Year 6, June 18th-20th, 2021: Whose Party Is it?

 So, who was supposed to be in the spotlight this weekend? You decide! Was it.....the cicades? Benaiah's Ava? Fathers? Keturah? CIY Packing? Classic 80's Movies?  And the answer is........drum roll, please, Benaiah,.......All of the above!

Isn't that crazy?! Lots of things to celebrate. But today, Daddy wanted to go with us to park day, and then we had Keturah and Socks come with us because we were going to the park that had the dog park. So we all jumped in and away we went. We were the first ones there, but our regular people did eventually show up. Jared couldn't run around like he normally did but he did swing Abishai pretty high on the tire swing. At one point he took off on the long path and did not take his phone. I started to get worried after my friend said that it had been awhile. I almost sent Justin after him because what if he stepped wrong and fell and was in a bunch of pain. Take your phone, goof! But he finally showed up and that was when we were all starting to get hot and be ready to go home. He contributed to our conversation a couple of times and thankfully the ladies were ok with that. But I also found out that one of my new BFF's might be moving to Florida before the end of the year. I wanted to cry, again! Why does everyone have to leave me? Really? Because of family, mostly. But it's still not fair. Socks got very hot and I was getting worried about him, so we went home.

After some lunch, the kids and Jared went back outside to finish putting up the nets on the trees. They had gotten a couple of them up before we had left for the park. But now it was getting really hot and there was some really big whiners in the group. So Jared brought out his infamous, "I stood on hot pavement in nearly 100 degree weather for hours in July in marching band camp," sob stories. But it's true. Kids these days are wimps. Toughen up, boys and girls. Finally, Abishai got to go for a swim, and I watched him, for a few minutes from the deck, but yes, from inside the sunroom, too. I was getting a headache and I really didn't want to take any medication for it. It was going to be 95 degrees with the threat of those nasty storms coming on. The nets were this Brood X cicadas thing that seems to be everywhere except for here. This brood comes up from the ground every 17 years or something and they mate and die within weeks. The eggs become nymphs and eat the leaves and bark of saplings (hence the nets on ours saplings), and then burrow into the ground for years at a time. Last year or the year before, we did see a lot of cicada shells around, so whatever brood lives on our property must be a different one than this infamous one. But I've seen photos and videos of them literally covering trails and trees and campers and just crunching underfoot and mowers. Ewwwwwwww. I'm glad we don't have one and we haven't been to an area that does yet. We've been spared, but just in case, we put up the netting.

After that, it was time for rest, naps, and screens. Ah, peace and quiet in the comforts of the a/c. I finally got up and made tuna to go with leftovers for dinner. And then Jared remembered that tonight Jim and Adrienne was hosting a family movie night for the kids to watch our favorite movies from the '80's like Back to the Future. So Jared took Abishai to karate and I forced Justin and Keturah to the Smiths house. The Gray kids and Andrew joined us. Despite being exhausted helping her mom pack in order to move, Adrienne made us popcorn. And wow, having a really nice 4K TV made the movie really seem new and different. Plus, it's probably been 20 years since I've seen it so I had forgotten lots of the little parts of it. It's 80's cringe worthy humor and all that. Justin enjoyed it. Keturah said meh. There were a couple of parts Abishai liked like when all the manure fell on the bully's car. I knew he wouldn't understand the back and forth part. I laughed a bit. Although we were exhausted for being out today, it was a good way to end the day. I can't wait to see what they pick next!

But for now, the world is totally silent. Ah....

Ain't that the truth! And simmering on different levels.

Looks like a gorgeous week for CIY in Ohio next week! Just one somewhat rainy day. No big deal. Woot! Woot!

Abishai insisted that he had to sleep in the hallway last night because he was lonely in his room and he didn't like the red lights. He wanted the white lights. So, he brought out at least one of all of his things he needs. His pillow, his blanket, his friends, a book, water bootle, his ducky blankie, and his music box from his baby crib mobile. And he read for awhile and really did fall asleep. We all walked around him. I did hear him roll around and hit the walls a few times like a ping pong ball. He never stops moving!

Well, what kind words from a friend. That's how I hope I come across, even if at home I let it all out and voice my opinions and fustrations. I try to be kind and open and listen and be fair, although I might be seething inside.

Those kind words went with this post.

