he has to wear an armband indicating he had that so that if there's an emergency, the ER crew knows not to give him any more of that. That's quite new and interesting. Much different than the pump of pain medications that he was sent home with in 2006 for his arm. He's just got a nice 3x4 inch bandage on his package over the incision and so far, he can lay and sit down on it. He can't hunch over, but he can stretch slightly backwards if he wants to. Absolutely no major stretching, lifting, exercising, chiro, acupuncture, etc for 6 weeks. Those muscles have to heal back together first, and then he can strengthen them again. It makes the spine a bit unstable to take out part of the bone, but that's what it needs. I don't know if that means he will need to have it done again or not because the bone spur is caused from the joint wanting to make something, anything, to stabilize itself. So, quite interesting and who knows what the future holds there. 

When we got home, Jared thought he heard that he needed to walk 10-20 minutes every hour, and to actually go for a full walk, so he went outside and walked the neighborhood freaking out the neighbors before I could convince him otherwise! Dude! I think the doctor meant just to get out of bed and walk around the house and be upright because you are going to just want to sleep off the anesthetic. When he's on pain pills, Jared is hard to manage and reason with. Same when he drinks a little too much. I just don't know what to do. I don't like feeling like that, so I avoid it at all costs and even take drugs to help me feel more clear headed, not worse. I'm glad he was up and walking around, but we are not going to hear the end of it for awhile. He was able to play video games with Abishai after we had a pizza supper that the Smiths bought for us for dinner. So, somewhat of a normal routine that way. Tomorrow will be another story, I'm sure. I'm just ready to move on to other things and relax and feel better myself. I'm exhausted and weary about everything. I need to sleep and hit things harder tomorrow with a fresh set of eyes, hopefully rested eyes.

 

Poor sad tree. All gone.

Watching the men work, wishing he could help.

I didn't get a receipt when I got gas in the van for Jared, so, here ya go. The mileage and the amount I filled it up on.

Current gas price was $2.97.

All is right in the world when the boys can have their Need for Speed video game going.

Go crash into the buildings, that will solve everything!

We almost forgot that we got Daddy some get well gifts, a golf cart car (we don't golf by the way) and some calming tea. I think Mommy needs some of that tea first!

I've entered at least the Fitbit world, so not quite the smartwatch world. It's supposed to track your sleep, among many other things like heart rate, oxygen levels, steps, workouts, etc. It works pretty well so far.

Oh boy. This is what happens when you give controlled substances to Jared. Yikes! But the surgery is finally complete.

Amen and amen.

Hey, that's my blankie!

So, I was able to get onto the Doctors and Scientists Under Fire webpage while I was on my own data but not the hospital's wifi. Hm, censorship?

I could get on any other website and email and video game I wanted through the wifi, just not the website with videos about informed consent and vaccine safety. Hm,.....this is a problem. Now, to convince others of this, is the problem.

 "Jared, stop scaring the neighbors!" "Jared, go lay down with an ice pack!" "Jared, you're sitting up too much!" Oh my word, do I need to strap the man down?! He's going to regret it but he's been sitting up most of the day today. He's going to be sore. He took two walks around the block today, too. At least the neighbors had been forewarned this time. I really wished they hadn't said "walked around" but just "move around" or "shuffle around" or something else like "short distances" and not all the way around the block. Good grief. My friends keep telling me to strap him down. I think he's going to realize it as soon as that 4 day medication wears off. But until then, he acts likes he's a ok. He's going easy on the narcotics for now, thank goodness. He has this little list of things to do for his week of work/vacation/recovery like his Lego set Benaiah got him for his birthday, so he worked on that for awhile today. He went with Jim to see the investment house today, which has not progressed at all in a timely fashion like anybody had hoped and now I'm getting more and more anxious about finances again because we both have spent like that money was already in our pockets and we've spent anything extra we had. It's gone. Like way gone. Not good. And we are still 6 weeks or more out on this investment house. I'm so not happy with this. Some are meant for these riskier businesses and some of us just need that steady paycheck. Sigh. Our friend Debi brought over what looked like a yummy homemade mac and cheese with chicken dinner for Jared and the kids and I went out to Mexican with my Mom's Night Out friends. I came home a little earlier than normal because it was harder to hear in the restaurant and they wanted to encourage a friend that lived nearby and was preparing for her daughter's open house this weekend. I didn't want to find a new persona's house and I hadn't said good night to Abishai and I've had so much people time that I was ok just taking off. I'll see most of them again on Friday. And it was a good thing I left just then because I spilled my leftovers on my shirt which bled onto my new white shirt underneath, yucky. 

