Day 364: Resolutions don't work.

First, wait, tomorrow is the last day of the year, and it's a leap year, so it should be Day 366 tomorrow....so why is today Day 364?  I must have misscounted somewheres.  Hm,....

Meanwhile, Ok, it's been an interesting mental day for me.  I've honestly been struggling again with bad eating and sleeping habits, which leads to my body rebelling, which leads to me feeling guilty because I should want to take my kids out to do fun things, like walk around the mall, and I feel like I can't.  I know my kids understand and they are happy just to watch TV all day, but I know in my mama's heart that it isn't the best for them.  I tried reading a book to them, but was dozing off, so I handed it to Justin to keep reading.  I was fully asleep in about 3 minutes since we were reading on my bed under the blankets.  I don't know how much longer he read, but eventually they asked to go watch a movie, and I obliged.  They did well yesterday not bugging me about electronic time, so I didn't mind.

That was this afternoon.  Back up to this morning and soon after breakfast, they were putting on a movie for Abishai, which turned into Tron Legacy because it does have cars in it, which turned into us doing nothing all morning but sitting there.  Well, I did get to take a shower.  I did feed and clean my kids.  I did got over their state abbreviations for their history class.  Justin vacuumed and Keturah wiped the door handles and lightswitches down with Lysol.  I like to be "productive" but productive doesn't just been chores.  For me, because it's a hard thing for me to do, productive means to actual play with my kids.  Or to just "be" with them.  So, in a way, I was productive today.  And when I feel like this, I do explain to them why and that I was tempted and fell into bad habits, and that it's a bad cycle.

I say resolutions don't work because I constantly promise myself that I will do better, and then I don't.  I had to remind myself today that it's just about making the next RIGHT choice, just like it was just about taking the next step when you are grieving the loss of a loved one (or other tragic event).  One step at a time.  I love goals, but they don't need to be set at a specific time.  I need to put some hard and fast goals into my life, but at the same time, life happens, right?  So, I no longer wait until January 1st to make resolutions.  I set tomorrow's goals the night before and if I have time before I get out of bed to think and pray for a few minutes, I review those goals so that my day has direction.

I set a goal to get out today, but didn't meet it when my body is rebelling hard with the bad eating and sleeping habits.  Plus, Keturah now has allergy eyes, a cough, and runny nose.  So, we couldn't go swimming or ice skating or even to the mall just to check it out.  We'll try again another day.  It's also been hard to keep motivated because Jared is at the other house.  We definitely have a relationship where "iron sharpens iron" and we urge each other on in doing good.  I know he's been getting a lot of work done, and even said he enjoyed filling a book order and getting it in the mail, so I'm grateful for that.  We do plan to spend some time tomorrow evening so we all can ring in the new year.  Good bye to this not so fun year of 2016 and hello to a new, very hope filled 2017 year.

I didn't take any pictures today.  It looked sunny outside for a bit, and I know the temperatures are right around the freezing mark, so it wasn't bad out.  We could have bundled up and played outside or something.  Maybe tomorrow.  Tomorrow is a new day, and I am grateful for that.  Try, try, again, and pray, pray, pray for help and strength.  Take the next right step.  That's all it takes for things to change.  Good night.