Trying to but mosiquito netting on saplings is a 3 man job. Not very fun at all.

Little guy getting his swim on for the day.

Ready to race!

Gary said he bundled their flowers like these together and they did fine. I had just enough string scraps to make this happen. It's a little twisted, but at least they are upright. Here ya go, bees! Oh, and this kind of flower really STINKS! This is NOT one you want in your house. It's very distinct and maybe that's why the bees go for it.

The orange ones are ready to burst forth!

Very, very, difficult to do. And um, Abishai, what are you doing? Mama, just look away, look away. Daddy's in charge. He's ok. He knows what he's doing. Go back inside where it's cool.

This big huge rain event was supposed to hit us and well, it went north and south of us. Actually, we'll get hit tonight all through the night, so we will get our fair share soon enough.

NOLA's first tropical depression of the season.

Much better than I expected. He's been upright most of the time, taken a lot less pain pills than I expected, and haven't napped much. I'm impressed.

Super hot day before a big storm.

Big storm clouds that produced no rain.

Back to the Future! I think I've seen this 50 times on the VHS that my parents recorded off of the TV, back before DVR. It was one of our family's favorites. Plus the 2nd and 3rd installment. Hilarious!

Gorgeous sky before the rain came.

Golden hour as they say helps to capture the most beutiful colors in everyday objects. I've got about 5 of these lovely blooms now.

Ya know, it's so awesome to take a long, long shower and actually feel clean. Mamas don't get to take showers as often as they would like to. It's just a fact, ok? Ok. It does make a huge difference though in our moods. It was a slow enough morning, so the shower happened, and a cooked a big bag of chicken to be used whenever for whatever, and I had a nice breakfast, caught up on my Bible reading and video games. Jared went with Jim to the same place he went to last week, although he didn't purchase anything this time. That meant Abishai had some screen time while I had my shower. Justin got up very late, like 11am, and was still grumpy as grumpy could be all day long. I have no idea what has happened to my go with the flow boy but it's getting ridiculous. It's like the longer his hair grows out, the grumpier he gets. I know it's just the age and figuring himself out and some of it is a little funny because he knows he doesn't want to quite sound like Benaiah, but he does, because he knows Keturah is annoying and should be punished and he knows Abishai is the youngest and is getting away with stuff and trolls him (which I do stop as soon as I can, trust me), but he doesn't want to yell and be mean either. He wants to be left alone and be with his friends through his phone. He can't drive yet, and I think once we get to that by this time next year, he'll feel a little better with having that freedom and having a job to go and do. My poor guy. He's just annoyed and stuck and bored.

Keturah spent the morning packing for CIY and no, I didn't physically check her bag. I asked her what the contents were and that was it.  She managed to get my rolling duffel out of my closet without destroying my clothes that were on top of it, so I'm impressed by that. It's easier to put the bedding and clothes in the duffel and just have the one bag than two bags. She knows the drill. I know the drill. But her friends don't. So between her leader, and me posing as her, we shared with her friends all the info they need.  There is a big change in how they will get their shirts and merch this year, and right now, everyone is trying to purchase things online because the website is just spinning away without getting to the credit card screen. This is what happens when you tell us two days in advance how you are going to do it, CIY. It's your fault, peeps. We have to buy from a small selection online, and then they will package it up and have it ready to hand over to the kids when we say they can via a name or QR code or something. That's fine, but there's going to be a crush of people on Monday getting their stuff. Sigh. I wish I had known of this sooner so I could have just done what we did a few years ago and had it sent to us two weeks in advance. One shipment and done and no one had to carry cash to the event. Keturah doesn't need any money because they do go off campus and she doesn't need to buy anything in the campus store. They have plenty of food to eat and she's bringing her Trollis. Her leaders are bringing other candy. And Luke will take them to get ice cream on the house one time that week. That's enough. So, she's ready to go.