The rest of my day was the typical puttering between all the normal interruptions of people coming to the door, packages being dropped off, kids wanting something, me taking a long, slow shower, laundry getting done, cleaning up after the extra person in the house, etc. I also purposefully did everything extra slow to tell my body it was ok not to be in fight or flight mode today. And I think it worked because I was in a lot less pain today. I did wake up with a headache that turned into a migraine so I had to take a migraine pill. But overall, I felt less sore. I think by slowly moving more and not being rushed and not having adrenaline and anxiety so high, I was able to stay calm and get more accomplished with less harm done to my body. And I'm sure that shower helped, too. I did some bill paying, some reading, some listening, some email, some game playing, some dishes, etc. etc. 

Justin mowed the front lawn and looked through own bag of hand me down clothes. I'm not sure what Keturah did all day. Abishai went on walks with Daddy, played video games, played in the pool, played Legos, looked for his fire chief's car Lego instructions (we couldn't find the bag of any of the instructions anywhere!), did his tablet time, gobbled down Mrs. Debi's yummy mac and cheese, and enjoyed having Daddy home again to talk to all day long. "Daddy, watch me! Daddy, do this! Daddy, did you know? Daddy, what does this mean?" It's going to be a long, long week, or rather one that feels like a perpetual Saturday again. Oh me oh my. I'm tired.

This is what my dining room table will look like for the next week.

He actually uses the calendar app? I think he might still be hepped up on drugs or something! I can't believe Jared scheduled out his day in chunks! Who is this guy? Maybe he does this at work or something and I just don't see it, but I've never seen it on paper or at home and he's never talked about it before. This is quite interesting to me. Or at least the reminders to take meds and to get up and stretch. What in the world?! This is something I would do perhaps, and these days, I have 10x as much on my to do lists and calendars and reminders, but yeah, crazy.

Justin had another ADHD moment. There WAS a cookie here. Jared apparently ate a bite of it. First of all, we all know Jared is on narcotics, right? Let's just take a moment to remember that if he was in his right mind, he wouldn't be a)eating sugar and b) eating as much dairy products as he did last night or tonight that he did for supper. Ok, ok. So he took a bit of the cookie and then put the cookie back. Hours later Justin goes to get the cookie knowing that he was going to eat it because we all had said we weren't eating it and then he accuses Keturah and Abishai for taking the bite. We didn't know it was Jared until several hours later after Justin finished the cookie. I then find the empty plate here (when we found out Jared had taken that first bite, and several hours AFTER Justin had finished the cookie). Justin! Throw away the empty container! Now, we have been finding empty containers for months in the pantry. Justin has been denying that is him for months. I'm beginning to wonder if it really is him after these last few incidents. And no, he did NOT take his medication today. Justin, TAKE YOUR MED!

Keturah got a fun gift from Auntie Stef today! I wish you and I could read it but it was something like 1,000 silly, ridiculous, unnecessary, gross, goofy, etc. stickers. Right up Keturah's ally.

Two thumbs up for Mrs. Debi's mac and cheese with chicken, all homemade!

Yeah, just another reason I'm not hep on the Benaiah or Justin getting the Covid-19 shot in order to go to Israel. Grrrrr.....I'm going to have them wait until the last possible minute to get it. Just as long as it's not mandated for activities we have to do in the USA. Like flying. They need to drop that or we won't fly. I understand the overseas thing. There are countries that have mandated different vaccines in the past. But domestically? No. We wouldn't do it if we were just traveling domestically. We will drive. With our bad backs. Or Jared and the boys will fly and I will drive. Or whatever. Nope. We will stay unvaccinated as long as we can. And I'm praying for vaccine passports to NOT be a thing anywhere I want to go. Just as long as I don't have to actually show that I'm not vaccinated, I'll be fine. We weren't told to mask up if we didn't get the flu vaccination, so I'm not going to mask up if I don't get the Covid vaccination. That's a form of bullying and pushing agendas. No thanks. Not on a fast tracked vaccination on emergency approval that would have never made it to market in normal circumstances. Nope. Vaccine injuries exist. I'm not taking that risk with all my other issues. And I'm not hindering my children's growth if I can help it. Nope.

