Day 307: At Home

Today, the kids and I stayed home while Jared went with Gary and Leah to an annual leadership conference called ReChurch at our church.  I have mixed emotions about that, and I will share with you at the end of today's blog what I wrote today on Facebook.  Why do I want to share?  Because, these kinds of things affect the whole family, and I believe in not only writing down the fun stuff, but sometimes sharing the hard stuff as well.  I had a good cry, and was able to move alone with my day ok.

It was hard for me to get motivated to teach anything but the basics today, but we were able to sneak in one of our own history lessons.  We are trying to finish up the Mystery of History series, which is 4 volumes starting with Creation and finishing up through Revelation.  Well, really, it was published in 2014, so it's up to date and then she includes a lesson on Revelation.  We are up to 1991 right now.  I want to go back to the beginning and start with Creation again because Keturah was only 4 years old when we started this series.  I'm also anxious to relearn again some of the things I learned for the first time 4 years ago like Tubal-Cain and such!  And since the author teaches most of the Old and New Testament material including major and minor prophets, it makes for a great overview of the Bible.  So, we keep moving along.  The last few weeks of co op homework has seemed lighter because one or two classes have not had any homework.  And that's been a blessing, especially with the flu last week.

We also got outside for 1 1/2 hrs this evening because 65 degrees with a warm sun beating down on us and no breeze.  Justin climbed a tree, Keturah tried on the in line skates, and Abishai toddled around on his trike.  I wanted to get more pictures but I only brought my phone outside and I ran out of battery.  It's an old phone and the battery doesn't last very long, especially if I'm taking video or listening to podcasts.

Then we came in for a quick supper of veggies and sausage.  Keturah finished her typing assignment.  I ironed Jared's new shirt.  And Justin made cookies that the neighbor lady shared with us.  She gave us some other groceries as well, and really, it's been a blessing to be able to stretch our food budget just a little more.  She goes to a food pantry, so she's just sharing what has been given to her as well. She did give us some energy drinks, the kind that contains more caffeine than 3 cups of regular caffeine coffee.  So I tried drinking half of one today and I didn't like the flavor that much.  I let the kids have a sip but warned them not to try it without me.

Learning about the countries that gained independence from the USSR in 1991.  We took off one block per country in the order they declared independence.

Independence does not equal prosperity.  I know most eastern European countries are still struggling economically.

Playing a toddler game found in one of our last toy boxes in the garage, Elefun!  I always liked the idea of the game, and it works pretty good.  Abishai didn't care about it though.

My little go getter.

Abishai riding his trike

Both kids got to type their first papers today!  Justin was much faster than I thought he would and he tried to type like adults do.  Keturah has never really typed on a computer before, so she did one letter at a time, but she was able to use the shift key and found all the letters and symbols she needed.

Being domestic!  Cookies (Butterfinger!) and ironing on my mother's ironing board.  I have a smaller one that I've used most often, but I think my mom bought this ironing board in the 70's because it's that icky green color.  But the top is newer.  Lots of quilts and projects were lined up on this ironing board.  Lots of love.  I will never get rid of it.  Just the sound of opening and closing it brings back memories.

Because I did organize stuff before we moved and I was very careful what came into the condo and what was stored, I actually had some pretty paper available to us instead of finding a fancy border on our document writing program.  Yeah for organization!

Pretty paper!

Now, here is the post I put on Facebook.  I choose my words carefully, but I also want to share my heart.  Here it is.

Many of you are celebrating the win of your favorite baseball team, and some of you are sad your team lost. But, today, I feel sad for another reason. Today is a reminder of how much has changed in the last 6 months. Today, Jared has the privilege of accompanying his dad to ReChurch, a conference held at our church for church leaders. I, has the dutiful "minister's" wife, get to stay home with our kids. In the past 4 years when there's been a leadership local conference at MCC, I took the kids to the school during breaks so that I could visit people and get to know them and they could see the kids. It's inappropriate for me to do that today. Jared isn't the man in charge anymore. We aren't in the spotlight anymore. I don't have to know and engage other leaders. In one way, that's a relief, but in another way, I enjoyed being a part of what Jared did. Today, I feel lost, unneeded, like an outcast. I want to be part of something bigger than our home. I want to be at Jared's side, lifting him up as he lifts up others. I don't know how he feels about it, or how humbling it is for him to be on a lower rung of the ladder. It has too hurt somehow. It certainly hurts me. We were rejected, pushed aside. And all we wanted to do was humbly help. But we weren't good enough.

Again, I felt much better the rest of the day.  Sometimes, just putting one foot in front of the other is all you can do.  Also, I started the intensive Bible Study homework and that helped to put some of my thoughts on paper.  I knew it was going to be a study I needed to hear.  The teacher has some similar struggles as I and I've been following her blog for awhile.  She's also a type A first born, as am I.  I can't wait to see what God does through this particular 6 week study.  Until next time!