Once Jared got home, we ate lunch and headed over to church for Ava's open house, the last social event on our calendar for the moment. And it was exactly how I thought it might be. Elegant and simple. Pretty white and clear and rose gold balloons. Just desserts. A place for cards and some photos. Pink sequined table runners. Water and lemon water. Fruit cups. Perfect for who Ava is and who the Thompsons are. And we fit in with them. That's the thing. I feel comfortable with it. I knew plenty of people. I got to talk to a few of them. The kids got to run around with the Wagar kids and Hudson Hamel. I made it a little awkward for Benaiah and apologized, but I guess he had a headache, too, but put on a brave face and interacted the best he could with smiles and jokes without acting grumpy. What a great boyfriend he is! Ava was in a cute, short spaghetti strap summer dress, perfect for her, with that little braid that she likes to do in her short hair. Perfection. So sweet. She even hugged me. 

Then why did I feel like having a meltdown when I came home? Why have I been distracting myself and then fighting against tears the rest of the day? I don't know. I sort of know. But it's stupid really. It's all the normal stuff I meltdown about, the feelings of inadequacies in social situations, my weight, did I say something wrong, why won't Benaiah come visit (he said he will if Grandpa and I stop pushing it, well, I can't stop Grandpa, but we can talk about it tomorrow at dinner), my weight, my inability to speak intelligently in the moment, not having a bubbly personality, not having enough money or energy or whatever, all the things. Coming home to my cluttered house because I don't know what to do with my clutter and I don't want to deal with it and why can't I just be like so and so. All the things. I tried to think and say positive things to myself. I just wish there was this magic pill to stop my runaway thoughts and physical angst when I get that way, on top of the anti anxiety pills I already take. I've got the essential oils and all that. I'm talking about something that will calm me down but won't make me sleepy. Something that will make me think and do and feel better about myself. I don't know. It's really about me always forgetting what I look like and how what I think I look like isn't what I look like. I love my personality and personhood, but my body I hate. I know who I am inside. I know where I belong now, but this body, oh this body. I hate it so much. It's such a hindrance to all the good I could be doing. When you are filling up your medicine tray with dozens of pills, it's depressing. When just moving your body fills you with pain, it's depressing. When you stumble with your feet or your tongue, it's depressing. When you just want to be seen as smart, intelligent, and somewhat pretty, but it's all in your head and never comes out right, it's depressing. And it leaves you a mess and a weeping ball of fustration. And useless for the rest of the day. All I did was fix the new science books that had been sitting there staring at me all week waiting for me to have steady enough hands to fix the tape on the box well to reinforce it in a decent manner. A less than 5 mintue task, and I kept choosing video games. Or making up other excuses. And now I have a doctor's appt on Monday and I've lost zero pounds again. And someday Benaiah will get maried and I'll look at this in the mother in law's dress and I will be so mad at myself because it's so hard to find something flattering for this figure. 

I'm better now. I'm hoping I don't spend the rest of the evening after my TV shows crying. I don't have time for it. I don't want the extra physical pain from it.  I do want to enjoy Father's Day/Keturah's birthday celebration. I do want to listen to something or read something or crossstitch or something. I do want to work on my to do list and set up playdates for the next few weeks and go get Justin's passport done and start the IAHE list I keep promising. I need to choose well. And I need to keep logging my food so I know that I need to eat 200 calories less than I expend. I do want to hear what this doc has to say because my new doc will be on vacation and this is just a regular follow up. I have to follow up on how to pay for these things as well. It's the little things. And I just want to sleep and do nothing. That's depression talking. It's hard having anxiety, depression, and the like. I wish I could just have a surgery and feel automatically better and then feel completely healed in 6 weeks. It's not fair. I want to be fixed, too. I need contentment for the hear and now. And hope. And I want to be wanted in many ways. Valued.

I'm off to go book a hotel or something. Let's go for it.

It rained, thundered and lighteninged all night last night. I'm not suprirsed by the rain toals.

Handsome dog gets his hair blown and cools down in front of the fan. His and my favorite spot in the house. I'm glad he has this spot to stay comfortable in.

I let Socks leave a nose kiss on Ava's card. When I sent her the photo I said I wasn't sure if she would like it or think it was gross (and it would have been dry in half a second anyway), but Socks wanted to leave his mark on it for her. She liked it.

The first pure orange bloom! Every one of my flowers and plants survived the heavy rains. I bet they were happy with the long drink they got after all this hot weather.