Keturah's 13th birthday! Well, we tried to celebrate her in snippets all day. Daddy started us off with singing to her while I was still in bed! Grandpa called on his way home from Ft. Wayne or wherever. Stef, John, and Auggie Facetimed her on her phone, sang, and blew out a candle on a cupcake in her honor. No, I didn't have a special meal or dessert for her because we had leftovers to eat and tons of sugar still in the house. Grandma brought doughnuts over this morning. I had just thought about going to get doughnuts maybe 30 minutes prior to that. So sometimes others steal your thunder! Daddy gave her two Lego sets at dinner time. I did text one of her small group leaders to start a Happy Birthday thread in GroupMe app for her. And of course I put it out on Facebook. She's currently staying up until she actually turns 13 at 11:17pm. Do you think I've done enough? I hope so. Shoot! I didn't do a birthday card! Milestone birthday failure of a mom I am! I know I had one somewhere here. Good grief! It's not that I had a huge agenda today but I just puttered too long or didn't hustle into anything or didn't write things down on a checklist and didn't check any checklists. I didn't schedule anything. See, sometimes when I have an open ended day, nothing gets done and then I totally regret it. That was today. Uh, whoops. 

I did have Bible study. I did spend some time outside in the shade watching Abishai play in the pool. Keturah wanted to fill the pool with more water, so she helped with that. I helped Abishai switch out two toy boxes. I had a meeting online with IAHE folks to talk through some bugs about the regional newsletters. Come to find out, I was only 1 of 2 doing them! Talk about pressure! But we got some more things figured out and there's always grace within the IAHE, so no worries. But I often leave the meetings slapping my forehead saying, "I thought I was doing so well, but I forgot I should be doing this, this and this!" Like share it here, or don't forget to say this this way. Ugh! I wrote up a little cheat sheet, so we'll see. We'll add these new/old things to the routine and it will become habit enough. The noose did get a little tighter though because they want some more consistency but they tell us the parameters are to protect us. I just felt that my creativity was getting a bit squeezed. I mean, I can always give my feedback, but I also get feedback. And sometimes I ask the same questions over and over and get the same answers over and over, and then I'm just like, "They must think I'm stupid because I simply can't remember!" I'm not stupid. I just have a LOT to remember in my region. A LOT. I make progress, inch by inch. I'll get there eventually, refining it as we go. I've created some relationships. I know groups on all sides of the map now. I've talked to a lot of people via online email and FB. Leaders and business providers for art classes and sports. I've got it. I wear a few different hats. I'll feel more organized when my lists are organized and I realize I have made more connections than I think. It's ok to do it haphazard and random. I have to start somewhere. I finished the day with Bible study of course because it's Wednesday.

Jared felt a bit more pain today, at least, he was a bit more of his grumpy self today. He did yell at his computer a few times. He went on his walks, and I joined him for one of them. I really should have joined him for at least two of them the past couple of days but yesterday I was trying to calm myself down and today I just wasn't on the ball with anything. Tomorrow is more promising. Create a new habit again? Can we bear the heat in the evening when he goes back to work? I'm not sure, but we'll see. He worked on his Legos and started a couple of new ones he had been saving. He was on the phone with his dad later in the evening last night working on something for work as this was not a vacation week technically. I think he worked on some things today, but I'm not sure. I asked him he wanted me to put a new dressing on the wound because it's been 48 hrs now and he was unsure. I'm curious to see the wound and I would have ripped that thing off already trying to see in it! But he's not that way. I was trying to describe something about the anatomy lab channel on YouTube and he grimaced. I tell you what, I would have been so happy to have been in the operating room with Dr. Cole on Monday. Or up in the little viewing window of a teaching hospital. Let me get in there and see those muscles! Pull them away from area, so we can into the spine. Ok, now, what exact part did they take off the spine? Which disk or cartilage? Let me see! Let me see! Which tool did you use? I want to learn! That would have been a much more fun way to spend my time. Let me poke and prod around, please, please, please! I know now that I could have never learned all the vocabulary to be a vet or doctor and I don't have steady hands at all but it's all so neat and fascinating and that's why I watch this YouTube channel and I've gotten into the British crime dramas (who knows, I might actually switch over to American crime dramas and then realize just how trashy they are). So, I'm anxious to get a good look at Jared's back. I want to see! Touch! Push on it! Ok, I can't do that. That's not nice or fair and it's probably a little dangerous yet. But, I do want to see it. There hasn't been any seepage through the bandage so it hasn't been bleeding. Jared is then opposite of me. I would have bled through that thing already. I'm a bleeder. He's not. But he takes tylenol and I do not. I take ibuprofen. So, yup, there's that.

Justin finished mowing the lawn. Screen timed. Laid in his bed. Showed his teenage angsty face. Stared into space mentally going over his to do list in his head apparently and then blurted out that he still needed to shave or something. Really? Quite opposite of his dad and his big brother who didn't care about self grooming. Dude. You don't have to shave every day. Or shower. You don't stink. You never stink. Your clothes never smell. I only smell his deodorant. I should stop getting him the heavy duty kind with aluminum because he doesn't need it. Keturah and Benaiah do. But Jared and Justin don't. I have tried the non aluminum ones but just can't get used to them. I don't wear any other beauty products so I feel like I can compromise on this one thing and be ok overall.

Abishai swam, played Legos, played Little People after we got them out and put the Geotrax back, went around the block on his big boy bike with Daddy, played his tablet, had Daddy swing him, played video games with Daddy, and went to bed without coming out to see us! He must have worn himself out today. Yeah! Pretty average day for him. I did ask him if he thinks staying home is fun or going out is fun and he said staying home. Oh good. I'm not depriving my child at the moment because I'm not forcing us to go to the splash pads and pools and vacations right now. We are just at home. Chilling. Like we would on vacation. Not doing much. Not going anywhere. Eating. Screen time. Swimming. Playing. That's just about it. No need for expensive theme parks here. Or swim lessons. Or art camps. We are happy at home. That's what I like to hear. Although, I did warn him, that I put the feelers out there to see if anyone wants to come over and swim with us. I just think he's so lonely in the pool. He doesn't like the idea of having someone to share his pool and toys with. I think he needs to practice sharing and I'm lonely. So I'm thinking of setting up some playdates for the next couple of weeks so I can procrastinate on other things. We'll see. Now is the time to play with these friends because otherwise they are in school. Then we can play with homeschool friends when the public school kids go back to school. 

And lastly, today was Benaiah's first day on the new job. I posted about him starting it on Facebook today, not mentioning where and what the company was, and the boss's daughter piped up about how excited they were to have him! Melted this mama's heart! I'm confident that they are going to take care of my boy really well. I know it's partly because Gary is his Grandpa, but they know Jared and I, too. And Benaiah had a proper interview and there were other applicants. I'm so grateful though. So super grateful. One of my friends reminded me, "Did you ask Benaiah if it was ok to post this?" And I decided to totally ignore her today. Because I'm like, I just didn't care in that moment. I didn't post a picture of him at his desk. I didn't say for whom he was working for. I was just being a proud mama like she posts about her children coming home from wherever. Does SHE ask every time SHE posts something? Ok then. I didn't think so. It IS a big deal. And I AM proud of him. I don't get to have those "Here is my kid being dropped off at his dorm room" pics this year or any year yet and I probably won't ever have those with Benaiah like I dreamed of. So, I'm going to post about his job and he may or may not know about it and if he cares, he will tell me. And he cares, so what. I can brag on my kid. 

I wore the watch last night for the first time last night and this is the reading I got. I felt like I did actually wake up fully multiple times enough to switch positions, so this maybe some of those lighter sleeps were actually awake times? I did look this up a bit and did find anything that conclusive about it. It seems to be a pretty normal pattern though. So, we'll see.

I decided to go through the FB photo albums to pick out something that would go along with a more recent photo of the birthday girl and found this one. Keturah said, "I look like a watermelon!" I said, "That's the whole point!" And my friend Sheryl said, "I remember that outfit!" And I said, "I think you bought it!" And she confirmed that she had. So sweet!

And then for the boy who started his new job today, I posted this photo. I wish I had a better one but it sufficed. Can you believe this little guy is a mortgage processor today at age 19? Blows my mind. I mean, it really does. I could not have predicted this at all. He was on several different trajectories and then boom, this happened. Only God could have done this. Best thing ever for him right now. I'm so happy and at peace and content.

When your son's boss's daughter writes this on your FB post about him starting a new job (I didn't post with whom he was starting or where it was located), your mama heart just melts and becomes a puddle on the floor. Ah!

Another new Lego build?! Daddy!

Big boy wanted to trade out his Geotrax for the Little People, and we put away the little trampoline, too. So big!