I didn't take any photos inside because I know that Ava is sensitive to all that, but I di get this one. I LOVE this rose gold/peach colors in these settings. I don't want baby girls to wear it all the time with those rust and yellow colors, but I think they are great for elegant settings like bridal showers and open houses. These were similar to Alyssa Foster's bridal shower's balloons and the balloon arch was nearly the same thing. It was also nearly the same crrew that helped Amy with Ava's open house like Amy and Ava helped with Alyssa's bridal shower. It's neat to see how our lives have intermingled over the years like this.

A very, very different way to get CIY merch and because they didn't announce it until earlier today, their website is overloading and they are probably regretting their decision right about now. NOT a good thing. I might just have to wait and order tomorrow or Monday morning or something. It's not like the kids have to have it on Monday. They will live.

Jared said, "I finally finished my work assignments for the week!" I'm surprised he didn't have anything for e2 to work on and yet he sat up to do these instead. And he claimed he wasn't on vacation. Ok, whatever. Whatever your boss says, as long as we get paid. I don't care what you call it. And if this makes you happy. Ok, then, go for it.

What a collection. A mix of real Lego, fake Lego, and the big one is the fake Lego that Benaiah bought Jared for his birthday.

All Ferraris of one sort or another.

I love the turquoise color. And I love the start/finish line. You can pull a rod and the red, yellow, and green "lights" come down indicating they can go.

Yup, you can tell that I did get up and go to the bathroom last night. I really don't want to wear the watch every night. But I'm glad it did make a distinction for when I was really awake this time. I did go to bed right on time because I was so tired and didn't understand anything I was watching.

Grumpity, grump, grump, grump. Now it's my turn. And woah, why do I all of a sudden don't feel good? Let's check the calendar. Oh, yup. It's been 10 days since I checked it last for a certain something. Got it. No wonder I was hitting the tears last night. Makes sense. Now I don't feel like such a fool. Well, I'm still a big fool, but there was a reason. I can get over it now. Nothing major is wrong. Moving on.

I was HOT all day. Hot flashes like all day. So I actually ASKED to sit up front under the a/c blowers. In my 20 years of going to the Creek, I don't think I've ever asked to do that, lol. But that helped a bit. The service was a bit topsy turvy, but that was fine. They had a little intro video with a "Dad Joke" competition and the seasoned Dad won, of course. Dan did decent on Daniel 3. I could have been easily triggered but a few things, but I wrote them down. I was in a totally different mindset anyway to bother with getting upset at his words today. I was just trying to keep it together until after Sunday lunch. I made it through church, yeah!

Then we went out the East Hall entrance to see the Dad things they set up out there like hot dogs on the grill in front of an RV, and a photo op, and a putt putt golf. Jared actually wanted to take Abishai to it. I was surprised. Then we had lunch with Gary and Leah and that was fine. Keturah had chosen the menu because it was for her birthday, too. Brats, hamburgers, Pennsylvania cabbage, pink stuff, fruit salad, veggies and dip, deviled eggs, and cheesecake with raspberries and coolwhip. Great stuff! I felt stuffed and then I started feeling a bit sick. I thought it was all the dairy but then I figured out it was other cramping. And I was 3 hrs late on my noon meds. I should have brought them with me because I need those digestive enzymes for meals like those!

At least I got a few words out of Benaiah today about his life, job, and what not, but he still had a migraine and really didn't want to divulge much. Ok, fine, then. I'll just call you every day. "Then I will block your number." Good grief, kid. Don't be such a putz. I'll talk to you when I talk you then. 

I was done anyway. I/we needed to go home. The kids wanted electronics and Jared and I needed rest. We've slept ok. I mean Jared seems to have been sleeping fine. If anything, I'm waking him up with my huffing and puffing and restless legs. He went for a nap and I laid on the couch after taking my medications, getting some coffee and water, and putting away the leftovers. I finally finished the audio version of Michael W. Smith's "The Way of the Father" book, which I felt was appropriate to do on Father's Day. The chapters were shorter than I thought, which was helpful because I only had two hours to do it in. And because of the way the link opened, I couldn't play my video games at the same time. That proved helpful because I spent the time massaging out my knots and really listening to the audio book. And I managed to stay awake. It was a decent book. Still not what I expected, but it finished well.