Abishai was happy that Daddy finished Daddy's Jaguar car.

Playing old school Little People except all the people keep going to the dungeon for 100 days and dying of starvation. Not good, son, stop that.

It was her birthday, but she noticed that the pool needed to be refilled. So, she helped to refill it but didn't realize it required bringing the hose inside to the kitchen faucet. Whoops. I helped her get the job done. Now we have to wait for the water to warm up a bit.

Mommy, watch me! Watch me!

Ah, perfect day outside! Breezy! Cool in the shade! Blue skies! Tons of songbirds singing! Kid playing by himself in the pool having a blast! The grass freshly cut! The smells! Heavenly!

Gorgeous! We don't usually have this many nice days in the middle of summer. I'll take it!

Birthday girl snuggles.

What?! The dragon gets to sleep on a bed and the people have to sleep on the floor?! You're silly!

Let's all have a feast together and be friends instead, ok? Ok.

Finally, present time! From Mom and Dad.

Ooooo, a bonus set from a sale near Easter time, a bunny house to match her bunny hutch!

Woah, that's huge!

Keturah opening her big present from Dad

It's a horse farm!

Not Lego brand, but still fun to build.

Momma put a bug in Mrs. Kate's ear to let her know that it was Keturah's birthday today.

Lots of Facebook greetings as usual.

There were more the next day as well, but I didn't capture them.

And a few comments on the post about Benaiah's new job, too. Again, I didn't capture all the congratulations because some came in the next day, but there you go. Sweet!

These GIF was of a lady doing the "floss" dance. Hilarious.

Are we on summer vacation because it certainly feels like it? Ok, maybe not today. Today I spent the whole morning cutting up any of the vegetables that had been in the fridge prior this week's Misfit box. Or throwing the rotten stuff away. Starting over. I cooked them all up. For now I put them all in the fridge to be eaten, but I'm not sure I'm going to get to them all. We'll see. Some of them were small. And then I did clean the bottom of the garage fridge including the drawers as well. I do spot clean both fridges as needed, so it looks very good right now. I'm pretty pleased with myself. I did have to take some breaks, which was fine. It was a ton of work and I move very slowly when I do this. I hate peeling and chopping. What one person probably does in 15 minutes takes me 45 minutes. I just can't push myself to go faster. It leaves me too sore. I cooked up zucchini and squash and corn on the cob. There was a lot of different kinds of beets. I cooked up some onions and Brussel sprouts with it. I forgot to add the top layer of oil, whoops. I'll survive. I did leave about 4 big beets washed but not cut up. I let them dry out again and I have them in a bucket to keep an eye on them in case they start to mold. I got to tired to do any more. I was thinking of just boiling them, but I think I'll just make another batch if I have other vegetables to use if they will last that long. I did poke around and throw away a few other things as well. I asked Jared what do I get for doing all this work and he said the satisfaction of doing the work. Tis true. Tis true. I'm pretty darn proud of myself.  I nearly forgot about doing it again this morning. I'm glad I didn't. 

And then Abishai reminded me that I promised to go swimming with him. So while I finished my lunch, he went with Daddy and Justin to Home Depot to pick up an order Daddy had placed for netting for our saplings so the cicadas (who still haven't emerged on our property) won't eat our trees, and to Kroger to drop off recycling (only Justin was allowed to do the work), and for Justin to run into Kroger to buy 2 gallons of milk (again, I didn't want Jared walking around Kroger nor did I want him carrying any milk). And then, I got dressed, yes, in my old worn out maternity bathing suit, the only bathing suit that I own that fits me right now, and I put my new XL cover up long sleeve bathing shirt over it, and Abishai and I went swimming together for about an hour! Sometimes, I just need to say yes! It was a lot of fun! I mean, the water looks a bit murky with a bit of dirt so I didn't dunk my head into it because I didn't want those chemicals in my hair. But, I messed around with him by getting in bit by bit and saying how cold it was. It wasn't too bad. The water had warmed up enough from the sun and it was pretty warm today. We made up our own games of me being a horse and throwing him backwards like I was baptizing him or something. And then he kept baptizing himself frontwards and backwards. And then I made a bridge for him with my legs and he went over and under. Then my legs became a dock that could lower him into the water. And then, it was a dock that would go away while he was on his back and he could practice floating. That led to me using my hands to help him practice his floating. And low and behold, he held his floating for 7 seconds! Who says you need to pay gobs of money for swimming lessons?! Not in the Johnson household. Not one of our kids has ever had a swimming lesson. All of them have learned to swim by just doing it. Now, could they properly tread water if they were in trouble for 30 minutes? Maybe not. But maybe. I don't know. We insist on life jackets on boats at all times because we all haven't proven our ability to be strong swimmers. But, just by Abishai going out there to the pool, with or without someone being in there with him, he has become much more comfortable with his face under the water, holding his breathe, kicking, and now floating. That's all it takes. 

And then it was screen time. Jared went to lay down because he's feeling more sore today. He thinks he over did it on the walking, and that's what the post op instructions said he would feel, too, more sore on days 2-4 as the pain medication wore off. But before he laid down, we changed his wound dressing. And holy cow, his wound looks gorgeous! Ok, gorgeous if you are a surgeon or medical personnel. There was hardly a drop of blood on the dressing. There was nothing on his skin. No redness. No pus. NOTHING. The incision is not even 2 inches long. We can't measure it exactly because it has the steristrips on it. I don't know if he has actual stitches on it or not, but we aren't allowed to take off the strips. And I had the perfect size of dressing that already has the tape on it to put right back over it. Beautiful! I'm jealous! I wish my wound one my arm looked like that! I mean, many factors go into that, like, we both heal differently. He doesn't bleed, and I do. He doesn't bruise, I do. He had a 30yr veteran surgeon, I had a med student. His was an incision straight to a cavity with bone and nerves, I had muscle and skin cut out. And back and arm muscles are different I'm sure. But still. I'm jealous. I mean, his scars from the gallbladder surgery are just blips like they've been there forever or something. Sigh. Not fair. I'm grateful he doesn't have to suffer like I do. I do need him at his best so he can take care of me, that's for sure.

We ate leftovers again for supper and I'll probably have to make something fresh tomorrow. The fridges look a little bare, except for my special foods which now look well, disheveled in comparison, lol. I might procrastinate again and touch on those tomorrow afternoon. I might even pull from those to feed the family just to rotate them out, we'll see. After dinner, Jared gave Keturah and Justin some instructions to do a few things while he was gone at Bible study. I went outside and secured as much of the patio furniture and toys and things to prepare for tomorrow afternoon/evening's huge storm that the weather people are predicting. After that I remembered I wanted to take Keturah to CVS to look for makeup, specifically concealer, and acne treatment stuff, to hide that awful open wound between her eye brows that she keeps opening up week after week after week making her look like a Hindu. It doesn't bother her but it bothers me that in every single photo of her from age 9 until now, she has that open wound. The other acne on her face comes and goes and she doesn't typically pick each individual zit over and over. And those are the ones that depend on her diet and hormones and hygiene. They aren't typically open red sores like this one. I don't mind those. But when she comes out of her room in the morning and her fingernails are bloody and her face above her glasses is bright red and she has blood on her blanket, it's not good. She was furious that I took her. I was surprised that there wasn't a whole of acne treatment stuff at CVS. I thought CVS and other pharmacies is where you should go to find a wide variety of things like that. Meijer probably has a better selection. Even Kroger might. The makeup selection was ok. I ended up buying different types of concealer to see which one we liked. I had a couple of automatic coupons so I ended up spending about $20. If we open them all up and none of them work, then so be it. Our skin tones are similar enough that if I wanted to use it to cover up say that red dot under my nose that showed up a couple of years ago, or some other random zit, I could. And one is a tattoo concealer so I thought maybe Benaiah could use if he needed to. All of them have very little product in them and were as inexpensive as you could get. So, not exactly the most eco friendly or best for your skin, but this is one dot and for one purpose. I'm torn because I don't want her hating make up for life or hating me, but I also want to make a point. I want to make her put some of the concealer on every single day to signal to herself to stop picking. To let it heal. That it is ugly. That she needs to care, as a person, as a child of God (although technically she isn't yet), she needs to take care of the temple God gave her. This isn't about vanity. This is an open wound that is festering and could cause a serious infection. It has to stop. And yes, to me, and probably to her friends and the world, it's ugly looking. And her friends are too nice to say anything. And maybe I'm still too early in the game for her friends to even care. Maybe none of them wear make up yet or do much with their hair. But that day will come. And I am prepared to do whatever she wants. Ok, maybe not whatever she wants. But if she wants shiny eyeshadow, go for it. If she wants to wear three layers of makeup, a primer, a foundation, and a powder, go for it. Whatever. I don't know. It's super frustrating. I will also be buying some acne dot things that you put on to dissolve zits I think, but maybe they conceal them too like mini bandaids. I don't know. I just wish she would want to cover it up a bit. I think we need to get to the root as to why she doesn't care. Deep down I think I know why. I think she knows why. She just doesn't want to say it. And I think it has to do with 6 years ago. And we knew that we would have to address it again at some point. And it makes me so sad. I'm glad she's not doing it because she's depressed. She's not self harming. She doesn't have an eating disorder. She's not going full emo or tom boy or anything. She's just meh. Breaks my heart though to see someone so not caring about anything. I'm praying, praying, praying that her friends and leaders spark something in her these next 5 years with God intervening. I know that Benaiah's friends and youth leaders helped him. Justin is pretty steady with and without his friends and leaders. But Keturah needs an intervention. Desparately, even next week at CIY. I pray that God gets a hold of her, some how. Something has to click at some point. I can only speak into her life so much. She could tell me what affects her acne like hormones and sugar and that she doesn't wash enough. So I know I've done my job. Only God can help her. And that's scary.