Then it was time for chores. I was bored because there was nothing I wanted to do or could do with feeling so poorly. So I just sat there keeping up with my emails. I tried to direct kids to doing a few things like helping Keturah do a final pack for CIY. She's got it under control. She took a shower and has time in the morning to pack her toiletries. I just have to write out her encouragement cards tonight since I won't have time when I get there tomorrow. I will put her in line and hand off Abishai to Jared and have them two stand in line with Keturah while I go to my appointment. I didn't realize there was a conflict until yesterday. Whoops. And then I'll come back and pick up Abishai or if Abishai is being a pain, Jared can take him home to Justin. Or they can stay and wave the buses off. I won't be back in time for that bit. I'm ok with that I guess. 

Jared went outside to do something and then I directed the other two to help Abishai with playing in the pool or at least watch him for me, so they took turns. Everyone was still pretty full from lunch, except for Abisahi. I have no idea where he puts away all the food he eats. He had a big breakfast and a huge lunch and still ate a whole sleeve of fig newtons a few hours later. He must be in a growth spurt or he's using a lot of energy playing at church and in the pool. I don't know. He's finishing up his last video game rounds with Daddy. And Daddy is going back to work tomorrow. That's a good/bad thing in this house. I'll be glad to be in charge again, but also not glad because then it will be harder to keep Abishai entertained. It was a much easier week last week than I anticipated, praise the Lord. And come tomorrow afternoon, I have to do what I promised to do and tackle IAHE stuff, especially the newsletter first I guess. Fun stuff!  But that's tomorrow. Tonight I will finish early and go to bed early. We still have to get up and out early to do this stuff in the morning.

Here's to my migraine and cramps subsiding and for all of us to have a good week getting back to normal and having fun with some friends maybe. I might procrastinate and sneak in some extra friend time. We'll see.

Things I actually done yesterday.

The closest Jared will ever get to a putting green. He doesn't like golf.

But he'll help little squirt do anything.

This was set up right outside of the church building. How cute!

Grilling station with hot dogs, water, and an RV for a photo op. How creative!

Gary said these came from the church he preached at this morning. Each item had a special meaning or something. Pretty cool!

Pretty nice big brother wrestling and someone taught Abishai how to give a real wet willy, i.e. wet finger into the ear canal! Ew!

Big one and Little one Wrestling

Benaiah finished his birthday gift that Jared custom made with a little tweaking.

For some reason, Gary and Leah have forgotten to count. Actually, they bought new candles and just don't want to bother counting. I don't understand.

And it took her 5 tries to blow them all out. Cheesecake is what she wanted.

Now THAT's a good big brother!

Opening small gifts because CIY is the big gift.

Donut Socks! Grandma said, "Don't worry about taking a photo!" I said, "The whole point is that they rolled the socks into the shape of a donut! Presentation is everything!" So Benaiah grabbed the photo for me because my phone was being dumb. Thanks, Benaiah!

1,000 dots per dot to dot! Famous people! Wow!

More wrestling!

Everly mowed the lawn for Aaron, but a tire blew on the mower! That has never happened in all the years our boys have mowed the lawn. Weird!

Three teenagers too late, but this is "research" when you get the same question over and over and over on the social networks and you have one child left to go and you've always been curious what the answers might actually be. I just muddled through based on my own experiences and what curriculum we were using at the time and a few tips here and there.

Just three weeks away! I turn 40 and Jared attends his first Michael W. Smith concert with me! And we are officially calling this our 20th anniversary trip, too! Well, how about THAT! I guess he'll get to decide where we go for our 25th, then, lol. It's actually incredibly humbling and shows how far we've come in our relationship that a trip like this is even happening. For 20 years I've been so afraid to even attempt to ask him to go to something with me because I knew his preferences. But I think he's enjoyed our couple of getaways and I think we've been willing to accomodate both of our preferences within a trip and we know our spending limits and we want to see each other have a good time, too. And there's been so much growth leading up to this year, too. I mean, I'm not putting a lot of "this is going to be the BEST birthday ever!" kind of pressure on this. The whole point is that we are going and we are going together. That's it. Wherever we eat, wherever we stay, wherever we sit, whoever we meet, all those details, that's icing on the cake. I'm sure I'll have anxiety in the moment of "whoops, we went to the wrong entrance" or thoughts of "I don't know where we park and he's going to get mad" or thoughts of "he's going to think all these Michael W. Smith fans are crazy because he already knows they are." It will be fine and it will be what it is. But three weeks! Ah!

 

The End