Meanwhile, I've got good news, too. I did a Gary thing. I actually messaged the daughter of Benaiah's new boss because she was the one who commented on my post yesterday and asked how it went. I guess I had forgotten to directly ask Benaiah, whoops. She said he was bubbly and anxious to learning everything right away. I'm going to have to encourage him to slow down and that in the business world, it takes a bit longer for people to trust that you can handle things. This isn't Chick-Fil-A. But they were glad he was eager. So my little boy was "bubbly." Lol. I told her that I won't contact her at all because I'm not a stalker like that. He's my firstborn and well, momma's itching to know about his first full time desk job and first impressions. And then I got to thinking. I bet Gary might have texted Benaiah's boss asking how it went. It was obvious went Leah stopped by today that Benaiah had debriefed with her and Gary last night. I am jealous of that. I wish he could debrief with me. But I'm not there. I try to hold my tongue on that one and let it slide. I know I'll get the shorter version eventually and I know I forgot to ask and I could have picked up the phone. I also think back to when Gary knew some of Jared's bosses, one in particular, that Gary would have breakfast with every so often. I don't think their conversation lingered on Jared, but I'm sure there was a sentence or two about him. So, if Gary can do it, so can I, right? Maybe. Maybe not. Anyway, it's actually that I want to know if I/we prepared him well for the real world. Not just us, but of course everyone and every circumstance that also influenced him. But I did set a base for him in his K-8th grade years, which were chiseled down and refined through some very tough circumstances and relationships and also some rare opportunities and relationships the past 5 years.  But I can definitely see the fruit of the part that I played in particular, and it gives me hope that I did something right, especially when I feel like I didn't do things right. It's something to reflect on when I'm struggling with the others. It gives me confidence to keep going. I know I have already done things drastically different with each of the others and the outcomes will be different. But I also know that my efforts to grow and learn with them have not been in vain. I brings my heart joy and peace to know that I have made some good decisions. That turning down a full time job at age 22 has allowed for him to have a full time job at age 19. That. Man, that alone brings me to tears. Wow. God did that. God got us here. Wow, what a life story for him so far. And he knows it. And he doesn't take it for granted, thank God.

Ok, lots to say apparently. Now it's getting late again and I have to journal yesterday's photos and today. So, here I go to do that. Tomorrow we will attempt to go to park day, but Justin might have to stay home to help Jared with the trees. Keturah will help as well. Justin was told to get up early to help so he can go to park day, but we'll see. It's supposed to warm up quickly to 95 degrees and then we are going to have some horrific storms starting by mid afternoon or so they say. It's Indiana, we'll see. One thing at a time, right? Playing it all by ear, just like I did today. I kind of like this schedule though. We are still keeping to our normal meal times and screen times. I keep to my medications and caffeine times. I'm doing things, just not ones that are particular to any to do list. And I'm procrastinating on the big task I probably should have started this week and keep telling myself I'll just do it next week when Keturah is at CIY, which is not smart because than Jared will be back at work, too. Oh well. Too late. I did do stuff this week and I had some fun. I'm feeling better and more like myself and the family is relaxed and at ease, not rushed, not sick, just a perpetual Saturday, just the way the J5 like it. The introverts are very happy to stick close to home and the extrovert has everyone to play with and all his favorite toys, too. We are very content. No need to go anywhere and spend money. And I'm very grateful that home is a comfortable place to be.

Doing the last few steps on the big car! Daddy now has a whole fleet of cars! I told Keturah, I'm grateful for Daddy's fascination of cars. Better cars than other women, right?! Keturah groaned of course. Jared has always loved cars and airplanes. From having years worth of subscriptions to Motor Trend to following accounts of airplane companies on Twitter, of course his personal choice of Lego sets would be of cars and one of his favorite video games would be Need for Speed.

Look at these colors! These veggies are a bit old, but not moldy. When they get a little older, they are a little harder to peel because the outside gets a tad soft. But I managed. The orange veggie is actual a different kind of beet I believe, and then you have red beets. There's a small kind of squash that I had to look up how to cook, and red onion, cilantro, salt and pepper, and Brussel sprouts. Yum!

30 minutes later. I forgot to put the oil on top of the veggies, but oh well, they are still edible.

Sometimes it pays to know people, lol. Yes, I asked one of Benaiah's new co workers. Only because Gary kept saying how exited she and her dad were to have Benaiah. I can't believe she used the word "bubbly!" That's a new description of him! Lol!

All the produce was from the Misfits boxes so it was all organic and typically they are smaller than their non organic counterparts. So, I was able to easily fit these squashes in the same pan. I put these in the oven first because they take the longest and then I was just about done with cutting up the other vegetables when these were done.

I steamed some almost too far gone zucchini and yellow squash.

I had washed everything and then decided to let these fully air dry again because the pans were already full. I put them in a bucket and put them on a shelf where I could see them in the garage fridge. I'll keep an eye on them and make sure I use them before they get moldy. I think they are all beets.

I texted my sister and said, "Stop it! My delivery people are going to be mad at us!" I think 5 packages have arrived in the last 2 days, 3 of them being gifts from Stef to Keturah, lol. That's what happens when you buy on Amazon and the sellers use different shipping companies. But these are very cute. Again, if we have the chance, we smile wide and say a lot of thank you's to our delivery people. They are the best!

Awww, little man's and mommy's glasses side by sid. Aren't they so cute?

What the what?! I did it again?! I'm such a dork! I screenshotted the photo instead of taking it! Well, here I am, back in my maternity bathing suit, 13 years after I wore it last. The elastic is a little loose from age, but, unfortunately, it does fit well. It's just how I'm shaped at the moment. And it covers everything well. And I do like it. Sigh.

But I did buy this nice XL long sleeve shirt to go over whatever bathing suit I wear so I don't have to slather on sunscreen all the time and that helps to hide the fact that it's a maternity bathing suit. It felt big on me when I was in the pool, like the sleeves kind of flapped around. Oh well. I want to be alive, so I'll make it work. Maybe it will shrink a little when I wash it. It was easy enough to get on over the bathing suit.

As you can see here the cover up shirt looks a tad awkward with the ruffle showing below it, but who can tell when you are actually in the pool, am I right? Better to be safe. But how cut are we with our freckles because I forget to put on sunscreen on our faces? We had an incredibly fun time in the pool, all because I decided to say, "Yes!" to my child and "No!" to my to do list and dirty fridge drawers and pots and pants inside. He's so stinkin' adorable and fun to play with, isn't he?

Grogu and Waddles were on the table looking up as usual, so I pretended that they were actually admiring Keturah's flowers.

Check out this gorgeous clean fridge! No rotting produce in the drawers! And I finally got all the turkey juice cleaned off and out of the bottom shelf from um, 9 months ago! Extra milk, and those extra beets. All the stuff I cooked up today and my leftovers from Tuesday night. And then my special snacks, because Mommy needs special snacks. All my special drinks are on the fridge door, like the whole door is mine, lol.

Oh my goodness, I should have bought these. We used these religiously growing up. I can't believe they still make them! These aren't to remove makeup. They are an acne product. Just seeing the name brought me back to the bathroom of my childhood and having that tub of wipes on the countertop. Wow! Crazy!

Um, who gave these cars permission to live on Jared's nightstand next to me bed? Hm??? Thankfully, some will go back to the office when he does. Better Lego cars as an addiction than anything else as an addiction, am I right? They are pretty cool actually. You can't deny it. And for Lego to put a woman as the driver for the turquoise Jaguar, that was the right decision. Ok, they can stay. I approve.

The End